Morning Star
by Consultant by Day
Summary: Spoilers. Post Eclipse.  Bella's wish to fully experience her humanity before changing has unexpected consequences for the entire family when she provokes the wrath of the Volturi. Please R&R.  All characters, etc. Stephenie Meyer's. NOW COMPLETE!
1. Preface

PREFACE

It had come to this. All our careful plans, scattered like so many leaves on the wind. They were coming for us, and there was nothing we could do.

A fresh wave of pain gripped me, and I felt Edward's cold arms clutch me tighter.

"Breathe, Bella, love. Breathe."

Hysteria gripped me – when would it ever stop? My breathing became shallower and, against my will, a moan of pain escaped my lips.

I saw him shoot a worried glance across my body, toward a figure I could no longer see.

"Carlisle, we've got to get her out of here before they find us."

"It's too late, Edward. We can't move her now. Once it starts, there's no stopping it. It would just endanger her if we tried to run."

"But surely there is time? I can carry her, you know I can!"

"Alice says they are almost here. They outnumber us; we could never outrun them. It's too dangerous. We'll have to try to talk our way out of it."

The searing pain seemed to fade – or was that my consciousness? I was really losing my grip. I clung to Edward's hand and willed him to look me in the eye.

"You didn't tell me it would be like this…" I gasped, trying to catch my breath.

"Poor Bella," he sighed. "I am so sorry I did this to you." He bent to wipe my brow, adding a kiss for good measure.

"Carlisle?" I squinted at the blurry figure, just outside the range of my vision.

"Yes, Bella?"

"I want you to leave." I panted. "Now, before the Volturi get here."

"There is no question of that, Bella. I am here for the duration." The blur moved, as if to look over his shoulder. "They are almost here."

"Edward?" The panic in my voice was unmistakable.

"Right here, love."

"Don't leave me," I managed to choke out as another wave of pain rose and spread through my body.

"Not ever," he promised, holding on tight as I squeezed his stony hand ever tighter.

And then, blissfully, it all faded to black.


	2. Chapter 1

CHAPTER ONE

I woke up with a smile on my face. I could feel it stretching ear to ear, and for once I didn't worry about looking like an idiot. Our wedding was only 3 days away, and oddly enough, I was looking forward to it.

I twisted the ring on my third finger, bringing it up close so I could lose myself in its myriad sparkles. Maybe I hadn't fully reconciled myself to the humiliation of my teenage bride status, but I had to admit, there was an upside to the situation. Saying "I do" brought me one more step closer to the one thing I wanted more than anything in the world – my chance to be changed by Edward, so that I could spend an eternity by his side.

And, I grinned impishly to myself as the thought skittered across my brain, it meant the opportunity to indulge my one last request to exercise my humanity: to be with Edward, _really_ be with him, in the physical sense of the word.

My mind skipped back to last week in our clearing. The sunlight had danced across his perfect, marble body as we lay in the soft grass. I slowly trailed a long blade of meadow grass across his chest, peeking up into his golden eyes through my lashes.

"I was thinking," I began, waiting for him to respond.

"What's that, Bella?" he said, closing his eyes and stretching his arms out behind his head with a sigh.

"Well, we only have two weeks left until The Big Day." I paused, counting my blessings that he could not read my thoughts.

"And by the Big Day, you mean our impending nuptials?" Just the thought of it made him smile his crooked smile.

"Of course. But what I was really thinking about was our wedding night." I traced a lazy S across his taut stomach, waiting for him to take the bait. His whole body tensed, becoming very still.

"Yes? Go on please." I looked up into his face to see his cocked eyebrow and a look of skepticism.

"Hear me out," I began, trying to remain casual. "Well, I was just thinking that all this time, we have spent every ounce of energy trying to remain, well, _in control_. And it might be hard for us to really, um, take that next step, so to speak." I felt the color rise in my cheeks, then the caress of his cool hand.

"Just what are you getting at, Bella?" His hand slid down my neck, and his thumb began to massage the hollow of my neck.

I screwed up my courage to blurt it all out. "Maybe we need to practice. You know, work our way up to it." I blew out a big breath as I waited for his response. All I heard was a chuckle.

"Are you worried I won't _perform_, Bella?" Before I could respond, I was on my back against a soft mound of moss, his knee pushing my hip up so that I arched against him.

Mortified, I tried to back pedal. "No, no, that's not what I mean, I just…Oh, you _know_ what I mean!" I felt his cool lips trail against the pulse in my neck, and I sighed. "I just want it to be perfect."

He stopped still. Gently, he lifted my shoulders up so we were looking eye to eye. "Bella, you know I can't promise anything. I am so afraid to hurt you; nothing in the world would be worth that."

"But you will try." It was more of a statement than a question, as I returned his gaze.

"Yes, I will try. God help me, I will try." He chuckled once again, and his eyes flashed. "Besides, I like this idea of yours. Practice makes perfect, don't they say?" He nuzzled down my neck and into my collarbone, every touch an electric thrill. "Exactly what sort of _practice_ did you have in mind? Something like this?"

I felt his cool touch through the thin cotton of my blouse as he trailed it down my side. A gentle fingertip lazily explored the inside of my waistband, before effortlessly untucking my shirt. I shuddered, but not from the cold.

"Or perhaps this?" He sighed into my hair as he slid his palm slowly across my stomach. Every muscle in my body tensed in anticipation. I closed my eyes and listened to his voice, smooth as velvet.

"Or this?" I felt the button on my shorts give over to his fingertips, and then it was his turn to lazily tease me with his touch. A moan escaped me and I moved against him, my hands hungrily searching for his body.

"Oh, Bella," his whisper was ragged as his free hand stilled my search and he rested his forehead against mine. In the stillness of the meadow, there was no hiding the fact that his breath was coming as unevenly as mine. He kissed one eyelid, then another. With a groan, he rolled onto his back and let me go.

"You are bewitching, Isabella Swan. And if I could die, you would be the death of me."

I shimmied closer to him, curling into his side, not willing to give up my advantage. "Why did you stop?" I pouted, stroking his hand and resting my head on his chest.

"You know why!" The words were torn from his throat, and I was suddenly pinned beneath him again, his arms stretched out on top of mine, his overpowering hands pinning mine down. His kiss was urgent, but not with desperation, just with desire. His delicious taste overpowered me and my head began to spin.

He stopped and as I struggled to focus, he muttered a low growl. "Temptress," he laughed. He picked up my hand, turning it over to kiss my palm. "I guess a little practice never hurt anyone."

Since that day, we had spent countless hours in our meadow, exploring each other's bodies and bringing ourselves closer to the brink. But never going too far. He was determined to see us both _unsullied_, as he put it, on our wedding night, and knowing we were so close, I was happy to indulge him.

A knock at my bedroom door interrupted my reverie. I rolled over on my stomach, propping myself up on a pillow. "Come in?"

In floated Alice, looking, if at all possible, even more excited than I felt.

"Are you still in bed?" She began, flicking back the covers in a way that made it seem she was dancing a ballet. "It's after ten, really Bella, you can't be frittering away these last days. There's so much to do!" With that, she sank down, cross-legged, on the foot of my bed, her hands dancing as she explained our lengthy to-do list.

I plopped my pillow back over my head, refusing to listen.

"None of that! Out of bed. First stop, your last fitting!"

Oh brother, I thought.

"But it fit fine the last time, Alice. C'mon, can't we skip that one?"

She looked at me, horrified. "Bella, you are _the bride_. You will be the center of all attention. You must be absolutely perfect. I would never forgive myself if there was the _slightest thing_ wrong with your dress."

I sighed, knowing I was fighting a losing battle. "Can Edward come?"

You'd think I'd attacked her with the proverbial garlic and crucifix. "Absolutely not!" She screeched. "That's bad luck! Stop teasing me, you know perfectly well he isn't allowed to see you in your dress before the wedding."

Now we were on a roll.

"How are you keeping him out of your head, Alice?" I asked deviously. "Battle Hymn of the Republic again?"

She grinned, relaxing a bit. "Nope. Gregorian chants, translated into Mandarin." With that she took a little bow. "Now stop trying to distract me, we have an appointment to keep and you need to make yourself presentable." She dragged me out of bed and marched me to the little bathroom I shared with Charlie. "Go." And with a push, she closed the door behind me.

I picked up my toothbrush and stared at myself suspiciously in the mirror. The realities of the wedding now loomed large…much larger than my daydreams of that time in the meadow. I didn't _look_ like someone about to be married. I didn't _feel_ like someone about to become married.

I grimaced at my reflection, sticking out my tongue. Your choice, Bella Swan, I told myself sternly. This is the price you pay for getting to spend the rest of your life with the man of your dreams. I brushed vigorously, as if I could scrub away the sinking feeling in my stomach. Another grimace in the mirror, and I was out the door.


	3. Chapter 2

CHAPTER TWO

We had driven all the way to Seattle for my last fitting – it was the only place Alice could find a tailor she would trust with my gown. I didn't see what a difference the microscopic changes would make, but she was adamant I needed the fittings, so here I was, in a tasteful private shop, Esme and Alice hovering outside my fitting room door, waiting for me to emerge.

I was finding it hard to look in the mirror. First, Renee wasn't here, and I felt bad about it. Not that this was that big of a deal to me, but I felt like it was part of the mother-daughter experience that I should be making sure she got the most of before I changed. But she and Phil had been unable to make trips to come see me in Forks, and of course, with everything happening so fast, there wasn't any time to wait.

Second, I was petrified. The lacy veil and delicate sleeves felt foreign to me, and I was certain I would end up tearing something in my habitual klutziness.

But mostly, I was in denial. And seeing my reflection would take away the last vestiges of that defense.

But, aware of them waiting outside my door, I straightened myself up. Mirror be damned, I thought, as I pushed open the door, not bothering to look at myself.

Esme and Alice stared at me in wonder. Alice's bow-shaped lips formed a silent "Oh."

"What?" I asked, looking over my shoulder. "Did I do it wrong? Did I miss some buttons?"

Esme laid her hands gently on my shoulders and steered me toward a mirror. "Look, Bella," she whispered.

I looked up at my reflection and my jaw dropped, too.

The woman who stared back at me was the very picture of loveliness, straight out of a Gibson Girl calendar. The high lace neck framed my heart-shaped face perfectly. I was beautiful.

Alice squeezed my arm. "Do you just love it?" She enthused.

I drew a shaky breath. "Alice, I don't know what to say." I shyly looked at her out of the corner of my eye, afraid that if my gaze left the mirror, the vision would disappear. "Do you think Edward will like it?"

"Are you kidding? He's going to think he's died and gone to heaven!"

Esme smiled indulgently. "Of course, he'd think that if you were in a burlap sack, dear. But you do look quite lovely. Just like he's pictured it, I am sure."

A moment's vision took hold of me as I imagined us in 1918, sitting on a porch swing, children at our feet.

I sighed.

"Time to put it away, I think, don't you? Until Saturday?"

"'Until Saturday," they agreed in unison, taking hold of my hands in their cold grips, and giving me a little squeeze.

The remaining days passed in a blur of preparations – a trip to the airport to get Renee and Phil, last minute checking of guest lists, and phone calls to caterers and musicians. Of course, Alice did most of this, but there was enough collateral damage to me that I barely got to see Edward alone at all.

And then it was the night before.

Earlier in the week, Charlie and I had had a hurried dinner of spaghetti squeezed in between phone calls and last minute errands. As I scraped plates and began to wash dishes, he hung awkwardly about the doorway, too embarrassed to say what was on his mind.

"So, Dad, what are you thinking?" I threw him a bone.

He visibly relaxed at the invitation to speak his mind.

"Bells, I guess I just wanted to tell you that, well, even though I have been hard on Edward in the past, I can tell how happy he makes you."

Pause.

"You know you don't have to marry him, right?"

Pause.

I flung my dish towel over my shoulder and turned to look at him, a hand on my hip. "Dad, of course I know that. I am marrying him because I love him and I _want_ to marry him." _Not quite the whole truth_, I thought to myself, but he didn't need to know about our bargain.

He looked vaguely disappointed at my answer. "Of course, Bells. I know that."

He looked down at his feet.

"Dad?" I waited for him to look back up. "You know I love you, don't you?"

"Sure, Isabella, I sure do." He looked up with an awkward smile. "I am sure going to miss you, kiddo, you know that?"

"Me, too, Dad." There was another awkward pause.

"I was wondering if I could ask you a favor?" He looked sheepishly at me. "Would you mind staying here on Friday night? I know it might be easier to spend the night at the Cullens, given the schedule and all, or that maybe you'd like to spend it with Renee for a mother-daughter thing, but I was thinking how nice it would be to just have you here, one last time, just the two of us."

Tears welled in my eyes at his sudden admission. "Sure thing, Dad." It didn't get any easier, thinking that my time with Charlie would soon be over.

He suddenly walked over and wrapped his arms around me. "Thanks, Isabella." He patted my arm and kissed my cheek. "Thanks for being here with me." And with that he went off to watch TV.

We ended up doing nothing that last night, just being together for the evening, me in my pajamas and old robe, him in his off-duty uniform of flannel shirt and jeans. Once he had puttered to bed, I climbed the stairs myself, opening the door to see my beautiful Edward waiting for me.

He leaned against the windowsill, eyes closed. I shut the door and leaned my back against it without a word. He opened one eye, then another, cautiously inspecting me.

"Bella?" With that one word, he asked so many things. Are you ready? Do you really promise to spend your lifetime – no, eternity – with me? Will you run away in terror before I get a chance to pledge my love with a ring and a kiss? Will you be happy? Can I ever be what you need?

I ran to him and he caught me up in his arms, his cold embrace chasing away all the uncertainties that hovered in the corners of my mind.

He cupped my face and searched my eyes. "Are you sure, Bella? I don't want to force you."

I kissed him hard and drew him closer. "You could never force me, Edward. I choose you. I choose to be your wife. For all eternity."

He drew his thumbs across my cheekbones and kissed the tip of my nose.

"Then off to bed with you." He swept me up and gently deposited me in my bed, pulling the covers up to my chin. "I wouldn't want a sleepy bride tomorrow night," he grinned, kissing the corners of my mouth.

"You aren't staying?" I propped myself up on one elbow in protest, doing my best to force what I hoped was a sexy pout.

"No, I don't think that would be proper," he winked. "Besides, I need my strength, too. Emmett and I are going to do a little extra hunting." And with that, he was out my window and gone.

That night I dreamt of Jacob. Even in my dream, I was surprised; I had managed to shut him out of my mind so well since that last visit to La Push that the pain seemed far away.

We were walking along the beach, near our tree. In my mind's eye, I could only see our backs; the wind whipped our hair back behind us. It was cold, but we didn't touch.

Over the wind, I could hear us talk.

"Bella, I still don't understand."

I could tell I wanted him to understand. "I've told you all I can. Maybe I have said too much," I whispered, my words floating on the wind.

"I'm glad you came to me," he said and turned me to face him. When I looked up, there were tears in his eyes.

I sat straight up in bed with a gasp. The tear in my heart, the tear where I had ripped Jacob out, throbbed with a dull pain. Why now, of all nights? I tiptoed to the bathroom and splashed cool water on my face, wondering if Edward was watching me the whole time, and what he had heard.

I slipped back into bed, rubbing my face against the cool pillow, but sleep did not come. I wondered what Jacob was doing at that very moment – running with the pack? Sitting in front of a bonfire on the beach, watching the flames spit sparks into the midnight sky? I thought about tomorrow, and how relieved I was that he would not be there. Funny, though, I felt sad at the same time.

It was right not to invite him, I reminded myself; unfair to keep asking him to play the role of faithful friend, when we both knew that in different circumstances, we would have been so much more. I knew Charlie felt strange, not inviting Billy and some of his other friends from La Push, but he remembered enough of that long, sleepless night after I had finally broken things off with Jacob to know what kind of pain something as simple as an invitation might resurface.

Did Jacob even know? I wondered. Surely someone in La Push knew, and then it was just a matter of time before someone in the pack, which meant the whole pack, including Jacob. Troubled by this thought, I rolled over on my side and curled in a ball. Gradually, humming Edward's lullaby to myself, I slipped back into quiet sleep.


	4. Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3

"Bella, you're late! Edward is getting nervous!" Alice's stage whisper cut through the bathroom door, shaking me out of my thoughts. The idea of Edward being nervous was simultaneously funny and scary.

"Are you okay? Bella?" Poor Alice. She had worked so hard on this; she wanted everything to be perfect for her big brother and best friend.

"I'm fine, Alice, I'm fine. Last minute jitters, I guess." I took a deep breath and stood up, smoothing the nonexistent wrinkles out of the drape of my gown.

"Can I come in to carry your train 'til you get to the top of the stairs?" She poked her head through the door. "Wouldn't want you to fall down and need a trip to the emergency room," she grinned.

"Very funny. If you were so worried about my lack of grace, you would have gotten me a pair of sneakers instead of these death traps you call _shoes_." I waved one dainty, torturously high heel in front of her.

"You only live once," she joked, grabbing my hand. "Where's your bouquet?" Looking around, she found the small bunch of meadow posies I had insisted on carrying, almost the only thing in the wedding on which I had expressed an opinion, and pressed it to me.

"Everyone is waiting for you to come downstairs. Just like we practiced, okay?" Alice had spent the last two afternoons torturing me with Miss America-like rehearsals of walking down the treacherous staircase at the Cullen house in high heels. "Stand straight, head up, and _no tripping_."

"I won't let you down, Alice, I promise." But a wave of terror gripped me and I clung to the doorway, my feet refusing to budge.

"Bella, what is it?" She began to look genuinely concerned. "Did you change your mind? Do you want Charlie to walk you down the aisle after all?"

Everything I should be concerned about flashed through my mind in an instant – my sense of shame at barely making it out of high school before getting married, giving up my name to take Edward's (a condition of matrimony upon which he'd insisted), the frightful uncertainty about my impending change, the vague sense that something bad involving Jacob was going to happen…but then I smiled a nervous smile and brushed it all away.

"No, I want to go alone. Tell them I'll be waiting for my cue," I said. She impulsively hugged me.

"I'm so glad you are making it official, Bella. Now we'll be sisters forever." With another quick squeeze, she was off, leaving me to stand alone, out of sight of my waiting guests and my husband-to-be.

The soft strains of Debussy wafted up the staircase. Edward's one request with respect to our wedding was that he be allowed to plan the music. Alice had readily agreed, never realizing what she had let us in for. His auditions of string quartets and pianists had been painful to sit through. He cringed with every miscue – mistakes that only he, with his consummate musicianship and vampire ears, had been able to detect. What had been planned as an afternoon activity stretched over weeks until he finally accepted that he would have to "make do" with lesser artists than himself. On top of that, he spent hours poring through his endless CD collection, picking out just the right pieces, trying to pace the entire ceremony in his mind, forcing us all to listen to it over and over again as he kept changing his mind. It was driving us crazy.

About halfway through this ordeal, Emmett and I had decided to have some fun with it. I casually kissed Edward's neck, sliding his high tech headphones off his ears.

"Emmett has a good idea for the wedding march," I said. "Want to listen?"

Edward cocked one perfect eyebrow, skeptical that Emmett's musical range would be wide enough to include wedding-appropriate music. Ever gracious, however, he nodded, watching suspiciously as Emmett gleefully switched out the CDs.

I popped Edward's headphones back on his ears and sat back to watch his expression.

It took only a moment for him to recognize the gothic organ strains of Bach's _Toccata and Fugue_. He tore off the headphones in mock outrage.

"I'm trying to find the perfect musical masterpiece to declare our love to the world, and you choose the theme song from a _horror movie_?" He leaped playfully at me, pinning me to the floor and letting loose a mock growl before covering my neck with kisses.

Emmett had made a fake gagging sound and ran off, leaving me to laugh and whisper to Edward, "Just choose already, okay?"

The Debussy shifted into the second movement of Beethoven's _Sonata Pathetique_, bringing me back to the present. That was my cue. My perfectly manicured hand gripped the balustrade, as I gathered my concentration to brave the walk downstairs -- and the curious stares of the awaiting horde.

Everyone in Forks had been invited. I knew they were curious to see the Cullen's mysterious home, and more importantly, eager to stare at me and Edward, wondering why, exactly, we had chosen to get married so quickly. Smiling grimly, I thought to myself, _Let them wonder. They'll never guess._ And I began the descent.

Even I was taken aback when I swung as gracefully as I could through the French doors into the back yard. Twilight had descended, and a million lights twinkled in the surrounding trees. Typical Alice. But she had outdone herself this time. Glowing candlelight led me down a path to an awaiting bower, entwined with more meadow flowers and roses, where my beloved Edward stood watching me.

He took my breath away. I had seen how gorgeous he looked in a black tuxedo before – at my death march prom, as a matter of fact – but nothing prepared me for the sight of him tonight. He glowed – not a reflective glow, but a glow from within, which almost made his alabaster perfection warm. His eyes were afire with love and passion as he drank me in. As I paused, he reached a hand up, over his silent heart, and held it there to wait for me.

The music shifted again, a slow, stately processional Edward had said would keep me from rushing. I smiled to myself, thinking how well he knew me, as I forced my feet to step in time to the music. The walk down the petal-strewn aisle seemed to take forever. I felt my cheeks flush as all eyes were upon me, watching my progress. When I grew brave enough to actually look back, I saw Jessica, Mike, Angela, Tyler, Ben, Conner and Lauren – all sitting on the bride's side. In fact, the bride's side was packed, the groom's quite sparse – although clever floral arrangements somewhat obscured that fact.

Carlisle, Esme and Rosalie sat in the very front, their eyes shining brightly. Even Rosalie was smiling. I recognized a few of the doctors and nurses from Carlisle's clinic, and a handful of what could only be female vampires – the Alaska coven – all eyeing me curiously. One, a strawberry blonde, stared particularly intently, locking eyes with me. Blushing ever deeper, I realized this was Tanya and looked away. There, right before me, Phil sat with his arm around Renee; Renee wore the same puzzled look that she'd worn when Edward and I visited her in Florida. Realizing I'd caught her, she broke out a rueful grin.

Standing at the foot of bower, Alice looked like she would fly away – her eyes twinkling with delight as she shot a dazzling smile to Jasper, who stood opposite her.

And then I stood before Edward.

"Who gives this woman today?" intoned Emmett, hamming it up with his Internet minister's license. His faux ministerial robes made him look like a movie vampire.

Charlie stepped up next to me, looking sadder than ever. "I…" He began, stopping to clear a creak from his throat. "I do," he began again, guiding me by the elbow one step closer to Edward. Slowly, as if against his will, he lifted my veil to fully reveal me to Edward's eyes.

"Don't hurt her, Edward." It was a simple request, man to man.

"Never, sir. Thank you." Edward earnestly shook hands with Charlie, and then drew me in to him while I threw one last wistful look over my shoulder toward my dad.

Through the rest of the ceremony, I couldn't drag my eyes from Edward. His topaz eyes seemed deeper than ever, dazzling me as they always had done. Everything went in a blur until we got to our vows.

Edward leaned in, whispering so that no one else could hear, saying "Isabella Marie Swan, until you found me, I didn't know what love or life was. You are the only past that matters, the only future I want or need. I will honor you and love you every day of eternity." He took a deep breath and leaned in closer. 'Nothing shall us part." The tender look in his eyes, the fierceness of his promise, shook me to my core and I wobbled on my feet, leaning on his rock-solid arm to steady me. How could I have ever doubted that by Edward's side, forever as his wife, was where I was meant to be? As he slipped his ring on my finger, all my doubts evaporated.

Soon, Emmett asked, "Is there anyone here who objects to this marriage? If so, speak now or forever hold your peace."

A lone wolf's howl shattered the night from somewhere nearby.

The crowd tittered nervously, shifting in their chairs to look around them. The wolf had sounded too close. Edward's eyes narrowed, stony cold, and I blushed with shame, knowing there would only be one person – or one _wolf_ – who would try to interrupt our moment. But my shame quickly turned to anger – couldn't Jacob let Edward have some peace? I squeezed Edward's hand hard, willing him to look at me. He did, and slowly the tension drained from his jaw.

Emmett coughed, trying to cover up an unbidden laugh that came at Edward's expense. "Seeing no objections, other than those of the animal kingdom, I pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss."

Edward turned my face up in his hands. His anger at Jacob had passed, and now his eyes shone with love and triumph as he looked down on me. He wrapped his arms around me, and I could feel the restrained power in them as he swept down to claim me as his own with a kiss. His lips parted mine softly, their smooth, cool shape perfectly fitted to me.

It was all too brief, and I tried in vain to keep him as he pulled away. He rested his head against mine, his words caressing me softly. "Later, my love. Later." And then we turned to face the crowd.

The party was a classic Cullen affair. And so my misery was doubled – as the center of attention I had no where to run; it was so over the top, no one wanted to leave; and as a result, I couldn't get alone with Edward soon enough.

My moments with Charlie, Renee, Phil and the Cullens were a blur. I was overwhelmed by the whirlwind of activity and the many emotions competing for my attention.

Instead, I went through the motions, counting the minutes until I could get Edward to myself. Edward had planned our first dance, a waltz…but knowing that for me, this counted as an extreme sport, he wisely carried me on his feet, then twirled me away when it became too crowded. We cut the cake – a gorgeous thing – and stuffed each other's mouths with the first bites, even though it was repelling to him and was sawdust to me. In between all this, I was steered from person to person, enduring questioning looks and repeated congratulations.

I was bracing myself for the next round of polite small talk when I looked up to find myself face to face with Tanya.

"Well, well, if it isn't the little bride," she said, sizing me up in a quick once over.

Up close she was even more gorgeous than I'd realized. Her strawberry blonde hair hung in perfect waves to her waist, perfectly set off by her porcelain skin. Her figure was almost as good as Rosalie's, and she stood at least a full head taller than me. She was an Amazon. And her eyes – well, they were the same golden tone I knew so well, but they seemed full of resentment as she looked at me.

I glanced around to see Edward still chatting up one of the doctor's wives. I would have to do this on my own.

"Hello, Tanya. I've heard a lot about you." I held out my hand, hoping she wouldn't break it on the spot.

"Save me your human politeness." She waved my hand away, her velvety voice full of disdain. "I didn't come to wish you well as much as I did to see _what_ it was that finally captured Edward's attention." She looked at me dismissively and sniffed. "Laurent was right. I don't see what all the fuss is about. I suppose you are like a little plaything to Edward; all naïve and trusting. Quite fun to mold, hmm? I'm sure he'll bore of you soon enough. "

The color drained from my face.

"He's going to change me." I whispered to myself as much as to her. "He won't leave me."

She let out a little purr. "We'll see, won't we? I think in time, he may find he would like a more, shall we say, _experienced_ hand." She turned on her heel and before I could even think of something to say, she had floated away.

Angry tears stung my eyes. Would I ever stop feeling like I was living on borrowed time with Edward? Would I be able to keep his interest, when I was but a moon, reflecting the glory of his sun? Did our marriage change anything? I took advantage of the fact that Edward was still trapped in conversation with Carlisle's friends and ran toward the garage, hoping to find a private place to collect my thoughts.

"Bella?" I heard Alice's voice calling after me.

"Bathroom!" I yelled back, hoping she wouldn't follow after me.

I made my way carefully – the ground was uneven, and the further I got away from the sputtering candles, the more treacherous it became for me. Behind the garage, I leaned against the wall, sliding down until I collapsed in a puddle on the ground. _I am not going to cry_, I told myself sternly through my tears. _I am not worried about changing -- Edward will keep his promise. And then we will be together forever_.

I heard Tanya's voice inside my head, taunting, "But he left you before…didn't he?"

"Go away!" I shouted into the night and slammed my fist into the wall. "Ow!" I began to cry in earnest, cradling my fist and cursing my stupidity.

A soft whine broke my thoughts. I looked up, and from the darkness a shaggy, red-brown wolf emerged, his shiny eyes looking tenderly at me. He cocked his head to one side.

I inwardly cursed myself as my heart gave an involuntary flutter to see him after all this time. My eyes raced over him as he kept walking toward me, searching for see some lingering sign of his injury, but he moved with as much sinewy grace as ever. _Time to toughen up, Bella_, I thought to myself. "Oh, I didn't mean you. Or maybe I did. You sure have a way of breaking in on someone else's good time."

His mouth stretched wide, and his long tongue drooped out, forming what could only be a grin.

"Yeah, go ahead and laugh. Joke's on you. Wedding's over." I shot out in my meanest voice.

He whined again, this time nestling down into the long grass, just out of my reach.

I glowered. He waited.

Finally, I sighed, "Well, don't just sit there. You might as well do something useful." He sauntered over and sniffed my hand – despite giving it my best shot, it wasn't swelling _too_ bad– and then gave me a huge lick.

"Eww, Jacob!"

His tongue lolled about again, and he looked pleased with himself. Then, his hackles stood on end and in a flash, he was gone.

"Bella, is that you?" Edward came rushing toward me, his voice full of concern. "Are you all right? What happened?" He pulled up short, just a foot from where I sat, and wrinkled his nose. His face grew hard.

"So, the dog decided to show his face?"

I nodded, afraid of his anger.

"Oh, Bella," he sighed, getting down on one knee beside me and gently taking my hand in his. "You didn't try to punch him again, did you?"

"No," I smiled ruefully, hanging my head. "I'm afraid I've no one to blame but myself for this one."

He lifted my chin to look me straight in the eye. "Tell me."

I blushed – how I wished I weren't human at moments like these! – and admitted to my temper tantrum after my run in with Tanya. "She seemed a bit, well, jealous. And angry. With me."

He frowned, then kissed the top of my head and held me tight. "I am sure it was nothing. Tanya and I were never involved. She couldn't have possibly grown attached enough to care about what I do or don't do." He pulled away to look at me, an amused smile twitching on his lips. "You've had a long day, perhaps too long."

"Are you saying I _imagined_ it, Edward? Couldn't you _hear_ her?" My frustration rose at the injustice of it all.

He laughed out loud then, the music of it clearing all other thoughts from my head.

"No, silly, I am saying our guests are leaving…" – he paused to kiss my sore knuckles – "The last ones are saying their goodbyes and remembering their own wedding nights with fondness…" He turned over my hand and nuzzled my palm. "And we have better things to do than argue." He leaned in to kiss the tip of my nose, then stood, pulling me up with him. For the first time, I noticed how completely black the night sky was, the twinkling stars set like diamonds against its velvet expanse.

"I have a surprise for you. May I?" He swept me in his arms, pulling me close to his chest. I laughed and threw my arms around his neck.

"How could you possibly outdo your sister's party?"

He looked down on me, unable to keep the grin from his face. "I can be quite resourceful."

With that, he broke into a run, his hair rippling in the breeze. I closed my eyes, content in his arms.

"Keep your eyes closed, Bella, will you?" He whispered to me as we slowed. "I don't want your surprise to be ruined."

Now I was curious. With my eyes closed, I had lost track of our direction and had no idea where we were.

"You know my family offered to go away for the night so we could have some privacy." He paused, waiting for my nod. "I accepted their offer, but I wanted something more special for our first night together as husband and wife." He didn't seem to notice – or didn't want to notice – my wince as he mentioned our marital status.

"So while you were out running errands with Alice, I worked on my own little project." He came to a standstill, and gently deposited me on the ground, facing him. I inhaled his delicious scent, sensing him coming closer before I felt his lips on mine. Never leaving them, he slowly turned me around. Slowly, he pulled away and dropped my hands to my sides.

"Open your eyes."

I opened them and drew in a deep breath. Before me was a fairy tale pavilion, constructed of rough-hewn beams and branches, entwined with flowering vines. Its corners were designed like a canopy – a swag of gossamer fabric hung down on each side, shimmering in the night breeze. My eyes wandered up a few steps to the center of the platform and settled on a magnificent bed, itself covered in a canopy of flowers. Candles – hundreds and hundreds of candles – surrounded the entire platform so the entire place glowed.

"Oh, Edward. It's beautiful." I stood, grounded in the spot where he had left me.

"Its beauty pales to yours, Isabella." He was with me now, pulling me against his cold chest as he enveloped me in his arms. "And now I've got you, forever," he whispered into my hair. "Your maddeningly quiet thoughts, your brave old soul, your quick temper, and your generous heart." He kissed the top of my head. "I will never let you go."

I wriggled around to face him, wrapping my arms around his neck. "You'd better not," I mockingly reprimanded him. "You shouldn't have put me through a wedding if this wasn't for forever."

He chuckled, bringing his cool lips to my neck. "You are a stickler for the rules, aren't you, Mrs. Cullen?" he teased. I started to argue, but stopped as he trailed his lips lower to my collar bone.

"A promise is a promise," I sighed, my head falling back.

I was in the air then, his kisses never stopping as he carried me up the steps and laid me gently down on the bed. I felt the whole, cool long length of him through my gown. He stopped, looking at me intently and running his hand down my side.

"Do you realize what this does to me, to see you dressed in this?" His eyes sparked with passion – did I see black flecks in the pools of gold? "I can barely control myself."

I shrunk into the bedcovers, trying not to be afraid.

He froze, and then smiled grimly. "Not that way, Bella." His voice was rough. "This way." He moved slowly, but when his lips found mine, they were hungry. I felt a new freedom in his kiss -- no restraint, no caution, just pure, surging love. He pulled me closer to him with one hand, the other undoing the long row of buttons down my back – a row that had taken what seemed like hours to fasten – in an instant. My head spun. I gasped as his fingertips grazed my spine, struggling to catch my breath.

"Bella, love, are you okay?" He paused, searching my face as I tried to focus on his eyes.

"Maybe if we go a bit slower," I managed to whisper above the sound of my beating heart.

He pulled me into his lap, grinning like a fool. "Do you mean to tell me, Little Miss Bravado, that after all of your attempts at seducing _me_, _I_ am moving too fast for _you_?"

"It…appears…to be…the case." I spit the words out between my ragged breaths.

His laughter rang through the forest, strong and bright.

"Bella, Bella, my Bella. You will never cease to amaze and delight me." He kissed my still flushed cheeks and drew my hands in his. I could finally focus on his face, and found myself dazzled once again by his brilliant smile.

I had to drag my eyes away. "I should be embarrassed, I think, but I have too much nervous energy."

He looked at me like I was a puzzle to be solved. "Perhaps we should start with that."

"What?" I was confused.

"Your energy. You need to relax." He began caressing my hair, stroking my face and shoulders, until my breathing started to become more regular. "Close your eyes, Bella," he whispered, lulling me with his velvet voice, and I obeyed. His cool touch felt good to my flushed skin, even through my dress. He breathed over me, and my head spun again from the delicious smell. His hands slowly moved lower, tracing the outline of my collarbone and trailing down my arms until his thumbs rubbed the insides of my wrists.

"Just relax," he continued. I felt my dress slip away from my body, revealing me to gaze. I could feel his eyes burning into me, but still I kept my eyes shut.

"Oh, Bella," he sighed, and I gasped as his cool breath trailed across my stomach, his lips grazing me until they settled upon my hip bone. His hands never stopped – my skin was on fire.

"Edward?" I whispered, afraid to break the spell.

He was at my ear, nibbling, his hands continuing to drive me crazy. "Yes, love?"

I opened my eyes to gaze into his. They were light like butterscotch, shimmering with heat that seemed all the stronger for its contrast with his lean, cold body, stretched against me.

"I love you."

"And I, you."

His mouth was on mine, now, searching. I clutched at his hair, pulling him in closer, my body drunk with his fragrance. He didn't pull away as our kisses became even deeper, he didn't freeze as I pushed him further than I'd ever pushed before. Instead, his body responded with abandon. I felt the tautness of his muscles, the urgency and insistence in his hands, and sensed that I was powerless to stop him now. And I didn't want to. I needed him now, more than ever, and every nerve in my body screamed for his touch. I couldn't even tell where I was anymore, all I felt was him. I lost all sense of time as he dragged me deeper and deeper under his spell with every touch of his hand.

He whispered in my ear. "God help me, Bella," and then he was inside me. I gasped at the shock of it – he was so cold. Every cell of me, so hot by comparison, quivered at the contrast. I couldn't resist the gentle, insistent rhythm and arched for him, never wanting him to leave me. I was frantic now and could think of nothing but my unrelenting need for him.

And then, a cold brilliance shot through my body. I shuddered. For a split second, I knew what it was like to be him. The waves of cold passed through me, engulfing the heat that gripped me to the core. We clung to one another, letting it wash over us, staying there together for what seemed like an eternity.

"Thank you," I whispered into the night, never letting go.

I wrapped my fingers in his, and he pulled them to his lips, kissing their tips one at a time before bringing my whole hand to his face. He held it there, my heat slowly warming his cold marble face.

"What did I do to ever deserve such happiness, Bella?" He kissed me tenderly, then shifted me into the curve of his protecting arms. I fell asleep, knowing he would watch over me while I dreamed.

I was vaguely aware of the sounds of the forest, working their way into the mists of my sleep. Still groggy, I shifted slightly and felt Edward's arms tighten their hold. I rolled toward his chest, resting my cheek against its cool expanse.

"You didn't move an inch," I mumbled, nuzzling in closer to give him a quick kiss.

"No, I spent the whole night watching you." His thumb lightly stroked the pulse in my neck, and I felt it quicken.

I looked up into his eyes, and once again melted. Slow warmth crept across my body as I remembered last night.

"A blush, Bella?" He chuckled. "I thought we were beyond that now."

I buried my face again, embarrassed at my awkwardness. He tilted my chin up so I could no longer hide my eyes.

"Was it what you imagined?"

I nodded, still unable to speak.

He grinned a lopsided grin and slid down the bed so his face was close to mine. "Me, too."

We lay there together, enjoying the sounds of the forest waking up. Sunlight began to trickle through the boughs above us, dappling our bodies and creating a thousand tiny prisms where they glanced of Edward's alabaster skin.

"Tell me something?" I glanced at him, trying to master my sudden shyness.

"Anything," he said gravely, trying his hardest not to laugh at me, though his amusement showed in his eyes.

"Will it always be like this?"

He was really amused now. "Well, I can't promise you a forest bower every night, Bella. Once the fall comes it wouldn't really be very practical."

I took a playful swing at his shoulder, but he moved too fast for me, capturing my fist in his big hands and smoothing it out so he could entwine my fingers in his.

"You know that's not what I mean."

"What do you mean, then?" He drew a leaf from somewhere and began tracing it across my bare leg. I shivered.

Stilling his hand, I sighed. "After you change me."

Struggling to hide his irritation, his hands stopped and he flicked the leaf away. "I have no idea, Bella. Remember, this is new for me, too." He rolled away from me, resting his head against his folded arms.

Remorse ripped through me. Couldn't I leave it alone for just one day?

"I'm sorry."

He turned back toward me, his eyes narrowing as he calculated how sorry I was.

"Very sorry."

He uncoiled an arm and reached over to tweak my nose. "Silly Bella, let's enjoy the moment, okay?" And then I was in his arms again, the forgiveness in his eyes making my heart sing.

I ran my fingers through his bronze hair, laughing at its unusually untidy state. "Mmmmm," he sighed, closing his eyes as I massaged his temples. "That's nice."

Without stopping, I picked up a new line of questioning. "It didn't seem as hard for you as I expected," I ventured.

He gently laughed. "Oh, really? How could you tell?"

I let my fingertips drift down his neck to his shoulders.

"I didn't feel any hesitation. It didn't feel like you had to hold yourself back." Now I trailed my fingers against his chest. His breath seemed to quicken.

"Bella," he said in an amused voice, "why don't you look at the bed."

I looked around at the jumble of pillows, sheets and blankets, but saw nothing. "I don't understand."

He popped open one eye, then another, grabbing my hands in one of his. Sitting up with a grin, he swept me onto his lap. "Not on top of the bed. Under the bed."

With one swift movement, he set me down on my feet and I bent over to inspect. I gasped in shock. The legs of the bed had worn huge gouges in the wood platform, and the legs themselves looked a little…off.

"Did you bend the bed legs?" I squealed, jerking my head up in surprise.

"_We_ bent the bed legs." He began to chuckle again. "_You_ were a little too distracted to notice. And look here." He pulled me closer to the bed and pulled back the sheet. A clear imprint of his massive hand had warped the frame.

"Holy crow!"

He laughed out loud at my reaction, then pulled me back in his lap.

"Bella, my dear, last night took every ounce of concentration I had." His eyes were suddenly serious as they locked onto mine. "I could never, ever let myself lose complete control with you, Bella. It wouldn't be safe."

I frowned slightly, suddenly feeling cheated. "You sure fooled me," I muttered, crossing my arms. I was torn. All I'd ever wanted was for him to not suffer in my presence, to not feel a slave to his thirst. But now that it appeared that he'd mastered his urges, that he could exercise the self-control that I could not, I couldn't help wondering if perhaps our love was a bit too lopsided.

He laughed again, leaning in to nuzzle my ear. "Would it make you feel any better if I told you I had never lost that much control in my entire existence?"

I paused, pondering this fact. "Maybe," I admitted.

"Why can't you be happy with the fact that I am happy, Bella? This is beyond anything I ever dreamed I would experience." He held me by the shoulders now so he could search my face.

"I just don't want you to have to control yourself. I want you to be yourself with me." I bit my lip. I so did not want to ruin our day, but knew lying wouldn't work with him, either. "But I also want to know that you want me. Really want me, as much as I want you."

"I am more myself with you than you could ever realize, Bella. And I couldn't desire anyone more than I desire you. One day you'll understand." He eyes wouldn't let me look away.

"You're not just…" I struggled with the words. "Humoring me?"

His face froze in shock. "Is that what you think?" I hesitated, then nodded slightly.

"Isabella Marie, I could shake you," he groaned, then pulled me close. "Do you think I faked it? Poor baby, you are so innocent." I felt my face, then my ears, flush. His cool kiss tamed my shame, and then he pulled away to look me in the eyes.

"I could no more fake my feelings for you than I could stop the sun from rising. And just because I need to focus, so I don't hurt you, doesn't mean that you aren't devastatingly beautiful and I am completely under your spell."

He leaned in to kiss me, but when he tried to pull away, I clutched him closer until I could feel his breathing begin to race.

"Satisfied?" he murmured in my ear, coiling a long strand of my hair around his finger.

"Absolutely," I breathed back, allowing myself to fall back onto the bed.


	5. Chapter 4

CHAPTER 4

Our honeymoon was over. It had been blissful – two weeks of solitude on a private island, plenty of time for Edward and I to practice being husband and wife – but now my mind was on more practical things. Like how we could get out of Forks, and when I could change, so I could put all this human nonsense behind me.

I was grumpy. Edward had dragged his feet ever since we got back, always finding a reason to avoid the discussion. Over a month had passed – I only had a few days til my 19th birthday and I'd be damned if I'd be trapped into spending an eternity that much older than Edward.

"Technically, you have another six months after your birthday, because I was 17 and a half at the time of my change," he'd argued just yesterday. "You could get in a whole semester at Dartmouth."

"I'll have a whole eternity to go to school, as much as I want," I argued right back. "That is not on my critical path right now."

The longer he delayed, the more opportunity there was for something else to get in our way. And, I shivered, thinking of them involuntarily, the Volturi were already getting anxious about my change. No need to make them more so.

And now, to top it off, I seemed to be coming down with something. I didn't think it would have to delay my change – after all, Carlisle normally changed people on their deathbeds, so a little stomach virus shouldn't be a problem – but it did make me cranky.

There was a knock at our door, and Edward came in, effortlessly balancing a large tray. "Breakfast in bed, sleepyhead," he grinned, proud of his handiwork. He settled the tray in my lap as I struggled to sit up against the pillows. Big, yellow egg yolks stared up at me. There was more, I was sure, but the yolks demanded my attention as I started to turn green.

"Away! Get it away!" I managed to choke out before I sent the tray clattering and dashed for our bathroom. I slammed the door behind me, wanting to handle this most human indignity in private.

"Bella?" His anxious voice was right behind me. "Bella?" He was at the door. "Let me help you. Are you okay?"

"Fine! I'm fine!" I didn't pause from my retching. Stupid flu. Vampires never got sick. Chalk one up for the vampires.

"Are you _sure_ you're okay? You don't sound okay."

I finished rinsing my mouth and swung open the door.

"I'm fine, Edward. If you would hurry up and change me, then I wouldn't have to inconvenience you with my human weaknesses." I pushed by him, stomping off toward the bed.

Unfortunately, my sour mood wasn't enough to get him to drop the subject.

"You've just seemed a bit under the weather the last few days. I'm wondering if it isn't perhaps…nerves?" He looked at me skeptically.

"Nerves?" I shot back. "What have I got to be nervous about?"

"You know," he said, taking my hand in his, "it wouldn't kill you to admit that there is something scary about being turned into a vampire. You're about the only person I know who is brave enough to _choose_ to do it. It's okay to be a little nervous."

I wriggled my hand away. "This is not about that! I'm just sick, that's all. There's nothing more to it." My bottom lip jutted out, outraged at the thought.

"Bella," he said, picking up my hand more firmly. "I am not accusing you of anything. I am just asking you to open up to me if there is something you need to talk about." He looked searchingly in my eyes, hoping for answers I would not give him.

I sighed, trying to control my temper, considering whether the fact that he actually brought up the topic of changing me meant he had a real plan to do it soon. "I'm sorry, Edward. I shouldn't snap at you. I'm just not feeling well. I actually think changing me would make me feel better." I smiled weakly. "One less thing to worry about, right?"

He looked at me again, a hint of sadness glimmering behind his eyes. They were black, too black, and the purple shadows under his eyes almost looked painful.

"Don't worry about me, Edward. I'll be fine. Now, tell me, when are you going hunting? Can Jasper go with you tonight?"

He sighed, knowing he had no chance of resurrecting this discussion. "Yes, Jasper can go tonight. We are going to stay close, though, just ten miles or so. Don't want to let you out of my sight," he added, leaning in for a quick kiss. "Alice tells me you have plans for a girl's night?"

I made a face. Alice's girls' nights were getting increasingly ridiculous. She was trying to cram a whole lifetime of facials, pedicures and sappy movies into whatever time remained before I became a vampire. And since she was already flawless, I was the only target for her ministrations.

"Any special requests?" I teased him.

"You're perfect just the way you are." He looked me over quizzically, again. "Don't stay up too late. You still look tired."

"Worry-wort," I laughed, swing a pillow at him, knowing full well he could dodge and weave out of anything I could throw at him. Just wait 'til I was a newborn, then I'd have a few tricks for him.

"I thought we might go for a walk today," he mentioned as he gracefully caught the pillow. "Maybe to the meadow?"

"That sounds nice. Let me get dressed." I turned to the makeshift closet we'd made by clearing out his collection of CDs and began to rummage through. Without warning he was behind me, trapping me against him.

"Why don't you let me help you?" his silky voice captivated me. Tempted, I paused.

"We'll never get out of here…and everyone is still at home." I was still vaguely embarrassed, worried about his family's vampire ears which could hear everything.

He laughed, and then backed away. "Fair enough. But don't keep me waiting too long." And in a flash, I was alone.

My friendship with Alice had vastly improved my wardrobe. But there was no way I could replicate her sense of style -- I needed the equivalent of adult Garanimals to pull it all together. Luckily my hand hit upon a cornflower blue peasant top that she had bought with a pair of coordinating denim shorts -- no need to think it over. A quick brush through my hair and I was out the door.

Edward sat with Alice and Esme in front of the television, but they were not watching it. Their lips were moving rapidly, their voices too low for me to hear. I sighed. Yet another annoyance that would disappear once I was a real Cullen. I saw their bodies tense as they sensed my approach. Their conversation abruptly stopped.

Alice jumped up to greet me, dancing over to give me a hug. "Good morning, Bella. Are you ready for tonight? I have a new idea for us – salsa lessons!" She was so excited I thought she would jump up and down and clap.

I groaned. "You have got to be kidding me. Are you trying to kill me?"

"No, silly. You aren't going to be so clumsy once you change. I thought we'd give you a head start on broadening your horizons."

I looked beseechingly at Edward, who simply settled into a smug look, saying, "She has a point."

"Thanks for the help," I muttered under my breath, knowing full well they would all hear me.

"Ready to go, twinkle toes?" he teased, trying to lighten my mood. He grabbed my hand and pulled me to the porch. I ran behind him, straining to hold his grip, when a wave of dizziness hit me again. I stumbled, but before I hit the steps, he had me in his arms.

"Bella, what's wrong?" His voice was full of concern.

"Dizzy. Nothing." I said, shaking my head to clear it away. I did not want to discuss this. Not now.

"Has this been happened before?"

I didn't answer.

"Bella," he growled. "Tell me."

I sighed. "Maybe once. It's no big deal; I think the blood just rushed to my head when I got up too fast."

He turned on his heel, still carrying me, and walked back into the house.

"Edward Masen Cullen, put me down this instant!"

He ignored me, walking right past Esme and Alice, who leapt to their feet. "What's wrong? What happened?"

"It's nothing!" I protested at the same time Edward muttered, "She fainted."

"I did not faint. Please, Edward, I'm fine. Put me down!"

He looked at Esme. She nodded toward a chair, where he gently deposited me.

"Bella, you are in no shape to go out today. Or tonight for that matter. I want you where Esme can keep an eye on you."

"I'm not a child, Edward. Please, let me go with you," I pleaded.

Esme came over and patted my hand, but I didn't mind. "Let's just take your temperature, shall we?"

I could tell there was no way I was getting out of this. "Do you even have a thermometer? It doesn't seem like something your family would really need."

Edward snickered. "You are in a doctor's house. Plus, I bought a Deluxe First Aid kit within weeks of meeting you, Bella, don't you remember? It's out in my car." He was gone, and back, before I could protest.

I submitted to having my temperature taken and relished my satisfaction when it came back a perfect 98.6 degrees.

"See? I told you it was nothing." I settled back in the cushions, crossing my arms.

Edward sat back on his heels, his eyes narrowing. He shook his head imperceptibly, as if to clear his mind of errant thoughts, and then looked at Alice. I followed his glance and saw the familiar blank look of one of her visions.

Her focus returned to the present and she shot Edward a look – almost shy – before a dazzling smile broke across her face.

"Impossible!" The words were torn from him, and then he looked away in stony silence.

Esme and I looked back at Edward, then at Alice, confused.

"Why not?" Alice pressed him.

"You know why," he hissed, visibly upset, refusing to meet her questioning eyes. "Your first interpretation was equally ridiculous. That will never happen."

"Edward?" Esme asked, leaning over to place a hand on his arm. "What is it?"

"Nothing." He snapped, turning to glare at Alice. Then, cold calm descended on his face like a curtain. "Alice is just confused by one of her visions." He inhaled deeply, and I realized that he had not been breathing through the whole conversation. He rose beside my chair, keeping one hand on its arm as he leaned over me.

"Can you please, Bella, promise me you will take it easy today?" He looked worried again, and I could tell his mind was racing ahead.

"Are you leaving me?"

"Yes, I don't think it is such a good idea to go to the meadow after all." He pecked me on the cheek. "Why don't you stay with Alice and Esme? I will see you later tonight."

"Can't I come with you?"

He stood up, and I could tell from his posture that he had already made up his mind before I even finished speaking the words. "Not this time." His lips closed together in a look that only meant one thing: discussion over.

"We'll have a fun day, Bella, don't worry," Esme soothed. I looked at Alice and noticed she had a hurt look on her face…angry with Edward's insult, no doubt.

"I guess."

Edward squatted down and methodically uncrossed my arms. "Please, Bella. Don't make this harder than it needs to be."

"I just don't see what all the fuss is about. You're overreacting."

"Maybe." He smiled his gentle smile and his dark eyes drew me in. I melted. "For me?"

I swallowed hard. "You are so lucky I…"

"Yes," he murmured, kissing me full on the lips before I could finish.

After he had gone, I turned on Alice. A little wheedling might do the trick.

"Alice, I am sooo sorry he said that to you. You know I always believe in your sight." Alice's chin jutted out. He had clearly hurt her feelings.

Esme sighed. "Whatever it was, Alice, I am sure he didn't mean it."

Alice shrugged. "You think he'd…" She stopped short. "Maybe he's right." She shrugged again. "Let's not worry about it any more, okay?"

I nodded, leaning back in my chair. I was getting very comfortable.

"Bella, do you want to just rest for a few minutes?" Alice asked. "Then we can decide what to do with ourselves."

"Okay," I nodded. "Let me just rest my eyes." Esme tucked a light blanket around me and I snuggled into a ball in the vast chair.

Everything was quiet. I could hear the clock ticking over the mantle. Esme and Alice seemed to fade away. Before I knew it, I was asleep.

I was on the beach with Jacob again. We were walking the same path; we were speaking the same words. Only this time I was begging him, "Please Jacob, please help me." He body began to twitch and shake, and before my eyes he phased, running away before he would give me my answer.

I sat up, gasping for air. Gripping the arms of the chair, I tried to steady my racing heart. As I began to feel awake, and normal, I realized I was not alone. Esme sat in a rocking chair, just a few feet away, some embroidery in her hands.

"That must have been quite a dream, Bella," she said, never looking up from her needle.

I paused, wondering how much she had seen...or heard.

"What did I do?" I forced myself to ease back casually in the chair.

"You cried." She pulled the thread taut, deftly bringing the needle around again. "You were with Jacob, weren't you?"

I nonchalantly picked at imaginary threads on my blouse. "Why would you think that?"

"You kept repeating his name." She sliced the thread on her tooth before tying off a knot. Then, she laid her embroidery in her lap and looked up. "What was your dream about, Bella?"

"I don't really know," I admitted, embarrassed she had caught me dreaming about someone other than her son. "I was asking for his help but I don't know why."

"And Edward wasn't there? In your dream?" She asked quietly. It didn't feel nosy at all.

I shook my head in response. "I just remember feeling very alone." I sighed, wishing I could banish Jacob from my dreams as easily as I had rooted him out of my life.

"You shouldn't feel bad, Bella." She was putting away her things in a workbasket as she spoke, not looking at my face. "Every one of us will love many people in our lifetimes. Even when those loves are over, you can't pretend that they never existed."

I felt my face turn hot. "It wasn't that kind of a dream!" I protested, maybe a little too quickly.

She laughed and turned, coming to sit close to me. "I didn't say it was." She patted my arm, looking out the window. "I'm just saying it is normal to remember, even if it is only in your dreams."

The afternoon sun was low and warm. I thought about what she had just said and drew up my courage to speak.

"Esme, do you still remember?"

"Hmmm?" she turned, startled by my question. "Remember what, dear?"

"Your baby," I whispered. She was surprised by my question. A wistful look crossed her face, and then her features grew composed. "Yes, I remember him, as well as my husband. Although time has faded some of the memories.

"My husband and I never really loved each other, Bella. He was not a good man, but I did not know that until it was much too late. When I think what he would have done to a child…"

She paused and closed her eyes. I reached out to touch her cold hand, and she held on tight. But her face was still serene.

"I had run away from him by the time my son came. But I caught a fever and my baby caught it from me. He was so small, Bella. So vulnerable. I blamed myself when he died. I can see now that it wasn't my fault. But then, I was inconsolable. The madness of my grief, mingled with the delirium from my fever, was overwhelming. My family didn't know what to do. And then, I just…stopped. Stopped everything. I don't even remember how long I was like that." She paused there, contemplating my face. "I think it was how you were after we moved away." I nodded slowly, remembering how dead I had felt inside after Edward left me.

"After many, many months like this, I found myself alone one night. You see, I was living with my cousin. She had gone to see my parents, to try to talk them into fetching me home. Her husband was a constable, and he had agreed to take some extra night shifts to help pay off our doctor bills. In the still of the night, I had a moment of clarity and decided I couldn't live any longer. I remembered the cliff a few miles from our house. Like a sleepwalker, I made my way there. I doubt I encountered anyone along the way; it was so isolated in that part of the country. Even if I had, I wouldn't have realized it – I was so focused. All I cared about was getting to that cliff and bringing an end to the emptiness inside me."

She stopped then, and smiled. "And that, of course, is what led me to Carlisle. It's a miracle anyone even stumbled across me. But you know all about that." She patted my arm again, as if to reassure me.

"Oh, Esme. That is just so sad." I stopped, trying to gauge if my next question would make the memories worse. "Couldn't you have just tried to have another baby?"

She smiled gently at me. "I would have had to go back to my husband, and I was sure things would be much, much worse if I did. And my son had been my whole life. I wanted nothing but to protect him from the world, and I had failed."

"But it wasn't your fault…" my voice trailed off, knowing I couldn't undo a decision that had been made so long ago.

"It wasn't logical, Bella. Being a mother, it is… Well, I don't really know how to describe it. It is a fierce, all-consuming thing. I couldn't imagine living without him. I imagine it is something like what you feel for Edward and Edward for you. But it _is_ different from that. You know, I feel it for our family here, too." She paused again, a slight smile touching her lips. "I think Rosalie may be the only one who is close to understanding it. She wanted a baby so much back then, you know. I think in some ways she still does."

My face must have looked stricken, for she began to scold. "Enough of the sad stories! At least maybe they distracted you from your dream. Why don't you hurry on upstairs and take a nice, long bath. It will make you feel better after being all cramped in that chair." She looked at the clock. "Alice will be home soon."

The night passed uneventfully. My overprotective husband had declared salsa class verboten, so we entertained ourselves with manicures and pedicures while listening to the recent additions to Alice's CD collection. Esme brought me great Italian food, which I inhaled. And even Rosalie joined us for a bit – she wasn't exactly friendly, but at least she didn't exude anger every time she was in the same room as me anymore.

As I prepared to sleep that night, I wondered how I had slept the day away. At least my sickness seemed to have passed, I thought as I yawned and stretched on the big iron bed. And once again, I was alone with my dreams.

I awoke to Edward's kisses. It was early morning, and his lips fluttered across my cheek bones, my eyelids, my brows, the tip of my nose, before settling on my lips.

"Did you miss me?" He breathed, and I inhaled his luscious scent. I opened my eyes to see his butterscotch ones gazing down at me, as eager for me to be awake as a puppy waiting for his master.

"Like waves for the beach. Of course I missed you."

Satisfied with my answer, he pulled me up to sit with him. "How are you feeling?"

"Fine, so far," I said, eyeing him carefully. "Why?"

"Esme said you slept a lot yesterday afternoon. I was just hoping that helped you get over it. Whatever 'it' was." He brushed my hair away from my face.

"All better," I assured him. "No more dizzy spells or anything. I told you you were overreacting."

"Good," he said, holding my hand carefully, like it was china he could break. "He cleared his voice carefully. "I thought we could perhaps have a discussion." He stopped. His face was very carefully composed, straining to betray no emotion.

"Go on."

"It is one more day until your birthday. I know you have been anxious all summer about our plans. And I have been avoiding the subject. But given first semester starts in less than a month, I thought we should discuss how best to proceed." He stopped, his shoulders sagging.

"Do you mean it?" I jumped to my knees and threw myself against him, and for once he played surprised and let me knock him over.

"Yes, really," he smiled grimly. "I wish your enthusiasm weren't so misdirected, but I guess I should expect it."

I covered his faces with kisses, and then sat up straight. "I'm all ears."

He took my hand again. "Carlisle and I have discussed it. I'd like to try morphine, if you are game. Carlisle has worked out the dosage. I don't think it will completely kill the pain from the venom, but it will probably dull it. It will still be much, much worse than anything you've experienced before, Bella, even worse than after James attacked you."

I gulped, remembering how every part of my body had ached then, and how the very act of breathing had torn me apart.

"You understand what I am telling you?"

I nodded silently.

"And once I start, it will be very hard -- if not impossible -- to go back. I was able to suck James' venom out because he didn't get a full bite. This will be deliberate and you won't be struggling, so it will happen much faster."

I thought about this for a second, but it didn't seem relevant. "I won't want you to go back."

His eyes were full of anguish as he whispered, "But Bella, how will I know? What if you scream, like you did the last time? How will I know what you want me to do?" His fingers held the bridge of his nose as he pondered this dilemma.

My heart went out to him in pity. I knew he didn't want me to do this. "You'll know because I'm telling you now. No matter what, I want you to go through with it. Edward, look at me."

He lifted his weary eyes.

"Even if I scream, you finish it. Promise me."

"I'm not sure I can, Bella." He sat down on the foot of our bed, his back turned to me as he caught his face in his hands. "I'm just not sure."

I wrapped my arms around him and rested my chin on his shoulder. "Look at all the other things you never thought you could do, and you did them because you love me. You can do this, Edward. I trust you."

"Don't you think it's a little sick that we technically aren't even out of our honeymoon and you are asking me to kill you?"

"Not kill me. Make me undead. There's a difference. I can't think of anything more romantic than being able to be with you forever." I stretched up to kiss his ear. He sighed again and held my hands.

"So then there is the question of when. I would like to celebrate your birthday here, with Charlie and our family."

"One last hurrah," I said impishly. He ignored my interruption. I was tempted to argue with him that I needed to change before I turned 19, but I didn't want to push my luck.

"So, we can't do it for at least two or three days. Your birthday, then one or two days to get out of Forks so we don't violate the treaty. Could you be ready to say goodbye to everything in two or three days?"

I had never thought of it that way. But he was right. Once he bit me, the treaty with the werewolves at La Push would be broken. If we ever came back, it could mean war.

"Is the rest of your family going to stay here?"

"As long as we go away ourselves, they technically won't have violated the treaty and so will be safe here. But that means we have to do it without Carlisle."

I leaned back then, taking this new information into consideration. What if my blood was too sweet for Edward? What if, once he bit me, he couldn't stop himself? There would be no one there to help. Now I understood the depth of Edward's fear.

"Bella, please don't make me do this."

I sidled next to him on the bed and reclaimed his hand. "You know I trust you. It doesn't matter if Carlisle is there or not. We'll be fine."

He shook his head. "It was so hard last time, I almost couldn't stop."

"But you did," I insisted. "And you will. You promised."

"I promised," he smiled bleakly, knowing that for all the battles he had won, I was about to win the war. He leaned his head on mine and we sat there like old fashioned childhood sweethearts.

"Where will we go?" I asked, knowing that our choices were somewhat limited.

"I was thinking of Alaska," he said, "or maybe Montana. There is always Maine or Minnesota, too. Although I hear Minnesota is still rather sunny this time of year."

"I don't want to go to Alaska," I said, thinking of the coven of civilized Amazon women who could become too attractive company for Edward while I turned into a raging fiend. "Wouldn't Maine be better? It would be closer to Dartmouth when we do decide to go."

"There'd be no help there. And it would be further for my family. But I guess that's all relative. It's really up to you."

"I don't care, as long as we're together and we can be somewhere remote." I shuddered at my memories of the other newborns, who had wreaked such havoc on Seattle. Would I be as blood thirsty and out of control?

"Maine it is, then. I'll notify Dartmouth that we will be delayed one semester."

He touched my cheek then, rubbing his thumb across my lips.

"That's it?"

"Yes, that's it. That's all it takes for me to strip me of your humanity and take away your soul." He mocked me, but there was a tinge of panic to his voice.

I swatted his hand away and turned to face him. "Edward, how is it that you can make me feel so guilty for wanting to spend eternity with you? Can't you be happy about that part, at least?"

He looked back at me earnestly. "I can't stand the thought of hurting you, Bella. And if I lost you…"

"Shhh." I placed my fingers over his mouth to stop him. "You won't. You always worry too much."

"And you are so flippant about throwing your life away," he muttered through my fingers before he kissed them. He pulled my hand away then, and placed both his on my face.

"Are you sure you want to do this? No one will think any less of you if you change your mind, least of all me." His golden eyes bored into me as if he could see every doubt that lurked in the recesses of my mind. The images of the bites on Jasper's arms came unbidden to me, and I frowned.

"How will you keep me from losing control, Edward? Once it's over, I mean." He pulled me close and rocked me slightly.

"Better to not know the details, my love. Just know I will take care of you."

I was not satisfied with his answer, and pushed his chest away. "But what if I hurt someone?" Now that I'd spoken my fear out loud, it seemed more real.

"Bella, I will do everything in my power to prevent that from happening. There is plenty of precedent. Look at Carlisle and Rosalie."

"But Jasper and Emmett are already betting against me. They don't think I can do it. Why not?" He was trying to avoid my eyes, so I reached up and forced him to turn to me. "Tell me."

His lips drew out in a thin line. I could tell he didn't want to talk about this part.

"Your stubbornness is exceptional, Bella. So is your inventiveness. Emmett thinks you will apply those traits to sating your thirst and working around our little…system."

There was an edge to his voice. No one else would have noticed but I did. It was the edge that crept in when he wasn't telling me the full truth.

"And Jasper?"

"Nothing. Jasper is just betting for fun." His words came too fast. And then it dawned on me.

"Alice saw something, didn't she?" Panic tinged my own voice. "Tell me!"

"Alice is not always right, Bella. Remember that. And this vision was particularly ludicrous. I refuse to discuss it." Now he had piqued my curiosity.

"Is that what you were arguing about this morning?"

"Yes. Now please, can we leave this morbid subject? I need to go make arrangements, and I bet there are some people you would like to see." He pulled me to my feet.

He kissed my hairline, and then added as he held me close, "I'm sorry if I am cross with you. This is very hard for me to even contemplate, let alone put into action."

"I know. I love you more for doing it." I clung to him for a moment more, conscious that my knees were trembling from all the emotions our conversation had surfaced. I took a deep breath and pulled away, letting my fingers linger against his until I broke our touch, but as I turned, the room began to spin around me and I lost my bearings.

I dropped onto the gold carpet on all fours, trying to catch my breath.

"Bella, you're green." Edward was beside me in an instant, stroking my hair.

"It's nothing," I croaked. "Just a little dizzy again."

"Nothing? This is not nothing. That's it; I'm taking you to see Carlisle." I was in his arms and he was out the door before I could protest. Human speed was too slow for him and before I knew it we were on the porch. "Stay here, I'll bring the car around," he ordered, depositing me in a rocking chair. My head was still spinning.

"Edward, please. I feel better already. Please?"

"No more stalling. Carlisle will be able to tell what's going on."

"What if you're right and its just nerves?"

He looked at me thoughtfully. "Then we'll have to reevaluate our plan. I can't have you passing out on me willy-nilly."

"That's not fair," I shrieked. "You promised!" I jumped to my feet, my dizziness causing me to sway until I clutched at the rail.

"I didn't promise when, Bella. I have to know you are prepared for this, both emotionally and physically, before we start. If Carlisle gives you a clean bill of health and you can keep yourself out of trouble for the next two days, then you have nothing to worry about."

"At least let me change into clothes before you drag me to the clinic!"

His eyes were flashing with anger, and I knew they reflected the frustration in my own.

"Fine." He twirled his key ring around his finger impatiently. "I'll be waiting right here."

"Fine!" I turned and stomped my way back to our room.

I came back to find him still as a statue, waiting exactly where I had left him. The only thing that had changed was his silver Volvo was parked at the foot of the steps, motor idling.

I harrumphed my way down the steps and walked to the other side, only pausing to glare at Edward with what I hoped was my meanest stare. He coolly ignored me, only acknowledging me by opening the passenger side door. I slammed it closed before he had the chance to do it himself.

We passed the ride to the clinic in stony silence, neither one of us ready to forgive the other. Every now and then I caught him looking at him when he thought I wouldn't see. He had a strange look – almost speculative.

When we arrived, Carlisle was just finishing up with a young patient, walking the family out of his examination room and tousling the little boy's hair before sending him on his way. It always amazed me that no one else seemed to notice Carlisle's incredible youth, but he was such a great surgeon that his patients and colleagues always seemed to overlook it.

"Come on back, Bella," he smiled, giving my shoulder a quick squeeze and clapping Edward on the back. Evidently Edward had called him while I was upstairs. "You'll have to stay here, Edward." I considered his banishment a small victory in the face of my humiliation, and stuck out my tongue at Edward as I was whisked away.

"Very mature." He rolled his eyes and settled down to read a two-year-old _Time_ magazine.

"Edward giving you a hard time, eh?" Carlisle started the small talk that was intended to smooth my ruffled feathers. "He's just concerned, of course. I'm sure it's nothing. Why don't you tell me what seems to be the trouble." He guided me by my elbow to a small stool in his exam room.

"There is no trouble, Carlisle, I swear. I've just gotten dizzy a few times and seem to have a bug, although that part has been done for a day. You know me," I wheedled, hoping to swing him to my side, "I'm such a klutz, I sort of fell today when I had my dizzy spell, so of course he got a bit wrapped around the axle."

Carlisle chuckled. "Yes, I can see how that would happen. Have you been eating?" He was reading off a checklist now.

"More or less. But now that you mention it, most of the episodes seem to be in the morning before I've eaten."

"And how many episodes would you've had?"

"Just a few." I was reluctant to give him an actual number.

"Tell you what, Bella." He clapped me on the knee, treating me like any old patient and not the fragile china doll Edward seemed to think I was. "Let's just check a few things, blood pressure, temperature, the usual, and get blood and urine samples from you and call it a day. I can come home with your clean report card this evening."

My stomach started to turn at the mention of the blood sample. "Do we really need the blood sample, Carlisle?"

"Why, Bella?"

"It's just I get a little queasy around blood, remember?"

He laughed again and slid his chart into the pocket on the wall. "It's that or a day running CAT scans on you to satisfy Edward. Which would you prefer?"

"Quick pain over slow torture. Bring on the lancet," I grimaced.

I sat with my head between my knees until I felt well enough to walk on my own. Carlisle's nurse escorted me to the waiting room, where Edward was pacing.

"So?" he asked impatiently.

"He'll bring the test results home tonight. Even he thinks you are overreacting."

His eyebrows drew together in a sharp V. "Does he, now?"

I blushed, realizing too late that of course Edward had been listening the whole time.

"I had to give blood." I held up my bandaged finger for his inspection. His eyes softened imperceptibly; then he drew my finger to his lips for a kiss.

We were silent all the way home. I no longer felt angry, just exhausted from our fight. When he parked the Volvo, he kept the key in the ignition and sat staring out the windshield, his hands still on the steering wheel.

"Bella, I am sorry. I worry too much, but you are my whole world." He was still not looking at me.

I began earnestly, "I just don't understand why…"

He cut me off brusquely. "Please, let's not argue about it all over again. I am trying to apologize; do you think you can let me?" His knuckles went white as he gripped the steering wheel tighter.

Silenced, I nodded.

"I'm sorry. I will try not to be overprotective." He paused, choosing his next words carefully. "Can I ask you something in return?"

"Anything."

He loosened his grip on the steering wheel and turned to me. "Please do not be disdainful of me, sweetheart. It is not becoming on you and it is not necessary."

My jaw dropped as I began to protest, and then I snapped it shut. A wave of shame hit me. I had been so caught up in my ego, my need to get what I wanted, that I had lost sight of the whole point – Edward.

Hot tears filled my eyes. I flung myself at him, unable to whisper the apologies that were rising from my heart. We held each other for a very long time. Then he sat back, wiped my tears, and unleashed a radiant smile that took my breath away.

"I think this was our first official fight as man and wife," he beamed.

"Husband and wife," I corrected. "Did we do okay?" I searched his eyes for reassurance.

"We did just great." He kissed the tip of my nose. "I have some errands to run. Let me drop you here. Maybe you can check the Freshman Register Dartmouth sent and plan a reading list for us to take along for our move?"

I beamed back at him, comforted that he was not backing out on our deal, and bounded out of the car to begin planning our departure.

The rest of the afternoon I spent making piles – piles of CDs, piles of books, piles of clothes and boots that swelled and toppled and soon grew to dominate the whole room. My stomach growled and I realized I had skipped lunch. I was so hungry I was starting to feel sick. I was startled by the time when I glanced at the clock – already dinner. Standing and stretching, I decided to make my way downstairs to join my family.

They were in a heated discussion. They were speaking too quickly for me to follow, but it was clear they were excited about something. They stood in a knot, Carlisle in the center, very worked up and doing most of the talking. Facing him stood Edward, equally animated, but in a different way – like he didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Esme was calmer, only interjecting here and there, but she had a sparkle in her eye. Alice was like Esme, nodding along with whatever Carlisle was saying, with a hint of smugness on her face. Jasper and Emmett were quiet, but hanging on every word. Only Rosalie stood apart from the others, her face one of shock.

"Wow, Carlisle, what's going on? Did you find the cure for cancer or something?"

My joke landed in the room like a dead fish. Rosalie glared at me, the shock on her face shifting into betrayal. What had I done? The rest just simply stared.

"What?" I stopped at the bottom of the staircase, waiting to hear their big news. The silence was overwhelming. A fog of unease settled upon me. "Alice, did you see the Volturi or something? What's wrong?"

It was Esme who broke the silence. "There's nothing wrong, Bella. We were just having a little debate. All done now." Her soft voice had an unusual edge to it – an edge I recognized as Renee's little-used "maternal authority" voice. The Cullens instantly regained their composure, their faces becoming blank slates. Except Edward. He was still visibly…what was the word I was looking for? Confused.

"Edward and Bella, have a wonderful evening," Esme continued, sweeping the rest of the family forward. "We will be going to a movie."

"A movie?" Something was not adding up. Alice's lips moved rapidly, as if she were muttering something under her breath to Edward as she swept by him.

Before I could ask any more questions, they were gone.

Edward stood stock still, lost in deep thought. I watched him, amused. If it weren't for his magnificent beauty, his agitation would have made him look human. He looked up, realizing I was still there, and came over to me. "Come here, Bella," he said, pulling me behind him to the same comfy chair on which I had napped the day before.

"Are you going to tell me what's going on, or am I going to have to torture it out of you?" It was only half a threat.

"Yes, yes. Of course I'll tell you." He held the bridge of his nose, tapping his index finger against his forehead. "How?" He muttered.

"Plain English will do just fine, thank you," I smirked, relishing his obvious discomfort. It made me feel less imperfect to see him so befuddled for once.

He leapt to his feet and began pacing in front of me. He stopped, turned to speak, then thought better of it and resumed pacing. After several false starts, I intervened.

"Edward, seriously. If it's not the Volturi, it can't be that big of a deal. So if it's bad, I can handle it. And if it's good, well, so much the better."

He stopped suddenly and pulled a chair in front of me. "You're right. Of course."

Taking a deep breath, he began. "Remember the night when I officially proposed to you?"

"How could I ever forget?" I shot him my most dazzling smile, hoping to make this easier on him.

"Do you remember what I said, about being so traditional?" He shifted nervously in the chair. He could not stop twisting his hands nervously. I had never seen him like this.

"Sure." I had no idea where this was headed.

The words suddenly rushed from him. "I know you said you weren't _that girl_, so I'm not sure how you are going to feel. But Bella--" a smile that could have lighted up the whole sky broke across his face -- "You have no idea what this means to me."

"I'm not following you, Edward."

He jumped from his chair and began pacing, his lips moving rapidly once again.

"Are you _rehearsing_ what you're going to say to me?" I was shocked. "For goodness' sake, just spit it out."

He sat back down in the chair, carefully taking my hands in his. After one deep breath, he began again.

"Bella, did you ever think about your dizziness and nausea as a pattern?" His face had the look of a patient teacher now, but as carefully as he was trying, I could still see the crazy grin lurking just beneath the surface.

"Pattern? What pattern?"

"You are not at your most perceptive lately, are you?" He drew my hands up to his lips.

"Edward, you are driving me insane." I was starting to feel nervous. "Does this have anything to do with the tests Carlisle ran? Please just tell me what is going on."

His eyes shone with unadulterated joy as he gripped my hands and broke his news. "Bella, you are expecting."

The words fell like rocks in a pond, dropping hard to the bottom of my soul. Confused, I searched his eyes. My words almost choked me on the way out. "Expecting what?"

"A baby!" He swept me up and swung me around the room, laughing the big booming laugh he normally reserved for outdoors.

I turned to stone in his arms, refusing to believe it.

"Just think, Bella, we are going to have a family. Our own family!"

A quiet calm filled me, but it was just the eye of a storm.

"No." I said it quietly at first. "No." But as he stopped spinning and pulled me into a bear hug, I began to struggle and found my voice. "No! No! I can't be pregnant. It's impossible!" I strained to push away from him, but his arms were like traps, holding me tight.

He was so caught up in his excitement that he missed the bitterness in my voice and did not feel my struggle. "That's what I thought, too! But all the tests prove it. And Alice saw it, Bella, she thought she'd seen you change small children, but they were ours."

"But vampires can't have children." I was pleading now, hoping he would tell me it was a mistake, still trying to push away.

He stopped dead still, my words and resistance suddenly breaking through his euphoria. He let go, and I tumbled backward, catching myself against the chair.

"But you are not a vampire, Bella, can't you see? Your body can nurture what an undead body can't. You have no venom to be incompatible with mine."

His eyes were pleading with me, begging me to share his happiness. He reached out one hand and stood like a statue, waiting for me to come to him.

I ran.

I wasn't thinking at that point. My mind was too overwhelmed. It was just instinct that I ran for the woods, for the dark that would hide me while I cried. The cold autumn air burned in my lungs and I slipped on soggy fallen leaves and bracken. I was dirty, full of scratches from my falls, exhausted, but still I ran. It took me ten minutes before I realized that Edward had not come after me.

I stopped, kneeling on the wet ground and holding my head. This was the worst thing that could happen to me. This was my small town, knocked-up nightmare brought to life. My body was wracked by great, silent sobs. How could I have let this happen?

Then I rocked back on my heels and laughed hysterically. How could I have stopped it? I thought. Nobody thought this was even physically possible.

Now it all made sense. The family's excitement – I would be a fascinating medical experiment for Carlisle, and they could live vicariously through me and experience a bit of humanity they'd never had. And Rosalie's anger – I had stolen her dream, a dream she would never live.

And Edward. My Edward. I moaned to myself and wept even harder. I thought back to the look on his face the instant before I had run away. Whatever the reason, fate had given him a chance to be the man he'd always been meant to be, and I had stolen his joy with my selfish reaction.

The tears still streamed down my face as I rose on my knees and struggled to my feet. A wave of nausea came over me, so I steadied myself against a thin birch. _Great_, I thought to myself. _Just great_.

It took three times longer to walk home than it had to run away. All the lights in the house blazed as I approached. Tired, sore and hungry, I climbed the porch steps and went inside. There was no sign of Edward. I was afraid he, too, would be tender after my outburst. If he was inside, and if he wanted to talk, he would know where to find me, I reasoned. Anything to postpone what was bound to be a painful conversation.

I eased myself into a bath and lay back with closed eyes. The heat drained the anger and shame from my body, leaving behind remorse and, I was surprised to find, fear.

What kind of a baby would this be? Not solely human. But would it be a vampire? How would we know? What if it was?

And, almost as frightening, what would Charlie and Renee say? They had tolerated our getting married at such a young age, but this? This would change everything. There was no way I was going to Dartmouth now.

I took in a sharp breath. There was no way Edward would change me now, either.

I slid completely under the water, hoping its enveloping warmth would make me forget that thought, but it wouldn't go away. I burst through the surface, gasping, struggling to keep from crying again. It was so unfair.

And I was being unfair to Edward. I was hurting him, and I needed to stop.

I forced myself from the tub and dried off, slipping into my coziest, holey pajamas for comfort. My hair was still wet when I emerged from the bathroom. He was waiting for me on the bed.

I climbed up and huddled into a ball next to him, pulling his arms around me. He kissed my hair, almost absentmindedly, and sighed.

"Will you forgive me, Edward?" It was easier for me to talk to him with my back turned to him. I couldn't bear to see his eyes right now.

"There's nothing to forgive, Bella. I knew your feelings on the subject, theoretical though they may have been." He sounded resigned.

"Don't say it that way," I whispered, clutching his hand closer. "This isn't some…some…current events debate. This is us!"

He was silent, and I began to cry again.

I heard his sharp intake of breath, and then he was stroking my hair, tucking a stray strand behind my ear before wrapping his arms around me again. "Poor Bella. You have had a hard day, haven't you?"

I nodded, struggling to regain my composure.

We stayed that way for a long time before I whispered into the dark.

"You can't change me, can you?"

"No," he said, sounding genuinely sad. "Not until after."

I took that in, knowing I would have to accept it. The next question was not as easy.

"What will it be, Edward?"

He thought for a moment, knowing what I meant and struggling to find an answer I could live with. "I don't know."

"What if it's a real monster?"

"That's not what Alice saw, Bella."

"What did Alice see?"

He paused again. "Human-looking children. Happy, healthy children with bronze hair." I still wasn't looking, but could imagine the smile that twisted his lips.

"Children?" I asked.

"She thinks twins."

"Oh." My heart fell even further.

He nuzzled my hair. "You're already starting to smell different. Must be the hormones."

"Really?"

"Mmmm. Like fresh cut grass and strawberries. Very nice."

"Is it easier to be around?" I perked up, thinking I had found some bit of good in the events of the day.

"Actually, it is, although I hadn't really noticed that part of it until you asked."

I smiled then, shifting even closer to him. My stomach growled and he laughed, propping himself up on one elbow.

"Shall I make you dinner? I don't want you to go hungry."

"No, I don't really feel like eating. Please stay with me."

He started to protest, but I laid my fingers across his lips, shaking my head, so he lay back down and encircled me in his protective, cold arms.

"I am so sorry, Bella. You know I never, ever thought this would happen, don't you? No one did. I hadn't even considered it. " He was being very careful with his words, and I felt a pang , wondering if he was doing it to protect me, or protect himself, from further pain.

I squeezed his hand and held it up to my heart. "I love you, Edward. Just give me time and I will adjust. The idea of it just takes some getting used to."

I was exhausted, yearning for the oblivion of sleep, but I found no rest that night. I rolled from one nightmare to another. First I was in a brightly lit hospital room. I was propped up in my bed, looking fresh and happy. A masked nurse walked in, carrying two bundles – babies, I was sure.

"Here, Mrs. Cullen – they're beautiful," the nurse said. She pulled down her mask and I gasped as I realized it was Tanya. She thrust the bundles at me, and when I pulled back the blankets, I realized there was something terribly wrong. The babies were hideous, deformed monsters with enormous, glowing red eyes. I screamed and screamed, but no sound came out. Tanya laughed, and walked away, leaving me holding the monstrosities, who began to wail angrily.

Then, suddenly, I was at Charlie's house. He was bouncing two gorgeous red-headed children – a boy and a girl -- on his knees. One turned to him, black eyes shining, to ask "Grandpa, can we have a snack?"

"Of course you can," Charlie answered, setting the children down next to his easy chair.

But before he could get up to go to the kitchen, the bigger child – the boy – had latched on to his arm and sunk his teeth into Charlie's wrist. Charlie's eyes grew big, and he began to writhe in pain.

"Bella! Bella!" He cried, but I was not there. I could not help him.

Suddenly, the scene faded, and I was back on the beach in La Push. I replayed every moment of that now-familiar dream. Jacob phased, and again I was desolated by a wave of loneliness. But over the sound of the crashing waves, I heard my name being called.

My eyes flew open to see Edward staring down at me, eyes full of concern.

"It was just a dream, Bella, just a dream."

As he spoke, I realized my mouth was open – I had been screaming. I swallowed, and was surprised to feel how raw my throat was.

He rocked me in his arms, singing his lullaby, never stopping until my tears stopped and I had caught my breath.

"Did I talk in my sleep?" I asked him, fearful of what new wound I had inflicted.

"Talk? No. Just the screaming." His lips drew into a thin line. "That was bad enough."

I sighed, fresh guilt washing over me.

"Bella, those things won't happen. Whatever you were dreaming, it will not come to pass. I promise you." He turned my face so he could look into my eyes, and the anguish on his face, coupled with his steely resolve, pierced my soul.

"You can't make that promise, Edward." My voice was full of despair, but I forced a sad smile to my face. "I think we are in uncharted territory here."

"Then let's face it together, love." He drew me closer than I thought possible, a wistful look passing over him like a shadow. "And hope for the best."


	6. Chapter 5

CHAPTER 5

I groaned inwardly when I slowly realized I was waking up. I wasn't ready to face today. How many bad things could be packed into one 24-hour period? My 19th birthday, which took me one step closer to being old… The party I was sure Alice had planned… And the unavoidable discussions of yesterday's news. Maybe I could just not wake up, I thought. I lay still in my covers, screwing my eyes tightly shut, praying that I would be left alone.

"You are a horrible actress, Bella. That is not remotely close to your actual sleep pattern."

Edward's voice sounded amused, but it was undercut by a tinge of something else.

"I can't ever fool you, can I?" I opened my eyes to find him sitting on the couch, reading.

"On the contrary, you've managed to surprise me on more than one occasion." He set the book aside, his lips narrowing to a thin smile as he remembered who knows what. Then he was at my side, seated on the edge of our bed.

"Carlisle would like to speak with you this morning. Alone." He busied himself propping me up against pillows, taking much longer than was necessary. He was unhappy with Carlisle's request. But he forced his face to remain neutral as he continued.

"He also said you might like crackers first thing in the morning." He produced a plate of saltines.

"Uh…why?"

He smiled again, the smile reaching his eyes this time. "For the nausea. It's supposed to help."

"Oh. Okay," I said, reaching over and taking a nibble from one.

He reached up to brush some imaginary strands of hair off my forehead, then trailed his hand down against my neck, stroking my cheek with his thumb.

"Happy Birthday, Bella." He leaned in and softly kissed my lips. My eyes fluttered shut. "I wish I could be more what you need."

Outraged, I gripped his shoulders and pulled back to face him, my eyes wide with anger. "Don't you dare say that! You are _everything_ I need! How could you even _think_ that?" My heart shrank with old fears -- fear that he would leave me for my own good, and fear that I didn't deserve him.

His golden eyes were downcast.

"Look at me," I whispered. "Look at me, please."

The guilt in his eyes when he looked up overwhelmed me.

"No, no, Edward. You cannot feel guilty. Not now. Not ever."

"But I made you marry me. And now I've…"

I cut him off there, knowing I had to bring him back to reason fast.

"You didn't make me do anything. I agreed to marry you because I love you, Edward. And no matter what happens, I will always love you." I paused, trying to gauge his reaction to my pleading, but I just couldn't tell. I had to be sure.

"Under no circumstances, Edward, are you to feel bad about this." I grabbed his hand, placing it on my abdomen and holding it there.

"There is nothing wrong with this. It had to have happened for a reason." He looked skeptically at me, but I recognized the signs of hope in his eyes, so pressed on. "Besides, it wouldn't be right for things in our relationship to be just run-of-the-mill normal, would it?"

He sat, stone still, his hand still on my flat belly.

"Face it together, right? Isn't that what you said last night?"

He pulled me tight, then, burying his face in my hair. "You forgive me, then?" he muttered.

"There is nothing to forgive, silly." A sudden wave of nausea came over me, and I groaned, straining in his arms. "But if you don't let me go, I may be the one begging for your forgiveness after I get sick all over you."

He chuckled and let me go to run, horrified, for the bathroom.

He held my hand as we walked to Carlisle's study. I rested my head against his cool shoulder, hoping he could feel my love for him pulsing through my body with every beat of my heart.

He stopped outside Carlisle's door, turning my face up for a gentle kiss. Then he walked away, leaving me to meet Carlisle on my own.

Everything about Carlisle amazed me – his wide-ranging scholarly interests, his appreciation for the arts, his dedication to medicine, his unbelievable self-control, and his incredible capacity for empathy and love. I had always felt incredibly comfortable in his presence. This time, though, as he looked up at me from his desk, I felt vaguely intimidated. I wasn't sure if I was here for a fatherly talk, doctor's counsel, or some sort of vampire law adjudication.

"Bella, wonderful. Take a seat, please." He gestured to a chair, then came around his desk and deftly pulled another up for him to join me. I waited in uncomfortable silence while he gazed out his window for a few moments. When he turned to look at me, his face had that same look of self-control I had come to recognize on Edward – the face he used at moments when he was trying to hide his own pain, trying to protect me.

"I understand Edward shared your test results with you last night." He paused, waiting for my nod.

"I know it was a bit of a shock. It is for all of us. I am still not exactly sure how it is possible. Of course, your body can nurture a child, unlike a female vampire's, but up until now, we had all assumed that the procreative powers of male vampires were equally void."

I squirmed in my seat – was I going to get a vampire birds and bees talk?

Carlisle didn't seem to notice, though, as he glanced out the window again, gave a bitter little laugh, and continued. "Five medical degrees, at least, between the lot of us, but nothing prepared us for this. They don't exactly have courses on vampire physiology and anatomy at Columbia."

He turned to face me again, and went on. "I can't tell you what to expect, Bella. But I wanted to give you your options. We can, of course, give you the best medical care available. Given the circumstances, it might be prudent for me to serve as your physician – that way, if anything… _unusual_ does arise, it won't draw unnecessary attention. We will probably have to keep a closer eye on you than would be necessary for less complicated pregnancies. More checkups, that sort of thing. And with twins, it is probable that you will be forced into bed rest at some point, due to the risk of premature delivery. Of course, changing you would be out of the question until some time after you deliver."

He paused then, bringing his fingertips together to form a V upon which he rested his forehead. He ran his fingers down the bridge of his nose, forcing himself to speak the next part.

"Termination at this stage would be quite straightforward. You would probably want to do it outside of Forks. I would be happy to make the arrangements if that is what you would prefer."

I sat, stunned. Carlisle had not moved, either, still leaning against his fingers, still unable to look me in the eyes.

"Are you insane?" I shouted, leaping to my feet.

Startled, Carlisle jerked his head up.

"What is wrong with you? Do you have any idea what that would do to Edward? Don't you even care? How could you even suggest that?" Hot tears streamed down my face. I clenched my fists at my sides.

He sat in bemused silence as my tirade continued.

"Did he know you were doing this? Did he?"

"Of course he knew, Bella. He always knows." Carlisle's wry smile did nothing to dispel my anger.

"What were you thinking? The both of you – ugh!" I was really worked up now. I could feel my face turning purple with rage, and heard how hoarse and strained my voice suddenly sounded. My mind was racing at the implications of this turn of events.

"Bella, calm down. As your doctor, I am obligated to give you all your options…"

"I don't need options! I don't need you to be _my doctor_! I need… I need…"

Edward burst in the door then, catching me as I collapsed into a puddle on the floor.

I was frantic now, clutching him, the sobs torn from deep inside me. Carlisle discreetly melted away, leaving Edward to deal with me. I would not be soothed, however.

"You…let him…how could you?" I nearly spat the words out as I tried to catch my breath, pushing away from him and dragging myself across the floor.

"Bella, I asked him to." The words were wrenched from him.

"Why?" The single word escaped from me as a wail. I saw him wince.

"It is only right that you know your options, Bella," he whispered, his eyes full of anguish.

"Is that what you want? Is that what you want me to do?" I took a deep breath in as I waited for his response, the distance between us seeming immense.

He closed his eyes, trying not to give anything away.

"I want what is best for you, Isabella." He looked at me, and his gold eyes were dull, almost lifeless.

I didn't think it possible, but I was even angrier now. "Edward Cullen, don't get all self-sacrificing on me. There is no me. There is _me and you_. _Us_. I cannot exist without you and I could not abide to look at you every day for the rest of eternity and see the sadness in your eyes that I see right now." Another sob shook my body, and I struggled to gain control of myself.

Even in my misery, though, I could see how torn up Edward was. A whole, separate wave of pain and sympathy shot through my body. I crawled over to where he sat on the floor, sidling up to him to touch his cold, tense arm. I buried my face in the soft cotton of his shirt sleeve and quietly asked him, "Now tell me again, is that what you want me to do?" I braced myself for whatever answer he would give.

His jaw was sternly set, but his eyes tender, as he looked into my eyes. "No."

My whole body sagged with relief. "Well, then, it's settled." I pulled his hand to my lips and kissed it, one last tear falling on his knuckle. "Because that is not what I want to do, either. End of discussion."

I blew a huge breath, trying to chase away the last dregs of my hysteria. He sighed and closed his eyes, letting his beautiful head fall back while he tried to regain his composure. I lay my head in his lap and waited until he began to idly run his cool fingertips through my hair.

"Bella, you realize this could be dangerous?" He was whispering now.

"I've done worse."

His hand stopped, and he swept me into his lap. Our foreheads leaned together and he stroked my face with one finger. I shivered.

"Thank you," he whispered in my ear. I took another deep breath, inhaling his delicious scent like a drug.

"Any time," I answered, and when I looked up, we were both grinning like idiots.

I figured it would be better to get all the awkward family moments over as soon as possible. Edward kept one protective arm around me as we went into the family room.

Alice jumped up as soon as she saw us and ran over to give me a big hug. In her enthusiasm she forgot her strength.

"Alice, you're going to crack a rib," Edward reminded her. She immediately released me, her laugh tinkling like bells.

"Isn't it wonderful, Bella? I knew it -- did Edward tell you? At first I thought you were making newborns out of babies, but it kept getting clearer and clearer until I realized what it was. Edward didn't believe me though, did you Edward?"

The fact that she didn't really _need_ to breathe meant that Alice could talk non-stop. It was hard to get a word in edgewise, sometimes.

"We're going to have to go to New York for maternity things, of course. But you have time for that. And just think, all that luscious baby clothes – too precious! You will let me help you pick out their layettes, won't you?"

I smiled, happy to indulge her love of shopping. "I wouldn't dream of doing it all by myself, Alice."

"Yay!" She beamed. "Maybe I can throw you a baby shower?"

I made a face. "Can we just get through my birthday, first?"

She laughed again, seeming to dance in front of me. "I cannot begin to tell you how excited I am. Auntie Alice, doesn't that sound perfect?"

Edward squeezed my shoulder, my favorite crooked grin breaking across his face.

"Why don't you let them sit down, Alice," Esme gently chided from her favorite chair.

Alice made way for us, but instead of taking a seat, I walked over to Esme and leaned in to embrace her. "I hope I can be as loving a mother as you are, Esme," I said solemnly as I stood back up.

She was taken aback by my words. If she had been human, I think she would have blushed with pleasure.

"Why, dear, thank you. Of course you will be a wonderful mother. You'll see." Her sweet smile lit up the room. "How exciting it will be – babies in the house."

Edward chimed in, teasing, "You look a little young to be a Grandma, Esme."

"Yes, well, we're all in the same boat in that respect, aren't we?"

"Where are the others?" Edward turned back to Alice.

"I think Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett are working in the garage." Her face darkened. "Carlisle went out."

I was mortified that I had driven Carlisle away. "Was he very angry?" I asked sheepishly.

"Angry? No, Bella, not angry." Esme answered, her face ever serene and kind. "Upset with himself, I guess. He was trying very hard to be objective, to treat you like a patient, not just Edward's wife. He feels horrible that he left you with the wrong impression. It was very, very difficult for him to talk with you about that."

"Poor Carlisle. I was pretty hard on him." I grimaced, remembering my shrieking.

"Yes, well…If it's any consolation, he was _extremely_ happy about your choice." Esme laughed out loud. "I have to say, I have never seen him this way. He was practically over the moon when he realized what was going on."

"Of course he was," reasoned Alice. "More family, without him having to make it."

"Indeed," said Edward, giving my hand a little squeeze. "Well, Bella, shall we make the rounds of the garage?"

I hesitated just a second too long in my answer. Esme knew the source of my reluctance.

"Rosalie is still a bit tender, Edward." Esme's kind face crumpled with sympathy for Rosalie's hurt. "Maybe you should give her a little bit more time."

"Do you think she can get used to the idea?" Edward wondered. "She's quite stubborn, you know."

"Isn't that the pot calling the kettle black?" I retorted. "Cut her some slack, Edward. It's been less than 24 hours." I was secretly relieved to be excused from having to see the look of betrayal on Rosalie's face again.

"Very well," he graciously acquiesced. "Alice, are we still on for birthday festivities?"

"7 o'clock sharp. Charlie is set to arrive at 7:15."

I groaned, thinking of Charlie. While he wasn't exactly a rocket scientist, he was no dimwit, either. He would be sure to notice the excitement and tension that, despite my best efforts, was likely to still surround the entire Cullen family this evening.

"Uh, Alice? Can I ask you a favor?"

"Sure, Bella. It's your birthday, you can ask for whatever you want!"

"Do you think you can keep this kind of quiet from Charlie? I don't think I'm quite ready to tell him yet."

Edward immediately chimed in. "Yes, Alice, it is rather early. It wouldn't hurt us to be a bit cautious about sharing the news. And," he added, winking at me, "we still need to figure out what we now do about college. It might be better to bring it all to Charlie in one fell swoop."

Alice stuck her lip out. Clearly, she had had some baby-related scheme cooked up for this evening.

"Well, they are your babies. I guess it is up to you to decide who you want to tell, and when."

"Thank you," I said, burying my face in Edward's chest. I still couldn't get used to the whole idea of being a mother.

Edward chuckled, playfully tousling my hair. "Come on then, let's go."

"Where?" I asked, a bit confused.

"Your stomach has been growling for a good hour. Let's get you some breakfast and make some plans."

Soon we found ourselves in a booth at a roadside diner, seated across a Formica table from one another. The place was almost empty – apparently, whatever trucking traffic there was near Forks had made its way through much earlier. For some inexplicable reason, the idea of biscuits and gravy appealed to me. Edward made a horrible face as I placed my order.

"I hope this stage doesn't last long. That sounds absolutely disgusting."

I smiled angelically, not rising to the bait. "You leave the eating to me. What are these plans you were so eager to make?"

He leaned in on his elbows and began speaking animatedly.

"So, I was thinking that while Dartmouth is technically an immediate option, now, you may want to stay closer to Forks. It is rather late for applications, but registration doesn't close for another week, and I believe we have a good chance of being accepted here."

From out of nowhere, he brandished a Peninsula College brochure.

"How could you have possibly gotten that already?" I was beginning to feel persecuted by his relentless desire to get me to college.

He smirked, laying the brochure in front of me. "Most of the course credits are transferable. Maybe not to a Dartmouth, of course. Regardless, the courses will be good enough to keep you busy." The corners of his mouth twitched. "Perhaps you can brush up on your Calculus."

The waitress sloshed down two big glasses of orange juice in front of us without even stopping.

"Explain to me again why I have to do this?"

"Because I want you to?" He leaned across the table, so close that his scent overpowered me and I had to grip the table's edge.

"No fair," I protested, but I was smiling. He grinned his crooked grin, knowing he'd won, so I continued.

"What will we be taking?"

"I thought I'd mix it up with some applied physics courses this time. Perhaps you'd like to join me?" He laid out the course catalog in front of me.

I wrinkled my nose. That sounded awfully full of math. Then again, I would have the best homework coach ever… I flipped through the course listings until my eyes alighted on one in the English literature section. "Ooh, this is more my speed. A survey course of the Bronte sisters."

He rolled his eyes and snatched the catalog out of my hands. "Like you need that."

"Like you need anything," I countered, trying to grab the listings back. Of course he was too fast for me. His eyes twinkled – he was happy, I realized with a shock.

"Here are your biscuits. You sure you don't want anything, hon?" The brassy waitress smacked her gum while she waited for Edward's answer, never looking up as she wrote on our check.

"No, thank you," he responded, the grin never leaving his face.

The waitress lifted her head as she tore our check off her pad, and as she did, the full force of Edward's smile hit her full on. Her jaw dropped and she stared. I cleared my throat politely.

"Damn," she said under her breath, flopping the check on the table and scurrying off. Edward laughed out loud as she beat her retreat.

"You're in an awfully good mood all of a sudden," I said, eying him suspiciously.

He sat up straight in his seat, suddenly serious. "How do I put this without seeming incredibly selfish? Go on and eat, Bella."

I picked up a fork and dug into my plate of grease, sighing with pleasure.

"I am so relieved about how things went this morning. And so grateful you don't appear to be angry with me, well, I'm practically as giddy as Mike Newton on the first day you set foot in Forks High."

I pulled a face at his mention of Mike, but my mouth was full so I couldn't interrupt him.

He unleashed another dazzling smile, this time solely directed at me. "I just have a good feeling about this."

"Your good feeling doesn't have anything to do with the fact that yet again, you are getting your way?"

He frowned slightly, not following.

"Another excuse to not change me? College, suddenly convenient?"

He snorted. "Bella, those things are trivial compared to you."

I put my fork down and took a large gulp of my orange juice. I had to get some answers now, while he was in such a good mood.

"When you said this morning that this could be dangerous, what exactly did you mean?"

"You know what I meant. This is fairly uncharted medical territory. Carlisle explained all that to you."

"What about the Volturi?" I pressed.

"What about them?"

"What will happen if they come to look for me and I am still human?"

He leaned back in the booth, surreptitiously looking to confirm we were still alone.

"They won't come, Bella. They have no reason to. By the time they come to check on you, this will be long over."

"But what if you're wrong?" I shuddered as a sharp picture of Jane and Dmitri emerged in my mind.

His face grew cold as he remembered our time in Volterra, and our last encounter in the clearing.

"It's moot. The odds are so low. Even if they did decide to come, we would know because Alice is still watching them. And if they somehow managed to slip through Alice, we know that none of them can touch you with their gifts."

"But they could hurt you. Or the others," I whispered, reaching across the table for his hand.

He clasped it quickly. "Bella, that will never happen. Stop worrying, it's not good for you."

But a cloud had started to form behind his eyes. There was something he wasn't telling me.

"Edward, what is it?"

He shook his head, as if to chase away the thought, and brought my fingers to his lips. He countered my question with a smile more dazzling than the last. "I'm a bit worried about Alice's ability to contain herself this evening. Perhaps we need a story for Charlie."

"Ugh, Charlie." I put my head on the Formica table. "I don't think Peninsula College is going to have the same ring to Charlie's ears as Dartmouth, Edward."

"I'll think of something, Bella." He swiped the check from the table and, suddenly standing, offered me his hand. "Anything else before we go? Perhaps a chaser of Draino to clear the grease from your arteries?"

I laughed despite myself and took his hand to go.

My 19th Birthday party was supposed to be a quiet one. All of my high school friends had already gone off to college; we had been going to be amongst the latest starters. So it was to be the Cullens and Charlie.

Other than the wedding, Charlie had only been to the Cullen's house one other time – the official "introduction of the in-laws" meeting after Edward had asked Charlie for my hand. It had been somewhat unnecessary – after all, Charlie had known Carlisle for some time – but Edward had insisted on doing things properly. Charlie had donned his only, too small suit and driven me in the cruiser to meet the entire family. Esme had served a fancy punch and little petit fours, and Charlie had been so uneasy with the big house and the delicate china that he never noticed anything else unusual about the family.

I was hoping he'd be equally distracted tonight.

I smoothed my clothes one more time before turning the corner into the dining room. Alice had chosen my outfit. The silk blouse had a subtle boatneck collar; its rich wine color gave me reflective warmth that offset my habitual paleness. The skirt floated about me, making the whole thing seem ethereal. I wore the only jewelry I had – my charm bracelet, Edward's heart dancing across from Jacob's wolf, and my engagement and wedding rings.

I smelled Edward before I felt him nuzzling my neck.

"Alice has a good eye," he murmured appreciatively as he moved lower down my neck.

I leaned into his chest and let him place his strong hands on my shoulders.

"Are you ready for this?" He asked.

"Does it matter?" I pouted, before he laughingly pushed me before him to face my waiting family.

The table was full of pink peonies – how could she get those, so out of season? – and candles. In the center sat a small cake. To my horror it was decorated in baby pinks and blues, with the words "Congratulations" scrawled across it in blue frosting.

"Happy Birthday, Bella!" Alice floated over to me, giving me a peck on the cheek. "I hope you don't mind the cake. Emmett picked it up and didn't check it until he got home – apparently there was a mix-up."

Emmett stood behind the cake, on the other side of the table, trying not to laugh at me.

"Why so red, Bella?" He asked. I shot him my most murderous look, knowing it would do me no good.

"What were you thinking?" I sputtered, trying to catch someone's eye, but they were all looking away, trying not to laugh out loud at my ineffectual anger. Then, all at once, their posture visibly shifted and their humor at the situation seemed, if anything, to increase.

"Charlie," said Jasper with a quiet smile, just seconds before the doorbell rang.

Esme disappeared in a flash. We could hear her gracious welcome to Charlie as she guided him inside.

"Hello, everyone," Charlie began with studied politeness. "Carlisle, Jasper, Edward. Now Alice, don't you look just wonderful tonight." Alice dance around the table to give Charlie a squeeze. Charlie had always had a soft spot for her. "And Emmett, for some reason I thought you would already be gone back to school -- where is Rosalie? Did I miss her on the way in?"

In my embarrassment earlier, I hadn't noticed Rosalie's absence.

"She's not feeling too well, Charlie, decided to stay in tonight." Emmett winked at me.

"And here's my birthday girl," he reached for me and wrapped me in a giant bear hug. "I sure do miss you, Bells," he whispered in my ear, thinking only I would hear.

"Aw, you just miss my cooking, Charlie." I whispered in turn, giving him an extra squeeze back.

He stepped away and looked at the table. "Some cake, Alice, where'd you get that?" I breathed a sigh of relief when his commentary moved on without a pause as he took in the rest of the empty table and asked, "Did you already open your presents, Bells?"

"No, Charlie, I figured with the wedding, I had had plenty of gifts for the time being."

He looked surprised, then sheepish.

"Well, seeing as how you wouldn't let me pay for any of your wedding, I thought perhaps you'd be okay with me getting you a birthday present." He looked at his hands for a moment. "I'd really like it, Bella, if you'd let me pay for your and Edward's rent at Dartmouth this fall. Just to get you started out, you know."

My heart sank. Only I would know just how much of a sacrifice that would have been for him.

"Oh, no, Charlie, you can't…"

"But I want to, Bella. Please let me do this for you. I can't do a lot of things, but this I can do."

I couldn't bring myself to speak. I just stood there, staring at Charlie as my panic slowly grew.

Edward's velvet voice broke the silence.

"Thank you, Charlie. We would be happy to accept your generous gift. I think what Bella means is that we would like to ask for a rain check, if that is acceptable to you."

Confusion and suspicion crossed Charlie's face. "You kids are going to college, right?"

"Of course. But as it turns out, our attendance at Dartmouth will be delayed a bit so we can attend some courses locally."

"Locally." Charlie was too stunned to do more than repeat Edward's words.

"You may not have known, but I intended to pursue architecture and engineering at Dartmouth. The professor with whom I most wanted to study is doing a sabbatical teaching at the Peninsula College, of all places. It only made sense to take advantage of his proximity and save some money." He knew how much Charlie would appreciate good common financial sense. "Bella has found some good courses that will allow her to transfer credits, as well. So we are planning to stay here for at least a year."

I looked at Edward, amazed at how smoothly he had come up with such a lie. He arched a brow, and I realized my mouth was hanging open. I snapped it shut.

Charlie looked skeptical. "A Dartmouth professor at Peninsula College?"

Edward continued, subtly shooting Jasper a look. "Seems like some sort of family emergency brought him here. And lucky for us, it's not too late to register. I'm not sure, but our classes will either be in Port Angeles or the extension location right in Forks."

Jasper was concentrating; in front of my eyes, Charlie visibly relaxed, though he still looked somewhat befuddled. "Well, I guess that makes sense… When did you kids come up with this plan?"

"Just in the last few days, Charlie. We certainly would have brought it up to discuss it with you earlier had we known." Carlisle interceded here, bringing some parental authority into the picture. I flashed him a grateful smile; he smiled generously back at me. I sighed inwardly with relief on two counts.

"Okay, then. Well, when you go to Dartmouth then, the offer still stands. Happy Birthday, Bella." Charlie patted my head and kissed my forehead.

"Cake, Charlie?" Alice was there with a plate, and the discussion soon turned to other things.

Later that night, as we lay in our big iron bed, I propped myself up on one elbow and declared to Edward, "You're brilliant, you know."

"Me?" He cocked his head to the side on the pillow and grinned.

"Tell me," I commanded him, "are there really architecture courses at Peninsula?"

"More like carpentry." His smile widened, then grew confused, as he watched my reaction. For a split second, I had imagined Edward wearing a tight tank top, working construction in the hot Phoenix sun, and blushed.

His next question interrupted my thoughts. "You thought you were caught, didn't you?"

"Yep. That cake thing had me going."

He flipped me on my back and his cool breath sent my head spinning. "You should know better. I'll always take care of you."

I breathed in his delicious smell and sighed. The day was ending so much better than it had begun. I felt his fingertips touching my face, feeling each and every contour, and my heart began to race.

"Mmmm, maybe enough of that." He chuckled, then kissed the tip of my nose. "Can I ask you something, Bella?"

"Anything," I answered, still under his spell.

"Would you mind horribly if I gave you one, little bitty present?"

I peered up through my lashes at his irresistible golden eyes and any resolve I may have had melted away.

"Nothing too expensive?"

"Of course not," he promised. He was gone and back before I even missed him. He carried a small, rectangular box, tied with a simple light blue ribbon. He propped me on my pillows, and then, sitting Indian style opposite me, placed the box gently in my open palm.

"Go ahead, open it," he ordered, my favorite crooked smile pulling at the corners of his mouth.

I pulled one end of the long ribbon and it fell away. I lifted the lid of the box to find, nestled in a bed of satin, an antique silver rattle. I gently picked it up and turned it over on its end. There, etched in perfect script on the polished silver surface, were the initials _EAM_.

My eyes flew to his face. "Your baby rattle?"

He nodded, nervous now to see my reaction.

"You kept this, this whole time?" I turned it over and over again in wonder.

"I never knew why. But now I know. I hope you like it, Bella."

Tears rolled down my face. I couldn't speak.

"Bella, love?" His eyes were anxious as he drew my chin up so that my eyes were forced to meet his gaze.

"Its perfect, Edward. Just perfect." I managed a quivering smile.

A satisfied look settled on his face. He tucked me under the covers and lay beside me, a quilt between us to keep away the chill. In one hand I clutched the rattle, in the other, his hard, cold hand, and that way I fell into a dreamless sleep.

I woke once in the middle of the night to find Edward's head resting on my stomach.

"Sshh." He looked up at me quickly, his face shining. "I can hear their hearts beating. I heard them start, Bella." He extricated his hand and gently beat a rapid rhythm on my thigh. "Like this. Twice as fast as yours."

He lay his head back down and I ran my fingers through his hair, smiling to myself. As I fell back asleep, I hoped against hope that nothing would take away his happiness.


	7. Chapter 6

CHAPTER 6

The next two months passed relatively uneventfully. Our daily routine centered around the drive to and from Port Angeles to attend our classes. Edward had indeed signed up for physics and introductory carpentry. I had filled my days with English and American literature courses. The only class we shared was a child development course upon which Edward had insisted.

College, even Peninsula College, was different than high school. The professors didn't really take note of us that much. Edward and I could sit together and hold hands in lecture hall and no one cared. Edward didn't even have to exert his normal magnetic personality to get away with anything – it was very anonymous, which suited us just fine.

If it hadn't been for my condition, everything would have been blissfully perfect. Unfortunately, I was unable to rid myself of my nightmares. It had been a long time since I had gotten a good night's sleep. I was like the walking dead, and my exhaustion was made worse by the lingering morning sickness. I was shocked one morning to look in the mirror and see the large, purple circles under my eyes. I squinted, trying to imagine if this is what I would look like if I'd been changed and thirsty. But I was hardly the picture of beauty I'd been envisioning.

Edward's excitement about the babies began to be overtaken by concern as the weeks passed and I did not regain my energy. It was impossible to hide anything from him. He was always outside my classes, waiting to carry my bag for me. He was at my side when I awoke from my bad dreams, soothing me with his whispers and cold, lovely touch.

One morning I dragged myself to the car to find him leaning against the passenger door, marble perfection as he waited for me.

"One minute." He said, his eyes stern. Before I knew what was happening, he had swept me up, book bag and all.

"That's what I thought." The muscles in his jaw tensed as he looked down at me.

"What?"

"Bella, when is the last time Carlisle checked on you?"

"I don't know. I haven't really been paying attention." I looked away, not wanting him to know how much I dreaded the appointments, afraid of what they might turn up. I had been dragging my heels about the most significant one – the ultrasound; I didn't necessarily want to know what was in store for me. I'd only gotten away with it because Edward was so worried about my stability that he didn't want to pressure me.

He began to walk back up the stairs into the house.

"Where are we going?" I demanded.

"To find a scale. If anything, you have lost weight. It's not right."

I recognized the stubborn look in his eyes and didn't put up a fight. He carried me through Esme and Carlisle's bedroom into their unused bathroom, where he found a scale neatly lined up square to the wall. Without hesitation, he settled me onto the scale, deftly removing my bag.

His eyes narrowed as he read the numbers. "As I thought. One hundred five."

He took my hand gently in his and led me off the scale. I felt ashamed of myself, as if I had let him down. He led me over to the sofa in the bedroom and sat down, patting the cushion for me to sit next to him. He wrapped on cold arm around me and began.

"Bella, I cannot read your thoughts, but I don't need to do so to know that something is wrong."

He paused, waiting expectantly for my answer.

"I'm just so tired, Edward." I rested my head on the cold contours of his shoulder. "It will pass. That's what all the books say."

"Do the books say when your nightmares will go away?" He asked sharply, his anger directed at himself.

I didn't know what to say, so I just squeezed his hand and closed my eyes.

His frustration was palpable. He abruptly stood up and walked to the bay window.

His back was still turned to me as he began, "I think you should go to Renee and Phil's for Thanksgiving. Alone."

"What?" I said, my eyes flying open.

"It we stay here, there is no way around having Thanksgiving dinner with Charlie. And as good as we are, I don't think any of us could force down a meal that big." He turned to me and continued, his eyes sad.

"I'm afraid if you don't go now, you may not be able to go see her for a long time. I'm worried about your health."

"Don't worry, Edward." It was a whisper meant only for me, but I knew he heard me when I saw him flinch.

"And I want you to get some time away from me. You are worrying too much about me and not enough about yourself. Maybe you can let down your guard a bit with Renee and get some rest."

I sat on the couch and thought about what he said. Maybe he was right.

"You'll go?" He came closer to me as he waited for my response.

"All right. I'll go."

He bent over to kiss the top of my head. "Good girl."

The trip was a short one. Renee had been thrilled to learn I was coming, then suspicious once she understood I was coming alone. She began peppering me with questions as soon as she had me safely buckled into her car for the drive home from the airport.

"Is there something wrong, Bella? I still can't understand why Edward would be willing to be separated from you for Thanksgiving."

"It's not that big of a deal, Mom. He wouldn't have been much company – he has a huge project due on Monday. It was easier just to have him stay home and finish it up."

"Still…" She let the word linger there, like bait on a hook, but I said nothing.

She glanced out of the corner of her eye and her forehead crinkled with worry. "Bella, you don't look good. Is everything okay?" She glanced in the rear view mirror before switching lanes. When I didn't answer she continued. "Is that community college that much harder than high school?" Her voice was tinged with her disappointment about Dartmouth.

I sighed, knowing Renee was tenacious. "It's college, Mom. Of course it is harder. I have a heavy course load."

"Well, I'm glad to hear that, because I certainly wouldn't want you slacking off or it will make Dartmouth that much harder next year." She sniffed. "I still think it was awfully selfish of Edward to make you transfer before you even started at Dartmouth."

I bristled at her criticism of Edward, knowing how hard he'd been trying to make things easy on me. "If it weren't for him I wouldn't have even gotten into Dartmouth, let alone have been able to afford to go, Mom."

"Well, I don't know about that. But I'm glad you are still planning to go eventually."

I was grateful for the silence as we finished the drive. It was already starting to get dark by the time we pulled into the driveway. I carried my things into the guest bedroom and hung my jacket in the closet.

I looked at myself critically, trying to look with a mother's eyes. If I'd had Alice's hands with makeup, I would have tried to cover up my pallor, but with every attempt I'd made in the past I ended up looking like a clown. Instead I pinched my cheeks. Despite losing weight, my body had already begun to change. It was cold enough in Florida that I could get away with my baggy sweats and long sweater. I smoothed the sweater out and saw the visible swells of my larger breasts and my growing abdomen. Would Renee notice? She hadn't always been the most observant and involved mother….

There was only one way to find out. I braced myself and emerged from the safety of my room.

"We have a little girl time before Phil gets home. Now that you're all settled in, let me give you a hug!" Renee was regaining her more normal, bubbly mood. I leaned in for the hug, knowing this could be the moment of truth.

She wrapped her arms around me, squeezing me tight, and began rocking side to side like she had when I was a little girl. And then she froze.

We stood there for what seemed like minutes. I couldn't bring myself to pull away.

Finally, Renee stepped back. Her eyes were full of tears. "Oh, Isabella." The disappointment on her face was crushing.

She was torn. She turned away, groping for the kitchen table through her tears, while the other hand remained outstretched toward me, as if wanting to take me back in her embrace – or maybe to push me away.

I didn't know what to do. I had always been the one to take care of her, but how could I be a source of comfort when I was the cause of her pain and disappointment?

"I'm sorry, Mom."

I left her to her tears and retreated to my room, huddling in a ball on the bed. I toyed with calling Edward. But that would only make things worse for him. Maybe I should just go back home to Forks. I sat up and pulled my return ticket out of my purse, looking for the customer service number. I was still poring through the fine print when my cell phone rang. I reached for it gratefully, glad that Edward had forced it on me.

"I'm so sorry, Bella." Edward's soothing voice came over the line. Of course, I thought. Alice would know everything.

"You thought I was exaggerating about Renee, didn't you?" I tried to make my voice sound light and teasing, but it rang false to my ears.

"Do you want me to come and get you?" The thought of him shoring me up was tempting.

"That would just prolong things. I'll just take a taxi and fly home tomorrow."

"Well…we should probably plan on taking you straight to Charlie's once you land."

"Why?" My voice was edgy, for I already knew the answer.

"Renee's already called him. She is on the phone with him now." His chuckle sounded grim. "I can't say for sure but I think he may be planning to start a tri-state killing spree, beginning with me."

"Oh, no." I groaned. I pulled my knees into my chest, cradling the phone against my ear and hanging on for dear life.

"Am I the only one who's happy about these babies?" Edward's musing sounded distant, as if he had forgotten he was still on the phone with me. My heart twisted with remorse, knowing that I was at the top of his list of unhappy people.

"Don't say that. I'm happy, Edward."

"Oh, really?" I could imagine his sad eyes and his eyebrow cocked in skepticism. "Is that why you have nightmares every night?"

I took a deep breath, hoping I would be convincing. "I have nightmares every night because I am hormonal and tired. The only thing that keeps me going is knowing you will be there when I wake up, Edward, and hoping that this part will be over soon."

"I did this to you. If I weren't so selfish…"

"You? I seem to remember that I was the one who was so eager to experience my humanity. No more pity party, Edward, I mean it."

Somehow, being in the dark, with the distance of the phone line between us, made me braver and helped me see more clearly what needed to be done.

"We are going to march in to Charlie and tell him with delight that he is going to be a grandpa. Under no circumstances is he going to lecture or he is going to be cut off from his grandpa privileges. This is our life, not his. And then we are going to figure out a few things. Like how we are going to go to college with two babies. And where. And when exactly you are going to change me. And what we are going to do when they keep aging and we don't. And what we are going to tell them when they finally notice. And…"

He broke me off with laughter then, and when he spoke he sounded relieved, but also a bit nervous. "I guess you've been doing some thinking."

I smiled, relieved myself that I had broken through his depression. "Of course I have. Haven't you?"

He paused, and his silence piqued my curiosity. "What have you been thinking about, Edward?"

"Names," he admitted shyly.

My heart gave a little flip of joy for him. "Are you going to tell me?"

"Well, I don't want to decide unilaterally, of course. But I do have my lead candidates." I could imagine his golden eyes shining in the dusk.

"Can we talk about it when I get home?" I breathed into the phone, wishing I were there already.

"Of course," he said, all traces of sadness gone. "I want you get some sleep tonight, okay? I'll ask Carlisle if he can prescribe you something when you get home…. Don't worry about Renee and Charlie, Bella. These things always pass. My impression is that babies usually help smooth things over."

I never left my room that night. I simply crawled into my pajamas and climbed under the cool sheets. Perhaps it was the release of my conversation with Edward, or maybe it was simply being in a different place, but for the first night in months I slept dreamlessly and awakened to feel completely refreshed and, well, human again.

It was still very early when I woke up. The sun had not yet risen by the time I had remade my bed and completed my sweep of the room to make sure I had gathered all of my belongings. I had placed a call for a taxi on my cell phone and was sneaking out when I ran into Phil in the kitchen.

There was an awkward silence as we stood facing each other, him in his bathrobe with a cup of coffee in hand, me pulling my rollerboard behind me.

"So, I suppose Renee told you."

He nodded. His eyes never left my face while he took a sip of his coffee. I waited for him to say something, but he just stood there.

"Is she really mad at me?"

He smiled ruefully. "Mad at you? Bella, she's mad at herself, wondering what she ever did wrong that you would end up, in her words, repeating every mistake she ever made."

I winced, knowing that that was exactly what she'd be thinking.

He pulled out a chair for me and took a seat at the kitchen table himself. I reluctantly sat down.

"She'll get over it. She's just a little freaked out. You know how she gets." He chuckled to himself and continued. "To tell you the truth, I think half of it is that she can't wrap her head around the idea of being a grandmother."

That, too, rang true.

The whole idea of talking about this with Phil suddenly made me squeamish, and I felt myself turning a deep red.

He mistook my embarrassment for anger or concern. "Don't worry, Bella. She'll be sending you folk remedies for morning sickness over the Internet before you know it."

We heard a honk from the street – my cab had arrived. He stood up and squeezed my shoulder. "You sure you want to go?" I nodded, still feeling a bit sheepish from our conversation. He took my suitcase for me and walked me to the front door. "I'll work on her for you, Bella." He passed the suitcase handle over to me as he held the door open. "You take care of yourself, ok? And say hello to Edward for me."

As the cab pulled away, I looked back to see him still in the doorway, sipping his coffee. He raised one hand lazily in the air and turned inside, closing the door. I sat back in the seat, wondering about my unexpected new ally. Maybe it would work out okay with Renee after all.

I spent my whole flight dreading the visit to Charlie. Despite that, I practically ran off the plane and down the concourse to the baggage claim area, counting the minutes until I would be in Edward's arms again.

He was waiting in a dark corner. His face broke open into a wide smile when he saw me, and before I knew it, he had swept me up into his cold, hard arms.

He gingerly put me down and stepped back to look at me. "You look rested," he said approvingly. "Perhaps I should send you away more often."

"Not on your life…or whatever we want to call it," I teased. "You are officially forbidden from sending me anywhere where you aren't ever again."

"Hmmm. Sounds like I'm stuck with you, then," he murmured against my cheek, pulling me tighter. "Are you ready to face the music?" He pulled my rollerboard behind him and we headed off to the parking garage.

I gulped, but my newfound resolve remained in place. "Charlie doesn't stand a chance."

"Go easy on him, Bella. He's had a few shocks these last few months."

My mind went back to the day Edward had asked Charlie for my hand in marriage. Charlie had turned purple with shock and anger and who knows what else, and sputtered while I looked on, a look of warning on my face. He had managed to choke out a begrudging approval before stomping off to cool down. He'd behaved more graciously since then, but I knew it had been difficult for him.

"Yes," I agreed, "we don't want him to have a heart attack."

"Do you have a plan?" He asked curiously. We had arrived at his car, and he deftly opened the door for me.

"Not really," I admitted, as he carefully buckled me into the car. "We'll think of something on the way," I optimistically suggested.

At Edward's speed, we got there too soon, of course. We sat in the Volvo, parked in the driveway, unsure of what to do. I looked at Edward expectantly. He just sighed, resigned.

"He hasn't realized we're here. Apparently, Renee did not telephone him to inform him of your early departure. He's not angry with you anymore. Me, well, that's another story. For you, he is mostly just worried…." His snapped his mouth closed then, refusing to go on.

"Tell me," I pleaded.

The muscles in his jaw were tense as he spoke. "He's wondering if he should have intervened to prevent us from marrying. I don't think he is especially…impressed with my apparently low levels of responsibility. He believes you have made a huge mistake. And is debating whether he should intervene now, insist on you coming home." His eyes flashed with anger as he continued, muttering to himself. "As if you didn't have enough to handle, he has to lay this sort of pressure on you? Honestly, what is he thinking?"

He held his forehead in his fingertips, thinking to himself. Jaw set, he looked up and coolly unsnapped his seatbelt. "I'm going to talk to him. Alone."

Panic rose in my chest. "Wait, don't you think it would—"

"No, I don't. It would be best to say what we need to say without you there. You cannot be put in the position of choosing between me and Charlie."

I reached across the front seat to put a hand on his cold arm. My eyes burned with angry tears at just thought of Charlie thinking about such nonsense. "But I've already, chosen, Edward. If that's what he…"

"Isabella, if and when one day you disappear from Charlie's life, do you want him to live with the remorse of having driven you away? Because that is what he will think, every single day of the rest of his life, if you choose me over him. And if you go in there right now, that is a highly probable outcome." He chuckled quietly and looked at me indulgently. "In case you haven't noticed, you are a bit moody lately. You will lay Charlie to waste with your wrath. Let him take it out on me instead." He grinned his crooked smile. "Please, let me perform my husbandly duty by playing the rogue son-in-law."

I threw up my hands. Clearly I could not stop him from going in the house. He was faster than me and stronger than me, and if I put up a fight it would only draw Charlie's attention and raise his ire even more. "Fine. But do me a favor."

"Anything." He reached down to kiss my hand, tenderness glowing in his eyes.

"Do not, under any circumstances, apologize. For anything. Do you promise me?" I looked at him sternly. He nodded once and began getting out of the car. "For the record, I do not like this one bit." I crossed my arms and sat back in my seat as he disappeared into the house.

The minutes went very slowly. I had half expected that Charlie would immediately throw Edward out, so when I realized five minutes had already gone by, I began fidgeting; rubbing out imaginary stains in the leather seats, flipping the passenger side mirror down and up, testing different settings on the lumbar support in my seat. Every now and then I shot an anxious glance at the window, but I could see nothing. What could they be talking about for so long? I lowered the window a bit, thinking that if they were really arguing, I'd be able to hear something outside, but all I heard was the soft whisper of the autumn wind through the trees and the pattering of the soft rain. Fifteen minutes passed, then twenty-five, and still nothing. My heart was racing – would he ever come out?

Finally, after thirty-five minutes, Edward emerged. He paused on the stoop, apparently saying something to Charlie, who remained in the house. He turned toward me and the door closed behind him. With animal grace, he swept around to the driver's side and entered the car.

I immediately pounced. "What happened?" Without speaking or bothering to check his mirrors, he backed out of the driveway and pulled onto the street.

He raised one eyebrow. "Are you sure you want to know? You might not like it."

I looked him over. He seemed way too calm to have just come out of a major argument with Charlie. I narrowed my eyes. "What did you do, Edward?"

He laughed at my suspicion. "Look at you! First you couldn't wait to go after Charlie, and now you're worried I used some vampire trick on him? Bella, whose side are you on?" He winked, and took my left hand in his.

"Seriously, Edward, what happened? Is Charlie all right?"

"He's fine. I think I managed to get him to see it in a different light."

"How?" I couldn't imagine anything that would make Charlie feel that my being a teenage mother was acceptable.

"Well, when we were sitting in the driveway, I kept listening to his thoughts. Much, much deeper in his psyche, almost at a subconscious level, there was a completely different matter lurking, one that was the real reason he was so angry."

"Yes?" I urged him on.

"Deep down, Charlie was comparing our situation to what happened between him and Renee when you were a baby. He was worried that, like Renee, you would feel trapped by having a baby so young and would one day just up and leave, taking the baby – his grandchild – with you. He was terrified of having you breaking all ties. His bond with you is quite strong, you know, and he really is quite enthralled about the idea of being a grandfather, even if it is a little earlier than he had anticipated. Anyhow, he didn't know if he could deal with you taking off like Renee."

A light bulb went off in my head. "Especially since I already did it once when I went to Phoenix." My heart ached for Charlie. I knew how hard it had been on him the last time I'd left. And I remembered what he said before Edward and I had been engaged – that he felt he was about to lose me forever.

He smiled a knowing smile. "You really are quite perceptive, Bella. He was so fearful of you leaving again that he had worked himself up into a truly righteous anger. I was just the convenient target."

"But I don't understand. How could you use that to get on Charlie's good side?"

"I simply reminded him that we are not him and Renee. That you love it here and if for any reason that ever changed, we have every resource to be able to go somewhere else, together. And, most importantly," he paused as he made the turn into our long driveway, "that you are happy about this, and want nothing more for him to be happy, too, so that his grandchildren can know their grandfather."

I looked skeptically at Edward as he pulled the car into the garage. "He went for that?"

"Well, I groveled a bit – no apologies, I assure you, just some harmless appeals to his wisdom and experience. And I did – hmm, what is it that you used to call it? – 'dazzle' him a bit with my charm."

I rolled my eyes, but inside I was melting. "You really are outrageous. Thank you."

In a flash he had opened my car door and picked me up in one arm, his other easily balancing my suitcase, as if it was packed full of cotton balls. "You are very welcome, Bella. The least I can do is try to smooth things over between you and Charlie. I told him you were tired from the flight and would call him later." He kissed one cheek, then the other, and I sighed, grateful for the soft touch of his smooth lips.

"Welcome home."

I was grateful to be here, grateful that the tough task of telling Renee and Charlie was behind me (even if technically I had told neither of them). But in the shadows of my mind, all the questions I had raised for Edward about our future plans still lurked, and I wondered if tonight's sleep would be as easy as that of the previous night. And my heart began racing when Edward's next words fell velvety smooth upon my ears.

"You have gotten a reprieve so far, Bella. But tomorrow, you must have your ultrasound. No more delays."


	8. Chapter 7

CHAPTER 7

Everyone knew I was uptight about the ultrasound. But I wasn't alone. Carlisle had spent the better part of every night for the last few months scouring libraries and reading medical journals for anything, anything at all, that could explain how this had happened, and what exactly we should expect. He'd been unable to get very far with anything really specific to vampires. Anything that could have been helpful was probably locked away in the private libraries of the Volturi or some other ancient vampire; we couldn't afford to tip our hand with even the most discreet of inquiries. So that left him more basic scientific texts on topics of cross-species mating and transmission of genetic mutations through heredity. But all of it, applied to our situation, was mere speculation. His weeks of research had given us only flimsy rationales for the scenarios we had all been able to conjure up within seconds of realizing I was pregnant.

So Carlisle was as nervous as I'd ever seen him – definitely more nervous than he'd been around the La Push pack, or even the Volturi. So he'd made arrangements to have me come into the clinic after hours, where just the three of us – Carlisle, Edward, and me – could take a look at things without fear of interruption or discovery.

No witnesses, is what I thought sardonically to myself. No one to watch my hysterics if my nightmares turned out to be reality.

I pushed my empty cereal bowl away from me. I was startled by the fact that it was empty. It had been two whole days since I'd felt any nausea at all, and I'd slept well again last night. Maybe it was a sign….

Don't be ridiculous, I thought to myself. I stretched, then got up to clear the dishes away. As I rinsed my bowl, I started to wonder what the immaculate, airy house would look like cluttered with baby toys and baby gear; where exactly in the kitchen would we fit two high chairs? Were there baby gates even big enough to fit across the enormous staircase?

"Ouch!" I'd been daydreaming so long that the water had turned hot and I'd scalded my hand. I slapped the faucet handle down in irritation and loaded the bowl into the dishwasher, slamming the door and then turning to get some ice to nurse my hand.

"Rosalie!" I gasped.

I hadn't heard her come in. She was standing right before me, and as I took in her appearance, I realized that whether by chance or by design, I hadn't seen her since the night before my birthday. She was beautiful as ever, but there were shocking differences in her looks. Her eyes were deepest black, but they did not glitter. They were flat and dull. Though I knew it was impossible, her face looked almost gaunt –the purple shadows under her eyes were as dark as bruises. Her entire expression was drawn, as if it hurt to simply exist.

It stared awkwardly at her for a minute before I realized she still hadn't said anything.

"Rosalie? Are you okay?" I hesitated for a moment, and then slowly reached out a hand to touch her arm. "Rosalie?"

She looked up at me then, smiling slightly, as if amused by something.

"Bella, hello. When did you get home?"

"I…"

Before I could really even start responding, Alice and Emmett came wheeling around the corner at top speed. They stopped abruptly when they saw us, but their lips continued twitching rapidly in silent conversation. Alice had an odd look on her face -- horror mingled with determination. They stopped speaking and Alice peered intently at Rosalie, as if trying to guess her next move. I just looked from Rosalie to Alice to Emmett, not knowing what to make of it all.

It was Emmett who broke the silence, his voice gentle. "Rose, come here." He reached a hand out to her and stood, his eyes brimming with patience and love.

Rosalie looked back at Emmett and smiled such an angelic smile, it broke my heart. "Alice to the rescue," she murmured, just loud enough so that I heard it. But like an obedient child, she placed her hand in Emmett's and let herself be led away.

Once they had gone, Alice collapsed in a graceful heap in a kitchen chair, dropping her head in her arms on top of the polished tabletop.

"Alice, what just happened?"

She mumbled into her arms.

"I can't hear you, Alice. Look at me, please."

She lifted her head and looked directly at me. "Rose has not quite recovered from the idea of you having babies, Bella. Emmett has been watching her night and day, trying to distract her, doing anything to make her laugh, but it hasn't been working."

She stopped short, and running her hands through her spiky hair. She rested her forehead on the heel of her palm and screwed her eyes tightly shut, as if trying to stop her thoughts from emerging.

"Anyway, she was gone. He left her for a moment and she was gone when he came back, and I…"

"You thought she was coming to hurt me."

She nodded, then collapsed onto the kitchen table all over again.

"I saw it."

I shuddered and slid slowly down the low wall of cabinets behind me until I was firmly on the floor. The images of the newborn vampires torn limb from limb in the summer clearing sprung unbidden to my mind – did I just narrowly escape sharing their fate? I began to shake, so I pulled my knees in tight, wrapping my arms around myself until I took up as little space as possible.

"You can't tell Edward." The thought escaped my lips before I was even aware of it.

Alice's head jerked up and she looked at me with incredulity. "Do you think he won't find out?" She shook her head slowly. She exhaled loudly, then continued. "It won't matter. Emmett is going to take her away and then you'll be safe."

I was flooded with guilt. My very presence was making Rosalie sick with grief, and now she would have to leave her home, too?

"Isn't there another way, Alice?"

"No, Bella, I'm afraid there isn't. She can't be around you – it hurts her too much. And you need to be here, where Carlisle can keep an eye on you. So she has to go." She looked over at me, huddled on the floor, and gave me a small smile. "It's not your fault, Bella. It is just one of those things that only time can heal." She silently pushed her chair out and rose, offering me one of her small hands. "Do you need help up?"

She effortlessly pulled me to my feet, then stepped back to appraise my wardrobe of sweatpants and sweater with a critical eye. "You definitely need to go shopping. That entire outfit should be banned; you look like a homeless person. Tomorrow morning I'm taking you to Seattle."

I winced at the idea of shopping, particularly at the thought of what my misshapen body would look like under fluorescent lighting in the carnival mirrors of the dressing rooms. "Seattle?"

She dropped my hand and brought her own to her chin, tapping one slender finger against her lips. I could see the wheels turning in her sharp mind. "Yes, I see what you mean. New York would be better. We'll make it a long weekend."

"No!" I howled. "I mean, I can't miss classes on Monday. Can't we just stay local? Or better yet, order something online?" Anything to avoid the shopping death march to which I was sure she would force me to submit.

She narrowed her eyes, grinning all the while, and took me in again. "Bella, you will feel much better when you have clothes that actually fit you, not to mention don't make you look like you belong in a soup kitchen. But I don't want to force you. I'll tell you what. Let me spend tomorrow with you in Seattle. If I'm right and a little shopping perks you up, then you owe me a trip to New York."

I calculated the odds of this happening. "And if you're wrong?"

She thought for a moment. "I will gracefully pass on the opportunity to throw a baby shower for you."

"Deal!" I was willing to take a risk on anything that could help me avoid another one of Alice's extravaganzas.

She smiled a beatific smile. "Nine sharp. I want to be there when the stores open." Thinking she'd have her cake and eat it too, she floated away, leaving me to my own thoughts, which unavoidably slipped back to this evening's appointment.

I left the kitchen and flopped myself down on my favorite chair. I had been through the logic before. There were only three scenarios that I could come up with.

Scenario one: the babies were irrevocably and undeniably damaged and unsalvageable; something against nature which would not be allowed to exist. Scenario two: some shred of genetic humanity still existed in Edward's makeup and that was what had been passed on to the babies, and they were fine. Scenario three: the babies had been imbued with the same toxic venom that filled Edward's system and would be born as vampires, or become them at some point.

I sighed. The evidence was encouraging, but unclear, so far. Edward's patient listening, and Carlisle's regular checkups, suggested that the babies' heart beats were strong and normal. Wouldn't that mean they weren't vampires? Unless they changed later…like the wolves. I shuddered at that idea. The ultrasound might help us rule out the first scenario – _might_ being the operative word – but it would tell us nothing about what might happen later.

My head began to ache with thinking about it all. Would I be on this knife's edge of worry for the rest of my pregnancy?

I needed a distraction. The television was right there in front of me, so I idly grabbed the remote and turned it on. When I realized what I was seeing, I groaned. I had tuned in to a solid block of commercials – holiday commercials. This weekend was the first weekend of Christmas shopping. Tomorrow's trip to Seattle would be a zoo. And, more importantly, I was suddenly reminded that this would be my first Christmas with a family that thought nothing of buying each other Porsches on a whim.

I began to feel nervous. I didn't even know how they celebrated Christmas. Did they celebrate at all? They hadn't been here last year during the holidays. It didn't seem like the kind of thing Alice could pass up, but on the other hand, they collectively had enough doubt and bitterness about their own spiritual destiny that it wasn't clear they even felt they had anything to celebrate.

And if they did celebrate, what could I possibly get them as gifts? They all had whatever it was they wanted or needed.

I groaned again. This would be so much easier if they were just…normal. But we had passed by normal a long time ago.

Maybe I could bargain with Alice. No maternity clothes shopping in exchange for Christmas gift shopping? She was sure to have some good ideas for her parents and siblings. Heck, I could probably commission her to do the whole thing for me.

I clicked the television off, restless and not ready to contemplate just how difficult Christmas shopping for the Cullens could be. I needed to get out of the house, but I didn't want to be alone. I couldn't bear to think about Rosalie, or about the evening ahead of me. Edward wouldn't be back for hours.

Maybe I could go to La Push.

I drew a sharp breath, surprised that the thought had popped unbidden into my head. It had been months since I'd seen Jacob. Longer since we'd really talked. I wasn't sure if he'd even be willing to see me; but, then again, if I just showed up, what could he do?

It wasn't fair to him, a little voice inside of me argued. And you promised Edward, another said.

Before the voices got too loud, I grabbed my keys and headed out the door.

It had been a while since I'd driven my truck. It was too much to ask Edward to drive 55 every day to classes, so we'd gotten in the habit of taking the Volvo. The truck's engine roared to life with little effort, as if it had been waiting for me.

I looked over my shoulder, half expecting someone to rush out after me, but no one did. I headed out the long driveway, my heart thumping with anticipation.

It was a little bit longer of a drive now that I lived with the Cullens. I took my time, enjoying the ride through the misty tree canopy. I fiddled with the radio along the way, being very careful to keep my options open – I didn't want my future to suddenly disappear off of Alice's radar screen, alerting her to my plans. I kept making up excuses in my head – excuses I could use if suddenly forced to explain what I was doing. _Just going for a drive. Needed some fresh air. Wanted to make sure the truck was still in working order. Thought it might need an oil change. Headed to Charlie's_.

I knew that as soon as I made my decision and crossed through no man's land to the reservation, Alice would be tipped off, unless she was distracted. I silently crossed my fingers and hoped her mind was concentrating on Rosalie, or our shopping trip. I still wasn't sure it was a good idea. My last conversation with Jacob had been so painful…but I needed something, _someone_, to take my mind off of my troubles. If anything, Jacob had always known how to have fun.

I was just about to cross over when I noticed the gas gauge – almost empty. The butterflies in my stomach were fluttering, demanding I go on, but I knew if I ran out of gas on the reservation, it could be a while before anyone found me. I gently guided the truck toward the lonely gas station at the side of the road.

It was one of those old filling stations that seemed trapped by time. The old tin Coca-Cola sign on the front was faded from red to pink. The pumps were old fashioned – no ATM or credit card payments here. There was only one other car in the lot.

"Pay inside before pumping," a scrawled, handwritten cardboard sign posted to the pump said. I grabbed some money out of the glove compartment and walked toward the door, pulling my down vest tighter around me against the chill of the fog.

The door swung easily for me, a tinny bell sounding as I walked through. I scanned the store – it was poorly stocked, with a lot of gaps in the shelves, most covered with dust. Seeing nothing of interest, I turned toward the cashier's counter and stopped in my tracks.

Leah Clearwater was already there in front of me. She was just turning away from the register, having paid for her soda. A calculating smile spread across her face when she realized who she had in front of her. I remembered all of the mean things Jacob had said about her – how miserable she made the whole pack – and felt myself blushing. I was sure she knew much, much, more about me than I'd want anyone to ever know.

"If it isn't the bloodsucker's wife. What brings you out here? Not coming to see Jacob, are you?" She stared intently at me, a sneer twisting her mouth, as she blocked my access to the counter.

"Just passing by, Leah. Needed some gas." I shrugged, hoping she'd be satisfied and leave me alone.

"I'm surprised your husband let you out from under his thumb. It might not be safe around here for bloodsucker lovers." She moved toward me, looking more menacing with every step. She was clearly relishing having me cornered. When she got within spitting distance, though, she pulled up short, a bewildered look on her face. Her eyes narrowed and she crouched slightly. I noticed her hands quivering. She began to circle, moving behind the stacks of Marlboro Lights and Camels, her eyes never leaving my face.

I glanced back at the register, but the clerk had disappeared to the back room. We were alone.

Her nose wrinkled as she continued staring at me in disgust. "You smell like one of them! But your eyes are normal. How can that be?"

I could feel myself turning red under her hostile gaze. Involuntarily, I wrapped my arms around my middle. Unable to meet her eyes, I stared at the dirty linoleum floor.

She froze, sucking in her breath in a sudden gasp.

"It can't be."

She let out a long, low whistle. "Isn't this an interesting turn of events…. Just wait 'til _your Jacob_" – she said the words as a taunt – "hears about this one. Do you think he'll still dream about you at night once he knows you are carrying the bloodsucker's child?" She let out a low, mean chuckle. "He'll probably just run away. It's what he always does. Maybe then we'll all get some peace for a change. No more _Bella, Bella,_ every night. You'd think the boy had grown up reading Harlequin romances the way he moons after you."

"Please don't tell him." It was barely a whisper. I knew my pleading would only harden her resolve, but I couldn't help myself as I thought of the hurt look I'd seen in his eyes too many times.

"Why not? No, I'm going to enjoy this way too much to pass it up." She smiled again, the mean glint in her eye growing more pronounced.

"Bye, Bella. I wouldn't bother showing your face on the reservation just now. I don't think you will be very welcome in a few minutes. I'll tell Jacob hello for you."

And with that, she walked out the door.

One hot tear rolled down my cheek. The clerk came back and looked at me quizzically. I shoved my handful of wrinkled bills on the counter and waited impatiently for him to approve my pump. The walls were closing in on me; I could hardly breathe. I barely managed to wait for my change before I bolted out to the fresh, cool air. My eyes were watery with anger and my stomach roiled. I made it to the edge of the pavement before throwing up.

_So much for my better day_, I thought as I retched.

I cleaned myself up in the dirty bathroom behind the station, and then walked back to my truck. Not even ten minutes had passed since Leah had left me. I jammed the nozzle into the tank and nervously paced as the numbers on the old pump slowly turned over, marking my progress. Maybe she would have a change of heart. After all, what good would it do to rile up Jacob even more? _She_ would have to deal with his emotions almost as much has _he_ would. I started to convince myself that she would keep my secret when I heard a too familiar sound – the call of a wolf, a lonely, hurt call.

It could have been any one of them, I rationalized, but the hole in my heart, the one that could only be filled by Jacob, throbbed and I knew that Leah had told him. I could barely see for all my angry tears. It wasn't fair that I hadn't been able to tell him myself. It wasn't fair that he would have to bear his hurt publicly, living his pain for the whole pack to feel. My anger and the gasoline fumes mixed to bring me to the edge of sickness again.

I slammed the nozzle back in the pump and rushed into the cab of the truck. The engine roared and I pointed the truck back home, pushing it as much beyond 55 as I dared. I kept wiping my face with my sleeve, angry with myself for my momentary weakness. What was I thinking? There was no way I could try to keep Jacob in my life, not when so many things were bound to divide us now.

I slowed to a crawl when I got close to our driveway. I didn't know if Alice had been watching me, but either way, I needed to pull myself together so no one would suspect where I had been; I needed more time. I pulled in and followed the road all the way to the garage. Edward's car was already there. I silently cursed my old truck – if Edward was waiting for me, he was sure to have heard me driving up. After I parked and turned the key in the ignition, I slumped back in the seat and took a few deep breaths, trying to steady my shaky nerves. I wasn't really sure what I was nervous about anymore, though. Finding out about the babies? Getting caught trying to see Jacob? Rosalie? I closed my eyes, trying to block out the plaintive wolf calls I'd heard that afternoon, hoping that I could block out the swirling confusion in my brain, too.

I wasn't ready to go in and face anyone, let alone Edward. I slid down from the driver's side onto the damp ground and began aimlessly walking. I let my instincts guide me away from the house, to the woods. I was surprised when I stumbled across the path that we had followed back home after our wedding night. An idea took root in my brain -- could I find the little bower once again?

Eager for the distraction of a quest, I made my way through the forest. The change in season had made little difference in the landscape – it just felt damper, colder. I picked my way around roots and bumps, over fallen trunks and between dense stands of trees. It was longer than I remembered, but then again, I hadn't been in a hurry to get back that summer day and in Edward's company, time was irrelevant. I didn't feel nervous about the dim light or the solitude as I made my way today – I was more curious to see what had become of the little platform in the woods, and felt braced by the fresh air and exercise. The path was well marked and worn, so I had no problem finding my way – just a few slips here and there.

The small clearing suddenly emerged in front of me. I walked into it and let the feeling of solitude wash over me. The structure Edward had built still stood, but it looked nothing like it had that night. The fabric curtains were gone, ruined by wind and rain and picked apart by birds eager to build their nests. Tattered scraps hung where they had once shimmered in the candlelight. The bed had been stripped clean, but debris from the surrounding trees had dropped and piled up on it, enough to make drifts on the mattress. When I looked closely, I noticed some burrows that had been chewed out in the mattress – new homes for squirrels, most likely. The candlesticks that had surrounded the platform had toppled over and begun to rust from the damp. The overall effect was one of abandonment. I felt a lump rise in my throat – it was too lonely and disregarded to be our special place anymore.

A twig snapped, the noise breaking me out of my reverie. I peered into the trees, expecting to see some animal. Instead I saw a white shape moving toward me -- Edward.

"I thought I might find you here," he said. He moved slowly, cautiously, as if afraid of startling me.

"The scene of the crime," I said lightheartedly, trying to rid my voice and face of any signs of concern. My breath caught as I took in his perfection, which put this wild place to shame.

He smiled back at me, but his eyes looked troubled. He leaned back against a tall tree, crossing his legs casually before him, hands stuffed in his pockets. "Penny for your thoughts."

"Nothing worth repeating," I answered too quickly, grateful again that my quirky brain kept him from knowing what was on my mind.

He frowned slightly, then was behind me, his strong arms wrapping around me. "You have your 'brave Bella' look," he prompted. "What are you worried about?"

"I have a 'brave Bella' look? Do tell." He wasn't going to get me to spill my guts that easily.

"You set your jaw, like nothing can get in your way," he began, running his thumb over my jaw, "but your eyes get a faraway look to them. I can see just a tinge of sadness or worry behind the blank look." His brushed his fingertips over my eyebrows, making my eyelids flutter. "And you grimace a little bit, like you are getting ready to take a big gulp of castor oil." He wrapped his arms around me again, holding my shoulders firmly while he bent over to nuzzle my neck. "It's the look you get when you think you are protecting me."

"Don't be silly," I said, but the words caught in my throat as his sweet breath and gentle touch overwhelmed me.

"Tell me, Bella." He was insistent. My pulse raced under his lips.

"Hmmm. I don't think I can tell you _anything_ if you keep distracting me like this."

"It's the only weakness I can exploit," he chuckled, moving his lips to my hair.

I could feel my mind struggling against his persuasion, my body aching to give in. Desperately, I twisted toward him, hoping to distract him myself. "It's been so long, Edward," I sighed, locking my arms around his neck and pulling his lips to mine. I reeled from his touch – his seductive scent overpowered my senses. I twisted my fingers in his hair and pulled him closer. His kiss deepened, his urgency matching mine.

He gently pushed my face away, his breathing ragged. I would have fallen, every ounce of strength drained from my body, if it hadn't been for his arm supporting me.

"You don't play fair," I protested, trying to pull him back.

His golden eyes twinkled as he placed a finger over my parted lips. "I never promised I'd play fair." His crooked grin made my knees even weaker. "Are you going to tell me what you're thinking, or will I have to try to be more…persuasive?" As he leaned in to tease me, his breath swirled around me, making me giddy.

"Persuasive? That sounds good…"

He swept me in his arms and claimed my mouth with his own. Every nerve in my body was singing with pleasure. My head was full of him; every other thought was banished…. And then, I realized with a start, he was gone. My body ached at his sudden absence. My eyes flew open to find him sitting across the platform from me on a fallen tree trunk. When he saw my face he laughed out loud.

"Spill it, Bella. Or shall I start guessing?"

I stuck my tongue out. "Not funny." I was vaguely irritated that he hadn't been as caught up in the moment as I had been.

"Don't be mad. When it comes to you, you know I have had endless amounts of practice in self-control." He patted the spot next to him on the log. "Come here."

I glowered, unwilling to give in quite so easily.

He tilted his head, grinning wickedly. "Please?" His eyes smoldered and my knees started buckling again.

"If I wasn't about to swoon you wouldn't get your way so easily," I grumbled as I made my way to his side. I plopped down and crossed my arms. I was going to make him work for his information.

"Bella…" He uncrossed my arms and picked up one of my hands. I'd balled it into a tight fist, so he made quite a show of loosening my fingers, one by one, until he could entwine his fingers in mine. "Do you want to tell me about this morning?"

"There's nothing to tell. Nothing you don't already know."

He remained patient. "But I don't know how you feel."

I paused to choose my words carefully. "Horrible. Guilty."

He looked at me, flabbergasted. "Guilty? Not scared, but _guilty_? What have you got to feel guilty about?"

My face flushed as the words rushed from me in a jumble. "The one thing she wanted more than anything, I have. And it was an accident. And now she has to leave, she has to leave her home, and she never even wanted me here…" My eyes brimmed over as the image of Rosalie's haunted face burned in my memory.

"Shhhhhh." He kissed me softly on the lips to quiet me. He forced me to look into his beautiful, deep eyes. "This is not your fault. And this is your home, too, don't ever forget that."

"It's so unfair," I cried, trying to fight back my tears. He pulled me tight against him, kissing the top of my head.

"Yes, it is," he murmured, his voice soothing. "But not your fault."

I buried my face in his chest. "Does Emmett hate me?"

"Emmett? No, of course not. Emmett is very worried about Rosalie, but he in no way holds you responsible." He chuckled softly. "He's sorry he's going to miss the opportunity to rib you about your impending weight gain, but other than that, he's fine."

"What about Esme? I know how torn up she was when you…"

He stopped me then and took my face firmly in his hands. The chill from his touch ran through me, but the look in his eyes warmed me to the core. "Stop worrying about everyone else." He cocked one eyebrow before starting in again. "Now, can you tell me what you are thinking about tonight's activities?"

I sighed. I hated it when he put me on the spot like this. I tried to remain casual. "What do you mean?"

He rolled his beautiful eyes. "Bella, it is not a secret that you have been stalling about this appointment. Do you want to talk to me about anything?"

"Such as…?" I kicked a pinecone with my toe.

He threw up his hands in frustration. "Good God, must you be so difficult? From what I understand, most women would love the opportunity to discuss their emotions with an understanding male. But not you! No, you act like a 13-year-old boy being told the facts of life by his father."

I tried to stifle my laugh behind my hand, but he caught my eye and grinned. I'd been caught. He was quite enjoying our banter now. He pulled me into his lap, saying, "I'm not letting you go until you talk to me."

"That would be perfectly fine with me. I'm quite comfortable." I snuggled into his rock-solid chest and waited smugly for his next move.

A growl slipped from deep in his throat, startling me. I glared at him. "You did not!"

"Bella. Please."

I shrugged. There was no way around it. I'd just have to give him as little as possible. "Yes, I'm nervous."

"About what?"

"As if it isn't obvious, Edward."

"Actually, it's not that obvious to me. You're being eaten away by worry, but Alice sees healthy children, Bella. The ultrasound is just going to prove what Alice already saw. Don't you think you'll feel better once you know?"

I shrugged again. "If that's what it shows, I suppose so. But what if it doesn't?"

He held me tighter and whispered in my ear. "I'll be right there with you. If that happens, we'll figure it out together. But it is a non-issue. They will be perfect, you'll see."

I looked into his eyes – they burned with conviction that this would all turn out right. I couldn't help but smile at his confidence, despite myself.

"Let's go, then," I said, and he picked me up to take me home.

I wheedled my way into taking the truck. Edward insisted on driving, which suited me. That way I got to spend the whole drive resting my head on his shoulder, holding his hand.

"There is definitely a sedan in your future. This is clearly not capable of fitting two infant seats." He smiled triumphantly at the thought. "Finally, an unassailable reason to get rid of this thing."

"How long have you had that figured out?" I asked suspiciously.

"Long enough," he admitted, his teeth flashing bright against the early dusk. "The Audi would still be a nice option for you. Or we could get you a Volvo like mine."

I braced myself to argue, then decided to switch tactics. "How about a nice used car? Maybe a minivan? I've heard those are very practical."

He gasped in mock horror. "A minivan? Then you truly would be one of the eternal damned." He brought my hand to his lips for a gentle kiss. He kept his eyes on the road while he fiddled with my rings, never letting go of my hand. "It's nice having you back."

"What do you mean?" I searched his eyes, trying to read into his statement. They were calm, but there was a strain behind the calm.

"I'm not sure if I can explain it, Bella. But these last months, I've felt like I've been watching you from far away, at the bottom of a pool. I could see you, but your image was distorted; all I'd ever be able to glimpse was a pale, distant reflection. And when I tried to touch you, I'd simply send ripples across the pool and distort things even further. You were so far away from me…I was beginning to worry I was losing you." He waited a moment, weighing his words, and then continued. "It was starting to feel like Jacob's memories of you when I'd left you."

It stung to hear his words, but I had to admit they were fair. I'd been so withdrawn. Out of fear of hurting him, I'd pushed him away.

"You could never lose me. I love you." I whispered the words fiercely into the darkness.

"I know," he whispered back and kissed my cheek. We were parked in front of the clinic now. Neither one of us moved for what seemed like an eternity.

"Are you ready?" He asked, squeezing my hand. I nodded, unable to speak, and prepared myself for whatever we were about to face.

The clinic's fluorescent lights were too bright. The sheer whiteness of the place – the shiny floors, the cinderblock walls, the crisp curtains – hurt my eyes and put me on edge. I kept my eyes on the lines where the floor tiles met, distracting myself by trying not to step on the cracks as I struggled to keep up with Edward.

I heard Carlisle before I saw him. He was good-humoredly arguing with someone.

"No, really, why don't you go home. That paperwork can wait for tomorrow."

I glanced up at Edward, wondering if this was a problem, but his face remained placid. We turned the corner to find Carlisle standing with a nurse.

"See, my son and daughter-in-law are here to force me out, too. Go on ahead, Janet. I will make sure the place is locked up." He winked at Janet, and she turned pink with delight. "I wouldn't want that husband of yours waiting too long for you."

"Oh, all right then, Dr. Cullen. You sure do spoil me." She turned to us, shaking her clipboard at us. "Good night, you kids. Make sure he gets out of here, too. He's had a long day." She turned on her heel and walked with crisp precision toward the exit, pausing at the nurse's station only long enough to deposit her clipboard.

Once the door had swung closed behind her, Carlisle turned to us, gentle concern casting a shadow across his face. "Come with me."

We walked down the corridor to another part of the clinic. Somewhere along the way, the walls changed, their industrial blandness giving way to pictures of children – infant mug shots taken in the hospital, snapshots of doctors holding babies still swaddled in their hospital blankets, Christmas cards of smiling children lined up for Santa Claus – grateful tributes to the staff who had brought them all into the world. I tried not to look at them too much, focusing on the door ahead of me.

"Here we are." Carlisle swung open the door and held it for me. It didn't look that daunting – a small sort of table that reclined, a machine on wheels that didn't take up all that much space, and a television monitor mounted on the wall. The lights were a bit dimmer than in the hallway. It almost seemed inviting. I stepped in and took a deep breath.

"Bella, I need you to take off your vest and then very carefully get up on that exam table. There's a step right there for you. Sit there and lean back on the pillows. When you are comfortable, I want you to pull your shirt up, enough to expose your abdomen. You may want to shift your waistband down a bit too. I'm going to leave you and Edward while you get settled. When I come back, I'll explain what we're doing." With that, Carlisle slipped out of the room, leaving me to get ready.

Edward stood before me and slowly unzipped my vest, helping me out of it one arm at a time and hanging it neatly over the back of a chair. Almost absentmindedly, he tucked a strand of stray hair behind my ear. Then he carefully guided me up the step stool onto the table, fluffing the pillows for me before I eased back. As I loosened my clothes he stroked my hair back from my forehead. "All settled?" he asked.

I nodded, trying to ignore the lump in my throat.

"I'll be here the whole time, Bella. Would you like me to hold your hand?" His velvet voice calmed me a bit. I nodded again, and he carefully picked up my hand in his cold grip.

Carlisle rapped once on the door and came in. "This is a gel that helps transmit the sounds to the machine," he said, waving a bottle around. "I'm going to squirt some on your abdomen – it will be a little cold, I apologize. The OBs usually warm it up with their hands, but, well…" He shrugged apologetically.

He shook the bottle a bit and pointed it at my stomach. I cringed as the frigid, goopy gel landed with a plop. "Sorry," said Carlisle, flashing me a smile. He picked up a sort of paddle and began spreading the gel around. "I'll be checking for the progress of their skeletal systems and vital organs, healthy heartbeats and a complete vascular system." He left the words _monster_ and _vampire_ unspoken. He took a deep breath. "Okay, let's see what we see. Ready, Bella? Edward?"

"Go ahead, Carlisle," said Edward in a restrained voice.

Carlisle flipped a switch and the television monitor came to life. He moved the paddle around on my swollen belly, pushing in and out, trying to find what he was looking for. Weird flashes of grey and white would periodically fill the screen, then disappear, as he continued to search. He wrinkled his brow, pushing this way and that with the paddle.

"A little out of practice," he said nervously, shooting an anxious look at Edward.

My body began to lock up as panic began to creep in. Why couldn't Carlisle find them? I squeezed my eyes shut and tightened my grip on Edward's stony hand.

"Ahh. There we go." Carlisle stopped moving the paddle.

I was afraid to open my eyes, afraid of what I might see. But then Edward's low voice was at my ear, whispering, "Bella, look."

I took a deep breath and opened them. There were more confusing images on the screen. Carlisle was grinning ear to ear. "See this, Bella?" He moved the paddle a little bit and a tiny blob turned into a big blob. That's a head. Let me fix the resolution so you can see better." He reached over to the control panel on the machine and fiddled with some dials. All of the sudden, I could see a delicate nose, a mouth, a chin. "See this over here?" He shifted the paddle around again, and a new blob took the place of the other one. "That's the other baby." He moved the paddle around again, this time almost wedging it in, low in my belly. "Look, its moving." Sure enough, this blob had tiny legs, and arms with ethereal little fingers, which it kept waving, almost as if it knew we were watching.

I was entranced. Carlisle went back and forth across my belly in a well-practiced dance times two. "The spine. The cranium. Here are the feet and toes. The leg bones…arms. Here are all the organs. And here's one heart. And the other." We watched their little hearts pulsate on the screen, each little pump sending a spurt of blood coursing through their little grey bodies. Blood. Beautiful blood.

It took me a few moments to realize that I'd begun silently sobbing, my body shaking so hard that the exam table was creaking. Edward swiftly shoved away the pillows and climbed behind me, leaning me against his chest and wrapping his arms around mine to hold me tight.

"They're okay, Bella. They're okay." Edward kept repeating the words over and over, waiting for them to sink in.

"They're better than okay. They look perfect," Carlisle beamed with pride and relief. "Look at this." He moved the wand around again. "See this membrane? That's the sac of amniotic fluid. Look, here's another one. Separate sacs – fraternal twins."

I still couldn't stop crying. The wall I'd so carefully constructed to keep the anxiety at bay these last four months came crashing down, and with it every ounce of reserve. "They're beautiful," I managed to choke out between sobs.

Carlisle gazed with wonder at the monitor. "It truly is a miracle. A wonderful, inexplicable gift." He looked at Edward with tenderness. When he spoke, his voice was rough with unexpected emotion. "I'm happy for you, son." He suddenly seemed awkward, busying himself by shuffling some papers and turning off the monitors. "I'll leave you two alone for a moment. When you're ready, come on out." He closed the door quietly behind him.

I clung to Edward's arms until I'd worked my way down to the occasional sniffle. He patiently waited, kissing my hair and telling me how much he loved me. When I'd quieted down, he carefully slid out from behind me and stood at my side. He reached for a cloth and wiped the goop off of my stomach, then kissed away the last tracks of my tears. He helped me pull upright, and then redressed me, straightening my clothes and helping me into my vest, like a mother dressing her child for school.

"Do you have any idea how happy you make me?" He asked as he pulled my zipper all the way to the top.

"I think I may have some idea," I smiled, reaching out for his hand. He swept me in his arms and kissed the tip of my nose.

"Impossible," he challenged. "That would be like asking a man who has been blind from birth to describe a sunset. You could have no idea how much you mean to me. But I will spend my entire existence trying to show you." He gently kissed me, a kiss so pure and sweet it made me want to cry all over again.

"Let's get you home so we can tell the others," he said, and for once, I couldn't have agreed more.


	9. Chapter 8

CHAPTER 8

"Alice," I pleaded, "please can we stop and eat? Or at least let me get a Coke; I'm going to collapse."

We'd been shopping for hours. True to her word, Alice had hustled me out the door by nine o'clock. We might not have been there right when the doors to Nordstrom were unlocked, but we were close. And now it was well into the afternoon. I'd been hauling bags behind me all day. Alice didn't seem anywhere close to being done.

"Oh, sorry! I guess I got carried away." She looked at me sheepishly. "You do look a little peaked. Why don't we drop our bags in the car and take you somewhere nicer than the food court? That way you can sit down and rest." She danced over to me and swept all but one little bag from my hands. "Come on, it will take just a minute." I must have looked mopey, because she made a little face and started dragging me behind her. "We can talk about Christmas over lunch."

I trailed behind her as we made our way through the mall. She moved gracefully through the crowds, unconscious of the heads turning to stare at the beautiful, quirky beauty in their midst. To Alice, the people were like static in the background – at least until she needed something from them.

She fluttered her eyelashes at the valet, needlessly wielding her power to charm as she held out her claim ticket, some folded bills tucked discreetly underneath. "Us again." Even though this was the third time we'd been back today, he was still stunned by her dazzling smile. "Could I convince you to take these to our car this one last time? No more, I promise."

He blushed to the roots of his hair and took the ticket. "R-right away, miss," he stuttered. Alice held out the packages for him. He reached for them, and the contrast between her grace and his clumsiness was sharp. We watched him head off to the garage, juggling and struggling with the packages, dropping one every 6 feet or so.

Alice's laugh tinkled like wind chimes as she watched him go. "Thank you," she called after him. She looked at me, her tawny eyes twinkling. "Do you think he will beat his old time?"

"You enjoyed that way too much, Alice." I said in a disapproving tone.

"You're just crabby because you're hungry," she cajoled. She linked arms with me and steered us down the street. "Maybe after you eat you'll be up for the boutiques."

"No way," I said firmly. I had no need for the high fashion Alice loved, and I certainly wasn't used to paying those prices. The expedition through the mall had been bad enough. The fact that she was shopping for someone else, and someone with a real reason to buy clothes, had demolished any sense of restraint Alice might have had. I had tried to distract her to Christmas present shopping, but she hadn't taken my bait. She'd dragged me through every department store, then every maternity store chain. When she didn't like the selection, she'd toyed with the idea of making me buy regular clothes in larger sizes, arguing I could take them to a tailor. I think she'd bought enough clothes to replace my entire wardrobe.

From the first store, I'd known I was doomed.

"You're so cute pregnant!" She had enthused, forcing me out in front of the mirror. I could barely stand to look. My skin seemed paler than usual under the fluorescent lights. The clingy clothes Alice had picked for me accentuated my growing belly. I blushed, feeling extremely self-conscious.

"I don't think cute and pregnant really work in the same sentence, Alice," I had grumbled, sucking in my stomach to no avail.

"You just don't see it. You're glowing. Here," she had said, shoving a weird pillow at me. "Go see how that will look in a few months."

I had looked at the pillow, bewildered. It had straps and snaps. What was I supposed to do with it?

"Wrap it around your stomach, see if the dress will still fit," she'd ordered, pushing me back into the dressing room.

"Aw, Alice, do I have to?"

The door had clicked behind me. "I'll be waiting."

At that point, I still had harbored hopes of escape. I would just get dressed in my own clothes, I'd reasoned. But when I had looked around for my sweats and baggy turtleneck, I couldn't find them. Panicked, I had started flinging hangers around and digging through the mounds of clothes that had somehow piled around my feet.

I had thrown the door open. "Where are my clothes?"

Alice had smiled smugly. "Gone. No more sweatpants, Bella. You're walking out of here in style."

"Ugh!" I had stomped back into the dressing room and plopped down. I was definitely not having fun.

So, now, four hours later, I found myself walking arm in arm with Alice, wearing a chic wrap dress under a warm winter coat, feeling most definitely like a fish out of water and sure that everyone could see how huge I was.

"What are you in the mood for, Bella? Italian? Salad?" Alice was trying to atone for her behavior by being extremely accommodating of my human foible of needing to eat.

Out of the blue, I blurted, "Steak."

Alice raised one eyebrow. "For lunch? Okay…I guess you are eating for three."

She clearly knew her way around the city, for she managed to navigate us a few blocks to a plummy-looking steakhouse. "Voila," she said, gesturing toward the big glass door. "Your lunch awaits."

We swept in. The lobby was impressive – all dark woods and brass. A rail-thin hostess in 3 inch heels snapped to attention at the sight of us. "Table for two?"

"Yes, but just one setting," Alice smiled back. The hostess whisked us to a quiet table in the middle of the dining room. "No booth?" Alice pouted slightly. The hostess looked apologetic. "No, I'm sorry." She gestured to one side. "We've closed off the other area. You're a bit after our normal lunch rush." The hostess turned to me, then. "May I take your coat?" She watched patiently as I fumbled with my buttons, and then expertly helped me out of it.

Alice sat back in her chair, admiring her day's work. "You're so cute! I could eat you up." She chuckled at her unintended gaffe. "Sit down, sit down."

I wasn't used to such a fancy place. I jumped when the hostess tried to place the napkin in my lap for me, almost knocking over my water glass. "Why did you take me to a place like this?" I grumbled at Alice once the hostess had left, waiting for my burning cheeks to cool.

"You said steak, so I brought you to steak." She smiled sweetly. "Relax. I've heard the filet here is divine."

The mention of the meat made my mouth water. I didn't think I could last much longer. The smells coming from the kitchen were fantastic and my stomach was growling, out of control. I grabbed the menu and pored over it with greedy eyes.

Our waiter appeared, offering us the requisite water and bread. "Umm, not to rush you," I said, "but I think I'm ready to order."

"Of course, miss. But would you like to hear the specials before you decide?"

I shook my head. "I know what I want."

He nodded and took out his notepad, waiting for my order.

"I'll take the filet. Rare."

"Our rare steaks are bloody in the center; are you sure that is how you'd like it?"

"Yes, absolutely."

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Alice raise an eyebrow. "I'm not sure that you're supposed to eat rare meat when you're pregnant, Bella. Something of a health hazard, I think."

I pouted. "My doctor never said anything about that."

Outraged, Alice hissed, "_Your doctor_ didn't know you ate rare meat, Bella."

The waiter paused, unsure what to do.

I shot her a warning look, then glanced back at the waiter, a stiff smile on my face. "Keep it rare, please. I'll have the creamed spinach for my side. Thank you."

He shrugged. "Anything for you, miss?" He looked over at Alice expectantly and seemed disappointed by her curt 'no.' Taking my menu, he walked back to the kitchen, stopped along the way to check on the few other diners around us. As soon as he was out of earshot, Alice started in on me, leaning so far over the table that I thought she might climb over it.

"Seriously, Bella, since when do you eat rare meat? You barely eat meat at all. I'm not making up that health risk thing. Ask Carlisle when we get home. I'm sure that you're not supposed to do that."

"C'mon, Alice. I put up with all your shopping; can't you let me have a little fun, too?"

She wrinkled her brow and looked suspiciously at me. "Eating bloody meat is fun for you? All right. I'm not going to pester you. But I think it's very odd."

She had a point. I didn't know why I was so insistent on having my steak rare…it just sounded so good. But I didn't want her to be put out with me. I needed to get back on her good side."

"Alice, you said you'd tell me about Christmas."

She beamed at me, twirling the water around in her glass. "Ah, yes. Christmas. I think we should go all out this year, don't you?"

"Er, why?" I was wary of what "all out" meant to Alice.

"We have so much to celebrate. This is your first Christmas with Edward – isn't that romantic? And of course, there are the babies."

"But the babies aren't even born yet." I protested.

She looked at me with utter disappointment. "But Bella, we have to buy things for the babies. We just have to."

I sighed. "We don't really, Alice. Isn't it bad luck or something to buy a lot of baby stuff in advance?"

"Only if you're Jewish," she asserted. "We're not. It's totally acceptable."

"Um, so what are you then?" I rearranged my silverware, trying to avoid looking at her, in case the subject of religion was a touchy one.

She just laughed, though. "Silly Bella. We're not anything in particular, but we do celebrate Christmas, if that's what you're asking. Carlisle is quite strong in his convictions, you know. As for the rest of us, we probably range from hopeful to materialistic." She winked at me. "You know, you are going to really love what Edward is giving you this year."

I groaned inwardly. "Alice, can you see what I give him?" I was desperate for an idea, especially since now I knew that he would be getting me something. "Or any of you, for that matter?"

"You don't have to worry about any of that, Bella. Getting to be an auntie is enough for me." She grinned widely.

"I can't _not_ get you something. But you all have everything you could possibly ever want." I dejectedly tore a bite-sized piece of bread off of my roll.

"Like I said, don't worry about it. Edward will take care of all of that for you. He already knows what we all want." She chortled with glee, thinking of her spoils. Then, for just a second or two, all expression evaporated from her face and as she stared blankly. I recognized the look.

"Alice, what is it?" I whispered across the table, hoping no one else could hear.

She shook away her daze, but confusion took its place. "We're just about to have a visitor, that's all. I just wonder…."

"Who?"

"Tanya," she replied. "Such a strange coincidence. I wonder why she's even in Seattle? She usually calls when she comes into town. She seemed angry."

That was all I needed to hear. The very idea of seeing Tanya again made my blood run cold.

"I can't see Tanya, Alice. We have to go!" I was starting to feel frantic at the idea of being dissected under her cold, yellow stare. Would she be able to tell I was carrying Edward's child? I felt the blood drain from my face as I contemplated her anger.

Alice looked genuinely confused. "But why, Bella? You haven't even had your lunch yet. Tanya won't bite – no pun intended. She'll barely be here two minutes. You'll see."

"I don't think she really likes me that much, Alice," I confided, hoping she wouldn't probe for details.

Alice's eyes narrowed suspiciously. "Did something happen between the two of you at your wedding?"

I gave a little nod and looked down. Alice sighed. "It's Edward, isn't it? I always knew she had a thing for him. I didn't realize she was that…_serious_." She drummed her fingers rapidly on the table as she thought. "No matter. It's not as if she can do anything about it. Buck up, Bella. It will be over before you know it."

I sat stiffly in my chair, waiting for the inevitable. Alice tried to distract me with her prattle but it was all I could do to focus on her lovely face, pretending to listen. The entire time she talked, I kept replaying my last – and only – conversation with Tanya, remembering how I froze up and how little she made me feel. Even now, just thinking about it, my heart was racing. _There's nothing she can do to you_, I told myself, trying to regain my poise. But even with Alice's warning, when I saw Tanya stride through the door, I sucked in my breath.

She was alone, and immaculately dressed. Her strawberry blonde hair was swept up, accentuating her lovely cheekbones. Even from across the room, I could see her golden eyes sparkling. I watched as she spoke with the hostess, and I saw the moment she sensed someone else was there. Her entire body tensed and her nostrils flared. She whipped her head around, scanning the entire room until her eyes fell upon Alice and me. Her lips instantaneously turned down in displeasure, but she quickly smoothed over her annoyance and floated over to our table.

Alice immediately jumped in to direct the conversation, hoping to keep things light. "Tanya, what a surprise! What are you doing in Seattle? And here, of all places?"

"Alice!" Tanya bent over to give Alice a little air kiss, then straightened up. "I needed to meet my banker. This seemed as good a place as any." She looked coolly over at me. Her eyes narrowed. "Bella," she grudgingly acknowledged me. I tried to hold her gaze, but I had to look away. I didn't think I could stand being picked apart by – or compared to her – again and silently waited for her to dismiss me and continue talking to Alice. But instead of turning back to Alice, she continued to stare and, to my amazement, inhaled deeply, sniffing the air around me. Her nostrils flared again and she pulled her lips back slightly, revealing a neat row of beautiful white teeth.

"What's going on?" She growled softly.

"What do you mean?" Alice played innocent.

"You know what." She turned her back to me to address Alice. "This is not normal."

"I think that normal is a standard that perhaps is best left for others to judge, don't you, Tanya?" Alice was charming, but there was steel in her voice.

Tanya turned back to examine me, this time coming even closer. "What is that scent? I can't place it." She leaned in closer for another sniff. I shifted nervously in my seat, hoping no one was watching this little drama unfold. Tanya stood up to her full height, never taking her eyes off of me. She circled my chair, sizing me up as best she could. From her vantage point, she was sure to notice the softness in my face and body. I shifted my artfully placed napkin in my lap, hoping to cover myself, but it only drew her attention to the obvious.

The features of her face shifted like a kaleidoscope the moment she realized what had happened, subtle changes betraying her emotions. A look off horror first swept over her pale beauty. It was quickly replaced by something that resembled regret. Finally, her features hardened into what could only be anger as the muscles in her jaw tensed. Regaining her composure, she continued talking, so quietly that I wasn't sure we were meant to hear. "This has got to be one of Carlisle's little experiments. Or is Edward stupid enough to think he can pull this off?" I sat glued to my chair, afraid to say a word, afraid that if I moved one inch she might take my head off.

She made an exasperated sound as she wheeled on Alice. "What in God's name is your family thinking? It's bad enough bringing a human into our world this way," she hissed, "but to then inter-breed? Do you know the risks your family is running?"

Alice remained perfectly calm. "There are no risks, Tanya," she said in a soft, steady voice. "We've taken care of everything. There is no exposure to outsiders."

"But there could be! Not to mention that this is an abomination that is _not supposed_ to happen!" Her eyes flashed with fury.

Alice's cold eyes bored into her. "I think you'd be better off finding another place to meet your banker, Tanya."

Tanya was taken aback. She sucked in her cheeks, eyeing Alice carefully. "As you wish," she said curtly. She didn't even look at me as she floated out.

"Breathe, Bella," Alice ordered. I hadn't even realized I'd been holding my breath. "Remember what I said to you about pretending before? You need to act naturally now, Bella, so we don't attract attention."

I focused on my bread plate, trying to control my panic. Why did Tanya have such an effect on me? And why was she so angry – had there been more to her relationship than Edward had admitted?

"Bella. Bella. Snap out of it. The waiter is coming with your food." Alice's whisper broke through my thoughts. I didn't even think I could eat now; my stomach was twisted in knots.

A few moments later the waiter arrived at our table bearing my lunch. "Filet, rare. Can I get you anything else, miss?" He asked as he arranged my plate before me.

Alice answered for me. "Just the check when you're ready. We'll be in a bit of a hurry."

I eyed my plate. The steak was perfectly prepared, a big slab of meat in the middle of my plate. I could smell the juicy blood in the center, wafting up to me. The pains in my stomach disappeared, replaced by the urge to gorge myself on the barely cooked flesh in front of me. I stabbed the filet and started hacking at it with fork and knife, completely consumed by my desire to eat. The bloody juice was like wine to me, ripe in its fullness, intoxicating. I was distracted only by the trickle of juice in the middle of the plate – it was all I could do to not lick it right up.

"What are you doing?" hissed Alice.

I looked up and saw her staring at me in shock.

"Hungry," I mumbled through my mouthful of steak.

She looked over her shoulder to be sure no one was paying attention, and then continued whispering. "Bella, you are acting like you have blood lust. What in God's name is going on?"

"Nothing," I protested, but I couldn't stop the flush of red from spreading across my face. She continued to stare at me, her golden eyes mesmerizing. "I don't know." I admitted, throwing down my knife and fork in frustration.

Her eyes narrowed. "You know more than you are letting on. What are you hiding?"

Against my will, I thought of my encounter with Leah Clearwater, and how she had mistaken me for a vampire. I hesitated for a moment.

"Alice, do I smell different to you?"

She nodded thoughtfully. "Yes, you do. I don't really notice it, but that's probably because I am around you all the time. But since you ask, yes, your scent has changed."

"Changed how?" My own voice was barely audible.

"Sweeter, I guess. It's sort of hard to describe."

I could barely bring myself to ask the next question. "Like one of you?"

Her eyes got big as she comprehended my meaning, but as she was about to respond, the waiter appeared with the check. "Whenever you're ready, miss. Have a wonderful afternoon."

Alice smiled graciously, eager to get him out of the way. As soon as he'd disappeared, she continued, a look of skepticism on her face. "Don't be ridiculous. You're clearly human, Bella. Look at you." She gestured across the table toward me. "And _that_," she pointed at my plate, wrinkling her nose in disgust, "would never be appealing to you if you had changed. It's _dead_." She shuddered at the thought. "Besides, no one's touched you. It's not like you can just change, presto-magic overnight."

I reached across the table and grabbed her cold, hard hand. "I ran into Leah Clearwater yesterday, Alice. She picked up my scent and thought I'd been changed." The words tumbled out of me now. "And Tanya, she smelled it, too. She barely even knows me but she could tell my scent was different. What if they are right and this is against nature? Alice, what if the babies are…"

She'd stopped listening to me as soon as I'd mentioned Leah's name. Now she cut me off, speaking sharply. "Bella, listen carefully. Did Leah understand that you haven't been changed?"

"Yes," I nodded. "At least she realized I'm pregnant. She was going to tell Jacob," I added miserably.

"Oh, brother," Alice muttered. Her hand dove into her purse. "If you have to get your protein fix, eat fast. I have a feeling we may need to leave in a hurry." She fished out her tiny cell phone as she spoke and dialed the numbers in a blur. "Edward, are you alone? Good. You may be getting visitors." She paused for just a moment. "Yes. Bella ran into one of them yesterday." There was another short silence. "We're on our way."

She snapped her phone shut and deftly tucked it in her purse. She slid a neat stack of bills into the leather portfolio in which our check rested and noiselessly slid her chair back. "Time to go, Bella."

I looked wistfully at my plate and, much less gracefully than Alice, got up from the table.

I had to practically run to keep up with her. As we approached the mall, she muttered, "Damn. The valet – I forgot to get my claim ticket." Not surprisingly, he had no trouble remembering the dazzling fairy who had made him carry her packages to the car three times, so in no time at all we were flying back toward Forks.

Alice was tense. She couldn't see what was going to happen – in fact, she didn't know that the wolves were really even coming – she just had a feeling. She drove even faster than usual, leaving me shrinking in the passenger seat beside her.

"I'm sorry, Alice. I wasn't thinking."

"It's okay, Bella." She shot me a cool glance out of the corner of her eye. "It's just easier if you tell us these things. They're a young pack, and in this case, there's more than just instinct involved, which complicates things." I knew exactly what she meant, and it only made me feel guiltier.

We were still fifteen minutes from home when Alice's face fell. "Damn."

"What is it, Alice?" I gripped the edge of my seat, afraid of what she'd seen.

"The wolves must be there. Edward's future just disappeared. Jasper's too."

"Oh." My voice sounded little.

We drove the rest of the way in silence, both of us staring straight ahead, willing us on faster and faster.

We pulled up to the house and Alice threw the stick into park, flinging the door open. She lifted her nose to the cold breeze and tensed. "They're out back," she muttered, and disappeared.

I trailed behind her, struggling through my skirts and bulk to run.

When I finally found them, they were in a tight circle, facing off. Edward's back was to me – his muscles rippled under his thin shirt and his hands coiled into tight fists. Jasper stood beside him, alert. Alice had joined Jasper. Across from them were Sam and Jacob. Their hard, long bodies were tensed for a fight, their faces equally cold. It was a look I recognized and hated. I was surprised how easy it made it to see Jake. It was almost as if he was nothing to me.

But then, he saw me. His eyes caught mine and for an instant, his face broke out in joy. My own heart leaped to see _my Jacob_, my friend once again. But as quickly as a cloud shifts in the sky, his face turned cold. I heard his voice rise above the rest, "I'll see for myself." He began pushing through the circle, walking right toward me.

I stopped dead in my tracks, willing myself to be unmoved by his presence. He was all sinew and muscle as he moved toward me. Despite the cold in the air, he wore nothing but a tight black t-shirt and jeans. I noticed with regret that he had cut his hair short, a military buzz. The angles in his face were as sharp as ever, and his skin the same polished umber I remembered.

It took me less than a second to take this all in, and for all the old longing for him to resurface. Could he see it in my face? I thought not, for his remained a cold mask.

He drew close, and like Leah and Tanya before him, took a big whiff of me. Pain ripped through me as I saw him struggle to control the look of disgust that crossed his face. But that was the only struggle I saw – no rippling muscles, no shaking hands. It was as if he was immune to me. He moved in closer, breathing through his mouth. Slowly, he reached out for my chin and drew my face up until he could look in my eyes. His eyes searched mine for what seemed like forever. I wasn't sure I could hold his look, but I couldn't bear to break away.

He dropped his hands to his side but didn't move. I was locked in his gaze, painfully aware that the wound that had so carefully healed under Edward's watchful love was on the verge of reopening. He looked down at the swell of my belly and for a moment his whole body sagged. "You said that was _our_ future, Bella." He spoke so quietly that I wasn't even sure I had heard the words; but when he looked up, the tears in his eyes, the unconcealed hurt on his face, convinced me I hadn't imagined it.

Before I could say anything, though, he hardened back into the other Jacob. Squaring his shoulders, he called out, "They're telling the truth, Sam. She's not a bloodsucker. Not yet, anyway."

He turned away from me and I longed to reach out for him, to tell him how sorry I was, but the others were all watching. I stayed rooted to the ground, cursing myself for trying to go to La Push at all.

He kept walking, right past Edward, Alice and Jasper toward the woods. He called out over his shoulder, "Don't think this will make us ease up on you. We know you're planning to violate the treaty. We'll be watching." And then, just as quickly as he had reappeared in my life, he was gone.

Sam attempted to be more diplomatic. "Am I correct in assuming this is an unusual situation?"

Edward looked across the yard toward me. "Yes," he replied coolly, turning back to address Sam. "We aren't aware of any other cases like this. As you can imagine, we are doing our best to understand it, but there are limits to what we can do. We're sorry that this misunderstanding caused any undue concern on the reservation."

Sam nodded, deep in thought. "Well, you can understand if I don't extend my congratulations. You know where to find me."

Edward nodded as Sam turned and followed Jacob into the forest.

Alice patted Edward's arm and headed quickly back toward the house, not looking at me as she went past. Jasper followed after her, pausing only long enough to give me a sympathetic glance and whisper to me, "I did what I could, Bella."

And then I was left alone with Edward.

He was still facing the forest. I longed to run to him, to wrap my arms around his magnificent, cold body, but was afraid of what I might see on his face.

He turned, and the look of anguish on his face was unbearable. "Why?" The single word, torn from somewhere deep inside of him, rang out in the cold air.

I could feel my whole world caving in on me. What had I done? I started to sink down into the wet earth, but he was there, catching me before I hit the ground.

"Why, Bella, why? Why did you go to him?" His voice was rough and cut through the confusion that swirled in my mind. I greedily sucked in his sweet breath and clutched at him, wishing in vain for unconsciousness.

"I didn't," I protested weakly, keeping my eyes shut.

"You would have if you hadn't run into Leah." His voice was rough and bitter. "Look at me." I reluctantly opened my eyes. His golden eyes bored into me, the depths of their sadness overwhelming me.

I didn't even know where to begin, but I knew I had to try. "I'm sorry," I whispered. "I didn't know they would think you'd violated the treaty. I didn't mean to put us in danger."

His eyes hardened at my words and his grip on me tightened like a vise as he shook me. "Is that what you think this is about? Danger?" He practically spit the word out at me. "We were never in any danger from those pups. This is about you and Jacob, Bella." The edge to his voice was unmistakable. "I have done everything I can, Bella, everything I can think of to make you happy. And still you go to him. What can he give you that I can't?"

His words cut me to the core. I blinked away the hot moisture building in my eyes. Even through my tears I could see the mounting anger, the look of betrayal in his eyes. I tried to twist out of his grip but his hold on me was too tight.

"You're hurting me, Edward," I whispered.

He instantly released me, remorse flooding his face. He quickly moved away from me and held his face in his hands. I reached out for him, but he flinched away. My skin flushed, despite the coldness of the day.

His voice was rough, his breathing ragged, as he continued speaking, never lifting his head. "Bella, I cannot bear this. I cannot take another day of not knowing that I have your heart, of wondering if you are going to change your mind."

"You have it," I promised him, willing him to look up.

"Do I?" We sat in silence, the question hanging in the air. "I let your relationship with Jacob go on too long before. I won't make the same mistake again. I need you to promise me you will stay away from him, Bella."

"Of course," I pledged without hesitation.

He looked at me then, his lips twisted in a sardonic smile. "It's not that easy, Bella. I know you well enough to know you'll say anything right now to make me feel better. I need to be sure you really mean it…that you won't regret it. I want you to take some time to think about it."

"But I do mean it." I was nervous about where this was headed. "I don't need any time."

He struggled to say the next words. "I think you should go stay with Charlie for a while."

"No!" I fought the rising tide of panic and flung myself against him. "Please don't send me away!"

He slowly peeled my arms off of him, clasping my hands in one of his cold ones. "Bella, I heard what he is thinking and if there is even a glimmer of truth to it…."

He cupped my face in his hand. I could see him struggle to keep his emotions hidden as his eyes drank in my face, as if he was trying to memorize every last feature.

"No," I whimpered.

His eyes flashed with pain as his mouth swept down on mine. He kissed me hard. It was a kiss I recognized. It was a kiss of parting.

He didn't look at me again once he tore himself away. "I'll have Alice drive you over in your truck," he said. With that, he released my hands and left me sitting in the cold.

I was too stunned to move. The insides of my lips were tender from the force of his kiss. I slowly brought my fingertips up to my mouth, wondering if that was the last time I'd ever feel his smooth, cold lips on mine.

I wasn't sure how long I sat there in the cold. Eventually, Alice came and picked me up, bringing me to the waiting truck. She had carefully packed a duffle bag for me and tucked several of the afternoon's shopping bags underneath it on the passenger side.

I had not cried since Edward had left me. I braced myself for the hysteria that had gripped me the last time he'd left, but it didn't come. I was just dead calm, and now that I was in the truck with Alice, I felt hyperaware of my surroundings.

"Does Charlie expect me?" My voice was steady, surprising me.

"He was out. Esme left him a message. We will get there before he does."

I considered how Charlie would react. I was not sure which side of him would win – the side that held some resistance to the very idea of me being with Edward, or the side that wouldn't want to see me alone. I was sure the recent news of my pregnancy would complicate his reaction. I sighed.

"How long, Alice?" I waited patiently for her response.

She gave me a smile of sympathy. "Not long. I see you celebrating Christmas with us."

I swallowed hard, trying not to dwell on the fact that Christmas was still a month away.

"Do you know what it was that Jacob thought that upset Edward so much?"

She grimaced. "No, but it's not that hard to imagine, is it?"

I gave her a blank look.

She made a small, exasperated sound, rolling her eyes. "Bella, here you are, pregnant, when no one ever thought such a thing was possible. And we catch you trying to run off to see Jacob. Do you think Jacob might have found any way to use that to hurt Edward?"

I sucked in my breath, my face burning. "Oh, no."

"Oh, yes." She said. "That's what I'd bet on, anyway."

"Alice, you know I would never…"

She didn't let me finish. "Of course not, Bella. Jacob was just hitting below the belt, using the only thing he has. But Edward is not always rational when it comes to you. If he had any sense he'd have focused on all the other thoughts that I'm sure were running through Jacob's head." She sighed softly. "He'll come to his senses. Hopefully you will too." She shot me a reproachful look. "No more werewolves, Bella."

I stared at my hands, folded neatly in my lap. We were at Charlie's house now. The window was dark. It looked sad and lonely.

Alice helped me out of the truck and scooped up all my things. I found the spare key under the doormat and let us in. I lingered in the kitchen, wondering how many nights of cooking for Charlie I had in store. When I finally went up to my room, Alice had already unpacked all of my things and was sitting on the edge of my old bed.

"Do you want me to drive you to school this week?" she offered. I hadn't really thought about how I'd get back and forth to classes. I really couldn't afford to skip these last weeks at the end of the term. It would be a longer drive going by myself, but perhaps I could use the time to think.

"No, I think I'll just take my truck. Thanks, though."

She shrugged and looked at me expectantly.

I was afraid to ask the question on my mind, but her expression encouraged me. "Alice, do you see anything changing?" I asked it shyly, bracing myself for whatever she said.

She had been waiting for the question and smiled at me kindly. "Not a thing, Bella. Not a thing." Before I knew it, she had enveloped me in a stony, frigid hug. "You'll be a vampire before you know it. I promise."

I breathed a sigh of relief. "Are you sure this will be over by Christmas?"

"Positive." She said it with confidence, and it was tonic to my shaken spirit. She stepped away from me, holding my hands in hers as she inspected me, making sure I was all right. "Charlie will be home in about twenty minutes. Do you want me to stay with you, try to soften him up?"

"No," I shook my head. "I can handle Charlie. Just do me a favor and tell Edward that I love him and I am sorry."

Her marble hands squeezed mine tightly. "You might be able to tell him yourself tonight. I have a feeling old habits die hard." She winked then, leaving me with a piece of hope to cling to, and disappeared out the window.


	10. Chapter 9

CHAPTER 9

"Bella? Is that you?" I guess the question was fair, given that I hadn't really lived here in months. But still -- with my enormous truck parked in the driveway -- who else did Charlie think it could be?

"Up here, Dad." I called down from my room. I had already deleted Esme's message from Charlie's ancient answering machine, so it was up to me to break the news that I'd be staying here for an indefinite period of time.

I was dreading the conversation. I'd barely gotten through my post-Florida disaster call – _yes, Dad, everything is okay; no, Dad, there's nothing going on between me and Edward; actually, it's twins, Dad_ – and here I was, camping out at his house.

No use putting it off, I thought to myself, and set off down the narrow staircase, being extra careful around the corners – my body was already feeling unwieldy and my balance was even worse than normal.

"Hey, Bells, I wasn't expecting you. How's my girl?" Charlie was just the same as always. He was wearing his lucky fishing cap, pushed way back on his head. A smile lit up his face as he saw me.

"Cold day for fishing, Charlie," I teased, grateful that at least he'd be in a good mood after a day spend casting his line. He hugged me, holding me just a split second longer than was necessary.

"Cold and worthless – I came back with nothing. But enough about fishing. Let me look at you." He stepped back, looking for the changes he knew he should find. "Well, Bells," he said, blushing slightly, "if your mom hadn't told me herself, I'd just think you'd enjoyed Thanksgiving a little too much."

"Aw, Charlie, you sure know how to turn on the charm." It was easy, falling back into the father-daughter routine. "I bet you're hungry. Can I make you some dinner?" I moved to the refrigerator to see what I could work with, trying to draw out this moment as long as I could.

"Sure," Charlie replied, sitting down at the kitchen table and stretching out to remove his boots. "Is Edward in the living room?"

"No," I said, turning my back to Charlie while I laid out some chicken on the counter, being very careful to keep my voice steady as I pulled the chef's knife out of the knife block. "I came by myself."

I must have taken just a second too long to answer. "Bella?" His voice was questioning.

The only sound in the kitchen was the rhythmic chopping of my knife as I focused on cutting careful parallel lines into the chicken breasts.

"Is it okay if I spend the night, Charlie?" I couldn't bring myself to look at him.

There was silence as he took in the import of my question. Then I heard the scrape of his chair and felt his heavy hand upon my shoulder. His voice was rough with emotion when he spoke. "Bella, this is always your home."

"Thanks, Dad," I answered, my voice breaking with an unexpected wave of sadness. I set my knife aside carefully. "It will be fine. Newlywed tiff, right?"

"Sure, Bella." He kissed the top of my head. "Are you sure you want to cook tonight? I could order us some pizza."

I shook my head. I needed something to keep my hands – and, hopefully, my mind -- busy tonight. "I'd like to cook for you. Really."

He lingered awkwardly, not wanting to leave me alone but not quite sure what to do.

"Why don't you go catch up on football? Isn't there some game on tonight? I'll call you when it's ready."

"Are you sure?" he asked, unsettled by my sudden appearance but relieved to be excused from a big emotional scene. "I would like to watch the Huskies." I nodded, and he wandered off to the living room to turn on the game.

I hadn't really cooked in a while – it wasn't as much fun when there was no one else to cook for -- so I decided to indulge myself by cooking a chicken pot pie. Charlie wasn't one to stock vegetables in his refrigerator, but there were some peas and carrots in the freezer, and a lone onion at the bottom of the crisper. I took my time making the biscuit crust, letting the dough ooze between my fingers, then laying the chicken out in a neat pattern. One hour down, I thought to myself as I put the pot pie into the oven and busied myself cleaning up the messy counter.

Every now and then a roar would go up from the television in the next room, and I would smile to myself, knowing how easily Charlie could lose himself in a good game.

I moved from the counter to the refrigerator, cleaning out limp celery leaves that looked like they had been there since before Edward and I had been married. I swept, scrubbed and wiped until everything sparkled. I looked up at the moon-faced clock on the wall and sighed – only another half hour. A little bit longer, I promised myself, and then I could escape to the haven of my room.

When dinner was ready, I brought it in to Charlie on a tray. "Thanks, Bells," he said appreciatively as the aroma of the roasted chicken wafted up to him. "I don't think I've had a meal this good since you left." He dug into the browned crust with gusto.

"Don't get used to it," I warned, hoping silently that Alice was right and my days here were numbered. I plopped down on the couch and picked at my own tray of food. After a few commercial breaks had passed, I figured it was safe to make my escape.

"Dad, if it's okay with you, I'm going to go up and get ready for bed. I have to get up early tomorrow to get to my first class." I couldn't wait to get away from Charlie so that I could wallow in self-pity.

Charlie didn't look away from the television set. "Sure, Bella. Do you need me to wake you up in the morning?"

"No, thanks. I think I've got it covered. Goodnight, Dad." I slowly climbed the stairs. I spent as long as I could in the bathroom, dreading the moment I'd have to face my empty room. I hadn't had many nights in that room without Edward; despite what Alice had said, I didn't dare get my hopes up tonight.

I hung my new dress on a wire hanger that had been orphaned in my closet and smoothed out some imaginary wrinkles. It was a pity Edward hadn't seen it, I thought wistfully – it was deep blue, his favorite color on me. After I draped my robe over the back of my computer chair, I cuddled under the covers on my bed. Only then did I allow myself to reflect on the events of the day.

Why _had_ I gone to see Jacob? That had been Edward's question to me, and it was a fair one. I had wanted a distraction – someone to pull me out of my worries about my impending ultrasound. And no one else was around – Edward had been gone that whole day. But if Edward had been home, would I have confided in him? I didn't need to think about that very long to know the answer. I spent half of my energy lately trying to hide my feelings from Edward, afraid of hurting him. It was a well-practiced pattern that had begun with my cautious attempts to not put him in too much pain by arousing his thirst. I thought about that for a long time, remembering how Renee had compared me to a satellite, always adjusting and readjusting myself in relation to Edward. Had that habit become so ingrained that it had extended to my thoughts and feelings? I had to admit, I shared very few intimate opinions or emotions with Edward without thinking seriously about what his reactions might be first – my demand for physical intimacy and insistence on changing being the few exceptions.

And Jacob – well, there was a pattern there, too. The whole reason I had thrown myself into my friendship with Jacob was to deal with my feelings for Edward, even if I hadn't realized it at the time.

I hugged my pillow close as I considered this new insight. Had I been using Jacob as my emotional safety valve, afraid of upsetting Edward? How would I feel if the roles had been reversed – if Edward kept turning to someone else for support – someone like Tanya? Even the thought of it elevated my blood pressure. I couldn't blame Edward for being upset. As I lay in the dark, alone in my bed, I realized it wasn't a very good deal for Jacob, either.

Boy, I'd really screwed things up.

I flopped over on one side in frustration. It didn't matter what I had done wrong, I just had to make it right. I would beg for Edward's forgiveness and promise to never do it again.

No, I thought. That would be the old Bella way. The new Bella way would be to explain to him what I had learned from my introspection, and _then_ beg him to take me back.

But first he had to show up. I re-fluffed my pillow and prepared myself to wait all night. Alice had said he'd be coming. I would be ready.

I was confused when the alarm clock went off the next morning. I couldn't figure out why the alarm clock was ringing, when clearly it wasn't morning since Edward hadn't woken me yet. It took me several minutes until I realized with a surge of disappointment that he hadn't come, after all.

I dully brushed my teeth and combed my hair. I grabbed the first thing my hands found in the closet and dressed myself for class. I snuck quietly down the stairs, to avoid waking Charlie, and grabbed myself a granola bar for breakfast. I could stop to get something more on the way.

When I stepped outside, the cold caught me by surprise. The mist was heavy and there was a bite to the air. It wouldn't have shocked me if there'd been ice on the driveway, but for now, at least, it was just wet. I ran to my truck and hurried in, hoping the heater would warm up quickly. As I settled into the seat, I noticed a small, folded piece of paper on the dash. I picked it up and held it in my hand for a moment, almost afraid to look at it. Finally, I unfolded it to see Edward's beautiful script.

Please drive carefully today. I'll be thinking of you.

Love, Edward

I felt a surge of gratefulness. He had come, after all. I kept unfolding and refolding his note, giddy with the idea that he still loved me. The hope that I would see him at class motivated me to ease my car onto the road for the long drive to Port Angeles.

He didn't show up to escort me to and from my classes. Every hour, I would hang back from the crowd pouring out of the classroom, hoping that when everyone had cleared away I would see his magnificent figure standing there waiting for me, but I found nobody. So I walked by myself between classes – which made me keenly aware of how ungainly my body was becoming. Two collisions and one tripping incident drove home that my lack of grace coupled with ten extra pounds made me an even greater danger to myself than usual.

Edward didn't attend Child Development, our one class together, either. I kept my backpack on the seat next to me in the lecture hall, holding a spot for him until well past the hour, hoping that he'd be the next person through the door. But I knew I was kidding myself – Edward was never late. So I sat, forlorn, not taking in any of the lecture, reaching into my pocket to touch his folded note like a talisman, over and over again.

The drive home was much slower; I was dreading the night without him. I thought about calling him, but somehow that felt wrong, like I was intruding on his solitude. So I went through another night of picking at my dinner with Charlie, managing to avoid any discussion of babies or Edward for the whole evening, and excused myself early to study in my room.

My literature courses were not that taxing – I had already read this week's texts and only had one short paper due at the end of the week. By 10:00 I was done with my reading and had gotten restless. I spent my time slowly, taking a long, hot shower, taking a ridiculous amount of time planning my next day's outfit, even sending a short email to Renee to try to reestablish a connection…until finally I had run out of things to do. Edward still had not come and I simply couldn't bear the ache in my soul. I huddled under my covers, wishing for sleep to come so I couldn't dwell on all the things I had done wrong that had gotten us to this spot. Alice may have been technically right about Edward's old habits, but she had gotten the spirit of it wrong – if he was coming to see me, it was to observe, not talk. I fell asleep wondering if the babies could feel my loneliness.

I awoke with a start. I glanced at my clock – after four in the morning. Sitting on my window sill, gazing out into the darkness, was Edward. A dim light -- moonlight – brightened his pale skin so that he glowed. He was perfectly still – a beautiful, marble statue. When he turned to look at me, his angelic face took my breath away.

"You came," I whispered, afraid it was a dream.

"I couldn't stay away," he answered, his sad smile breaking my heart. "Come here," he whispered, standing and reaching his hand out to me.

I gathered my quilt around me and padded over to him. He enfolded me in his arms so that I leaned against his solid chest. From that vantage point, I could follow his gaze out into the inky night. He pointed one elegant finger at a light that stood out among all others.

"The morning star," he whispered into my hair. "See how brightly it shines? The ancients called it Eosphorus, the dawn bringer." He wrapped his arms around me again, continuing to murmur into my hair. I closed my eyes and leaned into him, losing myself in his honeyed voice. "It's really not a star, though, it's Venus. You can tell because it's a steady light; no twinkles. This is the time of year that Venus comes closest to the Earth. After December, it will start moving away, until it disappears behind the sun and we won't be able to see it any longer. Later, when it is on its way back to earth, it will reappear in the evening sky. It keeps going back and forth like that, pulled in circles between the sun and earth, through the ages."

He paused for a moment, brushing my cheek with his fingertips. "I always think of you as my morning star," he said, "the brightest thing in my universe." A wave of sadness overtook me for I couldn't help but wonder if he also saw me moving inexorably, never-endingly, between him and Jacob.

"I'm not going anywhere," I said quietly, turning to face him. "Not if you let me stay with you."

He pulled the quilt tighter around my shoulders and leaned in to kiss the bridge of my nose. The corners of his mouth turned up, just a bit. "I don't think I have any choice. I wouldn't make it very long without you."

I folded myself into his strong embrace and we stood there, silently, for a long time. Yet while my heart was thumping with joy, my head kept urging me to be cautious; this seemed almost too easy. I deserved more penance for my sins. Reluctantly, I whispered into his chest, "Can I come home now?"

He didn't move, but I felt the catch in his breath. I braced myself for his answer. "We still have some things to discuss, Bella."

"Anything," I promised, looking up into his eyes. I bit my lip, trying to hold back my tears. He looked down on me, his butterscotch eyes tinged with temptation and regret. He set his jaw and pulled away from me, guiding me over to the bed to sit. He sat down next to me, placing one arm around me, taking my hand in his. He absentmindedly played with my engagement ring, not looking at me as he spoke.

"Alice tells me I have been too hard on you." He set his lips in a tight line, and I wondered what exactly she had said when she shared her thoughts with him. "But I can't help wondering, Bella, what exactly it is that you need from Jacob. What it is that you can't get from me." He struggled with the last sentence. My heart twisted in pain to see the harm I'd done him.

I took a deep breath.

"Will you listen, and promise not to interrupt?" I peeked at him sideways through my hair, waiting until he nodded.

"This is very hard for me to explain…. But I think that in the back of my head, I always worry about hurting you, or making you worry too much about me, or driving you away." He grimaced, shooting me a dark look from his beautiful eyes, but stuck to his word and did not interrupt. "So there are things that I have gotten in the habit of just not talking about with you." I paused to think through my next words. "Jacob was the one person who knew, more than anyone else, what I was going through. So even if I didn't talk about those things with him, I didn't have to hide my feelings or pretend around him. At the very least, he could distract me for a while so that I didn't have to think about things."

Edward's voice was rough. "What kind of things?"

I sagged a little bit. I had been hoping we could stay at the level of vague generalities. "Like the ultrasound. I was worried about it but I didn't want to upset you."

He lifted his head and turned toward me on the bed, his icy hand still gripping mine, his eyes flashing with anger. "But I wanted you to talk to me about it! I had to force you to talk to me about it!"

"I know," I said in a small voice. "But I didn't want to."

"But why, Bella? What were you afraid of?" He was pleading now.

It had sounded so logical the other night, but now my answer sounded silly, even to me. "I don't want you to worry about me. I don't want to hurt you."

"That's ridiculous." He was annoyed now, dropping my hand to cross his arms as he stared me down. His eyes were insistent, mesmerizing…I had to struggle to keep my tongue. Suddenly, though, his face cleared, as if he'd had a sudden revelation, and all the irritation slipped away. He gently reached out to tuck a stray piece of hair behind my ear.

He gazed at me searchingly before continuing, "You know I will never leave you again, Bella, don't you?"

I burst into tears of frustration. "But you just did!"

It was as if I'd slapped him. He sat in shock for a moment, watching me cry, then took me in his arms while I continued sobbing. "Oh, Bella. I didn't mean... I just thought… I just thought we needed some time to think. And I overreacted." He sighed, irritated with himself. "Again." He kissed my tears, one by one, whispering over and over "I'm sorry…I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry, too." I hiccupped through my tears.

I climbed into his lap so there was no distance between us. He rested his hands on my belly, kissing my neck. "I missed you so much," he breathed. "And this too," he said, trailing his hands down my body. The feel of his cool lips on my pulse was driving me mad.

"Edward," I murmured, turning in his lap, my mouth searching for his lips.

My entire body shuddered as we connected. I could feel every inch of him against me, but I could not get close enough. I wanted him more than anything in the world.

He pulled away, chuckling hoarsely against my neck. "Not so fast…"

"What?" I said, only half listening while I pulled him back toward me.

"First," he said, kissing one eyelid, "there's Charlie. Despite our state of matrimony, I don't relish the idea of waking him up, especially when he is still so angry with me. Second," he said, kissing the other eyelid, "I don't want you to avoid this discussion by trying to distract me. As much as I would enjoy the distraction."

He looked at me earnestly. "Bella, I want you to be open with your heart. I don't want to be the one who makes you edit your thoughts. You said you were holding things back from me. I think we need to start discussing those things. Starting tonight. I don't want to force you to do it. I don't want to seduce you to do it. I want you to do it of your own free will."

I nodded silently, but looked away, my eyes stinging with hot tears again.

He gently forced me to turn back and return his gaze. "Is it so horrible to ask you to do that? Is what you have to say so bad?"

"No, that's not it," I said, biting my lip.

"Then what is it?" he demanded. I blushed and tried to hide my face against his chest. I heard him groan. "No, not this again. Silly girl." He wrapped his arms around me tightly. "You have to know by now how attractive you are to me."

"Even when I'm clumsy and big like this?" A single tear trickled down my cheek.

He smiled gently and wiped away my tear. "That clumsy bit, well, I've sort of known about that for a long time. It's actually quite endearing. And as for this…" He reached down to caress my swelling belly. "You have no idea what it does to me see you like this. You're more beautiful than ever." He leaned over to kiss me chastely on the cheek.

"But now is not the right time, Bella. I don't want to paper over our bigger issue with fireworks and romance. I really want you to tell me what is on your mind. I promise to listen and not jump to conclusions too quickly. Okay?" He tilted my chin up so he could look into my eyes. His breath was close now, and my head began to swim in its sweetness.

He pulled my arms from around his neck and held my hands in his, eying me carefully. "Tell me what's on your mind."

I sighed. There was no way I'd be able to fight this. Though his eyes were kind, they were also firm. Maybe I'd start with an easy one. "Did you talk to Alice today?"

He massaged my wrists with his thumbs. "Alice? Yes, of course."

"Did she tell you about Tanya?"

He stopped for a split second and then lifted my fingertips to his lips. "Yes, she did." He began kissing each finger, one by one. "What about her?"

"Well," I began, finding it hard to keep my train of thought, "she seemed awfully upset about me being pregnant. Are you sure there was nothing between you two?"

He laughed, low in his throat. Suddenly I found myself on my back, the full length of his body pressed against mine. "Are you jealous?" His eyes were shining.

"Maybe," I admitted. "What if I am?"

He chuckled and trailed his lips down my collar bone. "You shouldn't be jealous. I already told you there was nothing between us."

I struggled to focus. My hands reluctantly pushed him away. "Then why is she so…so…?"

"Does it matter?" He said hoarsely. "You're the only one I want, Bella. There's nothing she can do to us. She's irrelevant." He kissed me deeply and my head began to spin.

"Satisfied?" He whispered into my ear.

"Hardly," I muttered back.

He laughed a low, throaty laugh. "That's what I'm counting on."

Before I had fully recovered, he made a show of tucking me under the covers and bent over to kiss my belly. "You can still get a little sleep. And I need to get out of here before Charlie wakes up."

"What about your turn?" I protested.

He sat back on his heels for a second, frowning slightly. "My turn for what?"

I made a face at him. "Don't I get to ask you what is on your mind?"

"It isn't apparent already?" He teased, brushing his fingers lightly across my lips.

I pouted. I wasn't going to let him go without getting something out of him, too.

"All right," he sighed, folding himself elegantly back on the floor. "What do you want to know?"

I swallowed hard before asking my question. "I know why you were upset with me, but why did you have to send me away?"

His eyes clouded over with remorse. "It was a mistake, Bella. I wasn't thinking…clearly. If I'd had known how much it would hurt you, I would never have done it. Now that you're here, though, there is one thing in particular that I like about the situation."

My curiosity was piqued – how could there be anything to like about our separation?

He smiled a tight-lipped smile. "Privacy. I have to admit, I wasn't relishing the thought of having our every conversation parsed and analyzed by my entire family. At least with Emmett gone, there wouldn't be any teasing, but I was bound to get endless amounts of unsolicited advice." He smiled ruefully. "I still am, for that matter."

"Oh. I mostly worry about it for…other reasons." I blushed deeply again.

He laughed out loud. "Yes, I know. They can't help it, though. They try to be discreet but it's hard to turn off your hearing. I guess in the scheme of things, they've got it worse, since I can hear their thoughts, not just their speech." He ran his thumb over my cheekbone. "Is that enough for tonight?"

I nodded, suddenly aware of how tired my body was.

"More tomorrow, love. Alice said it is going to be very cold – make sure you dress warmly. Goodnight." He kissed me one more time, and then was gone.

Alice had been right – by the time I woke up the next morning, the drop in temperature, coupled with the constant wetness, had turned our driveway and street into black ice. The air was so frigid that it hurt to breathe – there was no way I was going out in this weather. I settled in for a lazy day and daydreamed about my time with Edward.

While I puttered around the house, I counted the hours until I could be back in my room and had to remind myself not to seem _too_ happy. Charlie seemed vaguely unsettled by my chipper attitude, especially since, as far as he knew, I'd had no interaction with Edward that could have helped set things right. But, Charlie being Charlie, he was loathe to get sucked into a messy, tear-filled conversation, so generally steered clear of any topic remotely related to the subject of Edward.

The late night took its toll on me, however. By early evening, I was exhausted – too tired to cook and certainly too tired to eat. I felt a little guilty leaving Charlie to fend for himself; the refrigerator was practically empty. I'd probably consigned him to a dinner of Captain Crunch. But Charlie didn't complain. He watched with concern as I climbed the stairs up to bed, but did not interfere.

It was all I could do to brush my teeth and wash my face before crawling into bed. I had wanted to look extra nice for Edward – as nice as anyone could when awakened in the middle of the night – but realized after much rummaging that the best I'd be able to do was a pair of Charlie's old flannel pajamas. At least they were cozy, I thought as I poured myself into bed.

Even in my sleep, I recognized immediately that I had started to dream. I was in the place I'd visited over and over in my dreams for the last few months– the beach where Jacob and I had first spoken together, the beach where I had first learned what Edward and his family really were. Only this time I was all alone – there was no Jacob.

I awoke with a start. My heart was racing. I leaned back into my pillows and focused on my breathing, trying to calm myself down. I looked at my alarm clock – only eleven. The house was quiet. I could hear Charlie softly snoring down the hall. Even louder, I could hear my own stomach growling.

I tried to ignore it; I didn't want to leave my warm nest to go to the kitchen. But the longer I waited, the louder my stomach became. There was no way I'd be able to sleep through this. Annoyed, I threw my blankets aside and groped my way to the door.

It was a miracle I made it down the stairs without waking Charlie or breaking my neck. I started rifling through the kitchen cabinets but nothing appealed to me. I craved something, but I didn't know quite what – until I threw open the refrigerator door and was confronted with a fresh slab of steak.

I inhaled sharply. The meat was still wrapped in shiny cellophane, and I could see where the blood has seeped into the paper on the bottom of the Styrofoam container, turning it a pretty pink color. The meat looked succulent. My mouth began to water.

I looked over my shoulder, listening intently for Charlie's snoring. When I heard a large snort from upstairs, I relaxed. He was still sound asleep. I reconsidered the steak. Clearly Charlie had purchased this tonight – it hadn't been in the refrigerator earlier. He would miss it if I ate it. But it looked so good.

My stomach growled, insistent. Maybe I'd just shave a little slice off the side. He wouldn't notice.

I removed the steak and set it carefully on the counter. I removed the plastic wrap from the meat as carefully as if it were a holy relic. With a paring knife, I sliced into the flesh, taking no more than a finger's width of meat.

Furtively, I popped it in my mouth. I moaned with appreciation. It was even better than the filet at the steakhouse. It was perfectly raw, still tasting of blood. Blood. As I thought the word, my mind recoiled and a wave of shame washed over me. I quickly rewrapped the meat and shoved it back in the refrigerator, out of sight. I wiped down the counters, refusing to think about what I'd just done. Satisfied that I'd left no trace, I slunk back up the stairs.

Edward was waiting for me when I returned to my room, leaning casually against my closet door.

"Enjoy your midnight snack?" He asked pointedly.

I felt the heat spreading across my face. "How?" I began, but couldn't finish the sentence.

He smirked. "Alice told me about your lunch selection in Seattle. She also predicted you'd be waking up hungry tonight." He idly swung a plastic grocery bag out in front of him. "I just made sure there'd be something for you to eat."

I could barely speak through my embarrassment. "I guess you already know one of the things on my mind, then."

The corners of his mouth twitched as he tried to stifle his laughter. "Carlisle says lots of pregnant women have odd cravings."

"You told Carlisle?" I turned what I imagined was an even deeper shade of red.

He arched one perfect eyebrow. "Well, I did think I should consult with your doctor before I endangered your health by indulging your new-found proclivity. He suggested I avoid hamburger."

"It's not funny, Edward." I stomped to my bed and flopped down on it.

He was at my side in an instant, a full-blown grin across his face. "Bella, even you have to admit that this has some comic value." His golden eyes danced with laughter, and I could feel my anger melting away. "I know you're upset by this, but I can't figure out why. If you were actually turning into a vampire, I'd expect you'd be out dancing in the street," he said dryly. "What's the big deal?"

"The big deal is that I can't stop myself from eating bloody meat and there's only one reason that would be happening." I said through clenched jaws.

He looked at me incredulously. "You think the babies are vampires? That's ridiculous. We already saw their hearts beating and their blood flowing."

"But it's not just the raw meat. What about my scent changing into a vampire scent?"

He shrugged. "Hormones?"

"Ugh. Take this seriously, will you?"

He sighed with the exaggerated patience of a martyr. "All right. Seriously. Let's say you're right and they are going to turn into vampires at some stage, or have vampire-like qualities already. So what?"

"_So what_?" I practically shouted. Charlie's snore choked off momentarily and we froze, waiting for him to settle back into his familiar low-grade rumble.

I resumed my argument with heated whispers. "So what? What am I going to do with baby vampires? They are going to be bloodthirsty newborns but they won't have any capability of reasoning. How are we going to keep them from going completely wild?"

He was struggling to maintain his serious face. "We may just have to be extra attentive. I've heard that's good for children in general."

"But how are you going to watch _three_ newborns?"

"What do you mean, three?" His eyes narrowed as he watched my face.

"You still have to change me, remember?"

He did not flinch, but I could tell from the look in his eyes that he had not considered this issue. He pursed his lips as he thought about it, and then nodded slightly. "We'll just have to wait a bit before we change you. That's all."

"Wait? But I can't be _twenty_," I wailed, throwing myself face down on my pillow.

"Bella," he said, "please be reasonable. You don't even know if this is a real problem yet. Can you save the hysterics for later?"

"Easy for you to say." The pillow muffled my voice but my point was clear.

He picked me up from the pillow and turned me over. "Please, let's cross that bridge when, and if, we have to."

I crossed my arms. "I guess you have a point."

He smiled tolerantly and uncrossed my arms, taking one hand in his. "Yes, I do. So that is your second big secret. Do you have more things you'd like to share with me?"

"Not at the moment," I scowled. He was too good at prying things out of my head. Although, I had to admit, it was nice to finally get some of it out in the open. Begrudgingly, I added, "Thank you for my snack."

He smiled a beatific smile that took my breath away. "Just for the record, it does not in any way constitute a gift. I was thinking only of the children."

His small attempt to pacify me made me laugh. I wanted to build a bridge in kind. "Speaking of the children," I began casually, "you never told me the names you picked out."

He broke into a big grin. "Are you sure?" I nodded eagerly, so he shifted on the bed, taking my other hand. He was almost bursting to tell me, and a little nervous. When he finally spoke, his words were rushed. "What do you think of Elizabeth and Masen? You know Elizabeth is the English version of Isabella? And given they are family names, I thought that maybe…"

"They're perfect," I interrupted him, beaming.

"Really?" He said. "I mean, if you had other names in mind, or if you wanted to name them after your family…"

"They can have middle names, too. I think Masen and Elizabeth are perfect." I knew how much his human family had meant to him. It seemed fitting that now that he had his own family, he'd be able to pay his parents tribute.

He brought my hand to his lips. "You're too good to me, you know."

"That's not possible," I replied. I was getting more comfortable with our give and take.

He brushed the hair out of my eyes and looked reluctantly over his shoulder toward the window. "I should probably let you sleep…."

"Do you have to go?" It seemed like he just got here.

"I have a few things to take care of tonight. Can we make a date for tomorrow?" His eyes twinkled.

I nodded, unable to drag my eyes away from him.

"Be ready at two a.m.," he said, kissing the tip of my nose. "And dress warmly. I have a surprise for you."

Before I could quiz him about my surprise, he was gone.

The next day was even colder than the last, and the weather stranded me in the house once more. Charlie was gone all day so I didn't have to hide my happiness. I felt like I was floating on air. My good mood was made even better when I picked up an email from Phil. He had logged in as Renee and sent me a message back, writing, "She is still acting grumpy, Bella, but I found a shopping bag of receiving blankets in the trunk of her car…" I smiled, thinking of Renee secretly shopping, unwilling to admit to being excited about being a grandmother just yet.

Charlie didn't come back that night – probably a card game – so I went to bed early to take a nap, setting my alarm to give myself plenty of time to get ready for my date with Edward. When I awoke, I heard Charlie shuffling around the bathroom. I waited until I heard his snoring resume, and then started dressing.

Amongst the new clothes Alice had procured for me was a light blue turtleneck sweater. It clung to my shape, leaving nothing to the imagination. I shoved my hands inside, trying to stretch it out, but with little effect. Nothing else was really warm enough for what I assumed was an outdoor jaunt, so I resigned myself to wearing it. As I looked in the mirror, I noted with satisfaction that my cheeks had a bit of color and my eyes were alive and bright. My winter parka strained over my body, but I managed to squeeze in. I wrapped a long scarf around my neck and sat down to wait.

Edward arrived promptly at two.

He wore a down vest over a black sweater that highlighted every muscled contour of his body. His eyes were turning darker – not quite black yet – but the effect of his eyes, contrasting with his pale face and sweater, was striking. Slung over his shoulder was a large backpack.

He looked me over appreciatively. "You get more beautiful every day." He murmured, not moving from the window.

I blushed, provoking a playful growl. "Maybe we should stay in," he teased. "But then my surprise would go to waste. Are you ready?" He reached out a hand, and I ran to him.

"Hang on tight," he whispered into my hair. He swept me up in his arms and carried me out the window to the ground below.

As he ran, I reveled in our speed. What had once terrified me was now a fantastic release from my plodding slowness. This run was different than others in the past, because now that I was getting so big, I couldn't climb on his back. He had to carry me in his arms the whole way, which meant I could indulge myself by memorizing every gorgeous detail all over again. His hair whipped around his face and he looked down at me, his huge, lopsided grin turning my heart upside down. "Almost there," he said. I didn't know where we were and I didn't care – all I wanted to do was lose myself in his eyes.

His hair stopped flying about him, and I knew we had slowed to a walk. "Look around, Bella." He grinned again, and set me down lightly in front of him. We had found our way into a part of the forest that was new to me.

Something sparkling through the thick stand of trees caught my eye. As I threaded my way through the woods, I realized it was a perfectly round pond, frozen solid from the last two days' cold. The moonlight hitting it cast a glow, unlocking the same faint aura that surrounded Edward.

"It's beautiful," I whispered.

Edward grabbed my hand and pulled me forward. "Just wait," he said, eager to show me something. When we came to the edge of the pond, he set down his backpack and pulled out a thick woolen blanket, spreading it on the hard ground.

"Please sit down," he invited. It was harder than it looked to maneuver my body to the ground, but with his hand guiding me to keep my balance, I managed to sit without falling over.

He kneeled on the blanket and began to reach into the backpack, then thought better of it. "Close your eyes," he commanded.

I obediently fluttered them shut. I heard him rummage around in his bag. He started tugging at my boots – the shock of the cold air on my feet made me gasp. Then, I felt more tugging as he swiftly put something else around my feet.

"You can look," he said. I opened my eyes to see him smiling, quite pleased with himself. I looked at my feet and groaned – ice skates.

"Do you want to kill me?" I accused.

He laughed out loud, the sound echoing off the trees.

"Trust me, Bella," he said. When he stood, I noticed he was wearing skates, too. He reached down and pulled me up. Even on solid ground, I was unsteady on my feet. He wrapped a strong arm around me and tried to bring me to the ice.

I hung back, terrified of the myriad ways in which I could break my bones. "Why are you doing this to me?"

He didn't let go. "I wanted to show you how beautiful you are to me. Please, just give me a chance. I promise you I won't let you fall." His breath swirled around me and I felt my resistance melting. "Come."

He stood before me, holding my hands, and began walking onto the ice. I followed with hesitant baby steps, my face frozen in terror.

"Don't look down, just look in my eyes, Bella." His voice was soothing, reassuring me. I fastened my gaze on him, breathing deeply, relying on the cold air prickling my face to keep me focused.

Then we were flying. I couldn't feel my feet, just Edward's strong arms pulling me with him as we soared across the ice. The trees at the edge of the pond faded and our hair whipped about us. Delight filled Edward's face as he watched my terror turn to joy. I was weightless, graceful even, as we dipped and soared across the cold expanse. As I relaxed he began turning and spinning me, his eyes alight. I tilted back my head and let loose great peals of laughter. It was unlike anything I'd ever experienced.

We skated until the stars started to fade and the dim beginnings of light crept across the eastern sky. Edward pulled up short at the edge of the pond, catching me easily against his chest and holding me close.

"No matter how you might feel right now, Bella, _that_ is what I see when I look at you. I just wanted you to see yourself the way I do." He leaned in and kissed my lips, making my knees weaker than they'd ever been on the ice.

Later, after we'd snuck back into my room and I was snuggled back in bed, he picked at the edge of my comforter.

"Can I ask you one thing before I go?" I frowned at the idea of him leaving so soon, but didn't want to spoil the moment so nodded.

"Why haven't you told Charlie that you and I have been speaking to one another?" He looked a little bereft as he asked the question.

I stared blankly at him. I hadn't really thought about it.

"Give me a second," I said. He waited patiently, holding my hands while I pondered his question.

"I don't know that I consciously chose to not tell him," I began after a few minutes. "But there is something about the last two nights that reminds me of when we first met."

He frowned at that. I immediately knew my mistake.

"No, not our first meeting," I quickly corrected myself, remembering the pure rage that he'd felt toward me the first time he smelled my scent. "I mean when we first knew one another, really knew one another. Remember how we spent hours together, you asking me every possible question you could think of? It feels like that…." I smiled shyly. "I feel like you are courting me. It's nice. I think I was just savoring it."

He looked at me, a shadow of doubt behind his eyes. "That's all?"

"Yes, of course." I didn't know why he was so disturbed.

He pursed his lips together. "I think you should tell him."

I raised one eyebrow, waiting for his explanation.

He sighed, reluctant to explain. "He is starting to think I _abandoned_ you, and is planning on inviting the Blacks to dinner tomorrow."

"Oh, no!" I groaned. That was the last thing I needed.

"Maybe it's time that you came home," he suggested, his chin lifted a bit defiantly.

"Not to keep me away from Jacob," I reprimanded, cupping his face in my hand. "Only if you think we are ready."

He turned his face to my palm and kissed me. "As much as I relish every opportunity to keep you away from the dog, this is only about you and me. I don't think I can stand another minute without you there. Please come home. I need you."

**A/N Sorry this took this so long to post. Had serious writer's block issues. Thanks for sticking with it. Promise more action in upcoming chapters...just had to get us out of angst-land.**


	11. Chapter 10

CHAPTER 10

Edward may have been able to read Charlie's thoughts, but he had vastly underestimated Charlie's emotions. When I told him I was going home to the Cullen's the look of outrage on his face told me I had misplayed my cards. My silence had left his imagination to run wild.

"Why would you go running back to him? He hasn't even shown his face around here. And you in this condition, of all the irresponsible…"

"But he has, Dad. He's been here a couple of times." I interrupted him before he had the chance to get too worked up. "Besides, it was just a misunderstanding. No big deal."

The fact that Edward had evaded Charlie's detection only made him more disgruntled. "In my day, 'no big deal' meant someone slept on the couch, not that they left the house. Well," he said stubbornly, "you can't leave until after dinner. I invited Billy and you know I can't cook."

"That's not fair." He knew that things with Jacob had been rough. I couldn't imagine how awkward it would be around Billy, even if he didn't bring Jacob with him.

"Bells, please. I'm still your father. Help me out a little."

"And I'm married to Edward, Dad. You can't keep trying to force me into Jacob's path, hoping to change that." I crossed my arms and stared him down. The confused look on his face took the edge off my anger, though. I remembered all the concern that Edward had read in his thoughts and reminded myself he was only doing what he thought best.

I cocked one eyebrow. "Just Billy?"

"Just Billy," he answered miserably.

I sighed, throwing up my hands. "Fine. I'll stay long enough to make your dinner. But don't expect me to join you."

I didn't worry about informing Edward of this new development; I was sure Alice had foreseen it. I repacked all of my bags and stripped my bed, carefully dragging the sheets behind me down the stairs to the laundry room. Then I set about the task of planning dinner. A peace offering seemed appropriate, so I dug out Grandma Swan's meatloaf recipe and mentally ran through my stock of ingredients. A quick check of the refrigerator confirmed that Charlie had gone shopping, so I began cooking.

I snuck a few bites of the raw hamburger while I kneaded the chopped onion, breadcrumbs and spices into it, but it was dull on my tongue – its essence had been ground out of it, leaving only lifeless flesh. It was surprising how normal my behavior now seemed to me. But then again, I took for granted lots of things that were unthinkable to me a mere year and a half ago. I absentmindedly rubbed my stomach; the weight of the babies was starting to pull at me, creating a dull ache.

Before long, the loaf was baking in the oven, its aroma filling the kitchen. I set the oven timer, then laid the table – only two places. As if on cue, a heard a knock on the door – Edward had come for me.

I made for the door but Charlie beat me to it. He tried to fill up the doorway, blocking Edward's entrance. Over Charlie's shoulders I could see Edward's face, carefully neutral.

"Charlie," he said, nodding.

"You know this is against my better judgment," Charlie grumbled, still not moving.

"I know," said Edward calmly. "And I thank you for it. I'll be more careful with her, I promise."

I couldn't see Charlie's face, but I could tell from Edward's reaction that his words had disarmed Charlie. All the fight drained out of his tense shoulders and he threw up his hands, stepping aside to let me through.

"I keep forgetting you're just teenagers," he muttered under his breath as I squeezed by.

Edward pulled his arm from behind his back, presenting me with a large bouquet of lilies. "I believe these are your favorite?"

I buried my face in their fragrant petals. They weren't as sweet smelling as Edward, but they were lovely. I looked up at him through my eyelashes. "After meadow flowers."

His topaz eyes sparkled. "Ready to go?" I nodded, unable to drag my eyes away from him. He laughed, placing his hands on my shoulders. "Why don't you give your parting instructions to Charlie so he doesn't burn down the house. I'll get your bags."

Edward headed upstairs. His speed would have betrayed him to more watchful eyes, but Charlie had gone to mope in the living room.

"Charlie, the timer is set. Just pull the meatloaf out of the oven when it goes off and let it cool for ten minutes. There's mashed potatoes in there, too." I walked around his easy chair to make sure he'd heard me. He was staring idly at his hands. "Charlie?"

My voice finally broke his concentration and he looked up. He forced a smile. "Thanks, Bells. I'm going to miss your cooking."

I felt a little guilty I saw the look of resignation in his eyes. "I'm going to miss _you_, Charlie. Thanks for letting me stay with you."

"This is your home, Isabella. For as long as you want it. You know that, don't you?"

I bent over to kiss the little bald spot on his head. "I know. I'll see you soon, Dad." He patted my hand awkwardly and let me go.

Edward was waiting impatiently at the doorway. He'd apparently loaded up the Volvo while I was saying my goodbye. "Let's go," he growled, his face tense.

When we stepped outside I understood. A familiar Rabbit was parked in the driveway, blocking our car. Jacob and Billy had just arrived. Edward ushered me to the car, carefully keeping his body between me and the Blacks. As he opened the door for me, I heard him mutter sullenly under his breath. "Does he actually think he can force you to stay by simply blocking the driveway?"

He closed the door for me, but as he came around the corner to the driver's side, he froze. Slowly he squared his shoulders. The look on his face as he turned to face the Rabbit was frightening. He stalked over to the driver's side of the tiny car and my heart seemed to stop beating.

I threw my door open. I couldn't let them fight.

"Bella, get back in the car!" Edward snarled at me, never turning his head.

Jacob had already unfolded his long, lean body from the Rabbit. His face was cold. "That's right, Cullen. Tell her what to do. Again."

I looked at Billy, imploring him to intervene. But he sat impassively in the passenger seat, refusing to meet my gaze.

Edward was opening and closing his fists, trying to control his temper. "This is not an opportune time for a confrontation, dog. It wouldn't be prudent for the Chief of Police to become aware of either one of our…quirks."

Jacob barked a harsh laugh. "Quirk? Is that what you call it? That's cute. Well, I think it's an excellent time for Charlie to finally learn what you are and what you are planning on doing to his daughter."

"Jacob, don't be a fool. He'd never believe you, anyway." Jacob's head jerked as he heard my voice. "And I'd never forgive you." He looked at me then, his eyes wounded.

His voice had a defensive edge to it when he answered me. "Maybe it doesn't matter. I could still save you."

"Jacob," I said gently, walking over to place my hand on Edward's arm. "It's too late for that. Anything you do now will only make things worse. For everyone."

Jacob's eyes trailed down my body. The sight of my burgeoning belly seemed to unhinge him. He turned away and slammed his fist on the roof of the Rabbit, making a huge dent. "Go on, then." He spat the words out.

Edward turned, every muscle in his body still tense, and walked me back to the car. By the time we'd gotten buckled into our seats, Billy was at Charlie's doorstep and Jacob had backed his car out of the driveway, tires squealing.

Edward's knuckles were white on the steering wheel as he backed us out, but other than that, he showed no sign of emotion. I realized with surprise that my hands were shaking. I sank into my seat and closed my eyes. At last, we were going home.

In the few days I'd been gone, Alice had transformed the house. It wasn't even December 1st but all along the driveway, the trees were twinkling with Christmas lights. Delicate crystal icicle lights hung from the eaves of the porch and the garage. It was breathtaking, if a bit early in the season.

Edward wrapped his arm around me to guide me up the steps of the front porch. He stopped before the front door.

"Mistletoe," he said, looking up. Sure enough, a heavy ball of the stuff hung from a glistening silver ribbon affixed to the porch light. He smiled a crooked smile. "May I?"

He leaned in to claim his kiss. My eyes fluttered shut and my lips parted, waiting for his touch.

"There you are!" Alice flung the door open, and we froze, our lips just inches apart. "I've been waiting forever. Bella, I have so much to show you. Wait until you see…"

"Alice…" Edward sighed. "Do you mind?"

"What? Oh!" She giggled. "Sorry. I wasn't thinking." She grinned sheepishly and stepped back around the door.

"Obviously," Edward added archly as she closed the door on us. He turned back to me, his breath encircling me as he whispered, "Now, where were we?"

His kiss started out gentle, a slow and sweet welcome home. But the pent-up frustrations of our separation sparked like electricity between us. His lips became more urgent, and mine answered in kind as I drew him in closer. I pressed against his body.

Suddenly he jumped back.

"What?" I slurred the word, still deliciously confused from the heady mixture of his fragrance and the taste of him on my lips. I lazily opened my eyes. He was looking at me with astonishment and delight.

"Don't tell me that I felt that and you didn't," he said, pressing one cold hand against my stomach.

I shrugged, confused.

"One of the babies just kicked me! I can't believe you didn't feel it." He felt around, poking and prodding, trying to find a little foot or knee.

"I was a little distracted," I said, my voice dripping with sarcasm. Here I was, not even done with the childbearing, and I was being upstaged by my own child. Hmmph.

He laughed at me. "Don't be annoyed. It was just very unexpected." He gave me a chaste peck on the cheek. "Let's go in."

Alice had indeed been working hard. The entire place was shining with candlelight. Reflected off the crystal candlesticks and artfully placed mirrors, it lit up the entire house. The banister of the majestic staircase was swathed in glittering silver fabric and boughs of fresh Douglas fir. The aroma was unmistakably that of Christmas.

"Do you like it?" Alice danced down the staircase toward us, gesturing about her. "I'm thinking 'Winter Wonderland,' more of a grownup Christmas theme. Plenty of time for Santa Claus next year." She winked.

"It's beautiful, Alice. But what are you going to do with yourself for the whole month of December if you've already decorated the house?" I couldn't help fondly teasing her. I'd missed her these last few days.

She didn't miss a beat. "Well, we still need to get a tree, of course. And then there is the shopping! Lots of shopping. We have a few more people to buy for this year."

"No presents," I pleaded. "Please, Alice. You'll only add to my stress."

Carlisle and Esme came around the corner, hand in hand. Esme came forward, arms outstretched in welcome, and wrapped me in a great, cold hug.

Carlisle smiled kindly at my obvious distress and added his two cents. "You may have to bend your rules a little bit, Bella. After all, you're part of this family now, and we have traditions, too. But maybe we can find a compromise."

"Good idea, Carlisle," Edward said approvingly.

"What?" I cut in, annoyed. I still wasn't used to the one-sided conversations when Edward responded to their unspoken thoughts.

"Perhaps we can limit purchased gifts to the babies," Carlisle suggested. "Anything for you must be inexpensive. Just the way you like it."

"It's very reasonable, Bella," prodded Edward. He was right. I couldn't take away all of their fun. After all, even though it was a bit early, they hadn't ever had children in the house.

"All right," I sighed, making a show of giving in. "Just remember, not too much – we have nowhere to put a lot of baby gear."

Edward smirked and I swear I saw them pass a funny look amongst themselves. In an instant, it was gone. I narrowed my eyes and looked them over.

Alice simply smiled sweetly. "Come and say hello to Jasper, he'll be so glad to see you," she said, pulling me away from Edward. "Edward can bring your things in for you."

"Let me take my coat off first," I requested. Edward skillfully helped me out, one sleeve at a time, as I struggled with my bulk. A puzzled look came over Carlisle's face as he watched me. I turned to see Edward frowning, deep in thought.

"What?" I asked, confused.

"Nothing." Edward smiled angelically. He deliberately intended to dazzle me, and it worked.

"Come on, Bella." Alice pulled me away while I muttered under my breath, "I hate it when he does that."

We found Jasper at his computer. He turned around as he heard us approaching.

"Bella!" He beamed. "Welcome back." He looked me over and then blurted, "But you're getting huge!" Alice elbowed him in his rock hard ribs.

"Uh, that's something I'd expect Emmett to say," I retorted curtly as I felt my skin flush. "Thanks a lot, Jasper."

"You're _supposed_ to gain weight, Bella." Alice tried to soothe me. "You were much too thin before, anyway. It's just the contrast that stood out to Jasper." She looked at him pointedly and he grinned.

"Exactly," he said. He was starting to look uncomfortable, though, and I wondered if we were straying too far into girl talk, or if my blushing had raised my scent to his sensitive nose.

"Alice, I think I'm going to go wash up before dinner." I gave her a fierce hug, straining to reach around her. "Thanks. Bye, Jasper."

I waddled away to our room, eager to be away from their curious eyes. A sigh of relief escaped my lips when I entered – other than the pile of luggage in the middle of the floor, everything was exactly the same. It was as if this past week had never even happened. I wondered, though, if _I_ had changed in that time. I went to the mirror and smoothed out my clothes.

I did look awfully big, I thought, resting a hand on my bulge. How could that have happened so fast?

Edward was suddenly behind me in the mirror. His eyes were burning as he gazed at my reflection, playing with one long lock of my curly hair. "You look like a pre-Raphaelite Madonna with your hair flowing down your shoulders like this, your cheeks flushed…Very tempting. Very beautiful." I felt my heartbeat quicken under his gaze, my blush deepening. He buried his face in my hair, inhaling deeply. "What is it that you humans say? You're glowing."

His cold hands on my neck sent shock waves of pleasure through my system. I needed to lean into him to keep from falling over.

He sighed and wrapped his arms around me. I liked the way we looked in the mirror together – like a real couple, a happy couple – until a wistful shadow fell across his perfect, marble face. "Unfortunately, I am here on an errand for Carlisle."

I tried to read his expression in the mirror but he had swiftly composed his face into one of his deliberately blank expressions. "He'd like to check up on you tonight, if you don't mind."

"But why?" I wasn't scheduled for a regular checkup for another two weeks.

"He just thought he noticed something he wanted to follow up on. That's all. Don't worry. I'll take you to his office now."

He held my hand as we walked. Hard as I tried, I could not make out any emotion, anything at all on his face, to help explain what was going on.

Carlisle was just as uncommunicative. He kept up a pleasant chit-chat through my exam, but never explained what was worrying him.

"Can you just tell me what it is? I'm not that fragile, I can handle it." I kept my voice steady, though on the inside I was shaking with panic.

"It is probably nothing, Bella. Just let me do some tests and an exam and then we can see."

_If I were one of them_, I thought, _they'd never do this to me. They'd know I was strong enough then. They wouldn't keep things from me._ My mood was turning south rapidly. When Carlisle guided me down from the exam table, instead of heading to the family room, I made a beeline for my bedroom, being sure to close the door firmly behind me.

I took my frustration out on my clothes, shoving them roughly into drawers and jamming them into the closet as I unpacked. Alice would have been horrified at my treatment of the delicate fibers. _Let her_, I thought to myself as I wadded up a tissue thin blouse. Ugh.

I was sitting in the corner, tears flowing down my face, when Edward came in.

"Oh, Bella." He leaned over and picked me up like a china doll. "Don't cry, sweetheart."

"Why can't you just tell me what's going on?" I sputtered the words out between sobs.

"I will, right now." I noticed his eyes were full of concern, much more concern than was warranted for simply finding me in a hormonal crying jag. While I tried to catch my breath, he walked me over to the bed and sat me carefully against the pillows. He sat at my side, waiting for me to stop crying and wiping away the last of my tears, before he began explaining.

"When you took off your coat this evening, Carlisle thought you showed an abnormally rapid rate of growth. Alice and Jasper noticed, too." He placed one hand on my enormous stomach.

"You mean Carlisle is worried I'm too _fat_?" I was outraged.

Edward wasn't distracted by my outburst. He just smiled a sad, little smile. "No, silly Bella. Quite the opposite. You were losing weight before, and your frame is still quite thin; if anything you look too delicate. But you have gained weight. A lot. It's all baby, and it has happened quite rapidly, just over the last few weeks. Just by measurement, Carlisle would estimate you at over 7 months pregnant, and, as you and I are both painfully aware, that is a physical impossibility." I didn't really understand what he was getting at. He ran his fingers through his fiery copper hair, looking at me with a mix of wonder and worry. "Their vital signs are all fine, as are yours, but there is definitely something unusual about these babies. By size, they seem nearly developmentally complete. And, unfortunately, you are physically on the verge of delivery."

"What?" The single word dropped from my mouth like a stone in a pond.

"Carlisle will want to monitor you and another ultrasound might be wise, just to make sure the babies are, indeed, in rapid development. But the most important thing is to keep these babies from coming too early. We need to keep you on bedrest."

"No." I groaned, my mind racing desperately as I tried to think of a way out. "You realize none of this makes any sense." I said it almost accusingly, not sure who I could blame for my current predicament. But I became ashamed when I saw that his disappointment and confusion was as deep as my own.

"I am acutely aware of how our entire relationship, let alone your pregnancy, defies logic. At this point, I am going to just trust Carlisle and hope for the best." He held my face between his hands. "I truly am sorry, Bella. This was not the homecoming I had planned for you, but I suppose we are lucky that you are here, given the circumstances."

Hot tears welled up in my eyes again. Although Carlisle had mentioned this possibility before, I never really thought it would come to pass, and certainly not in these circumstances, with the babies growing on hyperdrive and me demonstrating vampiric tendencies.

"Ah, Bella." He held my hand and pulled me to him, letting my tears spill over onto his crisp blue shirt. "All will be well in the end, you'll see. We will have two beautiful, healthy, red-headed children and you will be fine."

"I'm not worried about me," I said hoarsely.

"Don't worry about anything," he ordered, looking me sternly in the eye. His voice was lighthearted, but his tone had an edge to it. "Doctor's orders."

I managed a half-hearted, bleary-eyed grin. "Doctor's orders," I repeated.

"Is there anything I can get you?" He asked with sympathy. "Or shall I leave you to sleep?"

"I just want you to hold me," I said simply. He immediately stretched out beside me, his arm draped casually around my belly. I noticed how nice the coldness of his skin felt against my body – the extra weight and hormones had started making me feel constantly overheated. My body started to relax as the chill spread, and soon I found sleep.

My routine changed overnight. While I slept, Edward had rearranged the room, making space for a large television that he set up at the foot of our bed. The nightstand was piled with my favorite novels and my remaining homework assignments, a remote control and my cell phone perched on top. A small desk had been set up with my computer. I was to stay immobile for as much of the day as possible. Everything came to me.

There was only so much reading and email that I could take. Eventually my mind wandered to the whole reason for my exile – my babies. I wondered at my girth, and got caught up in watching the little movements I'd been too preoccupied to notice before. My stomach seemed to jerk and twist of its own accord. Strange bumps would suddenly appear, then disappear. It was like my body had been taken over by aliens. I couldn't drag my eyes away while they were putting on a show.

Alice floated in and out, bearing a steady stream of fashion and gossip magazines. "You're too mopey," she declared in her musical voice. "You need to get in the Christmas spirit."

"Please, Alice, no decorating in here." I didn't want reminders of what I was missing outside my room.

She stuck her bottom lip out but then brightened. "All right, but you need to do something. How about a movie night – all the Christmas classics?"

I doubted watching 'It's a Wonderful Life' would stop my wallowing, but I knew Alice wouldn't give up, so I grudgingly gave in.

"You know, you could have it a lot worse," she tutted, spreading out one of the trashy magazines. The page she'd opened had a screaming headline, "Vampire Bat Baby Shocker!" The pencil drawing showed a pointy-headed baby with long fangs, wrapped in a blanket. I started giggling despite myself.

Alice floated out of the room, looking pleased with herself. "See, I told you!" She said, winking. "Try to relax, Bella."

At some point, Jasper wheeled in an ultrasound machine. "Where did you get that?" I asked suspiciously. "Wal-Mart?"

Jasper laughed. "How did you guess?" He arranged it next to the bed and sat down. "Bella, if there's one thing you should know it is that at this point, I am just the private executing orders. And one of my orders is to not worry you with too much information. So," he said casually. "How is it being an invalid?"

I stuck my tongue out. "It's horrible. Who knew that a day filled with nothing but relaxation could be so boring? There's no point to it. Just day after day with no structure, nothing to mark the beginning or end."

He gave me a funny look. "No point. That's an interesting way to put it." He looked away, lost in thought. When he looked back, his eyes looked softer and somehow sadder.

"Is that what you really think?" he asked.

A wave of defensiveness passed through me. "I didn't mean it the way it sounded, Jasper. Of course, there is a point to it all. I'd do anything to keep the babies safe. I just meant that the days themselves are sort of indistinguishable from one another. I look forward to seeing each of you every day. It breaks up the monotony and keeps me feeling connected." My defensiveness began to fade away as I explained myself – was it me, or Jasper?

"But what if you had an eternity of days like this, Bella?" He looked at me intently, leaning forward in his chair as he waited for my answer.

I stared right back, confused. "This will end eventually, Jasper."

"I don't mean bedrest. I mean an eternity of days with no point to them. No structure. Nothing more to accomplish or prove. Not even the respite of sleep. Do you think you can handle that?" His eyes burned with intensity and I noticed they were darker than usual.

"That's not what it will be like," I said softly.

"Isn't it?" he challenged back, his voice gentler than his words.

"There's Edward," I responded, my voice growing more steady and strong. "He's my whole world. As long as I am with him, I will be happy. Isn't that what it's like for you and Alice?"

Jasper eased back in his chair, lost in thought. Eventually a smile spread slowly across his face. "Yes, of course you're right. I just wanted to be sure you knew what you were getting into. Not that it would change anything, I guess."

"What do you mean?"

He stood up and looked kindly at me. "You're in too deep to get out now, Bella. There is no going back. But that's been true for a while, now." He tousled my hair in a big-brotherly way and laughed once more. "Enjoy your day."

Alice convinced Edward that the Christmas film festival was a good idea. Carlisle agreed that I could come downstairs to the family room, provided I lay down. So after a week of being cloistered, I was given the privilege of leaving my bed.

"Are you excited?" Edward asked as he carried me gingerly down the broad staircase.

"Honestly? Yes," I answered sheepishly. "Who ever thought I'd be worked up over 'Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer' and popcorn? But it will be nice to have a change of scenery."

Edward made a funny face. "I'm not sure 'Rudolph' made the cut. I think Alice went with 'Frosty the Snowman' instead."

"That's okay," I answered, throwing my arms around his neck so I could kiss his perfect cheek. "Honestly, I could watch static, so long as I am with you."

He sat down on one long couch, still holding me in his arms, then carefully arranged me on my side so that my head was propped on his lap. It wasn't the most comfortable television viewing position, but it was heaven being so close to him. I snuggled into his cold body, a bowl of popcorn on the floor in front of us.

"A little fancy for a family movie night, wouldn't you say, Alice?" Asked Edward, pointing his foot at the crystal bowl Alice had filled with popcorn.

"It's a special occasion – Bella's party," she replied. "I wanted it to be pretty for her, Edward."

Edward absentmindedly played with my hair as Alice popped the first DVD in and dimmed the lights. Alice snuggled in with Jasper and Esme and Carlisle took their seats, settling down for the evening's show.

I didn't even pay any attention to the movie. Sitting in the dark with Edward reminded me of our old biology class and the strong electric current that had sparked between us during some movie about cell reproduction. I sighed, relishing the memory, and turned my face to kiss his knee. The current was still as strong.

I blinked when Alice unexpectedly turned on the lights. The first movie was over. Had I fallen asleep? I groaned inwardly with disappointment. I wanted to savor every moment of this evening before I was forced to go back to the monotony of my room.

"What do you think – "It's a Wonderful Life" or "Charlie Brown Christmas" next?" Alice waved the DVD covers around in front of her. "Bella, any preference?"

"You can choose, Alice." I said, stifling a yawn.

"'A Wonderful Life' it is," she said authoritatively, passing the box to Jasper. "Now," she said, turning back to me, "you haven't touched your popcorn. Did I make it wrong?"

"I don't think it is possible to make microwave popcorn incorrectly, Alice," Edward said dryly. "Unless you burned it."

"I don't think so," she said, her beautiful face crumpling into a tiny frown. "Let me see that." She swept over and picked up the bowl where it still sat near Edward's feet. She tilted it this way and that, peering in to look at the kernels. "I don't see anything burnt, do…"

Her eyes went dead and her face went blank. It was just an instant, and in that instant, the crystal bowl slipped from her grasp. Jasper had barely enough time to catch it before it hit the floor, preventing it from shattering into a thousand pieces.

Everyone stared in shock. I don't think any of us had ever seen an accident in the house before, other than the ones caused by me. It was a novel experience, to put it mildly.

"Alice?" Edward said, unsure if she was out of her spell. Alice's eyes fluttered shut. When she opened them, she turned wordlessly toward us. Edward drew his breath in sharply.

"Damn it!" He roared, sliding out from under me to stalk across the room. "Are you sure?"

Alice nodded. Her eyes were afraid. She moved swiftly to Jasper's side, burrowing into him for comfort. Everyone else had a strained look in their eyes, waiting to understand what Alice had seen.

"What is it, Edward?" Carlisle asked quietly.

Edward looked across the room at me, as if he was debating whether he should speak in front of me.

"She's part of this family now, Edward; you can't keep it from her, whatever it is." Esme's gentle reminder seemed to bring some measure of calm and resolve to Edward. He squared his shoulders and heaved a great breath out before beginning to speak.

"Tanya has decided to inform Aro of Bella's condition. She's probably in Volterra as we speak."

Chaos erupted as everyone began to speak at once.

"Why would she do that?"

"What exactly is she telling him?"

"Can you tell what Aro's reaction is?"

"Stop! Everyone stop!" Carlisle's voice cut through the panic and everyone fell quiet. "Alice, what exactly did you see?"

Alice turned from Jasper's shoulder. When she spoke, her voice was a whisper. "Tanya telling Aro about Bella. That's all."

"What, exactly, about Bella? Could you hear it, Alice?" Carlisle's voice was soothing.

"Bella's pregnancy. And Bella's change in scent. The fact that she smells like one of us even though she hasn't been changed."

Edward had given up pacing and had taken a seat by me. His momentary calm had passed. He held his head in his hands. Without looking up, he spoke. "We've got to get her out of here."

"We don't know what Aro will do, Edward." Carlisle tried to reason with Edward. "Or do you know something we don't?"

I felt like I was far away at the end of a tunnel as I listened to them discuss me.

Edward looked up, his eyes wild. "Well, we know the Volturi now know Bella has not been changed, despite our promises. And that she is pregnant. What was it that Tanya called it, Alice?" He turned his raging eyes on her.

"An abomination," Alice whispered.

Edward laughed harshly. "That alone could be enough to provoke them." Edward paused. "But there is more." He leaned forward with urgency.

"When I was digging in Aro's mind, I noticed why he is so intrigued with Bella. He thinks he knows what her gift will be. He wants it for himself." He dropped his head back in his hands again. "If he thinks the pregnancy is bringing out vampire traits in her, he may just want to find out if he was right about her." He looked down at me in his lap and the pain in his face shocked me back to the room. "Carlisle, we can't let them find her." He lifted his beautiful face to plead with his father. "Please."

"Perhaps it would be better if Bella were back in her room, Edward," Esme interrupted quietly.

"No!" I shouted, bolting upright. Everyone flinched. "I have a right to be here."

"Of course you do, Bella." Carlisle answered. "But this is bound to be stressful, and we wouldn't want to put the babies in…"

I cut him off brusquely. "Fine, then. Slap a blood pressure cuff on me or something. I'm not going unless I have to."

Edward put his hands on my shoulders and breathed into my ear, his own voice rough. "Steady, Bella. It's okay. Just lie back down."

I stiffly fell back into his lap. He picked up my hand and started stroking it. "What are our options?" I asked, turning my face toward Carlisle.

Carlisle considered the question. When he spoke, he spoke slowly, as if still turning ideas over in his mind. "Well, changing you is definitely not an option. We could try to hide you. If Edward is right, you'd be untrackable by some of their conventional means, although in my opinion it would just be a matter of time."

"Aro could always find out," Alice shuddered. "No matter how well we hid her."

"If he came. Aro doesn't like to leave Volterra much. He'd more likely send some of his guard." Carlisle kept thinking, drumming his fingers together.

Then Jasper spoke up. "We could try a decoy. Throw them off."

Edward's head snapped up. "She won't like that. She'd not ready."

"She may have to do it anyway, later," Jasper argued. "I know the timing's not ideal, but under the circumstances…."

"What?" I asked, confused by the turn in the conversation.

Their lips started moving rapidly. My frustration swelled and I struggled to get up, pushing against Edward's body. "Please. Please stop talking about me as if I wasn't here." My panic was rising as the threat of the Volturi began to sink in.

Edward wrapped his arms around me and pulled me upright in his lap. "It won't hurt for her to sit for just a minute, Carlisle," he said, stopping Carlisle before he could protest. He then shot a warning glance at the rest of his family. "Can you leave us alone? I'd like to speak to Bella privately. Alice," he said through gritted teeth, "keep an eye on Aro. Carlisle, maybe you could call Irina or phone Tanya on her cell phone. It might be worth a try."

They all melted away, looks of sympathy marring their unreal beauty.

Edward turned my chin up and looked deep into my eyes. I couldn't help but notice the worry and sadness in his.

"Bella, I wouldn't ask you this if I could think of another way." He struggled to begin. "Jasper thinks we may be able to convince the Volturi that we've changed you. If Aro is only concerned about that, he may call off his guard. It's a longshot, but it may be all we have."

I wasn't seeing the difficulty in all of this. My wide eyes must have betrayed my confusion. Edward sighed and took my face in his hands.

"As I said, we'd have to convince them that we'd followed through on our promise. The best way to do that without physically presenting you for inspection is to stage your death. The Volturi would expect you to cut all ties to your human world to join us, so would take it as evidence. They wouldn't know enough from Tanya to be able to judge whether or not you'd already had the babies, so would have no reason to suspect a trick. It might stop them, or maybe delay them just long enough for us to get you away."

I stared blankly at him.

"You'd have to leave Charlie and Renee behind, Bella. It will only work if it's convincing."

It hit me like a shock wave, knocking the wind out of me. I had always planned to go away when I was changed, but eventually come back, once my thirst was under control. I'd never thought I'd have to break my ties to Renee and Charlie so soon, or so completely. I doubled over, clutching my middle, as I tried to catch my breath.

"Bella? Bella? Look at me." Edward was shaking me gently. "Are you all right?"

I gulped in big breaths as I tried to regain my calm. I knew what Edward was saying made sense but I my mind couldn't process it. How could I die to them now?

"When?" I whispered miserably, still refusing to look at him.

"As soon as we can," he said without hesitating.

"I can't do this to Charlie, Edward." My pitch was higher than normal and my heart was starting to race. "I can't."

Edward gently forced me to look into his eyes. They were calm orbs of gold, steadying me with their intensity. "Bella, this is the only card we have to play. It is your choice, of course, but there is no other option."

My voice caught in my throat. "But it's too soon."

He kissed my forehead. "I know, love. I know." His eyebrows were drawn in displeasure. "Damn her. I should have listened to you."

"What?" I said, not following his reasoning.

"Tanya. I never saw this coming." He pulled me close to him and held me tightly. "I should have listened to you." His voice was rough; he was angry with himself.

"There's nothing you could have done, Edward."

We sat in silence. We had reached a dead end. I began to see that Edward was right – we had to do this, if not for me, then for our children.

"I need time to say goodbye." I said it quietly into the darkness.

"You'll have it," Edward promised fiercely.

I reached up one hand to touch his jaw when I noticed my bracelet. The heart charm caught a soft glow of light from a candle, casting a reflection onto Edward's face. Opposite it, my tiny wooden wolf caught my eye.

I swallowed hard. I'd be leaving Jacob behind too, for good.

As if he had read my mind, Edward pulled down my hand and turned the bracelet on my wrist. He played with the wolf charm, setting it straight where it dangled. He took my hand in his. His voice was steady, but a bit strained, when he spoke.

"Do you need to say goodbye to Jacob?"

My heart broke for Edward. He was too generous with me. I shook my head, squeezing his hand as hard as I could. "He'd only grow suspicious. It will be hard enough to convince him as it is," I whispered.

"We'll take care of everything, Bella. You don't have to get involved." Edward's voice was resolute.

"No," I answered swiftly, surprised at the edge in my voice. I took a deep breath – I didn't want them to think I was irrational. "If we do this, it's because of me. I have to take responsibility. I want to know all the details. I owe Renee and Charlie that much, if I am deliberately going to hurt them."

"Are you sure?" Edward looked at me and I could see the doubt in his eyes. "This isn't going to be easy."

"I need to know," I said, my voice shaky. "Please, Edward."

He kissed my cheek, the familiar coldness of his lips bringing me some small measure of comfort.

"Ahem." We looked up to see Esme and Carlisle standing in the doorway. "This has probably been enough stress for Bella, Edward." Carlisle said firmly. "She needs to lie down."

"I'm fine, Carlisle, really. See?" I stood up to prove my point, but gasped when I felt a sudden twinge. Edward caught me as I swayed on my feet. He set his jaw and drew his lips together in a harsh line.

"Right. Off you go," he stated firmly, sweeping me up in his arms.

As he carried me up the stairs, I tried to hold his gaze. I needed to read his eyes. "Promise me you won't keep anything from me. I need to know. Promise me, Edward."

He hesitated before he answered, looking away while he paused on the landing. When he turned back to me, his eyes were hard with a bitterness I hadn't seen before. "I wish you didn't ask me for that; but yes, I promise."

**A/N: Many thanks to those of you who reviewed or simply wrote to give me encouragement -- keep it coming!**


	12. Chapter 11

**A/N: I had to post this without a Beta reading...please forgive me if you find some obvious goofs**

CHAPTER 11

By the next day, our bedroom had turned into a war room. We settled down to the first order of business – choosing a means for my death – with a cold efficiency that startled me.

"We can't leave a body, obviously," Edward started, "because then we have to deal with dental records or DNA. Bella, do you have any fillings?"

I looked at him in confusion. "Um, no."

Edward sighed with relief. "That's good. That's the only part a fire couldn't incinerate. I believe a house fire or a car crash with an explosion would be wisest; we can force a contained space to make it superheat."

"A house fire is too risky. Someone could see it and call the fire department. We can control the car crash and make sure no one has time to come to the rescue," countered Jasper.

"Besides, destroying our own house would be too dramatic a move. We'd have too many moving parts to think about, too many people involved. It might tip off the Volturi," added Carlisle.

I spoke up, hesitating slightly. It felt wrong to be actively planning something that would be so painful for Renee and Charlie, but I knew that this had to go well. Too much depended on it. "If we staged it to look like Edward was behind the wheel, it would be really believable. Everyone knows how terrified I was of Edward's driving."

They all turned to me, impressed. "Good thinking, Bella," said Esme. "A two-person crash it is."

Jasper was already typing at the computer. "There are several stretches of the 101 with hairpin turns; the ones around the park would give us nice big trees to wrap the car around. Otherwise I think we'd need to go up the 112 to get the coastal drop offs and bad roads." He hit a key and the printer whirred to life.

"A little extra gas wouldn't hurt," urged Alice, who, despite the seriousness of the situation, was enjoying the planning. "It's too bad Rose isn't here," she said wistfully. "She could have fixed up the gas tank to make it extra flammable."

I bit my lip at the mention of Rosalie. There was only one reason why she and Emmett weren't here. Edward shot her a dirty look and Alice shrugged apologetically.

Jasper pulled several pages of maps from the printer. He looked carefully at Edward, who gave a curt nod.

"Bella," Jasper asked, placing the maps in front of me, "do you know if any of these areas are within the Forks Police Department jurisdiction?"

My eyes flew to Edward's face. "You want Charlie to be the one to find us?"

Edward's lips turned down slightly. "It would help if he saw it himself. He has to have no hope that there was a mistake, Bella."

"It seems so cruel," I whispered, looking around for Esme. Esme simply looked at me with regret, not arguing Edward's point.

I grabbed the pages, trying to make out the locations and connect them with my knowledge of Charlie's patrols, but I couldn't focus. I mindlessly shuffled them, one after the other, thinking of Charlie being called to the scene.

Edward gently took the papers from my hands. "We can look it up online, Bella." He handed the papers back to Jasper.

Carlisle picked up where Edward had left off planning. "Once we chose a location, orchestrating the crash will be easy enough. Alice will need to make sure we have no witnesses. Once she gives the all clear, Edward can stage the accident. You'll need to shove the car hard enough to wrap it around the tree and make it explode, but not so fast that it's unbelievable – 100 miles per hour should suffice, especially if we have extra gas in the car. Unfortunately you can't just throw it; we need the tire marks in case they try to reconstruct the crash."

The idea of Edward hurling his Volvo around startled me. I hadn't really thought about staging the crash _that_ way, but I guess it really was quite practical.

"Won't the extra gas be a tip off?" Edward asked.

"No offense to Charlie, but I don't think we will be dealing with a very sophisticated forensics unit. If we're lucky, the shock of seeing it himself will prevent Charlie from digging too deeply into what happened. And as long as we don't get sloppy and splatter gas all over, there shouldn't be anything obvious to raise their suspicions." Carlisle smiled grimly. "Bella, do you remember anything at all about the police department? What kind of a team Charlie has there?"

I thought hard, sifting through memories of conversations scattered with complaints about budget cuts and tight staff. "I think he has one officer who supports all their investigations. The rest do regular patrols and traffic violations. I don't think they do any heavy duty stuff." I tried to remember the last time there'd been a major accident in Forks. "I remember there were some tourists once and they called in an accident reconstruction team from Seattle, but I think it was because the victims' family demanded it."

"Very well. Let's assume that's right for now. Edward, you'll have to make sure the car turns upside down to breach the fuel tank. We should probably break one window from the inside to make sure the passenger compartment gets enough air to accelerate the fire. This has to look like a textbook car crash so we don't trigger any alarm bells. Afterward you'll have to hide and listen to the rescue personnel and police to be sure they have no suspicions. You'll have to do the same at the memorial service."

"Edward and I will plan where to take Bella afterward. It will be safer if the rest of you don't know. Jasper, you'll need to cut Edward and Bella some new identification -- just the standard issue. In the meantime, we need a reason for Bella and Edward to be in that car late at night, especially since Charlie and Renee know she is supposed to be on bed rest."

"That's easy," said Esme. "Bella can go into premature labor. Edward will be rushing her to the hospital. It's not too far-fetched to believe that he'd prefer to drive her himself instead of waiting for an ambulance."

"That would narrow down the stretch of road further," said Jasper. "The coastal would be out. It would either be this part on the road to Forks Community," he argued, pointing to one of the maps, "or you could drive the route as if you were going to Seattle for the neonatal unit at Swedish Medical Center."

Carlisle nodded slowly, contemplating his options. "Either one could work. We wouldn't be able to get Charlie on the scene if we went toward Seattle. And there's some risk that a more sophisticated police department gets involved. But it may have advantages; there are lots of lonely stretches around the park. In any case, Esme and I will have to be out of town," said Carlisle, turning to Edward. "Otherwise Charlie would expect me to be with you in the car, helping Bella."

All the pieces had fallen into place. In less than an hour we'd hammered out a plan. They spoke urgently amongst themselves, continuing to flesh out the details, their lips a blur as I watched. The only decisions that remained to be made were exactly where and when my death would take place, and how I would say goodbye.

"It can't be until after Christmas," I blurted out. "I don't want to ruin their Christmas."

They all stopped short and looked at me. When no one spoke, I continued. "Eventually they'll have to have their first holiday without me, but it can't be so soon; that'd be too much for them to bear. It has to be after Christmas."

"That's a few weeks from now, Bella," Carlisle argued. "It may be too late."

"I want a good ending. Please. Let me do it right for them," I pleaded. From the look on their faces, I saw that while they had clearly done this before, they'd never had to be concerned with the emotions of the people they left behind – there'd been no one else.

"She's right," Edward said quietly, coming to stand by my shoulder. "It's important to her. I think we should take the risk."

I looked up at him gratefully, knowing how much it cost him to sacrifice even the littlest bit of my safety.

"After Christmas, then," agreed Carlisle reluctantly. "Alice, see if there will be any snow or ice around then; that'd make it even easier for us. Otherwise we'll just pick a date." He looked at me sternly. "No later than the 30th, Bella. We can't afford more time."

His face softened as he continued to watch me. No doubt I looked shell-shocked. It was obvious from the conversation that this was not the first time they'd staged something of this scale, and it had me kind of spooked. Carlisle looked at the rest of the family. "Why don't we leave Bella and Edward alone for a moment? I'm sure they have some things they'd like to discuss in private."

They all melted away. Edward sat down and took my hand in his.

"How are you holding up, Bella?" His eyes were full of concern. I noticed they were dark now; I wondered when he'd last hunted.

"Are you sure we have to do this, Edward? What if you're right and Aro wants to see my gift for himself? Wouldn't faking my death just make him want to come even more?"

Edward fiddled with my rings. "It could," he conceded, his voice rough. "But if he is going to come to see your gift, he'll come regardless of whether you've fully changed or not. If there is any chance he'd only come to punish us for not turning you, then staging your death might hold him off. It's a long shot, I admit, but it's the only one we've got."

My mind raced. What gift could be so fascinating to Aro that he'd want it for himself? What could he have possibly seen in me to make him think I'd be special? Being immune to others' talents wasn't especially helpful, other than in a keep-myself-alive way.

"Won't you tell me?" I whispered, willing him to look at me.

"No!" he growled softly, his mouth snapping shut. I flinched at his reaction, and he closed his eyes, trying to regain his composure. "I'm sorry. That wasn't very nice. I apologize, Bella. Of course, you have every reason to ask."

He opened his eyes and looked deeply into mine. "Forgive me?" His smile was small, uncertain, as he looked at me.

I nodded quickly, but I wasn't ready to give in just yet. "What could be so good that he'd want to come and see it?"

He pressed his lips into a hard line. "Good or bad, it's immaterial. It hasn't happened, and you don't need to worry yourself about it."

My stomach twisted. I clutched at his cold hand. "Do you see it coming out? Do you believe him?"

His eyes never left mine as he responded. "His observations about you in the past were correct. As he said, you provoke very strong emotions in our kind, as well as your own. And your mind has a natural barrier to outside influence. However, the conclusions he has made about your gift are, well, far-fetched. And no," he said, reaching over to caress my face, "despite all of the other strange things that have happened to you lately, you have not exhibited signs of any gift, at least that I have seen."

I released a sigh of relief. That was one less thing to worry about, at least. My ease was short-lived, however.

"I know it is important to you to say goodbye, Bella. Have you thought at all about how you'd like to handle it?" He was speaking very softly now, looking at me like I was about to break before his very eyes.

I looked away toward the window. "I left Florida angry. I haven't even really talked to Renee since then, other than to tell her I was bed ridden."

He stroked my hair. "She knows you love her."

I began to cry silently. "But I'll never get to tell her again." As close as I had become with the Cullens, my mom had always been my best friend. Ripping her from my life was unthinkable.

He held me, rocking me silently while I let it all out. When I had exhausted myself, he said in a low voice, "Are you sure this is worth it, Bella?"

I nodded, still looking away. "I chose a long time ago, remember?" A bitter smile twisted my lips. "I guess I just thought I could have my cake and eat it too."

I turned so we could be eye to eye while I tried to force a lopsided smile to my face. "You can't feel guilty about this, Edward. I made my choice. And I'm keeping my promise – I'm not hiding my pain from you. Don't _you_ decide to do something rash."

He frowned and then kissed the tip of my nose. The corners of his mouth turned up slightly as he asked, "Do you want to help plan your memorial service?"

"Eww, yuck!" I wrinkled up my nose. "Sorry, that doesn't sound like fun to me."

"All right," he said in mock disappointment, "I guess we'll have to leave it to Esme."

"Can we share a tombstone?" I asked impishly, trying to force myself into a playful mood.

"Mmmm. Laid to rest together for all eternity. I like how you think, Mrs. Cullen." He leaned in for a slow, long kiss, draining the last of my energy from me. My pulse raced and he laughed as he kissed my wrists. "I don't think I should do that to you anymore, your doctor would be very upset."

I stuck my tongue out. It was so unfair.

He lingered at my bedside, still holding one hand. His eyes grew serious. "I am sorry to ask you this, Bella, but you really do need to make your plans. Maybe we can talk about Renee and Charlie later." He gave my hand a little squeeze and left me to think about my goodbyes while he went off to hunt.

In the end, we decided to invite Charlie and Renee to Christmas at the Cullens. It seemed like an obvious thing to do, given it was our first Christmas with merged families and the only way I'd get to spend any real amount of time with either one of them. Charlie had even offered to put Phil and Renee up at his house, but they'd politely declined.

Alice was thrilled to have a party to plan. Esme was worried about hosting a meal. I knew everyone would have to fake their way through Christmas dinner – no small sacrifice – just so I could have my parents here, and I was deeply grateful. I kept brooding about how to keep myself from falling to pieces in front of Renee and Phil. Renee, especially – despite her sometimes loopy behavior, she was too good at picking up on things.

"Jasper will help you. If you cry, we'll just chalk it up to first-time mother nerves," Esme asserted without a second thought. "And don't you worry about presents – Edward has that all taken care of."

I groaned. Presents. In all the chaos of the last few weeks, I'd forgotten about that.

"Esme," I said, almost afraid to bring it up, "Do you think you can talk to Edward and Alice about…_containing_ their gift-giving enthusiasm? I'm not sure how Renee and Charlie would react if we started opening Porsches on Christmas morning."

She laughed out loud at my nervousness. "Bella, they will be on their best behavior. Remember, Carlisle cut a deal with you. We will be very restrained, I promise."

The weeks until Christmas, for me, passed in slow dread. My nightmares had resumed, only this time the images of Jacob disappearing were intermingled with scenes of fiery car crashes, Renee and Charlie clinging to one another in grief, and the Volturi hunting me down. I knew I was crying out in my sleep – I could see it in the eyes of everyone in the household. Jasper, in particular, suffered; he was absorbing every bit of my sadness and struggling to counter it as best as he could. After a while, he started avoiding the house, spending lots of time out in the garage and in the woods, just so he could have some peace of mind.

And then, without warning, it was Christmas Eve. Renee and Phil were arriving that afternoon and taking a rental car to their hotel. Everyone would be coming over in the morning to celebrate.

The house played its part perfectly. Alice had torn up the perfect tree and decorated it with exquisite, delicate spun glass ornaments and twinkling lights. Piles of presents – "all for the babies," according to Alice – drifted against the tree like snow. The smells of pine and cinnamon filled the air and a constant, low-level hum of Christmas carols came from the sound system.

Only the tension on our faces gave away that this was no happy holiday.

When I woke up Christmas morning, Edward was sitting cross-legged at the foot of the bed, waiting for me to open my eyes.

"Merry Christmas," he said, his eyes alight with love.

"Merry Christmas," I responded. Despite all my worries, I couldn't help but smile at his beauty.

"Are you ready?" He asked cautiously. I tilted my head, trying to gauge his mood.

"I will be," I answered, feeling a steady calm growing inside of me. One of the babies gave a kick and I jumped. Edward laughed and crawled across the bed to me.

"May I?" He looked up at me, excited. I nodded, so he pushed back my tank top and nestled up to my belly, waiting for another bump and listening for some whoosh or gurgle from inside of me. Eventually, the babies complied with his wishes, rewarding him with what looked like a riot of protruding knees and elbows.

The smile on his face took my breath away. "They're very active today. Maybe they know its Christmas."

I raised an eyebrow skeptically. "Maybe they're just hungry. Or running out of room."

My heart swelled to see him happy. His eyes were bright and golden once again; I could almost believe that things were normal.

"I suppose you are going to want to get dressed today. Do you want Alice to help you?" He said it reluctantly, running an idle finger across my waistband. He chuckled as he saw the deep red sweep across my face.

"I suppose I should." Neither one of us moved, though; we didn't want to leave our cocoon.

A loud banging on our door interrupted us. "Bella, Renee is going to be here in 45 minutes. Charlie will be right behind her. I'm going to come in and pick out your outfit." Alice's voice sang out. "Here I come, ready or not."

Edward kissed the babies and rolled away across the bed as Alice sailed in. She was all business.

"Sorry, private time is up. We need to prepare Bella. Edward, get yourself ready while we're at it." Edward rolled his eyes in response, but wordlessly obeyed, pulling a forest green turtleneck sweater and dark pants quickly from the closet.

"Festive enough?" he asked, making a mock pose.

"You'll do," Alice laughed. "Now shoo." As Edward left us, she flung open the closet doors and walked in. Her voice floated out as she dashed through the hangers. "No, that will look like a tent on you. Hmm. Too dumpy looking. This will probably be too hot. Ah, this. Perfect."

She emerged brandishing a piece of delicate silvery fabric that looked like it would have been too small for me even before I was pregnant.

"There is no way you are getting me to put that on, Alice," I threatened, imagining the horrified looks I would get from Charlie.

"Trust me, Bella, this will be _perfect_. You just have to try it on."

"No." I crossed my arms resolutely.

She danced over to the foot of the bed to perch. "You are going to look angelic in this. Please, Bella, please try it on…for me?" She pouted, her puppy-dog eyes making me feel guilty.

"Oh, all right. Honestly, Alice." I rolled over the edge of the bed, holding on for balance, and pulled myself up. "Give me that."

She gracefully handed the dress over to me, draping it over her outstretched arms like a game show hostess, and I snatched it away, shooting her the most malevolent look I could muster while I tried not to laugh at her. "You can do my makeup later. I need to cover up the rings under my eyes."

She clapped her hands with glee as I marched off to the bathroom.

Forty minutes later Alice called down to Edward. "Do you want to carry her down, or shall I?"

Edward appeared at the door in a flash, then stopped short as he took me in, standing before him.

Alice had been right – the dress was beautiful. The shimmer was very slight, just enough to bring a happy light to my wan complexion. The fabric hung about me with just enough drape to skim my curves. And with her artful hand, Alice had more than covered up my raccoon eyes; she'd brought a faint flush to my cheeks. I was the picture of health.

Edward continued to stare at me. I felt the heat crawl across my body.

His voice was rough when he spoke. "Alice, you can go now."

Alice giggled and disappeared. Edward had not moved from the doorway. "I have half a mind to run away with you this instant," he said. I couldn't answer; instead, I just blushed more deeply. "And I definitely need to get you off your feet," he threatened, his voice a low purr.

He ran his hands through his coppery hair, a look of supreme frustration on his face. He rested his forehead against his arms while he turned in to lean against the doorway. He mumbled to himself. "Remember. Bed rest. And parents. Huh."

He blew out a great sigh, and then straightened up to shoot me one of his crooked smiles. My heart skipped. "Okay then," he said awkwardly. "Down we go?"

I nodded and in one stride he had swept me up in his arms. "Don't be nervous, okay?" He looked at me reassuringly, his momentary lapse of self-control gone. "We'll all be there to help you. It will be a perfect day."

Edward carefully arranged me in the living room, where I'd have a full view of the tree. Jasper came by and winked. "Game time, Bella." I smiled nervously, hoping I wouldn't disappoint them.

Edward and Alice both looked toward the door expectantly. The door bell rang and we all straightened up, readying ourselves for our pretense. Esme and Carlisle moved noiselessly to the hall to welcome our guests.

Renee rushed in first. "Where is she?" She bustled through the hallway without bothering to remove her thin excuse of a coat. "Bella!" She ran to the sofa and wrapped her arms around me. My own arms flew instinctively around her, hugging her tightly. My words stuck in my throat.

"Let me look at you." She pulled back from me and held my arms wide so she could see my belly. "Oh, dear, you look about ready to pop! You're just like me; I was so big with you I couldn't even fit behind the wheel of my car. And then you ended up being so tiny. But I guess you have two, you'd expect it."

"Mom," I said, rolling my eyes. "You're embarrassing me." I peeked around her. "Hey, Phil. Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas, Bella," he said, giving me the thumbs up behind Renee's back while he clutched a package with his other hand.

Renee finally dropped my hands and looked around. "What a lovely home," she murmured. "That tree is beautiful."

Carlisle and Esme smiled politely. "We are so pleased you and Phil could join us," Esme enthused. "Can I take your coats?"

"I really wasn't thinking when I was packing," Renee answered as she shrugged out of her cotton topper. "Forks is always so cold this time of year." She pulled the package out of Phil's hands. "We brought you a little gift. Thank you for inviting us."

Carlisle wrapped his arm around Esme's shoulders. "That was really not necessary," he said, "but thank you."

Esme rustled through the tissue paper and pulled out a bottle of wine. "Chateau Lafite, very nice." Carlisle looked impressed.

"The year Bella and Edward were born. We thought it somehow appropriate." Phil took Renee's hand in his as he spoke. Alice smiled behind her hand at Phil's mistake.

The doorbell rang again. "Charlie," I said, a smile coming to my face.

Charlie called from the entry, "Can I get a hand?" Edward disappeared. When he came back, he was laden with gifts; Charlie brought up the rear with more.

"What's all this?" I admonished.

Charlie laughed a hearty laugh. "I know, you don't like presents. But half of these are from your mom and Phil. And most of them are for the babies and there's nothing you can do about it. I'm a grandpa; I'm entitled to spoil them."

Edward forced a smile as I winced. This was going to be hard. I plastered what felt like a maniacal grin across my face and braced myself.

We made our way through the endless presents. It was double everything – double car seats, double bassinettes, double baby gyms and toys, even double "Property of Forks Police Department" onesies; mountains of sleepers and blankets. Clearly, Renee had gotten over her disappointment at being a young grandma. And so much for the restraint promised by Esme, I thought wryly to myself. Esme, Alice, Renee and I cooed over each tiny thing until, mercifully, the pile was gone.

"Two left," Alice said, grinning. She placed one beautifully wrapped box in my hands. I noticed there was no paper – just a ribbon -- and smiled to myself. I pulled the ribbon off and slid the top off the box. Inside were two beautifully smocked baby gowns – one covered in delicate blue embroidery, one in pink.

"Oh, Esme, they're beautiful." I trailed my fingers across the tiny stitches, tears welling in my eyes. "Thank you."

"You're welcome, Bella. It was a pleasure to embroider baby clothes after all these years." She stepped across the wadded up pieces of wrapping paper on the floor to embrace me. "You're doing beautifully," she whispered, so low that Renee couldn't hear. "You still have one more," she said for everyone's benefit, backing away.

Edward placed a small flat package in my hand. I grinned, knowing what it was. "Did you really?" He simply smiled and kneeled in front of me to watch as I opened the box. It was a CD. "Lullabies?" I asked.

He nodded. A bolt of pure happiness shot through me and I threw my arms around his neck. "Thank you," I whispered.

"We still have yours, Renee and Charlie," he said, reluctantly setting me back on the couch. Jasper handed identical packages to both of them. I watched them curiously as they opened the boxes. Renee gasped as she pushed away layers of tissue paper. I raised an eyebrow, silently willing Edward to announce what he – we – had gotten them.

"Wow, Bells." Charlie was almost at a loss for words. "This will put all those school pictures to shame."

He held up his gift to show us all. It was a framed black and white photograph of me, taken on our wedding day. I was alone, looking up into what could only be Edward's eyes, and laughing. A breeze had caught my veil, billowing the netting out behind my hair. I looked beautiful, full of life. The thought stabbed me through with pain.

"I don't even remember seeing the photographer," I murmured, trying to keep my composure. The pain seemed to dull, and I looked up to see Jasper eyeing me. I sent him a weak smile of gratitude.

"There's more," Alice piped up. Renee and Charlie dug around in the tissue and pulled up little slips of papers. "Ultrasound pictures of the babies," sang Alice.

"Where did you get those?" I looked at Alice, confused. We hadn't brought any printouts home from the clinic.

"The machine saved the images. Carlisle forgot to print them for you, but the technician noticed them the next day," she said, rolling her eyes at Carlisle. "We've been saving them for your parents."

"Wow, would you look at that," said Charlie, his voice full of awe. He smiled a toothy grin. "I think I already see a family resemblance. Thanks, Edward, Bella. This is really special." He walked across the room and bent over to kiss my head. "I still can't believe you're going to be a mama. Talk about Christmas presents. I sure love you, Bells."

My tears welled up again. "Now see, Charlie, you've made her cry!" Renee scolded, wiping away the tears that had started to spill over.

Esme smoothly interrupted. "Renee, perhaps you can help me in the kitchen? We'll need to make up trays and eat in here if Bella is to join us for Christmas dinner."

The rest of the day passed in a blur. I careened between utter happiness at having both of my parents with me, panic, and grief. The only relief I got came from Jasper and the mild amusement I experienced watching the whole family stoically swallow Jell-O salad. We easily navigated the questions about Emmett and Rosalie's absences, our first quarter grades and plans for Dartmouth. The babies demonstrated their gymnastic feats almost on demand. It was perfect. And then it was time for them all to go.

They had gone to the hall closet to get their coats. Alice and Edward exchanged a little glance. Edward nodded grimly and Alice walked over to me, kneeling down to whisper in my ear. "Rain and ice tomorrow." She gripped my hand tightly in her ice cold one, making sure I understood, then disappeared.

I sucked in my breath. So soon.

I struggled to get up from the couch. I had to make my goodbyes. Edward stopped me with one firm hand. "I'll bring them here to you."

Renee and Phil came first. "We're going to go to Seattle for the after Christmas sales tomorrow," Renee said breezily, "and we'll probably come back late. But we'll come over to see you the day after, okay? You probably want a little break after all the bustle today, anyway." She bent down to squeeze me tightly. "Merry Christmas, baby. I'm so glad you're happy." I clung to her, trying to force the smell of her hair, the thin texture of her cotton coat into my memory.

"Mommy, don't go." It came out as a pitiful whisper.

She pulled away, a puzzled look on her face. Then she laughed, placing one hand on my cheek. "Poor girl. We wore you out."

Phil took his turn next, whispering as he hugged me. "See, I told you she'd come around." He squeezed my shoulder before he stepped away.

Renee's chatter trailed behind her as Carlisle, Esme and Edward walked her to the door. I caught Carlisle saying, "We may miss you when you come back; Esme and I had planned to go away for a few days." I heard Renee's voice, burbling like a brook, until she and Phil climbed into their rental car and pulled away.

And then came Charlie.

"Ah, this was a great idea." He squatted next to the couch so he was eye level with me. He paused, suddenly reflective. "You know, I knew when you moved here two years ago that you really didn't want to come. But you were really a trooper, never complained once. And now look at you. You're going to be a great mom, you know that?" He tweaked my nose, just like he did when I was a child. "I'm sure glad you came to live with me, Bella, even if it was for just a little while. You get some sleep, you hear me?" He held his gift box out in front of him as he stood up. "I'm going to go put these up right away. Love you, Bells."

"Love you, Dad." I could barely choke the words out.

Charlie turned and hollered back toward the kitchen. "Bye, Alice. Come by and see me sometime." He then clapped Edward jovially on the back, all his old suspicions of Edward apparently gone. "You take care of her, all right? Call me if she needs anything."

"I will, sir," Edward said solemnly, walking him to the door.

I started shaking as I watched Charlie leave, willing him to look back one last time. But he simply walked through the doorway and out of my life. Before I even heard the cruiser roar to live, Alice was there with me, holding me against her cold, hard body as I howled into a pillow, clutching at the hollowness that had already begun to grow inside me. At some point Edward took me from her and carried me upstairs to our room. He held me in his arms until my sobbing subsided. Even then I felt like I'd been kicked in the stomach.

"I'm so sorry, Bella." His voice was thick with regret.

"It's not your fault," I whispered into the night.

"Maybe not." He muttered to himself. Before I could correct him, he turned me over slightly to face him. His sculpted face glowed in the dim lamplight. Even in the depths of my sadness, he took my breath away.

"You have one more Christmas present to open," he said, slightly apologetic. "I'm afraid this might be a case of 'it's the thought that counts,' but I wanted you to know I hadn't forgotten you."

I looked at him suspiciously. "You already gave me the CD you made."

He smiled patiently. "While I appreciate that you like my music, the CD was really intended for Elizabeth and Masen. This was supposed to be for you."

He ran to the closet and then came back bearing a long tube of rolled paper. The paper was unlike anything I'd ever seen; it had a bluish tint to it. He laid it in my lap. "Go ahead and open it."

I was too exhausted to fight off a gift. A part of me was grateful for the distraction. I slid the rubber band off and tried to flatten out the roll. Intricate drawings filled each page, every detail labeled in perfect block lettering. "What is it?" I asked, confused.

"These are house plans, Bella. As soon as we knew you were expecting, I realized we were going to need a little more space and privacy. This was going to be a new wing to the house, just for us. I designed it myself."

"You what?" I gasped. "How could you?"

He smiled, amused at my disbelief. "Well, let's just say carpentry really wasn't that difficult of a class for me."

"You designed us our own _wing_?" I smoothed the papers down, tracing my finger through the little hallways and rooms.

"It wasn't a very _big_ wing," he said defensively. He pulled my hands away and began rolling the papers. He looked defeated. "Of course, we can't stay here now, so there is no point." He held the plans in his hands, his golden eyes never leaving mine. "But I wanted you to know I was planning for us. I still am."

I began weeping again, and he wrapped me back up in his arms. We stayed that way, clinging together in our shared grief for what we were about to leave behind until his sweet breath finally numbed my pain and I was able to sleep.


	13. Chapter 12

CHAPTER 12

I didn't sleep well that night, but I guess that was to be expected. Everyone kept a discreet distance for as long as they could, but once day had broken and it was clear I wasn't going to fall back to sleep, Esme crept silently into our room.

"I'm going to help Edward pack for you, Bella. We'll need two bags – one for in Edward's car and one to take with you."

"Take with me?" Even though I hadn't slept, my mind was in a fog. I squinted against the pale lamplight, trying to make out Esme's face. Esme looked intently at Edward and he reached over to take my hand.

"You'll have to leave with Carlisle and me today," she said, her eyes kind, "and I'm not sure when you'll be coming back."

"Why?" Her pronouncement had gotten my attention and I was now wide awake, struggling to sit up against the pillows.

Edward propped me up and answered for Esme. "There's bound to be many visitors to the house after word gets out of the accident. You were very popular in Forks, even if I wasn't," he said dryly. "We can't afford to have someone inadvertently spot you."

"What about you?" I said, marshalling my arguments.

"I'll be right behind you. I've got a little crime scene to take care of first," he said bitterly.

"Edward," Esme corrected. "It is hardly a crime scene. No one will be hurt."

"Other than one very unlucky tree," I said sarcastically. "And Charlie and Renee, let's not forget about them."

"Bella." Esme's voice was full of disappointment.

Edward turned to me. "Do you want to call this off? I would rather die than hurt you or someone you love. Just say the word." His butterscotch eyes radiated hurt. I wanted to hide my face in shame.

"No. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it." I clutched his hand and pulled it to my face. "The last thing I want to do is take it out on you. I'm sorry."

He sighed, rubbing the back of his hand against my cheek. "I understand." He continued to watch me, worry marring his marble perfection. After a few moments, he tore his gaze from mine to look back at Esme. "So, about that packing. What do we need to bring?"

"Well, for your car we need the standard hospital bag so it will be consistent with our story in case it survives the fire."

"So…?" I let the question linger in the air. I didn't want to admit it, but I had no idea what that meant.

"Have you really not read _any_ of the books I gave you?" Edward said reproachfully. "How were you planning to get through labor?"

I grimaced, caught. "I figured you would be there to help me. Two medical degrees, remember?" I gave him my best sheepish grin, hoping he'd forgive me.

He scowled and muttered back at me. "Ridiculous. As if that is the same as actually being in labor." He dropped my hand and reached over to the bedside table, plucking one book out of the pile. He opened the book and quickly turned to the page he sought. He began to read aloud, his velvety voice preposterously rich for the subject. "'Preparing for the birth: By the time you enter your last trimester, you should have a bag ready to go to the hospital so that when you go into labor you will be prepared to leave quickly. Your checklist should include toiletries, a nice robe and pajama set for after the birth, your favorite music, an extra pillow, a tennis ball, a…'"

"A tennis ball?" I interrupted.

"To massage your back after contractions. It also makes a helpful focal point during your breathing." The way he rattled off his points I was sure he had read the baby book cover to cover.

"Focal point? Breathing?" Here was another thing I didn't understand. I was beginning to think this labor thing might be trickier than I had anticipated.

Edward gave an exasperated sigh. "I knew I should have made you go to those Lamaze classes." He gestured with the book. "Do you want me to continue?"

"No, thank you." I said, chastised. "I guess we can just work off the checklist in the book, right?"

Esme shot Edward a warning look, and then added in a soothing voice, "Don't worry, Bella. Women have been having babies for thousands of years. You'll be fine. That will be your hospital bag. We should take some of the same things with us, plus some changes of clothes, some books to keep you busy, and any keepsakes you want with you."

More confusion. I sighed. Perhaps I had needed that missing sleep more than I realized.

Esme quickly clarified. "You might want something with you, in case it takes us a while to get back here. And you may want to set aside things that you don't want Renee or Charlie to take." She hesitated before continuing in a gentle voice. "They may want to take things from your room, to remember you by."

"Oh." I felt a little pang, thinking of them going through my things after I'd gone, trying to find some little scrap of me they could keep forever. I looked down at my hands.

Edward pulled my chin up to look into my eyes. "Do you want me to pick for you, Bella?" I nodded mutely, thankful that I would be able to avoid dredging up old memories.

"Okay, then. Let's get this over with now. Bella," she said over her shoulder as she entered the closet, "when you get dressed, be sure to leave your bed unmade. It has to look like you left in a hurry."

They worked at vampire speed so were done in no time. Esme took the bags in her hands, hoisting them as if they were filled with tissue paper, and paused at the door on her way out. "We'll be leaving at noon to beat the snow."

After she disappeared, Edward sat beside me, brushing a stray strand of hair from my face. "I'll come join you as soon as we know that the crash worked."

"Worked?" I said blankly.

He clenched his lips into a grim line. "That the police believe we are dead."

The silence hung between us.

"Where are we going?" It didn't really matter, I knew, but I wondered how long of a drive I had ahead of me.

"We have a cabin in the mountains. We'll be going there." He took my hand in his and began tracing cold circles on the back of my hand. "Are you okay, Bella?"

I nodded, not letting my eyes meet his.

"How are the babies today?" He was trying a different tack, but I was fine with the distraction.

"It feels like a soccer game in there," I said, smiling broadly. "I have a feeling we're going to have our hands full with these two."

He kissed my forehead, resting a hand on my abdomen. One of the babies obediently kicked for him and he laughed out loud, his eyes alight with a happiness I hadn't seen in days.

"This is what matters, you know." He closed his eyes as if to block out the horror of what we would have to do later today. "As long as the four of us can be together, we'll be fine." When he opened his eyes, though, I saw a glimmer of doubt. I couldn't help but wonder – was he trying to convince himself?

Looking to the clock, he shook off his pensive mood. "Out of bed with you," he said, picking me up and delicately setting me to stand. His hands were still on my hips when a wave of pain hit me. I staggered against him.

"Was that a contraction?" he asked, his voice filled with concern.

"I think so," I whispered back. "I'm not really sure. I need to sit down."

He swept me up and deposited me gently back in bed. "No standing." He began piling pillows up under my feet. "Stay here while I get Carlisle. I mean it, Bella. Don't move from this spot."

I sank gratefully into the bed. He didn't have to worry – I wasn't going anywhere. The contraction scared me. The sensation itself was odd. Even in that brief moment, I felt a swell of tension as my body tightened and then, slowly, released itself again, a twist of pain assaulting me at the crest. And the sense that my body was about to go on autopilot, that nothing could stop the pain once it started, filled me with dread.

Now would definitely be a bad time to go into labor, I thought to myself.

Carlisle and Edward reappeared, Carlisle carrying his medical kit. He was all business. "Have you had another contraction, Bella?" He asked as he pulled his stethoscope out of his bag.

"No, nothing."

"Edward, you noted the time earlier?" Edward nodded in response.

"Okay. Bella, I'm going to listen to your heart, and then the babies' hearts. Sorry, this will be cold." I gasped as Carlisle slid the stethoscope over my heart. He listened for a minute and, once satisfied, pushed up my tank top to expose my abdomen, repeating the process.

"Nothing unusual there. Do you mind if I examine you?" I nodded, strangely embarrassed. He looked calmly at Edward. "You should stay here, Edward. I'll step outside for a moment."

Edward's face was a mask. I looked helplessly at him, not sure what to do.

"I'll arrange a sheet for you, Bella. It's okay." His voice betrayed no emotion and his eyes were steady. I felt the heat creeping across my face as I wriggled out of my pajama bottoms. It wasn't as if I hadn't been examined by Carlisle before. It just felt different having Edward here.

He draped the sheet over my knees. "Okay?" He exuded calm. I nodded and he stepped to my shoulder and took my hand. "Come in, Carlisle."

Carlisle worked as fast as possible. His touch was cold enough to make me jump, even through the latex, but he was over quickly. "She's started to dilate, but it is very early. We should consider this pre-labor. I don't think there is any risk of delivery yet. We'll just have to keep you prone as much as possible, Bella." He peeled of his gloves as he spoke, the fingers making a cracking sound as he popped them off, one by one.

I nodded again, still unable to speak. Edward squeezed my hand. "Thanks, Carlisle. Is there anything you can give her?"

"If she had more active labor or was more far along I would, but at this stage it'd be overkill. Just stay off your feet and we'll be fine." He tossed his gloves into a trash can and repacked his bag. "I'll see you around noon. Call me if anything else happens," he called over his shoulder as he left the room.

I closed my eyes, willing the flush to fade from my burning cheeks. It didn't. Soon I felt Edward's cold hand against my face.

"That was…embarrassing for you?" He barely made it sound like a question. Without opening my eyes, I nodded.

"Bella, I thought you realized that when you were in labor I would be there. And Carlisle is your doctor. It's not a big deal."

"I know." My voice wavered a bit.

I could tell he was staring at me, waiting for me to open my eyes. When I did, his bemused expression confronted me.

"This is not the time to get shy, Bella. I'm not bothered by it; neither should you be."

I grimaced. "You're not going to start on one of those 'the human body is a beautiful thing' lectures, are you? I got enough of that in phys ed."

He laughed. "Well, let's think of it this way. Once you are in throes of childbirth I bet you won't care if the entire Mormon Tabernacle Choir sees you naked."

"Great. That makes me_ really_ look forward to the experience." I rolled my eyes, but I had to give it to him; making fun of me had managed to break through my shell of awkwardness.

"Alright. Enough enticing bedroom talk," he said with a wink. "What shall we dress you in today?"

Noon came quickly. Edward carried me out to the garage, bundled in thick fleece, and tucked me into the middle seat of Esme's SUV. The back was packed full of boxes and suitcases; I had just enough room to lie across the seat, my head resting against two pillows. As Edward fussed about me, I caught a glimpse of my old truck and felt a pang of remorse for leaving it behind – I'd probably never hear its embarrassing rumble again.

"I'll be right back," Edward said, kissing me on the nose, and dashed away. In his place popped Alice.

"Don't worry, we will see you soon," she promised. Even the solemnity of the occasion couldn't extinguish the twinkle in her eyes.

"Alice, have you seen anything else?"

She shook her head, her annoyance visible in the way she clenched her jaw. "No. They keep going back and forth to different scenarios. They must still be debating what to do."

I gulped hard before asking my next question. "Do you still see the babies?"

She wrapped her cold, hard hands around mine and stared fiercely into my eyes. "Absolutely, Bella. Nothing is going to touch Elizabeth and Masen. I swear it."

She cocked her head for a split second and then smiled at me. "Don't you have them until you come back, you hear?" Then, after wrapping her tiny arms around me for a hug, she backed out of the door. Jasper then popped his head in. A wave of calm washed over me.

"Tell those babies that Uncle Jasper is not ready for them yet. It's been a while since I've had children to entertain; I've got to brush up on some of my patented pony ride and cowboys and Indians moves. So they are not allowed to come until I give the A-okay. Got that?"

I smiled. "Message delivered, Jasper."

He ducked in the car door to peck my cheek. "Don't worry about anything, Bella. I'll take care of Edward."

"Time to hit the road," Carlisle ordered as he stepped into the driver's side. Esme had already buckled herself into the passenger seat. There was nothing to do but go. "Where's Edward?"

"Right here," Edward announced as he reappeared in the garage. In his hand was my Christmas CD. He passed it to me, his hand lingering on mine. "I thought you might like to listen to this. Just to pass the time while you wait."

I looked up at him, cursing the tears that were swelling, unbidden, in my eyes. He brushed one drop away as it fell. "I love you Bella," he whispered. His mouth claimed mine. I braced myself for the fierce abandon that had marked our past goodbyes, but instead found only sadness and longing…and love.

"Be safe," I whispered as he pulled away from me. He smiled a small smile and dropped his hands to his sides, standing stiffly to watch me go.

"Edward, make sure to call Rosalie and Emmett. They may need extra time to get here for the memorial service," Esme called before rolling up her window.

As the car pulled out of the garage, I thought about Rosalie and Emmett coming home. We would all be together – a real family again. It was just a matter of time.

We were still driving when the sun went down. A solitary contraction punctuated each hour of driving, causing all of us all to watch the clock anxiously until enough time passed that we could safely declare it a false alarm.

We'd wound our way through a series of switchbacks, climbing steadily higher for over an hour when it started to snow.

"Good Alice," murmured Carlisle, concentrating on staying on the road.

It was after five o'clock by the time we drove up the long, solitary driveway to the cabin. As we pulled up, it became clear to me that even though it was made of logs, this wasn't exactly a cabin. It was bigger than Charlie's house in Forks and loomed high on a ridge. Even in the dark I guessed the view would be spectacular.

"Here we are," said Esme cheerily as she hoisted me in her arms. "Inside with you."

We immediately entered into a large family room that had the feel of a hundred-year-old lodge. The rough hewn walls were expertly decorated with Native American blankets and handicrafts. Antler chandeliers hung from the high center beam and a wide row of candles wrapped in birch bark and twine lined the mantle over a chiseled rock fireplace. The hospital bed and communications paraphernalia deposited in the center of the room were the only things that marred the rustic effect. Apparently, Esme and Carlisle had recreated the war room/sick room right here in the cabin.

I gestured to the large bear head mounted on the wall. "Emmett's handiwork?" I asked pointedly.

Esme laughed as she deposited me in the bed. "Sorry to disappoint, but this is not one of the infamous irritated grizzlies. This one is not even real. It does add a nice touch, though, don't you think?"

Carlisle had already brought in the boxes and suitcases from the back of the car. The first thing he opened was a cooler. "Hungry, Bella?"

My stomach growled its own response. I realized I hadn't really eaten anything all day. And after everything that had happened in our family, I was beyond shyness. "What have you got, Carlisle?"

He waved a plastic baggie of raw meat up in the air, smiling. "Kobe beef, nothing but the best."

"Sold," I replied, hoping my voice didn't sound too…eager. Carlisle tossed the baggie across the room to me but Esme snaked out her hand and snatched it from the air, shooting us both dirty looks.

"Just because we're in the woods does not mean you can abandon all manners. I'll get you a plate and silverware," she sniffed. As she floated out of the room Carlisle winked at me. The mountain air and isolation seemed to have relaxed him.

"I'll just keep unpacking if you don't mind." He became a blur as he opened boxes and started depositing things around the cabin. He soon deposited a large black box resembling a radio next to my bed. Carlisle's medical kit and a box of syringes, bottles, bandages, needles and scalpels then joined it. I gulped as I peered at the contents of the box. I guess he wanted to be prepared, just in case.

Esme returned with my plate and a napkin, which she draped across my lap. I inhaled appreciatively. It seemed so _fresh_. I sank my teeth into the first bite and savored the bloody juice. "Esme," I said with my mouth full, "what's that black box?"

"A police scanner," she answered matter-of-factly as she folded some linens next to my bed.

"What's that?" I asked, still chewing.

"It allows us to monitor the radio communications of the police and emergency response teams. If we're lucky, we'll be able to hear what's going on in Forks when you and Edward have your accident."

"It works from this far away?" I asked, skeptically.

"Usually not," she replied as she turned to unpacking my bag, "especially at this time of year. But we've been able to get skips – a sort of signal bouncing that makes the radio waves travel unusual distances – before, so maybe we'll get lucky again."

I focused hard on my plate. My heart was racing at the thought that we'd be able to hear everything unfold as it happened. But I didn't want to get my hopes up.

The night was long. It didn't take Carlisle and Esme much time to unpack at vampire speed. With nothing else to do, we turned on the big television in the family room and spent several hours flipping idly between local news and sitcoms. Through it all, my body clenched and released once every hour, marking the time and keeping us all on edge.

At midnight, Carlisle's cell phone rang. He picked it up on one ring.

"Alice?" He answered tersely. He listened intently and then answered back, too rapidly for me to understand.

He hung up the phone and turned to us. "Edward has left the house. Alice is going to call Charlie now to tell him you've gone into labor and that Edward is taking you in to the hospital. It's just a matter of time."

Esme rose and turned on the radio scanner. A whir of static filled the room.

"Are you sure that is the right channel?" I asked anxiously.

"If we're able to get anything, it will be on this frequency," she said, frowning. She clicked the television off. "There's nothing to do but wait."

We sat as still as statues, afraid that if we so much as breathed too loudly we would miss some vital signal from the scanner. When the phone rang again, we jumped.

Carlisle swiftly answered.

"Hello?" He listened for a few seconds, closing his eyes as he did. "Thank you." He then hung up. "Charlie is going to the hospital to meet you there."

We stiffly sat, staring at the black box, waiting for something to interrupt its crackling. Minutes stretched to an hour.

A lonely ghost of conversation suddenly floated up from the scanner – "Didn't Charlie's daughter…?" I gasped. It was so brief, I could have imagined it, but the look on Esme and Carlisle's faces meant that they had heard it, too. Carlisle started fiddling with the dials, trying to find something, _anything_, to no avail.

"It's no use, Carlisle." Esme gently laid her hand on his, stopping his frantic movements with the dials. "We won't know for sure until Edward is here. Why don't we let Bella get some sleep? If everything went well, he'll be here in the morning."

Carlisle let his head drop. "Yes, of course you're right." He clicked the scanner off. "Bella, call us if your contractions start to come any faster. We'll hear you." He squeezed my shoulder and walked slowly away, up the large staircase that cut the room in two.

"He's fine, Bella," Esme said softly, knowing my thoughts were with Edward. "Don't you worry. You need your sleep, young lady -- these babies are counting on you," she scolded gently, her eyes bright with kindness. "We'll wake you if we hear anything." She turned into a blur as she laid a fire in the majestic fireplace. "This should keep you warm enough tonight. Good night, dear," she said, kissing me on the cheek before turning off the lights and disappearing.

I lay on my side, curled into a ball, shivering in the night. My mind raced. What if something happened to Edward? What if someone saw him – what would he do then? I shuddered – there weren't very many options if that happened. I began arguing with myself. _Be reasonable, Bella. Alice foresaw the right time. Alice is never wrong._

_Yes, she is_, the voice inside me responded. _And you know what happened then_.

I shook my head, trying to clear away the images of the Volturi, the memory of Edward about to destroy himself on Alice's word. _That was different. That isn't going to happen again._

_Other things could go wrong,_ the voice slyly responded, its whispers burning little cankers of doubt and fear into my heart. _What if the car doesn't explode the right way? What if the fire isn't strong enough and they know you weren't in the car? Then what will happen? Every police department in the Northwest will be searching for you – you know how popular Charlie is in the Force. They'll blame Edward for your disappearance. Maybe his whole family. Their faces will be plastered on "Wanted" posters in every post office across America. There will be nowhere safe for them to hide._

_That won't happen_, I repeated to myself like a prayer. _That won't happen._

_But it could….and then where would you be?_

"No." I whimpered, my body curling in on itself. The logs in the hearth shifted, releasing a flurry of sparks. _Stop thinking. Stop thinking. Stop thinking. _I repeated it to myself it until I was in a trance, numbed by the warmth of the fire, and fell into a fitful sleep.

In my dream, the car careened toward me. I was rooted to the ground, unable to move as it twisted in the air like a satellite, coming inexorably closer. It was almost beautiful how it turned; one perfect arc after another, end over end, graceful and silent. It was so close now that I could see its driver was Edward, looking sad behind the wheel. I tried to speak, but nothing came out. Instead, I braced myself for the impact. At the moment the car was to hit me, a loud crack filled the air and I gasped awake.

The fire had shifted again as the logs disintegrated into glowing embers. Edward sat before its dim orange glow, his face buried in his hands.

"Edward!" I flung myself from the bed at him as he looked up, his eyes haunted. He caught me in his arms, hanging on to me like a drowning man. My hands flew to his face, flying over every familiar bone, every contour, kissing each spot as I confirmed he was not hurt.

He buried his face in the hollow of my neck. "Oh, Bella," he whispered.

I wrapped my arms tighter around him, trying to soothe him with my touch. I was afraid to ask, but I had to know. "Was it horrible?" I faltered on the words.

He looked up; the sadness in his eyes was overwhelming. If I had ever had any doubts, I knew in that moment that Edward truly had a soul; a soul that was in unspeakable pain. He nodded, unable to speak.

I leaned my forehead against his, unable to stop touching his face. I wanted to absorb his pain, draw it from him like a honeybee drawing nectar from the heart of a perfect flower.

"Did it work?" I whispered, closing my eyes as I waited for his answer.

"Too well," he sighed, his voice ragged. I was in his lap now; anything to be as close to him as possible. I continued to stroke his face. I could be patient now that I knew that he – and we – would be safe.

"Charlie?" I asked softly, my eyes still closed against the horrors of the night.

Edward drew a breath. "Charlie saw. Charlie believed. It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, to sit there and listen to his thoughts as he realized he'd lost you, knowing that I was the one responsible for his pain."

Grief sliced through me, but so did pity for Edward. "We had no choice, Edward." I opened my eyes to search his face, trying to ignore the dampness on my cheeks. His eyes were hard with self-hatred and remorse. "I _asked_ you to do this."

He shook his head angrily. "None of this would have been necessary if we'd been more careful. If I hadn't been so selfish."

"Don't say that," I whispered. I drew his hand to my belly. "How can you be selfish when all you were doing was protecting them?"

His golden eyes softened, but they were still laced with doubt. "What if one day you realize what I've done, all that I've taken from you? Will you be able to forgive me?"

I fought down the familiar panic that he would leave me for my own good. I had to be strong for him. I steadied my hands before taking his face between them. "You have given me more than I ever dreamed of, Edward. There is nothing to forgive."

He sagged with relief and I realized how much had been hanging on the words I'd just spoken. "Thank you," he breathed, his fragrance swirling around me, intoxicating me. He dropped his head to my chest, listening to my heart, his cold arms finally wrapping around me. My heart pounded in my ears, beating to an ever slower rhythm as the knowledge that he was here, safe with me, sunk in.

The rest of the morning passed in a haze. I was exhausted and found an escape from my sadness in sleep. Every once in a while I'd become conscious of the droning of the television or the ring of a cell phone, but grief pulled me back to slumber.

When I could no longer ignore the light streaming through the clerestory windows, I threw off the covers and heaved a leg over the side.

"Oh no, you don't," growled Edward playfully from the sofa where he sat. "Just because you are legally dead doesn't mean you can ignore your doctor."

I groaned and climbed back up. He seemed better, less morose. "Am I?"

"Are you what?" he asked, confused, as he looked up from his book.

"Legally dead?"

"Yes," he said, putting his book down. "According to Alice, they are rushing things through out of respect for Charlie. You and I are both dead." I raised an eyebrow at his choice of words. He noticed and continued. "Thrilling isn't it?" The corners of his lips turned up in a slight grin and my heart leaped. It had been so long since I'd seen him smile.

"You're happy." I could feel my forehead crumpling up in confusion. Could I believe my eyes?

He was at my side in a flash. "I am _relieved_, Bella. And by extension, happy that all of us will be safe." His butterscotch eyes pleaded with me. "Does that make me a horrible person?"

"No!" I almost shouted, startling him. I smiled myself then, drunk with my own relief. "No. You have no idea how glad I am that you feel that way." I squeezed his hand, relishing the familiarity of his cold, firm grip.

"Where are Carlisle and Esme?" I asked, sinking into my pillows so I could have a better view of his perfect face.

"They went hunting and then left to go back home. They'll have a lot to do before the service." He paused for a second, and then continued. "I think they'll have to handle most of it themselves; I don't think Charlie or Renee will be up to the task. Jasper has been with them a lot today; he seems to be helping."

A wave of gratitude for Jasper surged through me. A pang for Edward followed it as I thought of the futility of him trying to shelter me from it all. "You don't have to bear this alone, Edward. I should know." I trailed my thumb along the top of his hand. "When will the service be?"

He sighed, resigned. "I suspect in three days. Esme is meeting with the funeral home director tomorrow. And Rosalie and Emmett will arrive the day after."

That got my attention. "How are they?" I asked casually, wondering if Rosalie had gotten over her anger.

Edward laughed. "Just fine. Rosalie is back to her old self. She gave me a good talking to for endangering the whole family again." He grinned a wicked grin. "I'm sure she'll have a few choice words for you, too, when she sees you."

I let my breath out. "And Emmett?"

"Eager to see you. Happy to be coming home, even under these circumstances." He brought my hand to his lips.

It was almost too good to be true. There was only one thing that I still needed to ask. I steeled myself to ask the question. "Has Alice had any more visions?"

Edward looked at me gravely. "No, nothing else. But it is too soon for our news to have traveled all the way to Volterra. Give it a few days and then I'm sure we'll know." His smile folded into a grim line and I cursed myself for having stolen away his good mood. But I knew deep down that any ease either one of us felt would be fleeting until we knew the Volturi's next move.

The next three days were odd. Carlisle had decided it was too risky for anyone to come see us at the cabin so we remained alone. Alice and Carlisle called us regularly with updates. Jasper never did.

"He's a little worn out from all the time with Renee and Charlie," Alice said apologetically, a slight edge of worry in her voice. "He's been spending any spare time in the woods."

Our only other news came from the local television station. We received a flurry of local television news coverage the first day after our accident. "The human interest angle of you being the pregnant daughter of the Chief of Police must be like catnip to the reporters," Edward noted acidly. "Look at this," he said, rewinding the Tivo. "Of all the people they could get to comment, they managed to dig up Newton." Sure enough, Mike Newton filled the screen as he stood in front of his family's store.

He smiled nervously into the camera. "Uh, she was a flower snapped short as her youth was snuffed out. A horrible, tragic loss." I groaned at his horrible mixed metaphor and his false familiarity as Edward clicked off the television.

"Your friends' thoughts should make for interesting eavesdropping at the memorial service," he smirked.

"You're going?" For some reason, the idea of being left alone made me nervous.

"You know I have to. That's the only way we'll be sure everyone believes you're – we're – really dead." He reached out to touch my cheek. "It will just be one day. I'll be there and back before you know it."

"What are you going to do, exactly?" I asked.

My curiosity seemed to amuse him. "I'm going to drive down early and park outside of town, hiding my car in the woods."

I interrupted him. "You have a car?"

He grinned widely. "Actually, _you_ have an SUV. I picked out a nice Porsche Cayenne for you – very practical, and fast, too. It's already outfitted with two car seats. I'll just need to borrow it until I can replace my Volvo." He clearly was enjoying his _fait accompli_. "Anyway, as I was saying, I'll run to the funeral home and hide in an empty salon – Esme checked, we'll be the only service that day so it shouldn't be a problem. I'll be able to hear everything from there. And then, after everyone has left, I'll turn around and do it all in reverse." He leaned in to kiss my nose. "Bringing me back to you."

"You're quite the James Bond, aren't you?" I pouted.

"Hmmm. I think James Bond would be hanging out somewhere a bit more glamorous than the Forks Memorial Home, don't you?" His broad grin disarmed me. "You're just grumpy from being stuck up here, and I don't blame you. Just a little while longer, love." He gingerly picked me up – every day he treated me more and more like a china doll – and carried me to the broad porch that wrapped around the cabin. We looked down at the deep valley, the lush treetops standing in contrast to the stark winter sky.

"Soon the babies will be here, and we'll be able to move and start again with nothing hanging over our heads."

"Do you promise?" I whispered.

His voice was strong when he answered. "I promise."

The day of the memorial service arrived and I woke up by myself. Edward had left a plate of food next to my bed with a little note:

You have my heart. Keep it safe for me for when I return.

Tell the children their daddy loves them. I should be home by 5:00.

Edward

_Daddy_. My mind flew to Charlie, and then to Renee. I'd managed to block out most of my thoughts of them over the last few days, but with Edward gone, there was nothing to prevent me from letting the sadness wash back over me. I sat on my bed, tears streaming down my face, silent sobs wracking my body. I cried until the sobs set off a hiccupping fit, which then woke the babies and set off a soccer match inside of me. I started laughing hysterically at the absurdity of it all – me, Bella Swan, faking my own death so I could live an undisturbed life with my vampire family.

One last hiccup shook me. I smiled a teary smile as a little elbow stretched my belly into another bizarre shape. This was the life I'd chosen, and as strange as the path had become, I wouldn't trade it for anything.

So I settled into a day of clock watching. At 10:00, I closed my eyes, imagining Charlie and Renee sitting stiffly next to one another in the chapel, with what remained of the Cullen family across the aisle. I wondered whether Alice had bought a new outfit for the occasion, and what Biblical text Carlisle would have chosen for the service. I thought of Jasper, and how exhausted he would be after the service – this, on top of the last three days, had surely wrung every last bit of energy from him. And I thought of Esme, who alone among the Cullens really knew the pain of losing a child and who probably felt a little of Renee and Charlie's pain herself.

At 11:00, I thought of the guests shuffling out of the room. Which of my friends had come? What would they say to Charlie?

Against my will, I thought of Jacob Black. Would he have come?

I thought of his lean body, eased into whatever qualified as his Sunday best these days, sitting stiffly with his pack brothers in the over-heated chapel. Would any of them even believe that I was dead?

At noon, I thought of Edward, his mind empty of the whispers of other peoples' thoughts, sliding from his hiding spot and winding his way back to me, his hair whipping in the wind as he ran.

I tried to kill some time by painting my toe nails, but realized I couldn't actually reach my feet anymore. Instead, I paged through my "What to Expect" book, trying to catch up to Edward on the whole labor and delivery thing.

I mentally recorded the passing of every hour, growing more elated as the pale sun sank lower in the sky.

Five o'clock.

Six o'clock.

Seven o'clock. He didn't answer his cell phone. None of them did.

Eight o'clock. I'd run down my battery, frantically hitting 'redial' every minute. I threw the phone in frustration.

Nine o'clock. My imagination was running wild. I started pacing.

Ten o'clock. I could only imagine the worst.

Eleven o'clock. My body was protesting the only way it could, with waves of pain.

Midnight. I sank to my knees, clutching my abdomen. I could no longer think, except when the pain broke through my confusion, giving me a moment of sweet clarity.

One o'clock. The door burst open. I heard my name, felt cold arms picking me up from the corner in which I'd come to rest.

"Edward?" I struggled to open my eyes. I was so tired. Maybe I was already asleep.

"I'm here, Bella." His voice was so close. I sighed, letting my eyes flutter back shut.

"I was worried. And you smell funny."

He cursed. "I'm so sorry. I'm here now. Everything is going to be fine. Bella, listen very carefully. Are you having contractions?"

I nodded, unable to focus on anything but his voice.

Another voice interrupted. I frowned. I only wanted Edward to be in my dream.

"Let me see her arm, Edward."

I felt a sharp sting.

"This should stop them," the voice said.

"Carlisle? Is that you?" I asked.

"Yes, Bella."

"Can I go to sleep now?" I asked, the words slurring in my mouth. But I never heard his answer, for I was already gone.

Edward was at my side when I woke up, his hands clasped tightly on top of the cool white sheets.

"You gave us quite a scare," he said, his face grim.

"What happened?" I asked.

"We came in and found you huddled on the floor. You'd been…"

"Not that." I scowled. "I know what happened to _me_. What happened to _you_? You were supposed to be here at five o'clock. No one answered their phones. I was frantic."

He sighed, his knuckles whitening as he squeezed his hands more tightly. "We had a little trouble with your werewolf friends."

"Oh, no," I groaned.

"Yes. Your friend Jacob" – he practically spat out his name – "somehow recognized my scent at the funeral home. He then took it upon himself to proclaim the treaty null and void. The whole pack planned to descend on our house as soon as the last guest left. I had to try to stop it. At least with Rose and Emmett back, the numbers were a bit more even, but I couldn't take any chances."

"But why did he want to cancel the treaty?"

"Bella, you didn't honestly expect that the Quileutes would think we were both killed in that crash, did you? As long as they had any doubt, we might have pulled it off, but as soon as he smelled me, he knew at least _I_ was alive. Which, he rightly concluded, meant you were alive. It wasn't too much for them to leap to the conclusion that we were changing you."

My mind raced at the thought of them, vampire and wolf, facing off in the snow.

"But you're here," I said cautiously. "Did you fight?"

"No, we didn't fight," he said tersely. "Seth tried to attack me, but…"

"He what? Let me see!" I sat upright, reaching for him. My fingers ran over his face, his arms, my eyes searching for any sign of injury. "I can't believe he did that."

"He didn't really hurt me. He's too inexperienced. I got him by the throat when he lunged for me. It was a bit of a standoff, though. Leah went for my leg." He rolled up his pants leg to show me a deep, bloodless bite mark. I ogled it. The imprint of Leah's canine teeth was shiny, almost like scar tissue. It was already healing. I shuddered to think of what she could have done to Edward.

"I think she was just trying to warn me to stay away from her little brother," he said, rolling his pants leg back down. "I have to hand it to Sam. I didn't think he'd be able to control the pack once Leah had actually gotten a taste of me. As they so eloquently put it, it has been a while since they've gotten a taste of bloodsucker."

Edward eased me back against the pillows as he continued. "But he was able to call them off. And in the end, Jacob was reasonable." He laughed a hard laugh. "Eventually, even he had to admit that a lifetime as a _pregnant_ vampire wouldn't have been that attractive of a proposition to you."

"You explained what's going on?"

"Vaguely. You had told him enough about the Volturi that he understood the danger." He sat back in his chair, letting his hands fall limply in his lap. "Thank God he understood."

"Why didn't you call?"

His eyes softened, but his voice was stern. "Bella, I did. I left you a phone message when I realized I would be late. And I called you every ten minutes after we left the house." He picked up the handset by my bed and held it in the air. "Apparently, you turned off the ringer. I don't know who you expected to be calling you," he chided gently.

I blushed, embarrassed at my foolishness. "Umm…force of habit?"

He set the phone back down. "And then you let your battery die. Let's develop a new habit, one that keeps you in one piece and those babies inside of you, shall we?" His grin took the edge off his words. Then he grew serious. "We're so close now, Bella. If you could find some way to stifle whatever it is in you that attracts trouble -- even for just a little bit -- I would really appreciate it." He looked up at me, his golden eyes sparkling. "Please? I don't know if Carlisle has any more tricks left up his sleeve for next time… "

I didn't think there was anything I could do to overcome the bad luck that seemed to plague me, but how could I resist those eyes? I promised, wondering in the back of my mind exactly how long I'd be able to keep my pledge.

Then Carlisle walked into the room, looking stunned. He held his cell phone in his hand. "They've decided," he said. "They're coming."

**A/N: Thank you to everyone who has been so great in reading and reviewing. I know it took me a while to update, but, surprise! I wrote this chapter twice, once from Bella's POV and a separate little bit I am posting as a one-shot called "Killing Bella" from Edward's POV. I hope you enjoy them both. Please keep the reviews coming and thanks again...**


	14. Chapter 13

CHAPTER 13

It was like getting punched in the gut. I couldn't breathe. After everything we'd done, the Volturi were coming anyway.

"How many did Alice see?" Edward's face was a mask as he stood to face Carlisle.

"Three. Demetri, Jane, and one she didn't recognize."

"Not Aro?" Edward mused over this. "Why wouldn't he come, Carlisle? Then again, why should he get his hands dirty?" His face twisted with contempt for the ancient vampire.

"Maybe this isn't an attack party," countered Carlisle. From his pained expression, it was clear he still didn't want to believe ill of the being who had once been his friend. "Maybe they are just curious."

"Curious doesn't send a tracker and a torturer. Who knows what the third one is," growled Edward. "Where are they? What else did Alice see?"

Carlisle rubbed his face. "As far as she can see, they haven't left the continent yet. We have a day, maybe a little more." Carlisle looked down, avoiding Edward's eyes.

Edward's eyes widened and he sucked in his breath.

"Edward?" I asked tentatively.

"We're going," he stated flatly. He turned on his heel and scanned the room. "Bella, grab what you need. We're leaving in ten minutes."

I gaped. Where could we be going now?

Carlisle's voice cracked. "Edward, we're as safe here as we are anywhere. And it's risky to move Bella. You saw what happened last night. Any more stress and she could…"

"You don't think waiting here like a sitting duck is going to be stressful for Bella?" He practically roared at Carlisle, but his eyes were pleading. "You know what Alice saw. I can't…. I can't, Carlisle. I can't." He collapsed on a chair, his head in his hands.

"She can't see the babies, can she?" I whispered.

No one spoke. It was all the confirmation I needed. I swung my legs over the side of the bed and slid down to the smooth wood floor.

"Let's go."

My legs were still shaky, whether from disuse or from last night's pacing I wasn't sure. I felt my way cautiously, keeping one hand on the mattress for guidance. I cleared the distance to Edward and gently touched his shoulder.

"Edward, let's go."

"You don't have to do this, Bella." Carlisle's voice was calmer now. "As your doctor, I have to advise against it."

Edward lifted his eyes to mine. The butterscotch had deepened to a tawny brown. They looked desperate.

I kept my eyes steady on his as I answered Carlisle. "I have to, Carlisle."

Edward leapt to his feet and encircled me in his arms. "Ten minutes," he whispered into my hair. Then he left me to gather up supplies for the road.

Carlisle's body sagged with disappointment. "At least sit down until he's ready to leave."

I shook my head. "I should help get ready."

I was overwhelmed with indecision. What is the right thing to pack when you're fleeing for your life? I needed to change out of pajamas, that much was clear. I ignored the twinges of pain and waddled to the makeshift dresser Esme had made out of an old file cabinet.

The first drawer didn't have what I wanted. I bent low, reaching for the bottom drawer, and felt something give way in my body.

I stood back up and stepped away from the cabinet. Something wet trickled down my leg. I froze, afraid of what might happen if I moved.

"Bella? What are you doing?" Edward's voice was strained. He was normally very patient with my human slowness, but he was clearly eager to get out of here. "Bella?"

I turned to face him. He took in my face and mirrored back my shock.

"I think my water broke." I barely whispered the words.

He was with me, running his hands over my body, panic in his voice. "No. No. Not now." He followed my eyes down and saw the wet stain spreading across my pajamas. His beautiful face crumpled. "Oh, Bella," he whispered, folding me in his arms.

I drank in his sweetness, waiting for my intoxication to take the edge off my fear, waiting for him to make it all better. He inhaled deeply and gave a great sigh.

"How do you feel?" he asked, stepping back to search my face.

"Scared," I admitted, burying my face in his cold, comforting shoulder.

He swept me up and walked to the stairs. "Carlisle," he said calmly, "you were right. We're staying."

Carlisle appeared at the foot of the stairs, his face full of concern.

"Yes," Edward answered Carlisle's thoughts. "And I'm sorry. I shouldn't have spoken to you that way."

Carlisle rested a hand on Edward's shoulder. "It's understandable." He turned his attention to me. "Let's see about these babies."

I was stretched out on the hospital bed. Carlisle measured my belly with his tape measure and held it up to read the numbers. His face was still. "They measure like full term. Amazing." He wrapped a cuff with a heart monitor as far as it would go around me and turned the switch on a little box. The steady swishes of two tiny hearts pumping filled the room. "No fetal stress, that's good. How are her contractions, Edward?"

"Still ten minutes apart," Edward answered tersely.

"Edward?" I looked down at my hand. He was gripping it so tightly that it was turning blue.

"Sorry," he muttered, relaxing, but not letting go.

"Let me check this. We can't stop it, right?"

Carlisle nodded. Edward just eyed me suspiciously.

"And you think the signs are all positive?" I raised my eyebrows toward Carlisle.

He shrugged, wrapping up his tape measure and adjusting the cuff. "Beside the fact that you are in labor ridiculously early, yes."

"And the Volturi are coming to look for us. They may not find us right away, but they are coming." I looked around at father and son, who both nodded glumly.

"So why am I lying in bed, when as I understand it, walking around will actually speed up this process and help get this show on the road?"

They stared at me dumbly. Carlisle started to chuckle, then guffawed. Edward narrowed his eyes.

"Oh, come on, Edward. She has a point." Carlisle smiled.

Edward's lips narrowed to a grim line. "I don't like it."

"It will help her with the pain," Carlisle gently countered, trying to hide his smile.

Edward eyed Carlisle. "Really?"

"Really," Carlisle said. "You can hold her steady while she walks."

Edward rose and helped me to my feet. He arm wrapped around me, his hand like a vice on my shoulder.

"It's okay, I won't fall." He looked more nervous than I felt. We began to walk. "Talk to me please? I think I could use the distraction."

He drew his eyebrows together. "What would you like me to talk about?"

"What are the others doing?"

He steered me around the sofa before he spoke, being careful to not look at me while he answered. "They didn't want the Volturi to be able to track you through them."

The memory of Edward writhing on the floor under Jane's malevolent stare flashed through my mind. I cringed. That was one way of finding my whereabouts.

"So they left?"

"They split up," he said quietly. "Decoys."

"Oh." My voice was flat to my own ears.

He squeezed my shoulder. "Don't worry. We'll have good odds, no matter who they follow."

"What if they come here?" My voice quavered. A terrible pain rolled through me. Edward saw me wince and stopped to rub my back as I bent over, holding me upright until the contraction passed.

"Eight minutes," he muttered.

"You didn't answer my question," I reminded him. He started pacing me again. We both were avoiding the obvious. "They have to find us, if Alice can't see the babies."

"Things can change."

"Edward, how?" I stopped where I stood and waited for him to look at me. "Why can't she see them?" He didn't answer. He just dropped his eyes to the floor.

"Can she see us?"

His eyes were haunted. "Yes."

"Then why can't she see them?"

His mouth twisted in anguish. "She sees them _taking_ the babies, Bella. That's what she sees."

I dropped to my knees, clutching at my belly. Hot tears blinded me.

"Why? Why?" I moaned. He held me, rocking me back and forth, trying to soothe me even in the midst of his own pain.

"I don't know." He whispered the words fiercely. "But I won't let them. I swear to you."

"We can run," I whispered frantically, unable to fight the rising tide of fear. "I can make it, I know I can." I struggled to stand up, scrambling against his body for leverage.

Edward's lips turned up in a sad smile as he rose to my side and steadied me on my feet. "Always my brave Bella." He brushed the hair out of my face. "We can't run now. After the babies come, we can run. But not now. We need you in a safe place. We need all this--" his arm swept the room and the myriad machines and supplies that Carlisle had strewn around it --"in case we have trouble. I need Carlisle here with you."

"But you're a doctor," I argued.

"I can't do what Carlisle can do," he said gently, brushing my cheek with his fingertips.

"Carlisle can come with us," I countered, pulling on his arm. "There's still time." I couldn't let them fight three Volturi. And I couldn't lose Masen and Elizabeth.

"It's too late, Bella." His mouth twisted bitterly. "We waited too long and I've put you at risk. Again."

A wave of remorse swept through me. It wasn't his fault. How could I make him see that? I clung to his arm. My fingernails dug into him as another contraction rose.

The pain was getting more intense.

"Breathe, Bella." His velvety voice broke through my panic and helped me focus. "Keep walking."

I paced the floor, my breaths coming more rapidly as the pain crested.

"Five minutes. Carlisle, it's getting close."

Carlisle came noiselessly into the room, startling me when he spoke. "How are you doing, Bella?"

"Okay," I said through gritted teeth, waiting for the pain to fade away. "I think I'm ready for one of those epidurals."

Carlisle looked sharply at Edward. A moment of silent conversation passed between them. Then Carlisle turned to me, a look of profound regret in his eyes.

"Bella, I thought you knew. I'm not certified as an anesthesiologist."

I was confused. "So?"

"I can't give you an epidural."

That was not an acceptable answer. "Yes, you can. You know how, I know you do."

"But I don't, Bella. I've never done that procedure." He was holding his palms against me in protest now.

"Edward, tell him. I give you permission, Carlisle. I trust you." I was begging him. I didn't think I could handle this kind of pain.

Edward tried to reason with me. "Bella, he could paralyze you if he made a mistake. It's not safe, love."

"I thought I would have drugs!" I cried, throwing myself at Edward. His cold body seemed to draw the pain out from me so I burrowed closer.

"Can't you do anything for her, Carlisle?" Edward's voice sounded anxious as he rubbed my back.

Carlisle's calm reasoning quieted me. "Anything I could give her will render her immobile. I don't think we can afford that -- we may need to move quickly."

I gave a little whimper. It made sense. Juggling three bodies, all completely helpless, would be too much. I needed to be alert and able to move if I was going to be any help at all.

"Can you stand it, Bella?" Edward's voice was tender as he held me close. I nodded against his broad, sculpted chest, screwing my eyes tight and sucking in my breath as I felt another contraction rising.

I felt his muscles tense in sympathy as pain wracked my body. I sagged against him, unable to bear my own weight anymore. He swept me into his arms, whispering softly to me until the contraction passed.

"The pain seems so strong, Carlisle." He let his unspoken question hang in the air as he moved to a chair, arranging me in his lap. When I opened my eyes his cold fingers held an offering of ice for me, which I eagerly accepted. My throat was beginning to feel sore.

"Her contractions are moving quickly. These last two were only four minutes apart." Carlisle still seemed calm. "She's just progressing rapidly. It's bound to be more painful." He looked across the room, appraising me with the cool clinician's eye. "You need to remember to breathe, Bella."

I nodded numbly. I was already exhausted. "How much longer, Carlisle?"

He examined me on the hospital bed, checking my progress and the babies' heart rates. He then pulled the sheet across me, carefully avoiding my eyes. I scanned Edward's face. His jaw was tense, his eyes worried.

"Are they okay?" I could barely say the words.

Edward gracefully climbed next to me and held me close. "They're fine," he said, his smooth voice calming me. "You're very close, Bella. Not too long now. Would you like me to massage your back?" He produced the yellow tennis ball, holding it in his palm for me to see. "I came prepared," he joked, the corners of mouth lifting slightly as he tried to distract me.

I rolled to my side and let him work his magic. The ball rolled out my clenched muscles like kneaded dough. I started melting into the mattress, my tension disappearing as the next, dreaded contraction failed to materialize. I let my eyelids flutter shut. Just a few minutes of rest…

Carlisle's phone rang but I didn't care. I couldn't hear any conversation. The only thing my mind could register was the circular pattern Edward was working on my lower back. My mind was drifting away.

Then everything went wrong at once. A low growl erupted from Edward's throat as his cold fist collided with my back. At the same moment, a weird "pop" filled the air and Carlisle swore under his breath. My eyes flew open in shock.

Edward gasped. "Bella, I'm so sorry! Did I hurt you?"

His icy fingers probed my back. I winced -- it felt bruised already.

"What happened?" I demanded, pushing his hands away with annoyance and rolling over. Both Carlisle and Edward looked shocked. Edward held the remains of the tennis ball in his hand. He had crushed it in his fist, unintentionally jabbing my spine as the ball imploded.

"What?" I repeated, my anxiety rising.

Edward groaned. "How could she get it wrong again, Carlisle? Now, of all times? And how could she tell them?" His eyes were bitter.

Carlisle's face was a mixture of apology and defensiveness. "She's doing her best, Edward. You know how she feels."

A lump grew in my throat. "Alice?" I asked. Their faces were crumpled with worry. Carlisle gave a slight nod.

"She's fine, Bella." He sighed deeply. "She called to let us know that her sight was off. The Volturi are already here in Washington. Somehow the time zones confused Alice and she got their travel schedules wrong. They found Alice before she had even left the area."

"No!" I said, not believing my ears. "How could they find her?"

Edward answered for Carlisle, who had begun closing all the blinds around the room. "Dmitri is a good tracker. He has gifts of the mind that help him. He was able to track Alice from his memory of her in Volterra."

"Jasper?"

Edward clenched his jaw as he spoke. "He'd gone off with Esme to hunt. They left her alone. She was vulnerable."

My mind reeled in horror. Three Volturi against Alice?

I felt panic and pain rising in me and desperately willed them both away. "Did they…"

I couldn't finish my sentence; the searing wave of agony took my breath away. Edward held me in his arms, his thumbs working circles in my palms. The pain climbed and crested, taking over my whole being. I heard him whispering to me, urging me to breathe, but I was too far gone to listen; it was almost as if I was outside of my own body. When I came back to my senses, I was whimpering.

Edward kissed my temple, never letting go of my hands.

"You didn't tell me. What did they do to Alice?" I forced the words out in between pants.

He hesitated. I leaned back to look at his face. His brows were drawn sharply together and his eyes had dark shadows. He dropped his head and closed his eyes tightly.

"Jane tortured her. It was like the electroshock in the asylum, Bella. She could remember it. It was horrible." I could see him fighting off the mental images. "She couldn't help it. She tried not to."

My confusion slowly turned to terror as I realized what Alice had done. She had told them where we were. Jane had broken her down, forcing Alice to give away the one secret that had guaranteed our safety. So now it had come to this. All our careful plans, scattered like so many leaves on the wind. They were coming for us, and there was nothing we could do.

A fresh wave of pain gripped me, and I felt Edward's cold arms clutch me tighter.

"Breathe, Bella, love. Breathe."

Hysteria gripped me – when would it ever stop? My breathing became shallower and, against my will, a moan of pain escaped my lips.

I saw him shoot a worried glance across my body, toward a figure I could no longer see.

"Carlisle, we've got to get her out of here before they find us."

"It's too late, Edward. We can't move her now. Once it starts, there's no stopping it. It would just endanger her if we tried to run."

"But surely there is time? I can carry her, you know I can!"

"Alice says they are almost here. They outnumber us; we could never outrun them. It's too dangerous. We'll have to try to talk our way out of it."

The searing pain seemed to fade – or was that my consciousness? I was really losing my grip. I clung to Edward's hand and willed him to look me in the eye.

"You didn't tell me it would be like this…" I gasped, trying to catch my breath.

"Poor Bella," he sighed. "I am so sorry I did this to you." He bent to wipe my brow, adding a kiss for good measure.

"Carlisle?" I squinted at the blurry figure, just outside the range of my vision.

"Yes, Bella?"

"I want you to leave." I panted. "Now, before the Volturi get here."

"There is no question of that, Bella. I am here for the duration." The blur moved, as if to look over his shoulder. "They are almost here."

"Edward?" The panic in my voice was unmistakable.

"Right here, love."

"Don't leave me," I managed to choke out as another wave of pain rose and spread through my body.

"Not ever," he promised, holding on tight as I squeezed his stony hand ever tighter.

And then, blissfully, it all faded to black.

My escape only lasted a minute, though. A terrifying wail and a rush of pain jolted me awake. It took my brain a few moments to process the fact that the wail was mine.

My entire body was wet with sweat, every muscle ached. "Edward," I pleaded, unable to focus my eyes.

"I'm here, Bella." His voice was close. I desperately sucked in the smell of him, hoping it would ease my pangs.

"Push, Bella," urged Carlisle's voice. "Push until I tell you to stop."

I grabbed my knees and bore down as hard as I could. A cry erupted from my throat as I collapsed, exhausted.

"That was good, sweetheart. We need you to try again. Keep going." Edward's cold body was behind me, propping me back up to give me leverage. "Lean against me."

Carlisle's efficient voice cut in. "On three, Bella: One…two…three."

I pushed again, every vein in my head throbbing, my eyes bulging with pressure. There was no respite from the pain; it was just one, continuous throbbing nightmare. I couldn't do it anymore; I was completely depleted. My body crumbled and hot tears streamed down my face. Everything was a blur. I was leaning against pillows; I realized with alarm that Edward had moved away from me.

Carlisle sounded anxious. "You can't give up, Bella. You have to keep going. These babies need to come out."

"I can't." It was a whimper. I closed my eyes and shook my head, refusing to listen any more.

Edward's encouraging voice cut through my pain. "I can see a head, Bella. You can do it with one more push, love. Just one more." I opened my eyes to see him right beside me, his golden eyes sparkling, pressing me on. "I know you can do this," he whispered. "You're the girl who runs with werewolves; the girl who wants to be a vampire. You're not going to let a little _pain_ keep you from your babies, are you?" His voice was gentle as he goaded me. "Just one more."

I wiped my tears and scooted myself up.

"There's my girl," he smiled. "Do it with me, okay?"

I nodded and waited for his signal.

"Now," he said, squeezing my hand in his.

I bore down, a howl growing from deep inside me filling the air. My body shook with the effort; bone scraped bone and agony stabbed me through. I shuddered and panted and screamed until something inside me slipped and gave way.

"It's Masen," Carlisle said quietly. A tiny warble pierced the silence. Masen. I began to cry.

"One more baby, Bella. One more push." Edward squeezed my hand even tighter. "Can you do that for me?"

"Now," ordered Carlisle. I clenched my teeth and pushed again. This time was easier and she slid out of me.

"And here's Elizabeth," marveled Carlisle as she began to wail.

Edward kissed my hand, his eyes shining. "Thank you," he said simply, enfolding me in his arms. I smiled weakly, finally allowing myself to collapse back into the pillows and close my eyes. A few more contractions shook my body until everything was done. I could hear Carlisle busying himself cleaning and examining the babies. Edward stayed close to me, clutching my hand and stroking my hair, only moving when Carlisle finally brought the babies to us.

"They're perfect," Carlisle announced. "No problems breathing, no signs of distress. Almost perfect on the Apgar scale. Big, too. Six pounds even, each, on the kitchen scale."

I opened my eyes and reached out for them. Edward awkwardly maneuvered to hand me Masen, then Elizabeth, helping me hold them steady, one in each arm. They peeped out from their swaddling blankets with big, blue, alert eyes. They looked too wise to be infants. Little tufts of red hair topped their heads. They were beautiful. I leaned in to smell their sweet little bodies, letting my cheek rest against the tops of their heads, wondering at their soft, translucent skin.

"They should have hats to keep in their body heat," Edward said, his voice rough with emotion. Carlisle swiftly produced tiny pink and blue caps and nestled them onto their heads. Edward wrapped an arm tightly around me. As I gazed into the babies' serene eyes, a sense of peace flooded me. I could almost forget the danger we were in.

"Carlisle, the blood," Edward said flatly. I looked down the bed and saw the soaked sheets, the streaked towels strewn about haphazardly. "We have to get ready," he said apologetically as he slid away from my side. He propped some pillows to help me hold the babies and then both Edward and Carlisle began cleaning the room rapidly. Edward deposited the bloody linens in the fire, which flickered and jumped around its new fuel. Carlisle rinsed his instruments in the kitchen, using so much bleach that it stung my nose as I breathed.

I couldn't drag my eyes away from the babies. Masen worked his little mouth into an "o" and stared silently at me. Elizabeth wriggled one tiny hand out of her swaddle. I offered her my pinky and she instinctively wrapped her fingers around it. She had a kung fu grip.

Carlisle interrupted my reverie. "You'll need to clean up now." He had brought a basin of hot water and a clean washcloth.

"I'll take them," Edward said, walking swiftly to my bedside. Carlisle reached down to lift the babies one by one to Edward. Edward cradled them in the crooks of his arms. For a split second, he let loose with a dazzling, full-faced smile, but just as quickly his face was shadowed with worry. He walked away, placing them in the bassinette that had somehow appeared in the room, fussing over their blankets. My gaze followed them anxiously. Other than their cries at birth, they remained silent.

When I tore my eyes away, I saw Carlisle looking at his watch.

"Minutes to spare," he said dryly.

"Not really," said an eerie, childlike voice. Its sickening, sing-songy tone sent shivers down my spine. Carlisle and Edward snapped their heads around toward the staircase. I turned to follow their gaze. Out of the shadows stepped Jane, Demetri, and an Emmett-sized vampire in a long cloak.

We all tensed, prepared for the fights of our lives.


	15. Chapter 14

CHAPTER 14

"Who's the goon?" Edward spat. His muscles were taut with anticipation. Carlisle shot him a warning glance; _settle down_, it seemed to say.

The stranger stepped forward from the others and gave a small bow. "My name is Amir. I was sorry to have missed you when you called on us in Volterra." He was enormous – taller than Edward, probably taller than Emmett. With even the slightest movement, his cloak swirled about him, caressing his body, hinting at his restrained power. His skin was burnt umber; vampire paleness gave it a pearlescent undertone. His eyes glistened like jet. He seemed to glow, even in the absence of direct sunlight. Deep dimples interrupted the flawless expanse of his face. Despite myself, I couldn't help but imagine how he would stand out in Volterra – how he would stand out anywhere. He was simply magnificent and utterly terrifying, like a panther on the prowl.

"It wasn't exactly a social visit," Edward responded aggressively.

Amir inclined his head, gesturing gracefully with hands as big as bear paws. "As you say. Nonetheless, I have heard much about you and your family. I have been eager to meet you."

Jane made a small impatient sound. "Enough small talk. You know why we're here?" She turned her angelic face toward Carlisle, letting her cape swirl about her dramatically.

Carlisle betrayed no emotion as he answered her. "Actually, no. Although I'm sure you will enlighten us."

"You broke your promise," Demetri said grimly, gesturing to me. "This little mess was supposed to be cleaned up by now. Jane already gave you a second chance."

"The clearing," I whispered, my heart falling. Everyone turned to look at me.

"Yes, the clearing," echoed Jane, a triumphant tone in her voice. "You said the date had been set, Carlisle. We trusted you. You can imagine how hurt Aro was when your friend Tanya told us what had really happened."

Edward's nostrils flared in anger at her mock disappointment. "Circumstances changed," he argued in a low voice. "Surely even the Volturi wouldn't expect us to change a pregnant woman."

Demetri wheeled menacingly toward Edward, a lip curled in distaste. "That's not our concern. It wouldn't have been a problem if you hadn't given in to your unnatural impulses."

Jane broke in with a false briskness. "Aro found your dalliance amusing, Edward. He remains quite obsessed with the idea of joining your family's talents to those of the Volturi. Caius, on the other hand, is not so lenient. It is he who has sent us."

Carlisle gaped. "Aro doesn't know you are here?"

Jane smiled coolly. "No, can you believe it? It took some doing, but with Amir's help," she purred appreciatively, "we were able to avoid giving ourselves away. He trusts Amir implicitly."

Her eyes settled back on Carlisle. "You should have kept your word, Carlisle."

Carlisle hung his head, cradling his face in his hands. A twinge of guilt ran through me. If I hadn't held out for Edward changing me, none of this would have happened. But then again, we might not have Masen and Elizabeth, either. My heart ached at even the thought of not having them.

Demetri began to pace the floor, a calculating smile dancing on his lips. "Yes, Caius never liked the bargain we struck to begin with. And once we saw how strong your coven has become, he liked it even less. You've given us the perfect excuse to destroy you, once and for all."

"All of us?" The words escaped my lips unbidden and hung in the air.

"All of you," Jane answered with a sweet smile. My heart lurched.

"The others are already finished," added Amir, his eyes hard as he watched our reactions. "I took care of them myself."

Nausea rose within me, the bile choking me as I fought off my panic. _It couldn't be. All of them?_

A harsh growl erupted from Carlisle, who dropped into a defensive crouch. Edward didn't react; he just coolly stood his ground between the assassins and me.

"You're bluffing," Edward stated, his chin thrusting defiantly, daring them to prove him wrong.

"How hard do you think it was?" Amir answered, letting one corner of his lips turn up as he savored the memory. "They foolishly let themselves get picked off, one by one. Alice only helped. She called them all and led them right to me."

I imagined Alice, alone somewhere, waiting for help. My heart broke and I struggled to stay in control.

"Jasper came ahead of Esme. Poor fool, he was so concerned for Alice he didn't think of his own safety. He would have been harder if I hadn't caught him so off guard."

_No._

"Esme was harder than I expected." Amir let his lids fall half-closed as he luxuriated in the memory. His long, black lashes fell against his cheek, then fluttered open like dark butterflies. "She's like a mama bear with her cubs, wouldn't you say, Carlisle? But in the end, she was no match for me."

Carlisle howled in anger, leaping toward Amir. Edward jumped in front of him to hold him back, straining at the effort. Amir's lips curled in amusement. I saw this all, but as if I was far away, floating near the ceiling. I couldn't feel anything, just an empty numbness that kept the pain away.

"Rosalie and Emmett, now that was fun. I think Rosalie was a little conflicted about wanting to help you, Edward. Why do you think that is?" He paused thoughtfully, reflecting on his observations. "She didn't put up her best fight, I'd wager. Emmett got distracted trying to protect her and it was a snap from there."

"And Alice?" Jane breathed eagerly, hanging on his every word.

"She was so broken from her little encounter with you, my dear Jane, that she was useless to the others. I made her watch, just for fun, then finally put her out of her misery. Poor thing, she blamed herself."

Howl after howl erupted from Carlisle. He raged against Edward's arms, his face a terrifying version of the peaceful countenance I'd grown to love. Edward's arms and back were tense. His lips moved quietly in Carlisle's ear, his arms iron bands holding Carlisle back. His muscles fought against each floundering burst of fight from Carlisle, until gradually Carlisle gave up, hanging in Edward's arms like a rag doll. Edward set him down gently. Carlisle simply dropped his face in his hands.

"You can see why we brought Amir with us," Demetri said smoothly. "He left us free to plan our visit to you." He absentmindedly inspected his fingernails. "Alice was a little unclear on the details. We needed to find some maps and get snow tires."

"So that is it?" Edward asked softly, turning from where Carlisle had fallen in a heap back to the Volturi. "You're just going to destroy us?" His eyes were unreadable. I begged him in my mind to show me some sign, anything to indicate he had a plan. There was nothing.

A little coo interrupted the silence. We all turned to look at the bassinette, suddenly reminded of the babies in our midst. I cringed, thinking of Alice's vision.

"Not quite," answered Jane. "Tanya has made us all curious. What sort of half-breeds do we have here?" She sniffed the air in a gesture that reminded me of that afternoon in the restaurant, the moment when Tanya realized I was pregnant. A cold chill ran down my spine.

"They smell sweet. Not quite like us, but not quite human, either. I wonder how much of their mother's makeup they inherited?" Jane's face radiated with childlike innocence as she effortlessly floated toward the babies.

It was the smallest glimmer of anticipation in her demonic red eyes that gave her away. In an instant, I knew. She was planning to test her skills on them to see what they were made of.

I didn't think. My mind was a sea of rage and I flew across the room, the aches and pains of childbirth forgotten. I crouched in front of the bassinette, mere feet away from Jane, unknown instincts awoken.

"Don't you touch them, you bitch!" I snarled, baring my teeth, ready to fight her to the death, as she fixed her stare on the cradle.

In that instant, the world stopped. Jane's eyes lingered on me, distracted for a moment from the bassinette. I watched in amazement as her face disintegrated into shock, then fear. Her hands flew up to shield her eyes and she collapsed on the floor, shaking.

"Make it stop! Make it stop, Demetri!" Her screams echoed through the cabin.

Demetri looked around, confused, unable to locate the source of Jane's distress. I followed his gaze, equally disoriented. Jane's screams came to an abrupt halt, leaving her quivering on the floor.

It was only then that it dawned on me that I was the source of Jane's pain.

I felt everyone's eyes upon me. My face burned. Was it anger? Shame? Fear? I didn't know. And I still didn't understand. Edward moved swiftly to me and pushed me behind him.

"So, Aro was right." Amir's look of appraisal was cool, but appreciative. A grin spread across his face and the dimple in his cheek deepened.

"Explain." Edward commanded tersely, his eyes moving to Jane's quivering body and back to Amir.

Amir nodded his head. "As you wish. You have already noted, as did Aro, that Bella provokes strong emotional responses in those around her. Aro suspected that her mind – or, more correctly, the quirk of her mind that protects her from some of our brethren's more useful gifts – was creating this intense response. When changed, her power would fully blossom."

Edward frowned. "I'm not following you."

Amir smiled patiently. "Her mind is like a shield. Normally it just bounces back the interference creatures like you or Jane direct at her. But when fully developed, the shield doesn't just bounce back that interference, it amplifies it."

"It projects the interference back to the sender?" Edward asked, the implications of Amir's statement slowly sinking in. I frowned. I still didn't get it.

"More or less. What it really does is amplify pure emotion and redirect it back to its sender. It is at its strongest in moments of high stress for Bella."

"That's why Tanya reacted so strongly," whispered Edward, turning to look at me with wonder. "And Rose, too." He reached up to touch my cheek.

"Probably," agreed Amir. "I'm sure you've had a few moments where your own emotions ran high, as well, no?" Edward drew his lips into a grim line and dropped his hand. Amir continued, chuckling as Edward turned back to him. "Aro guessed that when Bella changed, this capability would be fully developed. Her pregnancy gave us a preview."

"But why did her pregnancy matter?" Edward's voice was uneasy, like he didn't fully trust Amir.

Amir shook his head in disbelief. "I really can't believe you didn't figure it out. Especially you, Carlisle. Aro bet that you had solved this puzzle."

Carlisle looked up, his eyes sad.

"In most pregnancies, the mother's blood system feeds that of the placenta, and thus the fetus, but the system only moves one way. The fetal blood never recycles back into the mother's system. But in some instances, leaks develop that contaminate the mother's bloodstream."

"Isoimmunization," mumbled Carlisle, nodding as it finally made sense to him.

"Exactly," agreed Amir. "Bella's babies were contaminating her blood with a weak form of venom from their bloodstreams. Not enough to fully change her, but enough that we could see what the future held." He turned back to me, grinning broadly. "When Bella is provoked and focused, she can direct emotion back to the instigator. What you just witnessed was Bella redirecting pure fear into the very core of Jane's mind."

"Is that what caused the rapid growth, then? The exchange of venom into Bella's bloodstream?" Carlisle's sharp mind made the connection.

Amir nodded. "A side effect in vampire-human cross-breeding. Mixed children grow rapidly with shorter gestation periods, and have a tendency to be a bit larger than normal. The twins were probably rather big for multiples?"

Carlisle nodded back. Excitement at finally knowing had rekindled a tiny spark of life in his eyes.

"I don't understand," I whispered, barely tracking the conversation and scared by the little I had followed. "How does any of this mean I could hurt Jane?" We all looked down at Jane, who had pulled herself into a seated position and had finally stopped whimpering.

"You can make people so afraid that they are incapacitated, Bella. So jealous that they are enraged and unable to control themselves. You magnify the negative emotions they already feel until it overcomes their very souls." Amir's quiet words hung in the air. A knot of anxiety grew in the pit of my stomach.

Jane's tinny voice cut the silence. She grimaced at us, spitting out her words in defiance. "You think you've won, but it doesn't change anything. We're still three, and stronger than you'll ever be."

She climbed to her feet next to Demetri, her eyes dilating. "I'm bored with this conversation, and tired of suffering through this stench of blood." She eyed my bloodstained clothes greedily. I shrank back into Edward's cold body. "We cannot go while you still exist. It is Caius' wish."

Carlisle rose to his feet and stepped forward to face them, a new look of resolve on his face. "Then we must fight to the end. I am sorry it has come to this."

"There has to be another way," I protested weakly, clinging to Edward's arm.

Edward and Amir exchanged a meaningful look. Then, Edward pulled me gently back toward the bassinette and leaned in to kiss me, twisting his fingers through my hair. His kiss was deep and gentle; I felt a tug at my soul. Tears welled up, blinding me again. I couldn't lose him, not now, not after all we'd been through.

He pulled me tighter, whispering in my ear. "It will be okay, Bella. Trust me. But if something goes wrong, just grab the babies and run. The keys are in the car."

I nodded dumbly as he pulled away. How could he be saying it would be okay? My mind began shutting down. It was all I could do to remember to breathe.

Edward took his place next to Carlisle. They crouched, tensed for battle. I was rooted in place, angry that I was no help to them; an unwilling witness to the battle, but unable to drag my eyes away. Every fiber of my body vibrated with the threat to the babies, with the possibility that I'd have to run for our lives; every fiber of my soul fought against the idea of being separated from Edward again.

Suddenly, the door burst open and Emmett strode in. _Vampires and werewolves -- are there ghosts, too?_ I thought bitterly to myself.

But then I saw Rosalie, Esme, Jasper and Alice, their gold eyes ablaze with fury, as they closed in around the Volturi. They were here; they were real. I could smell their scent. I could hear them growling. I heard Emmett's teeth snapping impatiently and saw Rosalie's perfect skin sparkle as a ray of afternoon sun filtered down from a window to caress her cheek.

Jane and Demetri whirled around, backing into each other for protection. Their faces contorted with confusion, then rage as Amir coolly stepped into the circle formed by my family, taking his place between Carlisle and Emmett. Jane and Demetri were surrounded.

"Traitor!" spat Jane, looking around her frantically for an escape.

Amir shook his head, his dark eyes deep with sadness, a hint of amusement dimpling his cheek again. "You were arrogant enough to think you could fool Aro. Never a wise move, Jane."

"It wasn't me, it was Caius!" she pleaded.

Demetri added, "You know we had to follow our orders, Amir," his eyes darting from side to side as he took in his predicament.

Amir simply shrugged, his slight movement drawing attention to his massive shoulders. "You pledged loyalty to all of them, not one of them. You forgot that Marcus can read you; he sensed your disloyalties before you fully knew them yourself. Of course he took his concerns immediately to Aro. Your deceit disappointed them both. It has served its purpose, though." He looked across the room toward me. "Now we know Bella's talent is real, and we have seen the babies for ourselves. That is enough potential to satisfy Aro's imagination."

"As for you," he continued, wheeling back to face Demetri and Jane, "your questionable loyalties has made you expendable, despite your obvious powers. There is no room in Volterra for you. I am sorry, truly. I cannot bear to lift a hand against you myself. But I am sure the Cullens would be happy to oblige Aro in taking care of this little…situation." His arm swept forward, his upturned palm offering up the red-eyed fiends for my family's taking.

Alice smiled, her sharp white teeth glistening and she lowered into a crouch. "Our pleasure, Amir."

A roar like the rushing of the ocean filled the room as everyone charged at once. Screams of pain mingled with howls of revenge as everything dissolved into one big blur of attack and counter-attack. I pressed my body against the bassinette, trying to shield the babies from the fight. Growls gradually gave way to yelps punctuated by crunching and snapping. A high pitched keening rose through the air, then abruptly stopped. It was over in mere minutes.

When it ended, my family stood victorious, looking only mildly disheveled. I counted them all. Carlisle. Esme. Emmett. Rose. Jasper. Alice. And Edward, my beautiful Edward. Each one of them safe. Each one of them here with me.

All that was left of Jane and Demetri was chunks of stone strewn about the room.

I looked down into the cradle. The twins were sleeping peacefully, as if the battle had been but a lullaby. I slid to the floor, clinging to the bassinette for support as my knees gave out.

Edward came quickly to me, scooping me up in his arms. "Everything is fine, Bella," he soothed as I began to sob against his shoulder. I clung to him desperately, the idea of how close I'd come to losing him finally sinking in.

"It's just a delayed reaction," Amir said sympathetically from across the room. "Lay her down; she needs to rest. Someone stoke the fire."

Through my tears, I saw Jasper and Emmett quickly gather Jane and Demetri's remains and throw them in the fire. Thick, purple smoke seeped out of the fireplace into the room, choking us with its sickening sweetness. Everyone gathered in the center of the room, quietly confirming they were unhurt, touching faces and hands as if uncertain we'd not imagined our escape. Then, almost reverently, they gathered around the bassinette.

Edward had carried me to the bed, gently rocking me in his arms until I had quieted. Then, reluctantly, he sighed and looked over to Amir where he had taken a seat in a corner. "Explain yourself, please," he asked, as if he were afraid to break the spell of peace that had fallen over the room. "For everyone's benefit."

Amir grinned, his white teeth a sharp contrast to his dark skin, and leaned back in his chair to tell his story. "As you've probably gathered, Aro wasn't supposed to know of the attack on you. But he learned of it. He asked me to join with Jane and Demetri to keep an eye on things and prevent them from truly harming you. We had to be very careful to not tip them off, mostly because Aro wanted to test Bella's powers. He thought the best chance of provoking them would be in a moment of intense fear or anger."

Edward's face hardened and his hold on me grew tighter. "So you had to threaten us all to make her react." His displeasure at the trick was obvious.

"All of you, or just the babies; it really didn't matter as long as Bella was angered. Once I knew the truth of Bella's gift, I could proceed."

"You were ordered to eliminate them if Aro's theory was borne out?" Esme asked quietly. Amir nodded.

"And if it wasn't?" Esme pressed on, her gentle voice insistent.

Amir shrugged. "Then, unfortunately, Aro would have no use for you really. It would have been awkward to intervene in Jane and Demetri's plan in that case."

Carlisle drew his brows together in a sharp V. "So this wasn't about affection or old friendships. This was all about power."

Emmett let a low growl escape from his throat.

Amir laughed. "Don't judge him harshly, Carlisle. Of course he values your friendship. But you know the Volturi. When is it ever _not _about power? In the end, the question is irrelevant. Bella's gift is real, if not fully developed. And you have two would-be vampire infants who will turn, and likely develop their own gifts, when they reach adolescence."

I stared hard at him. All the unanswered questions, all the worries that had stalked me in my dreams – was he offering me the answer?

"How do you know they will turn into vampires?" Edward demanded.

Amir raised an eyebrow at Edward's challenge. "Do you not think that in the entire history of man, one of our kind has never before fallen in love with a human woman? Do you think you are so special, Edward Cullen, that no one else in the universe could have once experienced the same feelings you now experience? That no one else could have summoned the self-control they needed to be able to express that love?" Edward squirmed under Amir's dark stare.

Amir's eyes softened as they fell on the sleeping babies. "Before them, there was me. Before me, there were others. And doubtless, there will be more. They will never be alone."

My mouth dropped open in awe. A wave of relief swept through me. Everything would run its course and be taken care of in due time.

Jasper and Alice had migrated away from the others, lingering in a corner. Jasper stroked Alice's spiky hair and kissed her temple over and over. He didn't stop touching her as he spoke up, distrust casting a shadow on his face. "What do you want? There must be something. You've already made it clear that this was no act of benevolence."

Amir laughed. "So perceptive, Jasper. Of course, you are right. What Aro wants is simple. He wants you to band with the Volturi. He has sacrificed two of his most precious assets to save you." He glanced at the fire, which still smoldered with purple smoke. "The exchange would be worthwhile if he had your family's gifts as compensation, with the prospects of more as your children change." He turned back toward Carlisle. "He misses your companionship, Carlisle. He wishes for your friendship once again."

"He demands the impossible," Edward stated flatly, squeezing my hand.

"He offers you unimaginable power and privilege," Amir countered smoothly. "Yours for the taking. It is a little thing, but it would mean so much to him."

"Never." Jasper took a step forward. "We have each other; that is all we need."

Amir looked around the room. One by one, we all shook our heads in refusal. Finally, Amir's expectant eyes alighted on Carlisle.

"Power is not attractive to us; nor is the intrigue of Volterra. We prefer to live out our own lives in peace." Carlisle's voice was firm.

Amir's eyes were shadowed with regret. "You know that is no longer possible, Carlisle." He slowly closed his eyes and let calm steal over his face. Edward's eyes narrowed in response as he read Amir's thoughts; he jumped to his feet.

"It doesn't have to be that way," Edward protested, trying to keep the desperate edge from his voice.

"But it is that way," Amir answered sadly, opening his eyes to look at us with pity. "There is nothing you can do about it. Caius and Marcus are already afraid of you. Your defeat of the newborn army was unimaginable – so few, against so many who were so strong? It was unheard of. Now that you have destroyed Demetri and Jane, their fear will only grow stronger. They are terrified that your coven's power is growing to rival theirs, and they will stop at nothing to prevent that. As much love as he bears you, Carlisle, Aro will not split his fellowship. He will not act again to protect your family."

Emmett leaped forward in a crouch, his lips pulled back to bare his teeth. "And if we destroy you now?"

Amir simply smiled. "There are others like me, more than you can stop. Destroying me will only harden Aro's heart against you and move him to cruelty." His eyes rested on the babies again. "That would be such a pity, don't you think?"

I shrank against the pillows and felt the blood drain from my cheeks.

"What happens now?" whispered Esme.

Amir folded his hands quietly in his lap. "I will go back to Volterra. The others will learn of Jane and Demetri's death -- and my lucky escape -- and the debate will begin. You will have some time to prepare yourselves, to be sure. We will want to plan the best way to finish you, now that you are so strong and we are weakened by our loss. But we will come."

Carlisle squared his shoulders and walked to Amir with an extended hand. "Then you should go. We thank you for the chance you have given us today. Please tell Aro I am sorry we cannot accept his offer."

Amir stood and looked at the hand before him with uncomprehending eyes. "Are you sure?" he asked, a last flicker of hope sparkling in his onyx eyes.

"Very." Carlisle was polite, but firm. Amir grasped Carlisle's hand, wrapping his other around it.

"Until we meet again," he said, bowing his head. Then he was gone.

We sat in the silence he left behind, unsure what to do.

I had so much to be thankful for. My family was here, when less than an hour ago I had thought them all destroyed. We'd been spared by Amir, if only temporarily. Jane and Demetri would never bother us again. Elizabeth and Masen were healthy and safe. What's more, we finally knew what the twins were, and what they would come to be, and could rest easy in the knowledge that eventually we wouldn't have to worry about explaining our own ever-lasting youth. They would understand it and know if for themselves.

But that only mattered if we made it that long.

I looked at my hands resting in my lap. They were shaking. I clutched them together, hoping no one else had noticed. I looked up and saw Edward watching me, his eyes narrowing slightly as the heat of a blush swept across my face.

"Rose, let's have the babies." Rosalie reached into the bassinette and expertly carried the twins to me, deftly placing them in my arms and arranging the blankets about them. I looked down at each one as they nestled back into their blankets. They were so tiny. So helpless.

Edward whispered softly to me. "They're all right, Bella. See?" He stroked Elizabeth's cheek with one finger; she shuddered instinctively from the cold. "Everything will be fine."

"How can it be fine?" I cried, a feeling of misery washing over me. "The Volturi are going to come back, and there will be more of them next time. We'll never be safe." A solitary tear dripped from the end of my nose, landing on Masen's tiny cheek. He startled, gurgling in his sleep, before Edward delicately wiped it away.

"We'll find a way," Edward insisted. "It will be easier to hide this time, now that Demetri and Jane are gone."

"There will be others like them," I argued. "Others with different abilities."

"She's right, Edward," Rosalie said. "We should stand and fight."

Edward's face grew tense. "Bella and the babies are too vulnerable. We need to hide."

"There's a way to make her less vulnerable," Alice said softly.

Edward's eyes flashed with anger. "No! She needs to be able to take care of the babies. It's not safe having them around a newborn."

"We could take care of them," offered Esme hopefully.

"No, we need us at full strength. It's more important to have one of us than it is to have a newborn Bella. She'll be more trouble than help." Edward set his jaw firmly.

"But you heard Amir," Jasper added. "Bella will be very powerful. And we'll have time, we can train her. I can personally do it." I felt a surge of confidence and knew Jasper was doing his best to influence Edward's decision.

"No. None of us are going to swap out for Bella. Someone has to protect the children. Bella and I will go away. At least that way we won't endanger you."

Esme gasped. The idea of us splitting up again hadn't crossed her mind.

"You can't do that," she pleaded. "We need to be together. It's our best chance."

"Please, Edward," I said, guilt overwhelming me. "I want to help."

"Absolutely not," he snapped. He ran his hands through his coppery hair in frustration. "The children need to be safe. They need someone who will take care of them, not someone who is going to be distracted by every whiff of blood they get, nor someone who is going to get pulled off into a battle at a moment's notice. So changing Bella is out of the question. If that makes us too vulnerable, we separate to manage down the risk to the entire family. End of discussion."

Hot tears ran down my face. We were back where we started – I was exposed and Edward's refusal to change me only made me more so. The only difference was that this time, his reason was to protect our children instead of saving my soul.

"I don't think that is a wise decision, Edward," Carlisle said calmly. "At least stay with us. We'll be stronger together."

Edward shook his head. "No. We're going. As soon as Bella is well enough to travel, we'll leave Washington. I could never live with myself if we lost any one of you because of my choices. And we'll be fine on our own. They won't be able to find us." He stalked out of the house, abruptly ending the discussion.

The door slammed behind him, startling Masen awake. His cries disturbed Elizabeth. Their voices rose and rose, one baby exciting the other, both demanding attention.

"I think they're hungry, Bella," Esme offered as she peeked at them over the blankets. "It's probably time."

"It's all you, Bella," Emmett joked as he headed outside after Edward.

Jasper and Alice looked over toward me, apologetically. "We need to get some fresh air, Bella. We could stand the blood while we were focused on Jane and Demetri, but…"

"Of course," I rushed, embarrassed to be causing them discomfort again. Alice smiled sheepishly and darted out after Jasper.

"I'll get you some fresh water and clothes, Bella," Esme said, disappearing.

I sighed, looking down at the babies without any clue what to do.

Rosalie stood awkwardly at my side. "Can I help you?" she asked, the words coming with difficulty from her perfect ruby lips. "Maybe I could hold one of them while you feed the other?"

I looked up, surprised at her offer of help. I was even more surprised when I recognized the look in her eyes. It was a look of sympathy, even of pity.

"I guess being human isn't always easy, is it?" she murmured as I handed her Masen.

I shook my head, speechless at her unexpected kindness.

She placed a cold hand on mine. "He'll figure it out, Bella. It's pretty clear, even to me, that you can't stay this way forever." With that, she rose, propping little Masen against her shoulder, shushing him to sleep. "Just call when you're ready to switch," she said. She stopped, her back to me, before she left the room.

"I wouldn't have hurt you, Bella. I know what Alice saw, but Alice is sometimes wrong, isn't she?"

My throat ached. I wanted to reach out and take her hand. "I know, Rosalie."

She hurried away, leaving me alone.

I closed my eyes briefly. How could things end up so mixed up and wrong? I looked down at Elizabeth, whose little mouth was working hungrily against my knuckle, and recognized Charlie in her wise blue eyes.

A sob caught in my throat. Who else would be lost to me before our nightmare ended?

**A/N: Special thanks to prettypinkbookworm for her beta read and great suggestions; also a big thanks to all of you who took the time to write a review after Chapter 13 – you are the best, please keep them coming; I'm hoping to break 200 this chapter!**

**This chapter's OC mine; everything else the incomparable SM's….**


	16. Chapter 15

**A/N: Thanks to all of you who read and reviewed, and a special thanks to prettypinkbookworm for her wonderful ideas and beta read! Enjoy**

CHAPTER 15

We settled into an uneasy routine. My days and nights ran together, an endless cycle of feedings between which I tried to sleep. My sleep was not restful, though, for hungry crimson eyes constantly haunted my dreams and my ears strained, even while I was asleep, for the sound of a waking infant.

Esme and Edward made the days and nights as easy on me as they could. They always heard the babies' stirrings first and usually reached the cradle before their cries had pulled them fully awake. They would rock a baby or two until I awoke and help me with the juggling required by nursing two babies.

When I saw how Edward was with Elizabeth and Masen, I thought my heart would burst. Edward was completely unguarded; his eyes were full of love and delight as he cared for them, unaware of anything else in the world. Sometimes I would pretend to still be sleeping, just so I could watch them together.

He had a routine for the late nights and early morning hours. He would hold a steaming cup of coffee in his hands and rub his palms together to chase away the chill before touching the babies. He would start to hum his lullaby before he picked them up; even when they were still half-asleep, the sound of his velvet voice would calm them. He would take them one at a time, changing them so fast that they were unaware of what had happened. And then he would rock or pace with them, a fleecy blanket draped over his body to protect them from the cold, murmuring softly to them about how beautiful and brilliant and miraculous they were until I was awake enough to take them. Sometimes he would dance, swaying and twirling gracefully around the room, the gentle motion lulling them even further as they snuffled and burrowed into the crook of his neck.

When he handed Masen or Elizabeth to me, their little unfocused eyes would always manage to somehow linger on his face. Sometimes they would cling to his cold finger, refusing to give up the comfort of his touch. The first time either one of them smiled, it was toward him – if his heart had been beating, it would have pounded right out of his chest, he was so proud.

I was watching him fall in love with his children. He didn't try to hide it. There were no logical arguments that kept him from giving himself over completely to them, no risk that loving them was dangerous, and no reason to push them away. I couldn't help but wonder what it would have been like if he hadn't been so conflicted when we had first fallen in love. More than anything, I was grateful to recognize the look of pure joy on his face.

Sometimes, my heart gave a pang as I thought of what it would have been like to have Renee at my side for those peaceful times near dawn, but I was grateful for Esme's and Edward's attentiveness. Slowly, my body began to recognize that my own watchfulness was unnecessary and I began to sink more soundly into sleep. Even so, I was exhausted.

Days became weeks. The rest of the family was back in Forks while Edward, Esme and I stayed at the cabin. Carlisle had given notice at the hospital – it was easy for the community to believe that the tragedy of the car accident was too much for the Cullen family to bear and that they had to leave the town that had brought them so much pain.

Alice watched for any sign, but oddly, Amir had not gone immediately back to Italy. Her visions saw him wandering through North America like an errant sight-seer – his oddest stops being Disneyworld at night and the fog and mist of Niagara Falls.

"I'm sure he blended in well in the line for Space Mountain," Emmett snickered.

"He feels sorry for us," explained Edward, rolling his eyes at Emmett. "And he feels some sort of bond with the twins. I think in his own way he is trying to give us a better chance."

No one actually spoke of what we would do. Every once in a while, I would catch a visiting Carlisle in heated discussion with Edward, their soundless lips moving rapidly. Their arguments always seemed to end the same, with Carlisle looking disheartened and Edward frustrated.

Alice and Jasper stayed away. Alice could not seem to forgive herself for buckling under Jane's torture and was trying to redeem herself with her endless monitoring of Amir. Jasper was occupied with her emotions.

My own happiness at finally being together as a family was shot through with fear and guilt. I could draw a straight line back to the evening James caught my scent on the winds of the storm, setting off the chain of events that brought us here. Every choice I'd made had only ended up hurting someone. Even the shadows in Esme's eyes, the fear she harbored that the family would be broken apart, were my fault.

"We would have had to leave soon anyway, Bella," she tried to reassure me, but I could see her worry.

The only thing that seemed to have turned out for the better was that Emmett and Rosalie were back, and for whatever reason, Rosalie finally seemed to have accepted me. They visited frequently, Emmett goofing for the children, Rosalie endlessly and lovingly scolding him for being too rough.

"Aw, Rose, it's not like they're fragile. They're stronger than a human baby, look!" He'd hold Masen up in his gigantic palm, illustrating Masen's ability to lift his head at three weeks, or get down on the floor with Elizabeth, helping her prop herself up on her arms.

Several weeks had passed since the babies' births. One afternoon as we walked through the trees, Edward turned to me, his eyes gloomy.

"You know I love you, Bella." It was more a question than a statement. I nodded. He ran a cold thumb under my eyes. I felt the heat rising in my cheeks. I knew I had deep, purple shadows from lack of sleep and grief.

He sighed, frustrated with himself. "This was supposed to be a happy time. And now look at you. You're exhausted and depressed. You've melted away to nothing."

I looked down at myself. My coat hung loosely about me. I was surprised at how thin I'd gotten without noticing. "I'm not depressed," I argued. "I'm just tired. And worried." I took his hand in mine and pressed it to my face. "But not depressed."

Edward continued, keeping my hand. "I think you need to get away. You must be getting cabin fever, stuck up here for so long. You could do with some pampering. I've asked Rose to take you into Seattle for a few days. You can do some shopping, maybe go to a spa."

"What about the babies?" I asked anxiously.

He smiled gently. "You can take them with you. I've booked a suite. Rose will help."

"Is Alice coming?" I asked hopefully, biting my lip.

His face fell. "No, I'm sorry. She still doesn't feel…right. She's not ready to spend time with any of us yet, I'm afraid. She and Jasper are away, hunting, anyway."

My body sagged. Alice turning down shopping – that was something I'd never thought I'd see. I wished she could see that none of us blamed her for what happened. If it hadn't been for her sight, things could have turned out much, much worse for us.

I considered Edward's offer. Getting away could be nice. Getting out of my baggy maternity clothes would be good, too. But I felt nervous.

"What if someone notices me?"

He tucked a stray piece of hair behind my ear and smiled again, letting his fingers linger on my neck. "You'll go during the week. The odds of anyone from Forks being there will be low. And if anyone happened to notice you, they'd never think it was you. If they didn't already think you were dead, they'd expect you to still be heavy with child, not the skinny urchin you are now."

I paused. "Is it safe to take Elizabeth and Masen out so soon?"

He rested his hands on my shoulders and looked me in the eye, his own golden eyes steady and firm. "It's high time they made a foray into the outside world. They are just fine, Bella. They are growing like weeds and are stronger than any baby has a right to be. There is no risk to you or them. Please, let Rosalie take you. It will be good for you."

I hesitated again. "Can't you come with us?"

His lips folded into a grim line. "I need to go away for a few days."

"Why?" I demanded. My uneasiness had returned full force.

He set his jaw, not wanting to answer. I waited patiently. I had plenty of time. Finally, he gave an exasperated sigh, dropping his hands.

"I need to check out a few places we might go. To see whether they are safe."

"When you say 'we,' who do you mean?" I asked tentatively.

"The four of us," he answered tersely.

"Oh," I said, my heart sinking. He hadn't changed his mind. His neck stiffened as if he was bracing himself for an argument, but I didn't say anything more.

A look of guilt crossed his face. "It's for the best, Bella," he said, but his velvet voice couldn't soothe away my fears.

I turned my face up to his. "All right, I'll go with Rosalie," I said quietly.

He beamed and kissed my forehead. "You'll have a good time, I know it," he promised.

The next day we packed up the Cayenne with baby gear and suitcases to head to Seattle.

"Can I drive, Bella?" Rosalie asked excitedly. The speed demon in her was anxious to test the Porsche's engine.

"Go slow on the mountain, Rose," Edward said darkly, frowning slightly as I tossed Rosalie the keys.

She tossed her hair and laughed. "I'm a much better driver than you, Edward."

I checked and rechecked the straps on the car seats, making sure they were taut. Edward's hands stilled mine. "They're safe, Bella. I fastened them myself. Why don't you get inside?"

I obediently climbed into the passenger seat and buckled myself in. Edward had installed extra mirrors in the middle row so that I could see the babies' faces in the rear view mirror. They were alert, trying to reach for the mobiles we'd hung from their carriers.

I eased down the window to say goodbye to Edward.

"I thought now might be an appropriate time to give you your new identity. It wouldn't do to have a dead woman ringing up charges at Nordstrom." He passed over a few cards. The first was a Minnesota driver's license with my likeness. Gabriella Smith, it said. The others were an ATM and credit card with the same name.

He grinned. "I figured I could still call you Bella this way."

I raised one eyebrow. "What about you? Did you change _your_ first name?"

"Edward Smith is much more common sounding than Isabella. I figure I can take the risk." He leaned in the window to give me a peck on the cheek, his hands lingering on my face.

He looked at me, his golden eyes wide. "Your scent is almost back to normal. I can barely smell the grass anymore." He seemed wistful; he closed his eyes and inhaled deeply again before continuing.

"Have a good time, okay? Rosalie, take care of her and the kids."

Rose rolled her eyes. "It's not like we're going by covered wagon over the Rockies, Edward. It's just a shopping trip."

He laughed. "Fair enough. I'll see you when you get back."

My interest in shopping was short-lived. Once I'd found a few outfits that fit me, the thrill of rediscovering my figure was overshadowed by the challenges of lugging a double stroller, enormous diaper bag and over 15 pounds of baby through the crowded aisles of the stores. My progress through the mall was basically driven by the search for restrooms with changing stations and nursing rooms. I had no energy to focus on the latest styles Rosalie insisted on modeling.

"You're no fun," Rosalie pouted when I asked if we could sit down in the food court for a while. Masen had just spit up all over my shoulder and I was dying to get off my feet.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled as I dabbed at my shoulder. "It's been a while since I've been out. It's a little overwhelming."

Her eyes softened. "Of course it is," she agreed. "I have an idea," she declared. "Why don't we go back to our suite? You can order room service for dinner and relax while I take care of Masen and Elizabeth for a while. Then when they are sleeping, we can watch a movie and just hang out."

I couldn't bear the idea of staying up for a movie. Plus, it reminded me of the girls' nights Alice and I used to have, setting off a fresh wave of guilt and loneliness.

"What if I went to bed instead?" I asked tentatively, afraid of offending her. "I don't want to be your ball and chain, Rosalie, but I'm exhausted. You could go out to the movie theater yourself. I really don't mind if you do your own thing for a while. Honest."

She narrowed her eyes at me suspiciously. "You're not hiding anything from me, are you? You're not mad at me?"

I groaned. "Of course not. I'm just feeling a little over-stimulated from the mall. I could use some sleep."

She frowned slightly, but I knew she would be bored staying in the hotel room with no one to keep her company. "Okay, but you can't tell Edward I left you alone. He'd freak."

I smiled, knowing she was right. "Our secret," I pledged.

She made sure we were all settled in before heading out for the night. "I'm going to call to check on you before the movie starts. Call me if anything comes up." She flipped her hair over her shoulder as she headed out the door.

I sank into the soft hotel bed, luxuriating in the cool, crisp sheets. The baby monitor was quiet and I refused to let my mind wander to Edward and his travels. Instead, I focused on the quiet stillness of the night and let myself drift into sleep.

I dreamed again, but this time the ruby eyes of the Volturi who hunted me gave way to the chocolate brown eyes of the wolf pack at La Push. They circled me, fangs bared. One stepped forward – from his shaggy hair, I knew it was Jacob. He phased and suddenly we were back at our beach. My heart sank as I recognized the familiar pattern of the dream. I asked for help. He refused to give it, and then he was gone. I didn't burst awake, like I used to. In my dream, I slid further into desperation. When the Elizabeth's cries finally broke through to me, I woke to find my cheeks wet.

The next day was basically a repeat of the first. I was bored and tired by mid-afternoon and preoccupied with Edward's trip – did the Minnesota driver's license he'd given me mean he was planning on moving us to Minnesota? Rosalie was starting to get frustrated that our female bonding was not working out quite the way she had hoped.

"Quit being so mopey, Bella. Edward wanted you to have fun. Remember that, fun?" She impatiently moved the stroller back and forth, shaking the mobiles to entertain Masen and Elizabeth.

I shrugged sheepishly. "I'm sorry; you know I was never much of a shopper."

She grimaced at me. "Well, I'm not quite finished. I supposed you want to go back to the hotel, though." I nodded, bracing myself for a tongue-lashing.

"Fine. But here is how we are going to do it. I'm going to watch the babies. You are going to the spa so you can relax. Edward's orders. If you do that, I'll let you stay in again tonight. But only on those conditions."

It sounded like a fair deal -- and the idea of a massage sounded heavenly.

As I lay on the massage table, my mind grappled with my fears like fingers worrying rosary beads.

"Sheesh, you're tense," the masseuse said, kneading my stiff shoulders. "I guess that's what childbirth does to you."

I didn't answer, knowing the source of my tension was much more complicated. I understood Edward's point about protecting the babies. But realistically, how could we protect them by ourselves? We'd be much safer sticking together. And I'd be much safer and better able to help if I was a vampire, too.

He'd rejected any discussion on the topic, though. And he'd made it very clear that this time, the family had to stand on its own. "Tanya's coven is definitely out of the picture. And the wolf pack made it eminently clear that they would defend themselves if the fight came to them, but they would not interfere any further on our behalf." He'd sniffed dismissively. "They wouldn't be much help, anyway. They may have been able to deal with a handful of newborns, but they'd be no match for the Volturi. It would only get them hurt."

I couldn't hold my focus on my dilemma, however; my muscles began to melt under the masseuse's touch and I felt myself sinking into rest. Deep down, though, my mind continued working, trying to figure out a solution to our problem.

Later, in the changing room, I stood before my locker and slowly re-dressed myself. Something was there, right below the surface, waiting to burst into my consciousness. I'd been feeling it for days and the quiet time at the spa had only made me more aware of its presence.

Frustrated with myself, I reached into the depths of my locker to scoop up my jewelry. I slid my finger into my rings and began fastening my bracelet. That's when it caught my eye.

Jacob's tiny wooden wolf charm dangled at my wrist.

The pack wouldn't fight with us. But that wasn't the only way they could help.

I froze. I had to make sure that Alice didn't sense anything. I started focusing on Charlie and Renee, hoping my miserable thoughts would keep me from actively deciding anything.

I didn't know exactly what to do, but I knew when the moment came, I had to be ready.

Rosalie had enjoyed her afternoon with the babies, but she was restless to go out again.

"We've all been cooped up for the last month. Who knows when we'll get a chance to be in a real city again," she grumbled. "Are you sure you won't come to a movie with me?"

I feigned a giant yawn, stretching my arms wide. "I'm too relaxed after the massage. You go, we'll be fine." I looked at my watch. "If you leave now, you can still make the 7:00 showings."

She looked at me doubtfully, her pretty face crumpled in a frown. "You're not just avoiding me, are you Bella?"

"No, of course not, Rosalie." The words rushed out of me; I didn't want to fall out of her good graces again. "It's been so much fun, just the two of us, and I am so grateful for the time you are spending with Masen and Elizabeth. I really think they are starting to recognize you."

She beamed at the thought and leaned over them in their crib. "Of course you recognize me. I'm the pretty one." She reached her hands in to tickle under Masen's chin and he gurgled with delight. She straightened up, still smiling. "They're very smart, you know. Before you know it, Carlisle will have them speaking Latin."

"Hmm, useful." I said, rolling my eyes. I smiled tentatively at her, hoping she'd gotten over her concerns about leaving me alone again.

"Okay. You win. I'm just going to get ready and will head on out." She turned on her heel and went into her room.

I noticed she'd left her purse on the coffee table. If I could get her cell phone, Alice wouldn't be able to reach her no matter what I did. I casually bent over and snuck my hand in her bag, fishing about until I felt the smooth metal case of her phone. I pulled the phone out and slipped it under the couch cushions. Hopefully she wouldn't miss it.

I finished just in time. Rosalie emerged from her room changed into a completely different outfit. Her lips shone with gloss and she had piled her hair on her head in a haphazard pile. A few ringlets fell about her face, framing her perfect skin. She looked casual yet perfectly pulled together. I sighed. Even after I turned into a vampire, I would never be able to make myself look like that.

"Do you like it?" She twirled for my appreciation. "I bought it today."

"Beautiful, as always," I acknowledged with a rueful smile. "Maybe one day you can teach me how you do it."

"What do you care? You already have Edward wrapped around your finger. You could run around Times Square naked and you couldn't attract his attention any more than you already do." She fetched up her handbag and walked to the crib one last time.

She broke out in a huge smile, looking even more angelic than usual.

"Look, Elizabeth has turned herself over! I told you they were smart. Masen, you need to get with the program or your sister is going to leave you in her dust." She reached in to rub their tummies. "Be good for mommy, little ones. Aunt Rosie will see you later."

As she headed to the door, she continued for my benefit, "I'm probably going to go to that long one with Brad Pitt since I know it's too serious for Emmett and you, apparently, will never go with me. So I may be back late. Call me if you need anything," she added, patting her purse. "My phone is on."

"We'll be fine," I answered calmly, trying to ignore the heat spreading across my face. "Have fun."

As soon as she closed the door, I spread a blanket on the floor and put Elizabeth and Masen on it to play. I absentmindedly played with their fingers and helped them roll around while I thought through my options. They started getting fussy, so I spent the next 45 minutes nursing them, but that didn't help. Their fussiness shifted to cries and then full-out wailing. I tried rocking, singing, wrapping them, but I didn't have Edward's magic touch. Their crying was making me more anxious than I already was. I eyed the clock. I still had a good 3 hours before Rosalie would be home.

The SUV's keys were on the coffee table. I thought deliberately to myself that maybe I'd take the babies for a drive and see if that would help them sleep; I'd always heard that constant motion helped soothe infants. I scrawled a hasty note to Rosalie, explaining what I'd done, and made sure I had everything I needed in the diaper bag. At the last minute, I grabbed Rosalie's phone from under the couch cushions and threw it in, too. Getting the babies, and then the stroller, into the Cayenne was a bit of a production, but finally we were all strapped in and ready to go.

I was grateful that at first it was all I could do to think over Elizabeth and Masen's cries. But eventually the vibration of the tires on the road and the low hum of the radio worked and they fell into deep sleep. I checked the clock; 40 minutes had passed and I was well on my way toward Port Angeles.

La Push was a good 4 hours from Seattle. The Cullens, of course, could cut it to two, but I wasn't that good of a driver. I couldn't risk it with the babies. I kept my pace steady and my mind blank, concentrating on the lyrics of the songs on the radio. As I listened, I realized every song was about broken hearts, separation, and missing your true love. I hit the scan button until I found a soothing classical station and let myself get lulled by the road.

After another hour, I noticed the gas gauge getting low. I pulled off the road to a gas station. I stopped when I pulled out my credit card to swipe at the pump. The strange name blared out at me. I was an imposter. Could everyone tell? I pulled the nozzle out and hastily shoved it into the fuel door. When I turned back, I tripped over the hose and landed on my hands and knees on the dirty cement. I heard snickers and felt my cheeks flush. I pushed myself back up and began brushing my dirty hands off on my jeans.

"You boys, be quiet. No sense in makin' fun of this poor woman. Are you hurt, honey?" A plump, middle-aged woman with bouffant hair poked her head around from the other side of the pump.

"No, I'm fine. Just a scratch." I held up my hands to show her. "No harm done."

"You poor thing, you look exhausted. You aren't traveling alone, are you? 'Cause sweetie, you look like you need to rest." I didn't want to answer, but her motherly nature and syrupy Southern accent seemed to pull the confession out of me.

"I'm actually driving with my son and daughter. They're infants."

"By yourself?" Her mouth dropped open in horror. "What ever on earth for? That is not safe, sugar. What if somethin' happened to you?" She walked up close to me then. "How much further do you have to go tonight?"

I stiffened. "I'm really close now. I'll be staying with friends tonight."

"Are those babies sleeping?"

I nodded slowly, not sure where she was going with her line of questioning.

"You lock up that car of yours and you march yourself into that convenience store and get yourself some Coca-Cola. That will keep you awake 'til you get to your friends. I'll stay here to watch your precious angels."

I looked her up and down. She didn't look dangerous with her quilted calico purse and her 1960's hairdo. And really, what could she do if the SUV was locked? I actually felt relieved at the chance to go in and freshen up.

"You really don't mind?" I asked.

"Not at all, sugar. My husband is career Air Force; I've had to drive cross-country with those two" – she jerked her head back toward the bored-looking teenage boys who'd been laughing at me earlier – "more than once. A complete nightmare. Could've used a bit of kindness myself once or twice. You run on in, use the ladies' room if you need to. I'll be here."

I smiled shyly and walked quickly into the store. I used the restroom and bought a soda. As I walked out, an ATM machine caught my eye and I knew what I had to do.

I accessed my -- or Gabriella Smith's -- account: $10,000 cash. The withdrawal limit was $500, but it was a start. I took my money and ran back outside.

The woman stood watchfully by the SUV. She started talking before I was even back. "Honey, you better get in that car. Someone's been trying to call you – that cell phone of yours started ringing about a minute ago and hasn't stopped since." Over her voice, I could hear the techno sounds of Rosalie's ring tone. "I'm surprised it hasn't woken up your precious little babies."

"Thank you for your help," I said hurriedly as I walked over to the driver's side.

"You're welcome. You drive safe, you hear?" Her words echoed in my ears as I pulled away.

From the depths of my diaper bag, Rosalie's phone started ringing again. I reached in and pulled the phone out, quickly turning the ringer off. The phone kept lighting up, the name of the caller flashing over and over and she kept trying to get through.

Alice.

I chewed on my lower lip. If she got a hold of Carlisle or Esme, they could beat me to La Push. It might be better to try to convince Alice everything was okay; that her visions were, well, wrong again.

I gulped as I picked up the phone.

"Alice?" My voice was hesitant.

"Bella, is that you? What are you doing? Are you okay? Are the babies with you?" Her musical voice was rushed, breathless.

"Of course, we're all here and we're fine. What's wrong, Alice?" I gripped the wheel, trying to keep my voice steady.

"You all just disappeared. Your future, gone. I got scared. You didn't answer your phone, and then Rose wouldn't answer hers. I thought that…"

_The Volturi, of course_. I immediately felt guilty for having made Alice think I was in real danger.

"The Volturi aren't here, Alice." My voice was low.

"Then why…?" She stopped short. I heard her suck in her breath and could imagine her dark brows drawing together into a sharp V. "What are you doing, Bella?"

"Nothing," I answered, too quickly.

"Rose isn't with you, is she?"

"No," I admitted. All I heard was silence on the other end. She knew where I was going.

"You know they are unpredictable, Bella. They could hurt you, or the babies, even though they don't mean to."

I exhaled, trying to focus. "They won't, Alice. I need to ask Jacob to do something for me, to keep a promise. Please, Alice; please don't stop me. Please don't call Carlisle or Esme."

The silence seemed to last forever. I knew it was only a few seconds, but it seemed to take minutes before she answered me.

"Edward is going to kill me." She said it resignedly, and I knew that she wasn't going to interfere. "And Rosalie is going to kill you for taking her cell phone and sneaking away. She doesn't like being made to look foolish."

"I know," I said, grinning with crazed relief. "Will you tell her I'm sorry? I just couldn't think of another way." I whispered into the phone.

"I'll tell her. You can drive faster, if you want. You'll be fine on the road," she said. "Be safe, Bella." Not waiting for my answer, she hung up.

I pulled up to Billy and Jacob's house a little after eleven that night. I'd had the stop at the gas station and one rest stop to nurse the babies; other than that, I'd been driving straight through for hours. I'd been incredibly lucky; Masen and Elizabeth had slept almost the entire way, leaving me to my thoughts.

The windows of the house were dark. Probably better, I reasoned, that way I could be sure we'd be alone. I slipped out of the SUV, almost stumbling on the soft ground. I stretched out, feeling every kink in my neck and back, and then walked to the front door. I stood there, hesitating before knocking.

What would Jacob think when he saw me? How would I explain my appearance? Would he even be willing to talk to me?

I didn't have time to think about these things, I argued with myself. I needed Jacob's help. I raised my fist and knocked sharply at the door.

Nothing.

I tried again, this time pounding with all my strength.

Still, no answer. I lingered on the step, expectantly, but no light turned on, no fall of footstep signaled any presence inside.

I walked back to the SUV and slumped in my seat, resting my head on the steering wheel. It had never crossed my mind that they wouldn't be here. Where could they be at this hour?

I lifted my head, wondering what I would do, when I noticed a glow up ahead. It was the familiar aura of a bonfire on the beach. I felt a thrill of recognition and dread run through me as I put the SUV into gear and pulled ahead. My dream had been on the beach – had it been a sign?

I stopped where the road did, a scruffy, wind-torn place that just petered out into scrub and sand. Further out on the cliff, I could see the fire throwing off sparks, a semi-circle of people seated around it. When I squinted I could make them out: Billy was in the center, sitting in his wheel chair. Sam and Jacob sat on either side of him. I recognized them all – Old Quil, Sue Clearwater, Leah, Seth, Emily, Embry, Paul, Jared and Kim. I realized with a start that it was a tribal elders' council meeting.

I would have to make my plea before them all.

A quick glance in the mirror confirmed the babies were still sound asleep. I looked at my own reflection, but there was nothing I could do to erase the tired lines and dark circles under my eyes. I eased myself out of the Cayenne and began the walk down to the beach, picking my way through clumps of reeds and scrub. The wind ripped through my hair and stung my eyes.

They saw me coming; Sam had already risen to greet me.

"You shouldn't be here, Bella." His eyes were dark as slate and completely blank; his body erect and unyielding. I swallowed hard, disappointed. I'd somehow thought I'd get a warmer welcome.

"I had nowhere else to go. I need your help. Jacob's help." I glanced at Jacob, who was staring at the ground, refusing to meet my gaze. "Jacob?" I whispered.

He slowly dragged his eyes toward me. I gasped when I saw the hatred burning in his eyes. "You don't need my help. You're already dead to everyone you know. Every _person_, anyway. Your…_husband_"—he nearly spat the word—"made it clear that they wouldn't turn you into one of them because you were pregnant. But now you're here, and you're not pregnant. So I guess it was all lies."

I fought off a wave of shame. I was embarrassed to have to defend myself in front of the entire council, sorry that I had hurt him so much, but I had no choice.

"No, it's not like that. The babies came early. They're in the car, sleeping. I'm still human, Jacob. Can't you smell it on me?"

He stared at me. "You smell like yourself," he said grudgingly, crossing his arms. "But that doesn't change anything."

"It changes everything," I said softly, hoping he could hear me above the wind. "We're still in danger, Jacob. The other vampires tracked us down. We managed to win this time, but they're coming again, this time to kill us all."

I looked at my hands, helplessly. "I can't protect my babies, Jacob. They're not safe with me." I looked up, my eyes full of tears, as I forced myself to state the reason I'd come.

"I need you to take them. I want you to keep them for me while we run – until it's safe again."

His eyes opened wide in shock. The rest of the elders sat impassively. A few exchanged expressionless glances as we waited for Jacob's answer.

Jacob stood then and I gasped as his magnificent, lean body stretched before me. He was more beautiful than ever.

"That's not possible," he said flatly. He stalked away from his seat, brushing roughly by me.

I grabbed his arm as he walked by. His muscled tensed at my touch and he jerked his arm away. "They could have been yours, Jacob," I murmured, just loud enough for him to hear.

He froze. His long, jet hair danced in the wind, like a display of the chaos in his heart. After a long silence, he spoke, still refusing to look me in the eye.

"They're not."

"But they could have been. Please don't punish them for my choices. I know I hurt you, Jacob. But you're the only one who can help me now." I clutched at his hand and held it to my heart. "Please," I asked again.

He looked at me, his eyes a storm of love and regret. "I don't think I can, Bella." He slowly peeled my fingers from his massive hand and then gently forced my hands together. "I'm sorry."

I stood paralyzed, blinded by the wind and my tears. "Don't say that. Please, don't say that!

"Billy, wouldn't Charlie want you to help me?" I turned away from Jacob, willing Billy to look me in the eye. I looked at each council member in turn, desperately thinking up any argument that might sway them to my point of view.

"Emily, they're just babies. Please help them. Don't do it for me, do it for them. Or do it for yourselves. I can't run with them; they're too small. But if we don't leave, the other vampires will come here. No one will be safe."

No one moved.

I waited for what seemed like an eternity. Finally, I curled into my knees, sobbing. I was barely aware of the cold, wet sand sticking to me and the wind that buffeted me. "You were my only hope. You promised, Jacob. You promised you would always be there for me." I rocked back and forth, my mind refusing to accept the reality that I had run out of options.

Sam's voice floated out over the wind. "Did you promise to help Bella, Jacob?"

I lifted my head, wiping my tears on my sleeve. Jacob stood slightly outside the glow of the fire, but even the shadows, I saw him nod.

Sam's hard face crumpled in disappointment. "You are the son of the chief, Jacob. You know what that means."

I looked from Sam to Jacob. Jacob's face was contorted with pain and rage.

"I didn't mean this!" He shouted. "How could I stand to look at them every day, knowing what they are?"

"Who they are," Emily interjected, looking at me with pity. "They're children, Jacob. The children of someone you love."

Jacob was shaking with rage, his hands futilely opening and closing. I could tell it was taking every ounce of his concentration to not phase.

Billy sat motionless. Everyone looked at him expectantly. Finally, he spoke. "What if Charlie recognizes them?"

"He won't," I promised eagerly, searching his eyes for any sign of encouragement. "They're too big; they shouldn't even have been born yet. And they don't look anything like me."

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Jacob wince at the reminder of Edward. But I didn't have time to care about his feelings.

"Jacob, please," I pleaded, turning toward him again. "Please, for me."

He stepped forward, hesitating at the edge of the fire's glow. I saw a look I'd never seen before flicker across his face – fear. He reached a hand out to help me up. When he pulled me to my feet, he didn't let go, but pulled me close to him.

"Why don't you stay here with them? With me?" He brushed the side of my face with his hand; the heat felt good in the cold wind. I blushed. "I can keep you safe here, Bella. You don't have to run."

I looked into his eyes and saw his pain. It stabbed me through. How many times would I hurt him? I pulled his hand away from my face, holding it tight in my grip.

"You know I can't. I made my choice, Jacob. I belong with Edward."

A shudder ran through his whole body and he thrust my hands away as if I had scorched him. "Fine," he muttered, turning on his heel to run down the beach into darkness.

I watched until he was swallowed by the night and I could no longer see him. My head hanging, I turned back to the council and lifted my eyes to hear their judgment.

Sam spoke, his voice clear and strong, all emotion wiped from his face. "We will take your children, Bella. We will keep them safe until you return. The promise of a chief – or his son – is binding amongst the Quileutes."

I sank into the sand, tears of relief running down my face. "No conditions?" I asked.

"No conditions. Although we will consider the treaty to still be in effect." Sam's eyes pierced me through. I knew what he meant, but I couldn't let myself think about that right now. I just nodded, smiling gratefully as I wiped my face again.

Emily approached and knelt beside me. "You should bring us to your children, now. It's getting late. You should stay here tonight."

We silently walked to the SUV. Masen was just beginning to stir. Elizabeth still slept.

"Bring them into Billy's house," Sam ordered. "We'll find a crib for you. You can show Emily how to care for them."

As everyone began shuffling away, I numbly re-checked Masen's car seat straps, new tears dropping from the tip of my nose.

It was what I had wanted -- the only way I could think of to keep them safe -- but now that I had gotten my way, my heart was breaking into tiny pieces. They were so small, so helpless. I didn't know if I could bear to leave them behind.

Just then, Masen opened his big, blue eyes and fixed me with an angelic smile. A little sob escaped me before I smiled back through my tears. I knew then that I had no choice but to do the unthinkable if I was to keep Masen and Elizabeth safe from the Volturi.

I could only pray that I would find some way to make Edward understand.


	17. Chapter 16

**A/N: Sorry for the long wait; you know how it is, crazy holidays:) Anyway, this is dedicated to Pretty Pink Bookworm and Bribbie for inspiring and challenging the plot...**

CHAPTER 16

I didn't sleep that night. I curled into a ball on the loveseat in Billy's cramped living room and watched Elizabeth and Masen as they lay sleeping in a tattered Pack & Play that the Clearwaters had dug out of a pile in the back of their garage. I willed myself to memorize the rise and fall of their little bodies as they breathed in and out; the soft gurgles that escaped them as they dreamed. My fingers picked at the fringe on the worn blanket Billy had left me the night before.

A soft scraping distracted me. It was Emily, slipping in through the front door. She gave a half-smile, her scar catching the half light, seeming to glow.

"You'll need to go soon, Bella. It's okay for us to see you, but it wouldn't be good if other people did." She looked to the clock on the wall: its stark, black hands pointed to 5:00.

My heart sank as I realized that the twins had both slept through the night, robbing of me of precious time with them.

I swallowed hard and heaved myself off of the couch, walking to the kitchen sink. The cold water I splashed on my face barely registered.

"I made a list," I whispered as I turned back to Emily. I picked up the piece of paper I'd scrounged from the trash can last night and smoothed it out before offering it to her.

She reached out, taking the paper carefully, as if it was a gift. Her black eyes glittered in the dark, taking me in.

"Tell me," she prompted kindly.

"They're on a schedule. I wrote the times down for you. They don't eat solid food yet. They'll need formula. I didn't think to bring any. They don't even have bottles. I didn't think to buy the bottles."

"We can buy formula and bottles, Bella," Emily whispered, squeezing my hand.

I looked away, my eyes landing on the diaper bag. "But I brought their toys," I said brightly, kneeling at the bag and beginning to rifle through. "Masen likes the doggie, Elizabeth the ladybug." I brandished the stuffed animals in the air.

"And their diapers," I began, turning back to the bag. "Masen has sensitive skin; you need to use the aloe wipes on him." My words rained down like hail, faster and faster. "They love stories – I brought three books." I pulled the books out, spreading the pages open on the table. "You need to show them the pictures and point things out to them. And you need to alternate books; they each have their favorite. They love to play. Did I tell you Elizabeth rolled over yesterday?"

I froze as Emily placed a hand on my shoulder. "I'll take good care of them, Bella. I promise."

I nodded silently. Slowly, I picked up the books and toys and neatly packed them into the diaper bag. I pulled out my wallet and plucked out the neat stack of twenty dollar bills I'd gotten at the gas station.

"This is all I have right now. I'll find a way to send more." I turned and thrust the money at her, unable to look her in the eyes.

"We'll manage." She sat in silence until I looked up. Her eyes were shining with unspilled tears. "Do you want to wake them before you go?"

I pressed my fingers to my temples and closed my eyes. So soon.

"I'll nurse them before I leave. That way you won't have to…"

She cut me off. "You don't need a reason, Bella." She squeezed my arm. "When you're done, I'll be on the front step."

No one else was there to witness my departure. Jacob never returned after he stormed off into the night; Billy wasn't yet awake when I left. Elizabeth and Masen had fallen back asleep.

Emily hugged her parka tight about her as she followed me to the SUV. We silently unhooked the car seats and placed them in a neat row inside the garage. I felt a little pang when I noticed the motorcycles tucked into a corner.

Slowly, I trudged back to the car and climbed into the driver's side. I eased down the window. Emily held my gaze as I sat at the steering wheel.

"Emily," I began, barely able to speak. "If I don't come back…"

She smiled. "You will."

I closed my eyes. She was too kind. Shaking my head, I started over. "In case I don't, I need you to promise me that you will let Edward, or his family, take the children when they come."

I opened my eyes to see her looking at me, head bent to the side, her eyes puzzled. "Of course, Bella."

I sighed. Why did this seem so straightforward to her, when to me it seemed the most complicated thing in the world?

"No matter what the treaty says, or what Billy or Jacob or even Sam thinks?"

She nodded. "A long time ago, the government used to take native kids off of the reservations. Said that it was better for them to go to white schools, learn Christian religion. Kids used to disappear for years at a time. Some of them never made it back. A lot of my people got hurt that way, Bella.

"The treaty doesn't say anything about us breaking up families. But it doesn't matter. You'll come back for them yourself."

She held my gaze for a long time. I believed her.

She shivered in the cold and looked at the sky. "The sun is going to come up soon. You should get going."

I nodded and gripped the steering wheel. "Thank you," I said, staring straight ahead. I was afraid that if I looked into her sad eyes again, I'd break down. She stepped away from the car. I rolled up the window and began my silent drive out of La Push.

I was doing the right thing, I said to myself. And it was better than I'd even hoped, with Emily volunteering to care for the twins. They'd be safer this way, and we could come back for them.

If we came back.

I'd barely crossed the line into no-man's land when it hit me. Huge sobs wracked my body. The bumpy road became a blur through my tears. _Haven't I been here before?_ I thought hysterically. Pulling over, I let myself howl, angry that I'd been forced to this point; angry at myself for not being able to do more to protect my children. The whole situation was my fault to begin with. What would Edward do when he found out what I'd done? What if I never saw them again?

The sound of braking cars and crunching gravel barely registered as I sat, slumped over the steering wheel, weeping. I heard a door open and icy fingers touched me.

"Bella, what happened? Where are the babies? I still can't see their futures…" Worry laced Alice's musical voice.

Another door opened. "They're not in the car!" Emmett growled. "Their car seats are gone. I knew it!"

"Let's go." Jasper's voice was terse.

"Bella! Bella!" Alice was shaking me now. "We'll get them back, we promise. You just have to tell us where they are."

Emmett cut her off. "We don't need her to tell us. We know their scent. Let's go."

I picked my head up off the steering wheel. "What?" I rubbed my eyes.

All the Cullens – everyone except Edward – were huddled around my car door. Rage contorted Emmett's face. Jasper's was cold. In fact, they all looked furious. Even peaceful Esme looked, well, downright scary.

"What are you talking about?" I asked, my voice rising higher.

"Don't worry, Bella." I felt a wave of calm coming over me as Jasper stared at me intently. "We'll get Elizabeth and Masen back from the werewolves."

Everything clicked. "No!" I shouted, pushing my way out of the car into their midst. "No, you can't take them back from the pack. I brought them there. I asked them to keep them safe."

They all froze in shock, staring at me with horror.

"You gave your children to werewolves to keep them _safe_?" Carlisle raised an eyebrow.

Hot embarrassment swept across my face as I rushed to justify myself. "Edward is going to make us leave the rest of you. And he won't change me. I can't protect the babies if we're by ourselves. We might not be able to protect them even if we were all together."

I turned to them, one by one. An edge of panic began to creep into my voice. "I had no where else to turn; they're the only ones who know I'm not really dead. And the Volturi don't know about the wolves. They won't think to look here. Please understand."

No one said anything. I wanted the ground to swallow me up.

A small look of doubt crossed Carlisle's face. "I could have changed you myself," he said.

"No, it's a good plan." Esme spoke firmly, stepping up to enfold me in her cold arms. "Of course we have to keep the babies safe. You did what any mother would do." I sagged against her rock solid body.

"You didn't have to sneak around like that," Rosalie scolded. I looked up over Esme's shoulder. Rosalie folded her face into a scowl. "I could've helped you, you know."

"I still don't like it," Emmett growled. "What if the dogs lose control and hurt Elizabeth and Masen?"

"They won't," I said, letting Esme hold me up while I rested my head against her shoulder. "Besides, it will be one of the wives who will be watching them. I don't think the pack itself will want to spend too much time around the babies." I felt myself flushing again. "They're sort of doing this against their will."

"Edward is not going to like it," Alice worried, wringing her hands.

"Edward brought this on himself. If he wasn't so obstinate, he'd see that it makes no sense to split us up. Nor does it make sense to keep Bella human." Rosalie's eyes crackled with anger.

I looked at her in shock. She flipped her hair and shrugged, as if her sudden change of heart was perfectly natural.

"Couldn't you have waited to discuss this with Edward?" Emmett looked at me pointedly. "You didn't even give him a chance. And you have to admit, he's been reasonable in the past, at least as far as the pack is concerned."

Carlisle shook his head. "He hasn't been very open-minded lately. Poor Edward. He is trying to do the right thing, too."

"Well, we'll know his reaction soon enough," added Alice. "His flight lands at noon."

Esme squeezed my shoulder as the rest of them shuffled uncomfortably, imagining Edward's rage. Then, Jasper started to chuckle, his eyes sparkling.

"I have to admit, Bella, you are a brilliant tactician to sneak by Rosalie and pull this off by yourself."

Rosalie stuck her tongue out, crossing her arms.

"We should go," Alice said, looking over her shoulder. "Some people are coming soon. Bella can't be seen."

I straightened up out of Esme's arms, wiping my eyes on my sleeve.

"Why don't I drive you, Bella," Alice said smoothly, walking toward the Cayenne. "House or cabin?" She asked Carlisle.

"The house should be safe. The horde of curious real estate window-shoppers has passed. I can call the agent and tell her today is not a good day to come by."

As everyone climbed into their cars, Esme squeezed my hand one last time. "I know how you feel. Sometimes you have to do the unimaginable to keep your children safe. You did the right thing."

As I buckled myself into the passenger seat next to Alice, I thought back to the afternoon when I had dreamed of Jacob and Esme had told me about her own baby. I hadn't even known I was pregnant then. It seemed so long ago.

"He's coming," Alice announced. I had just woken up from a nap in our old bed and joined the others where they sat around the dining room table. "He's going to call any minute." She turned to me. "He's going to want to talk to you."

I swallowed nervously.

"I don't know what to do," I admitted, looking down at my hands.

Carlisle rubbed his chin. "I don't think it would be wise to tell him while he's driving. You know how he is. Luckily, he can't read your thoughts, so it should be fairly straightforward."

"The rest of us will have to keep our minds occupied," reminded Alice.

"But what about after? When he gets here?" I hadn't thought this far into my plan.

Esme straightened in her chair. "Let me tell him first."

I looked at her curiously. She continued, spreading her hands out on the table. "I think it might help for him to understand how I felt. He doesn't have that advantage with you."

Carlisle reached across the table to hold her hand.

"Should I…?" Started Jasper, but Carlisle cut him off with a sharp shake of his head.

"He needs to get past his anger. Covering it up will only delay things."

"Here goes," said Alice. Three seconds later, Rosalie's cell phone began to ring. Rosalie looked at her phone in the middle of the table for a few moments before picking it up.

"Well, it's about time," she began brightly, forcing herself into small talk.

"Of course we had a good time. Wait until you see what I bought Bella; you're going to love it."

She flinched for a moment, and then composed her face into a smooth mask. "They're fine," she said softly. Her face froze.

"Why don't you talk to her yourself?" She passed me the phone. I held it up to my ear, cautiously. I could hear the purr of his engine over the line.

"Bella?" he said anxiously. At the sound of his velvet voice, my heart lurched.

"Hello, Edward. I missed you." I felt a surge of loneliness. I really had missed him horribly. It had been a long time since we'd spent even a day apart.

"What's going on, Bella?" The edge in his voice was unmistakable. I could picture his golden eyes crackling with intensity.

"What do you mean?"

"I can tell from Rosalie's voice. What is she keeping from me?"

I paused. Lying didn't seem to be a good strategy for marital harmony. But then again, neither was giving one's children to a pack of wolves for safekeeping without your husband's knowledge, and I didn't want him to wrap his car around a telephone pole.

"I think maybe it would be better to tell you in person," I answered, biting my lip.

He growled.

"What is it?" Even as he spoke, I heard his engine surge as he stepped on the accelerator.

"I'd…I'd rather wait to discuss it in person."

He didn't say anything. I heard the engine roar again.

"All right," he said tersely. I heard his teeth snap shut in frustration. "Twenty minutes," he said before hanging up.

I put the phone on the table and looked around. Alice and Rosalie shot each other a look. Jasper, Emmett and Carlisle became very preoccupied, suddenly finding their shoelaces very interesting.

"What?" I muttered, thinking of all the misery I was about to face.

Esme reached across the table and patted my hand sympathetically. "You need to go change your clothes, Bella."

I looked down. Two, wet circles were spreading across my shirt. I blushed and wrapped my arms around my chest. I'd been ignoring the aching in my breasts.

"A hot shower will make you feel better," Esme added.

"Besides, you still smell like werewolf," Rosalie said, wrinkling her nose. "There's no sense in you rubbing Edward's face in it."

Of course, she was right.

The hot shower and some clean clothes gave me fresh perspective. I had to get Edward to see things from my point of view. I sat calmly at the kitchen table, waiting.

"He's coming." Alice's bright eyes darted nervously about. "Um, Bella, I hope your auto insurance is up to date."

"What?" I asked, confused.

"Never mind. Esme, its time."

Esme emerged from the kitchen as the roar of Edward's engine began to filter down the long driveway.

"Bella," she said, wiping her hands on a dishtowel, "could you finish arranging the flowers for me? The vase is on the counter."

I nodded and padded to the kitchen. Heavy-headed roses were piled on the cold granite. I picked one up – no thorns. I smiled to myself. Grateful for something to occupy my hands, I began placing the long stems in the crystal vase. I bit my lip, trying to focus on balancing the arrangement the way I'd seen Esme do so many times before. It seemed awfully quiet out there. Then again, they'd be talking at vampire speed – even if they were yelling at one another, I'd probably not hear a word.

A horrible sound, like fingernails on a chalkboard, made me jump and knock the vase over. It took me a moment to recognize the sickening sound of twisting metal. My stomach flipped. Some huge piece of machinery groaned as if the life was being squeezed out of it. A moment later, sweet, tinkling glass filled the eerie silence.

I stood, frozen in place, for what seemed an eternity. Finally, the steady drip, drip of the spilled water pulled my attention to the counter.

I'd really made a mess of things.

My hands shook as I methodically picked up the spilled roses, their soft petals now bruised. A lonely car alarm split the silence. It whined its complaint, and then stopped abruptly.

I jumped again when Esme's cold hand touched my arm.

"He's behind the garage," Esme said, her eyes clouded. She waited until I acknowledged her, giving me a small smile of encouragement.

I descended the porch steps slowly, afraid of what I'd see. A heap of metal sat in front of the garage. It took me a second to recognize it – it was what remained of my SUV. Edward had thrown his own car into it.

I steadied myself against the balustrade. Little shards of glass caught the sun, casting tiny sparkles about the wreck. I swallowed hard and continued walking.

Behind the garage, leaning against the wall, Edward sat, huddled in on himself. I'd never seen him so small. I longed to run to him, to wrap my arms around him and feel his cold, familiar body, but I stopped myself.

"You didn't have to wreck your car, you know. It's getting to be a bad habit." I waited, hoping my lame joke might work to get his attention.

He didn't move. I sat next to him, being very careful not to touch him.

"You didn't have to go to all this trouble just to have an excuse for a mini van, you know."

He snorted. I smiled despite myself. At least his sense of humor was intact.

He lifted his perfect head. The sun was back out and his face glittered in its warm rays. We stared at each other for a very long time. After a while, I couldn't hold his gaze. I dropped my eyes to the ground and lifted a tentative finger to stroke his hand.

Suddenly, he wrapped me in his arms and pulled me close to his chest.

"I did this," he said. His voice was flat. I couldn't see his face to know what he was feeling, but I managed to force my body to relax into his embrace.

"I forced you to this point. I should have listened. I should have at least been willing to discuss it with you. But I thought I was right. I thought I knew what was best for all of us. I'm so sorry, Bella."

I pushed against him and he willingly leaned back so I could look at him. His eyes were aflame, but not with anger. The gold was flecked with remorse.

"Hmm," he said, gazing at me curiously. "That reminds me, you may want to see a dentist. I think it's been a while, hasn't it?"

I hadn't realized my mouth had been hanging open. I snapped it shut, embarrassed. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I heard Charlie going on and on about catching flies. I looked back at Edward and narrowed my eyes.

"You aren't angry?" I asked, my voice shaky.

"Angry? Absolutely." He responded. My heart sank. "At you?" He said, touching the tip of my nose. "As much as I'd like an excuse to kiss and make up with you, no."

"How can that be?" I looked at him, certain my confusion was written all over my face.

He sighed, turning me around to hold me in his lap.

"Bella," he began, "the interesting thing about my ability to read people's thoughts is that I can pick up their emotions, as well. I've felt what it was like for Esme to lose her baby. And I can still read in her mind how desperate she was to try anything to protect that baby from harm. I can still feel that in Esme – decades and decades later. How could I make you go through that? Indeed, how could I go through that?"

He pulled me closer then. Despite the chill of his body, I melted into his arms.

"If I'm angry at anyone, it's at me. I shouldn't have been so obstinate. I shouldn't have been so damn insistent on proving to myself that I could protect you…all of you.

Although, I have to say, I wish it wasn't the dog who managed to come through for you. Again."

My heart broke to hear him admit his jealousy.

"He didn't, Edward. He refused to help. If he hadn't made a promise to always help me, long ago, none of the pack would've helped. But they had to. A chief's promise is binding, and so is his son's."

He kissed the top of my head. When I snuck a peak at his face, one corner of his mouth was pulled up in a grin. He was pleased.

"What are we going to do?" I asked, leaning back into his body. My plan had stopped at the dirt road in La Push.

"If you want, I'll change you. And we'll fight, together," Edward responded. "When it's over, we'll come back for Elizabeth and Masen."

I pondered that. In a way, it was what I had wanted, but I was getting it for such a horrible reason.

Suddenly, his muscles strained.

I turned in his lap to look up at him. "What is it?" I asked.

"Alice," he responded, his jaw tense. "Let's go."

He swept me in his arms and ran for the house. We arrived to find the entire family huddled around Alice. She had a dazed look on her face.

"What did she see?" I whispered.

Edward shook his head as he put me down. "Her mind is all a jumble. I can't get a read on it."

I eyed him carefully. His eyes had a faraway look.

"It has something to do with the Volturi, doesn't it?"

He nodded once. Esme drew in her breath as she saw Edward's response.

"She's coming around," Carlisle said quietly. We all focused on Alice. Her face seemed even paler than normal. I knew this wasn't possible, but without her animated expressions, she looked more like a corpse than the gleeful fairy she always seemed to be.

"Why is it taking so long?" Rosalie whispered.

"It was a really bad one," Jasper answered quietly.

"Bad…violent?" I asked, afraid of what he might answer.

"I sensed horror from her, so it is possible that there was violence. But more than anything I sensed confusion." Jasper's eyes never left Alice's face the entire time he spoke.

She blinked several times. We watched as her eyes slowly began to focus. She recognized Jasper, breaking into a smile. Her eyes searched until they locked with mine.

"It's over," she said, grabbing my hand.

"Yes, Alice, the vision is over. You're with us now." I had never seen her so affected by her sight. I glanced at Edward. His brow was furrowed.

"No, silly. That's not what I meant!" She jumped to her feet and began dancing around in a circle. "We don't have to worry any more! The Volturi aren't coming for us!"

We all stared.

"Edward?" Carlisle said, expectation in his voice.

"I can't get it, Carlisle. Her mind is too full of…stuff." Edward ran his fingers through his copper hair. The exasperation in his voice was palpable.

"Whoa!" I exclaimed, suddenly off balance. Alice had grabbed my by the hands and started dragging me around in a circle with her.

"We're safe! You can go get the babies! Oh, Bella!" She stopped mid-twirl to lock me in a rock-hard hug. "Everything is going to be just perfect now, I know it!"

"Alice…Alice!" Edward's voice finally drew Alice's attention and she dropped her arms to turn to him. "Can you please inform the rest of us what it is that you are going on and on about? How is it possible that the Volturi are giving up the hunt?"

Alice frowned. "You don't believe me?"

Edward sighed and crossed his arms. "I didn't say that. I just don't understand."

Alice rolled her eyes. "So go ahead," she said, making an exaggerated bow. "Enter at your own risk." She straightened her body with a dancer's grace and stood expectantly before Edward.

Edward focused on Alice. Suddenly his jaw dropped.

"I don't believe it," he said after a minute.

Alice beamed. "I told you so!" She leapt across the room into Jasper's arms.

"A-hem," Carlisle began. "Would either one of you like to enlighten the rest of us?"

"Go ahead, Edward," urged Alice. "I don't mind."

Edward began slowly. "Apparently Amir, Jane and Demetri's prolonged absence did not go unnoticed. The one person who cared the most about it, though, was Alec."

"Jane's brother?" Rosalie asked.

"Yes, the very one. He knew Jane was on some sort of secret mission for Caius – she'd told him that much, but hadn't told him much more."

"Probably to protect him," Jasper surmised, stroking Alice's shoulder.

Edward nodded. "That would make sense. They seemed very close." I thought back to that day in Volterra and how unearthly beautiful both Alec and Jane had been. Even in the brief time I'd seen them together, their connection had been obvious.

Edward continued. "When Jane and the others didn't come back, Alec began to worry."

"He didn't worry," Alice corrected. "He knew."

"Knew what?" I asked.

"He knew what had happened to Jane. That she was dead. He could sense it." Alice gave a small shudder. "It must be a twin thing."

Edward came to stand beside me and took my hand. I could almost smell the heavy perfume of the fire on which we'd burned Demetri and Jane's bodies. A wave of fear swept through me and my breathing became labored.

Edward's calm voice brought me back. "He doesn't know it was us, Bella. He just knows she is gone."

"That's the beauty of it," exclaimed Alice, jumping free of Jasper's embrace. "Not only does he not know that it was us, he blames Caius."

"Isn't this Alec dude the one that everyone is freaked out by?" Emmett pondered out loud.

"He runs the Volturi guard," Edward answered.

"And his powers are supposed to be even more fearsome than Jane's," Alice added.

"Excellent!" Emmett's face broke open in a grin. He and Jasper knocked fists.

"I don't get it," Rosalie said, crossing her arms.

"Me neither," I added.

Alice could barely contain her excitement. She grabbed my hands. "He is turning against Caius, Bella."

"He's going to start a civil war," Jasper said, nodding with recognition.

Carlisle sat down slowly. His face was drawn. We all became very quiet. We suddenly remembered how high the stakes were and that even if these weren't exactly _people_ we were talking about, some of them had great friends to Carlisle at one time.

Carlisle spoke very softly. "How many, Alice?"

She drew very still. "Most of the guard will be wiped out. All the humans, too. Aro will be injured, but will survive. So will Caius and Marcus." She hesitated a moment, closing her eyes. "Tanya will be there. She won't make it."

That took us all by surprise. Esme squeezed Carlisle's shoulder as he let his head drop in his hands.

"And Alec?" Rosalie's voice was sharp.

Alice sighed. "He'll escape. He will be an outcast, of course; Caius will put a price on his head. But for the time being, he'll survive."

"Are you sure he doesn't know we were involved?" I asked Alice; so much depended on her answer.

"He doesn't know," she reassured me. "And he'll have no way of finding out, unless he finds Amir."

I caught my breath. "Amir wasn't there?" I felt curiously pleased that he'd been spared the slaughter.

"No," she shrugged. "The odd thing is I sort of lost him, too. I'll keep looking for him. He'll have to pop up sooner or later."

"But why all the savagery?" Esme's voice was rough with emotion; her gentle nature couldn't fathom so much destruction. "And how is it that Aro, Caius and Marcus managed to make it through when so many didn't?"

"Marcus," I answered, a light going off for me. "He reads relationships, right? He must have already picked up Alec's anxiety about Jane, and then his growing hatred of Caius. He must have warned the others, so they are prepared. Maybe they are even going to ambush Alec. He will have no choice but to fight back with everything he has."

Edward looked at me, eyebrows raised. "I shouldn't be surprised any more at what you are able to put together. But it is impressive, nonetheless." I felt myself blush under his appreciative gaze.

"See, everything is working out perfectly," said Alice. "So why are you two still here?" She fixed Edward and me with a steely stare.

I felt a fog lifting from my mind. "The others won't come after us, either? We aren't in danger anymore?"

Carlisle shook his head. "It's very unlikely, Bella. Aro and Marcus don't even want to. Besides, the three of them are going to have their hands full cleaning up that mess without the authorities catching on."

"We aren't in danger anymore." I gripped Edward's hand even tighter as I repeated the words.

"No," said Edward, grinning. "We aren't. And neither are Elizabeth and Masen. We can go get them."

I felt lightheaded. I looked up into Edward's golden eyes, trying to steady myself by their light. As I did, his grin suddenly froze.

"There's just one thing." He drew his lips together in a grim line.

"What?" I whispered, my heart sinking.

He looked down at me sheepishly. "We need to borrow a car."

**A/N: Did you like it? Thanks to all who have hung in there for the happy ending...Please read & review and stay tuned for an Epilogue shortly.**


	18. Epilogue

EPILOGUE

I eased back in my seat. I didn't think it was so bad, even with the twins in our laps, but Edward was already visibly uncomfortable, only an hour into our flight.

"I wish you'd let us sit in business class, at least," he muttered. "It's a long flight to Atlanta."

"Better to not draw attention to ourselves," I reminded him. He nodded, sighing with exaggerated resignation. Masen conveniently chose that time to whack Edward in the face with a rattle. I giggled.

"Good timing, Masen," I cooed. "You show Daddy who the boss is."

Edward rolled his eyes. "Oh, it's very apparent who the boss is in this family. There's no doubt about it."

Elizabeth shrieked with joy as she noticed something shiny over my shoulder and began bouncing up and down in my lap.

Edward was right – it was going to be a long flight. The twins were only six months old, but they had advanced motor skills and were very active. They definitely weren't used to being in a confined space for very long. And after connecting in Atlanta we still had to make it to West Virginia.

Elkins, West Virginia, population barely over seven thousand, was going to be our new home. I'd pored over the maps and scoured the Internet looking for information. In a way, it was just like Forks: lush forests, mountains and parks nearby, and lots of cloudy days – 211 per year, on average. It was definitely a small town, but it was only an hour and a half south of Morgantown, where the University of West Virginia was located.

The rest of the family was moving there, too, although this time we were pretending to be strangers. Carlisle had gotten a position at the community hospital. The others were resuming their pretend teenage lives. While he was nervous about both of us passing as twenty-somethings, Edward was thrilled to be missing this round of high school.

I was apprehensive about moving to the South, but Emmett was relishing his return to Appalachia. He'd been trotting out his favorite sayings, trying them on for size after years of squelching his instincts. Many of them were wince-inducing, at least to my ears. So of course he liked to try them out on me the most.

"Hey, Bella, how's this one?" He'd leaned over to me before we'd boarded the plane. "'Don't piss down my back and tell me it's raining!'" His chest puffed with pride. "Good one, isn't it?"

"Great, Emmett." I said, rolling my eyes. "Just what is it supposed to mean?"

He chuckled. "I'm not sure, but I'll try it out when I get there and let you know what happens." He winked and patted me on the head. "You take care of those kiddies. Tell them Uncle Emmett will be there to see them soon."

Elizabeth's bouncing turned into attempts to pull herself up over the seat back, requiring my attention. As I tried to gently pry her fingers from the cushion, Edward caught my eye.

I thought about the events of the last year; how many twists of fate we'd faced together. If I'd been his Morning Star, he'd been my North Star, shining steadily to guide me toward my unexpected destiny.

My mind shifted briefly to Jacob, whom I had finally left behind. He'd surprised me by being there when we'd gone to claim our children. I think we'd surprised him just as much, though. We caught him cuddling the babies against his hot body, cooing to them in his husky voice. He'd not been alone: a lanky, green-eyed, dirty blonde with an aquiline nose had been with him. She looked tough – she wore black leather head to toe and when her hair fell away from her face, an intricate ink pattern tattooed her slender neck -- but her ease with Jacob suggested she had a gentle heart and a familiarity that had come with time. Jacob's shy smile and look of embarrassment told me all I needed to know. He was finally moving on.

Now, so could I. I knew Alec was still out there. And while he was, my stomach would hold on to its knot of fear as I worried that he would learn the truth of what had happened to his sister and find us to seek his revenge. But for now, my family was together, going to a place that seemed safe and remote, and all was well.

Soon, I'd be able to take my place beside Edward for all eternity. There'd be no more grief, nor threats, hanging over our heads as we did it. When I finally changed, we'd do it because it was the right time and the only way to bring our family circle to its necessary close.

I smiled back at Edward.

I couldn't wait.

**A/N This, faithful readers, is the true end of Morning Star. I hope you have enjoyed it and have time for one last review:) Please sign up for author alert -- I have a funny Alice story and a new one about Rosalie coming soon!**


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